Timpye Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 My ex offered me friendship, which I declined and have been in NC ever since. I know a lot of people are going to be against this, just curious as to anyone has been down this path.
Jord11 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I've been in no contact for over a year now, she left me saying she didn't love me anymore when I loved her so much, she told me we could be friends sometime in the future it's been a year now since we talked to each other, as being friends now I don't think it could work, I don't know if I'd be able too, I think it's best not to have any contact with this girl ever it's sad to say but too much happend between us 1
sportzhl24 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Dude I don't think you should look into the whole "friendship offer" thing too much. I think it's just a way for ex's to feel like they still have some control, or to relieve their guilt. I mean if you feel like you are over the relationship and wouldn't be hurt by finding out what she's up to or who she's with, then by all means try to make friends. But otherwise, I would stay the f*** away. For your own sake. Trust me. Like a lot of people say on here, the truth is hard to handle. 3
melell Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I'll be honest. I have seen this happen. My friend accepted friendship but was a really ****ty completely detached friend. She had a killer poker face, incredibly self controlled. I don't think many could pull it off. It would be the same as waiting two years to be friends when you really couldn't care less. 1
Arabella Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Honestly, I don't think the friendship thing is really a way to get back with someone who broke up with you. My ex-H and I became friends a year or two after our marriage ended, but it was ONLY because we had been friends for several years prior to our relationship, and we had already moved on to other relationships. He didn't want to get back together with me by that point anymore. My ex after him used friendship to try to get me back after we broke up. I was completely done with him but he just wouldn't believe me and used friendship to try to manipulate my feelings. It didn't work either and ended up making me angry. 1
Author Timpye Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 How long have you been in no contact for? We broke up 2 months ago. Been NC for 3 weeks, exept for replying to 1 message asking for friendship where I said no it would be to hard for me. I just don't see why an ex would say they really want to be friends, I know it's probably for the reasons you stated but it still bewilders me
Author Timpye Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I'll be honest. I have seen this happen. My friend accepted friendship but was a really ****ty completely detached friend. She had a killer poker face, incredibly self controlled. I don't think many could pull it off. It would be the same as waiting two years to be friends when you really couldn't care less. Wait what? Could you please explain what happened?
Author Timpye Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Honestly, I don't think the friendship thing is really a way to get back with someone who broke up with you. My ex-H and I became friends a year or two after our marriage ended, but it was ONLY because we had been friends for several years prior to our relationship, and we had already moved on to other relationships. He didn't want to get back together with me by that point anymore. My ex after him used friendship to try to get me back after we broke up. I was completely done with him but he just wouldn't believe me and used friendship to try to manipulate my feelings. It didn't work either and ended up making me angry. In your second situation you wouldn't ask you ex to be friends would you? I just don't see why people offer it. And even if you did and he was getting to close wouldn't you tell him I'm sorry I don't think being friends is a good idea? 1
Anna2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) My ex wanted to be friend with me but I said no. I couldn't offer the emotional support while still hurting. Being friends is not a mean to bring them back. It only implies that they cannot adjust themselves quick enough to be alone and want the safety and comfort once they had from you, without any commitment. It stops both of you moving on. Edited February 3, 2014 by Anna2014 1
KatZee Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 No. And it's not a good way to go about getting an ex back at all anyway. Any ex who dumps you and immediately asks to be "friends" is just someone who's so far detached and emotionally removed from you. If they were so in love, wanted to be with you, etc etc, they would not be able to be "just friends" with you. Also, being "friends" with an ex just gives them the perfect opportunity to treat you like an emotional tampon. To whine about their new boyfriends, talk about their new problems as if you actually care and want to hear about it. Being friends with an ex actually has been shown to STRENGTHEN any new relationships they get into as well! Being friends removes the guilt they feel for dumping you and they get to pat themselves on the back and think to themselves, "Hey, I'm not such a bad person if they still want to be my friend!" And they get to go about their lives with no inner turmoil whatsoever. My ex dumped me and then offered "friendship" and I pretty much laughed in his face right there. Yeah, dump me. Rip my heart out. Treat me like s.hit and then ask to be my friend. Do you treat your other friends the way you treat me???? Idiot. 7
radiodarcy Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 It's an extremely bad idea. I took the olive branch of friendship my ex extended to me after he dumped me; thinking it would lead to a reconciliation. All it did was allow him to use me as an ego booster/emotional crutch as he went about dating other girls and filling me in on all the details. Needless to say, I went NC soon after. At KatZee said: friendship with an ex is just a way to ease their guilt over ending the relationship. If it is viewed as a "foot in the door" - - it's only in the dumper's favor. And chances are that "foot" has nothing to do with reconciliation and more to do about manipulating you in order to serve their emotional needs as they transition into a new relationship with someone else. 3
Luke12345 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I officially broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. We tried to be friends straight after, we chilled out, cuddled, even slept together, but I got hurt from how she was also speaking to other guys (which she technically had every right to). We fell apart, didn't speak for a while, both moved on with other things. I saw her again about 3 weeks later, tried to be friendly on a night out, spoke, it was fine, attachment I had tried to rid of slowly came back, I got hurt again. Time apart, see her again, came back to mine, slept together, chilled out, cuddled again, she tells me she still loves me, then something else happened and got hurt again. See what's happening here? It isn't a good idea. 1
ithappenedagain Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 My last real heartbreak (before this current one I am experiencing) my ex contacted me out of the blue after a solid month and half of NC. Wanted to know how I was doing and if we could hang out soon.. I was a fool and replied. We started talking and she even came over to visit.. This was going on for about 2 weeks. We even had sex again a few times.... I was beginning to think that she wanted another chance at things until one day she sent me an email....... you know where this is going...... basically telling me she doesnt want to get my hopes up...... well long story short, she was juggling me with this other guy.... They happened to get married and have been married now for the last 3 years... Go figure..
