itsabiguniverse Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 This is my first post on here, and it is concerning my first relationship with a guy that was very special to me. We went to high school together and were best friends for years, and we dated once when we were in high school. We were on and off for a while but were always close, and then he asked me out again right before we left for college. We dated for a year and i told him i was in love with him about halfway through, but he said he didnt know if he was, he just cared about me a lot. We have always said i love you to each other when we were growing up and hung out all the time. When he broke up with me after a year i was beyond devastated. I was a very good girlfriend to him and we were very compatible, have the same sense of humor, agree on almost everything, and we enjoy each other's company a lot. His reason for breaking up with me was that i didn't have meaningful conversations with him and i wasn't outgoing enough for him. He said i didnt challenge him. However, we did no contact for 3 weeks and then he contacted me, telling my friends that he really wanted to talk to me again. I began to understand what he was talking about with the whole meaningful conversations thing and i learned that i love to sit and just talk about the universe or things like, did you ever realize this and that and have conversations about fate and things like that. Well so we kept talking and he wanted to see if we could maybe work things out, and then the whole outgoingness problem arose. He said that he really wanted a girl who could charm his family and talk to his friends and such. I didnt have more than a couple tries at talking to his family and his brother before we went back to school and it didnt seem to be enough for him. He says that you shouldnt have to change for someone so much and that you should just know. I feel like i do know, and that these changes he has imposed on me has made me a better and more likeable person because i'm teaching myself to be more talkative and likeable in life. But he disagrees. We just recently talked on the phone and i said i wanted an answer, because weve both just been hanging in there trying to figure it out and neither of us really wanting to let go yet. He just said that he doesn't think i'm the girl for him and that he doesn't think he can reciprocate the feelings i have for him. But our relationship is so special. We were each other's first time and best friends and we have always been there for each other. He sounded sad when i mentioned that to him on the phone and he said that some things just dont work out sometimes. He also said that he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now and wants to be single (not for sex, believe me he is very christian that isnt the reason). He said he wants to see whats out there and everything and have some time to himself. He has said that if we ever got back together or talked about it it would mean that we would never break up again aka get married someday....and it scared him because he obviously doesnt know if this is for him, yet he cares about me and really likes being with me. And what we have is very rare and special. What i'm asking is, do you think that he will ever want to be with me...? My heart wants to keep waiting around for him because i love him beyond what words can say and he is my absolute best friend. I only want a future with him and i feel so strongly about this. Does it sound like he may come around someday...? Give it some time and let him realize what life is like without me? Because for 6 years we've never stopped talking, only for those 3 weeks, and he really missed me then. We agreed to not talk for now and that we could be friends later because we really cant stand the thought of not being in each other's lives. He really does care about me and i want to prove to him that i can be what he wants. One of the main things is that i didnt really ever talk to his brother, who he is very close with, and i feel like if i really start doing that and showing that maybe he will come back to me...? I feel like God made him for me. My heart won't let me give up on him and he is like home to me.
guest572 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I am in a similar situation where I still have feelings for him but they are not reciprocated. It feels like such a waste that things were cut short (we both agree it was a great relationship, just not great enough) and I wonder also if we kept seeing each other would things have changed. However he gave me a definite response, it will never work. Please do not change yourself for him. There is nothing wrong with being shy and you shouldn't change your personality or interests for him. I was told the same thing by mine, we didn't talk about certain topics of interest and I was criticised for my shyness. I don't see it as a problem, it is my personality, I am not the life of the party but I can communicate effectively. Unfortunately he has indicated how he feels and unless he can guarantee he will give it another shot, I think you need to try to move on. As you have known each other for a long time, if he is not in love with you now then I wouldn't hold out for it. You shouldn't have to wait for his love as that is unfair. It is really hurtful though and I know this feeling very well.
