confundida Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I was in a relationship for a bit over a year. It ended almost exactly a year ago. We were in love with one another, but we had a very shaky past and for the first several months of the relationship, I found myself fighting for his commitment. We traveled the world together and when things were good, they were amazing, but they also came with crippling lows. We broke up a lot, but every time we got back together, we usually grew stronger. We then started living together. His commitment phobia came back full-force and then he left. I've moved on in every way I can possibly think to move on. We went NC for a good 6 months. I spent time with my friends. I casually dated and let myself enjoy it. I traveled a lot. In August, he reached out to me and after a couple of days of casual conversation, he tried to invite me to come see him in the country he was living in. I said no. He occasionally messages me every now and then but I'm usually pretty unresponsive and he generally gets the message and doesn't bother me again for a while. I have no interest in dating him again. While I do acknowledge the good moments of the relationship, I refuse to let myself forget all the bad, awful things he did during it which he never apologized for. I'm dating someone else now and I feel like it's unfair to him. I haven't discussed this with him in great detail because I have no idea if I should. I really like the guy I'm dating now, but I generally find when I'm having sexy alone moments, my thoughts go to the ex. They never go to him during sex however. Do I risk blowing this newer relationship up over a past relationship I have no interest in reviving? Why is this happening? Why does my brain make me think about someone that I logically have no interest in being with ever again?
Trep Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Is the ex better looking? that probably has something to do with it.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 What exactly would you tell you current guy? I don't think there's a need to share this with him, unless it's actively interfering in other parts of your relationship. Can you imagine how you'd feel if he said the same things about his ex-girlfriend? What would you do? I understand that you have good intentions. But I think the risk here far outweighs the reward. I'm not sure what you expect to happen after you tell him.
FitChick Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Do a basic astro compatibility with the ex. You might have a Pluto aspect, which causes obsession. It's happened to me. I hate wanting someone I know is bad for me. Try this.
damien201 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 If you want to keep your current relationship you certainly shouldn't tell your boyfriend you've been having thoughts about your ex. That's about the biggest turn off in the world and I wouldn't be surprised if he left you over it.
Phantom888 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Don't contact ex again. Erase him from your contacts. Commitment phobic men are cowards, selfish and toxic. They want you when they need you, but when you are not around, they don't even think of you. That's how they live and ruin people. Get that ex out of your world. He is toxic and obviously never respected you. 1
Pinch Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Listen to phantom, there is a reason he is your ex.If you tell your current boyfriend you will create the issue you are begging for, so you can do something wrong.Whats more important, a what if scenario, or your current partners feelings. 1
fujidabruin Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Try not to freak out about memories..... because that may be all that is going on in your head. I do not think it is unusual to recall pleasant sexual experiences. That does not mean that you need to attach emotional fulfillment to them. What may be of concern for you is how you are being fulfilled in your current relationship..... sexually or otherwise? If all is good there then great, but if you are already questioning your commitment then you may need to step back and reassess where you are going with it. Good Luck Confundida
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