Arabella Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 In your second situation you wouldn't ask you ex to be friends would you? I just don't see why people offer it. And even if you did and he was getting to close wouldn't you tell him I'm sorry I don't think being friends is a good idea? I didn't "ask" him to be friends... more like we had tons of things in common at the time (attending same college courses, owed me money, etc) so I tried to make it as smooth as possible because there was no way to cut him out at the time. I told him all I could be was "friends", and I actually did try to be friends with him. Hang out, do fun things, talk about each other's lives, etc. He actually wanted this... although in retrospect I see it was not true friendship, rather just him trying to get me back. Of course, it soon became obvious when 4 months after breaking up, he freaks out because I became involved with someone else and acts like I cheated on him even though he knew I was hanging out with this other person all along. I whipped him back into place but he just wouldn't stop harassing me about it. I became official with my new partner several months later, and I continued to get crap from my ex about it! By this point, we weren't really hanging out anymore (even though my new boyfriend didn't care) because I couldn't stand being around him. But we did remain in touch for some time, which was probably a mistake. He didn't give up until I actually moved in with my then-boyfriend (now husband) and even then I still had to hear his entitled crap telling me it would never work out, bla bla bla. That was a year after him and I broke up. The nerve of some people, huh? I guess it was my mistake for not cutting him out earlier. I just thought being friends would be easier for him because we had so many reasons to see each other. It didn't work out as expected, obviously... so, lesson learned.
Caliguy30 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I'm going through this right now. Ex and I broke up after 3 days of NC we talked. She wants to be friends and see what happens. We still talk all day we both have personal chaos in our own lives we know we have to deal with, but don't want to lose each other. I'm assuming I'm going to end up getting hurt, but right now with what I'm going through I like being able to talk to her. We've been flirting over texts all day and I'm definitely confused. I don't know this is how our relationship has basically been up and down. Hoping some time apart without the romantic attachment will put some things in perspective.
erklat Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I never keep contact with my partners. Either we're intimate and all or not talking at all. Seeing such horror stories makes me want to throw up in my mouth. I would never allow myself that. 1
lauri Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 What is the point of talking to or keeping in contact with an ex? I don't agree with keeping an ex in your life after it is all said and done...they had their chance to be apart of my life 1
Purepony Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Dont be friends! Have some dignity and move on!!!
Tryingtobegrateful Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Quoting my ex: "I value you much more as a friend. I think you're one of the most interesting people I have met, and I would hope we can keep exchanging ideas and stories without having to play these roles." I told him I am not your ****ing entertainer. He was pissed off as well I think, at the response I gave after he "sincere" words I dont think I will ever meet him again in life Edited February 3, 2014 by Tryingtobegrateful
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 My ex offered me friendship, which I declined and have been in NC ever since. I know a lot of people are going to be against this, just curious as to anyone has been down this path. That's the right thing to do. You're either in or out, there's no half way. You're more likely to reconcile by ghosting on them completely, than you are trying to force a polite friendship. Stay the course. You'll either reconcile, or you'll move on with someone better. Win, win. 2
Raena Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I think it really depends on the two people involved. If both of you are really done with the relationship, then it is possible to be friends or at least friendly with each other. If one person is at all still hoping for reconciliation then it will never work. I've had some success with remaining friendly, but not necessarily close friends with ex's in the past but it can be a touch and go situation. I wouldn't recommend trying to remain "close friends". It will only cause problems in the future for both of you and you may end up getting hurt.
mantlefan Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I've been in no contact for over a year now, she left me saying she didn't love me anymore when I loved her so much, she told me we could be friends sometime in the future it's been a year now since we talked to each other, as being friends now I don't think it could work, I don't know if I'd be able too, I think it's best not to have any contact with this girl ever it's sad to say but too much happend between us This is pretty much what happened to me and how I feel. I still love her, and if she showed up and my front door bleeding or on fire, I'd be there for her, but I am starting to really think that need to never see her again.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I'm going through this right now. Ex and I broke up after 3 days of NC we talked. She wants to be friends and see what happens. We still talk all day we both have personal chaos in our own lives we know we have to deal with, but don't want to lose each other. I'm assuming I'm going to end up getting hurt, but right now with what I'm going through I like being able to talk to her. We've been flirting over texts all day and I'm definitely confused. I don't know this is how our relationship has basically been up and down. Hoping some time apart without the romantic attachment will put some things in perspective. This has disaster written all over it. You need to stop all this now.
flightplan Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 There is no way on God's green earth that I would ever consider being friends with my ex. I never entered into an intimate relationship with her for the end result to be nothing more than a "really good friend". The hell I went through to get over her dumping me was enough to stay clear of her for the foreseeable future. Even if I did, I have no idea how we would be comfortable enough to say and do what normal friends do. The best that she could hope for is an "acquaintance" and even that is pushing it. The best thing for dumpers and dumpee's is just to go separate ways, avoid any potential drama and call it a day. 2
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