CaliBabe Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 No. If he wants to be with you he should be moving mountains to ge your attention. He should be proving to you why you should pick him. He is telling you clearly he cannot reciprocate feelings. Believe him. If you let go of him now, you will pave the way for a new man to come and love you the way you deserve. Let him go. 2
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 If he doesn't think you're The One, he's not The One. Simple. 3
KatZee Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You may think he's the one, but he does not think you are it for him. There is nothing you can do to convince him or change his mind. You guys were friends and dating on/off for 6 years so it's only natural that he missed you after not talking to you for 3 weeks. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that you are meant to be together romantically. It only means he missed a person who's been in his life for many years, and this is normal. The fact that he still didn't think you were the right girl for him after those 3 weeks shows that he still needs time to himself. Don't try to be his friend, continue on NC, and move on with your life. Don't hang around because you're only going to prolong the torture of not being with him. Move on and get over him as if he's never coming back at all. If he ever comes back and decides he wants to give it another shot, then YOU can be the one who has the power and you can decide if it's even HIM you do want. It's a win win if you just move on now. You can heal, and eventually get over it and even if he doesn't come back, you're already on your way to moving on. 1
Author itsabiguniverse Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 You may think he's the one, but he does not think you are it for him. There is nothing you can do to convince him or change his mind. You guys were friends and dating on/off for 6 years so it's only natural that he missed you after not talking to you for 3 weeks. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that you are meant to be together romantically. It only means he missed a person who's been in his life for many years, and this is normal. The fact that he still didn't think you were the right girl for him after those 3 weeks shows that he still needs time to himself. Don't try to be his friend, continue on NC, and move on with your life. Don't hang around because you're only going to prolong the torture of not being with him. Move on and get over him as if he's never coming back at all. If he ever comes back and decides he wants to give it another shot, then YOU can be the one who has the power and you can decide if it's even HIM you do want. It's a win win if you just move on now. You can heal, and eventually get over it and even if he doesn't come back, you're already on your way to moving on. Thanks, I liked this response a lot and I'll try to get over him, some guys are already trying to talk to me now even! But I'm just curious if this whole situation even sounds like it could possibly work out for me and him later.....like does it seem realistic for him to come around later because he realizes what we had and how close we were and how incredibly good i was to him...? Maybe he can even have some things to compare to our relationship....i dont know if this all happens in life that often though?
Allumere Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 He wants to be single because he is a young man who wants to play the field and experience life. Look, he isn't that Christian..if he was hardcore there wouldn't have been sex without a lot of guilt and soul searching and rededicating himself to God. You need to take the same position although I know it is hard to grasp when feelings remain. Go out, live your life. If it is meant to be it will happen but in the meantime, grow.
Keii Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 While being able to get along with his family is a valid point, remember this, "you are dating HIM, not his family". Don't force yourself to be outgoing, and if he insists, then he's not really considering your feelings about it. Take some time, learn about yourself, and grow as a person. If he is really "The One", then love will find a way in the future. But as it is now, it seems like he also has to reflect on himself, and grow too. 1
KatZee Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Thanks, I liked this response a lot and I'll try to get over him, some guys are already trying to talk to me now even! But I'm just curious if this whole situation even sounds like it could possibly work out for me and him later.....like does it seem realistic for him to come around later because he realizes what we had and how close we were and how incredibly good i was to him...? Maybe he can even have some things to compare to our relationship....i dont know if this all happens in life that often though? I'm going to be honest. In your situation, no. It's very unlikely that's going to happen. Listen, you've been on and off the entire time with this guy. On/off relationships NEVER work. It's not as if you guys were blissfully happy together for 6 straight years, and then he wanted to experience being single. From day one there have been doubts in his mind, and he's been trying to successfully pull the trigger to end the relationship with you the entire time. For whatever reason, comfort, familiarity, guilt, he comes back to you but he never comes back because he's SO IN LOVE and can't live without you. When he comes back he's still telling you he doesn't think you guys are right together, there are issues, he's not happy and it's still not working. Forget any chance of him coming back and you two riding off into the sunset. He's not happy and he needs to find someone that he can be so in love with and at the same time you deserve a guy who's going to be so in love with YOU.
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