echo123 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I dont feel like a relationship right now but do want sex. Is it a bad idea to ask my ex bf or should I look for someone else? Seems to me the former handy but may have consequences, like I may love him again. We broke up for 4 months. I never initiated contacts. He called me three times, checking if I am doing fine. I understand he did not love me now and problems between us cant be fixed. I dated a few guys and was tired of looking. I just want sex, no relationship.
oracle Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Depends. Everyone is different. I had sex with my ex while we lived together for 3.5yrs during the divorce process. Its a mind f8ck for sure. Most people don't have the strength and ability to get into those murky waters and not have it wreck them inside. Ur gonna like and want it more if you were the dumpee. 1
guest572 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I dont know the details of the situation but it sounds a bad idea to me, wont it cause pain to either of you
Arabella Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I never had sex with any ex until my last one ... I broke up with him but we still had sex occasionally because I was horny. I just wanted sex but he kept wanting to get back together. This definitely prevented him from moving on for the longest time as he thought he still had a chance. I knew I really was done with him (and I told him many times), but this also prevented me from properly bonding with someone else I was casually seeing but not sleeping with. In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again. It was bad for both of us, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.
David87 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I dont feel like a relationship right now but do want sex. Is it a bad idea to ask my ex bf or should I look for someone else? Seems to me the former handy but may have consequences, like I may love him again. We broke up for 4 months. I never initiated contacts. He called me three times, checking if I am doing fine. I understand he did not love me now and problems between us cant be fixed. I dated a few guys and was tired of looking. I just want sex, no relationship. No no no, it's a bad ideea. You never initiated contact but now you need him for sex, that's using the person, like I said on a different ocasion you just want milk not the whole cow
Author echo123 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 our situation is I am not sure who is dumpee. I feel like I am although I am the one who said we should break up. He just didnt call me and posed the problem (LDR) every time we talked. So it's best for us to break up coz both of us have very gud jobs. I am horny and have high standards for picking guys. I dont think I can easily hook up with someone I like. I think even if we are back together, problems are still there. Can I just have fun in my life?
Author echo123 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I never had sex with any ex until my last one ... I broke up with him but we still had sex occasionally because I was horny. I just wanted sex but he kept wanting to get back together. This definitely prevented him from moving on for the longest time as he thought he still had a chance. I knew I really was done with him (and I told him many times), but this also prevented me from properly bonding with someone else I was casually seeing but not sleeping with. In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again. It was bad for both of us, even if it didn't feel like it at the time. mind if I ask what's going on with you two now?
David87 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 our situation is I am not sure who is dumpee. I feel like I am although I am the one who said we should break up. He just didnt call me and posed the problem (LDR) every time we talked. So it's best for us to break up coz both of us have very gud jobs. I am horny and have high standards for picking guys. I dont think I can easily hook up with someone I like. I think even if we are back together, problems are still there. Can I just have fun in my life? Yes you can have funn in your life , but by doing that you will hurt his feelings and you will get a huge eco boost and you will use him again when you need him next time. My advice have funn with someone else, not your ex.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 our situation is I am not sure who is dumpee. I feel like I am although I am the one who said we should break up. He just didnt call me and posed the problem (LDR) every time we talked. So it's best for us to break up coz both of us have very gud jobs. I am horny and have high standards for picking guys. I dont think I can easily hook up with someone I like. I think even if we are back together, problems are still there. Can I just have fun in my life? Sure, you can have fun, but at what cost? If he has any feelings for you, this would be cruel of you to do. If you are lying and you have feelings for him and he has no feelings for you, you are basically putting your heart through a shredder. The odds of this working where the two of you can just bone with no ill effects aren't high. I'd let sleeping dogs lie and find some other guys. Or invest in some sex toys. 1
k10k Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Yea.. I agree with the other posters, I think this would just be too much of a risk with regards to feelings still being involved.. plus, there's that powerful bonding hormone called oxytocin.. You'll do it once, and then you'll want to do it again, and again, and again.. and at some point it the cycle will have to stop...
Arabella Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 mind if I ask what's going on with you two now? Not a thing. As of now, I'm married to the guy I started seeing after him, and my ex and I aren't even talking. I think my relationship with the new guy (my now husband) would've happened a lot sooner if sex with my ex hadn't been messing with my head at the time. Instead, I artificially drug out a "friendship" stage with him because I subconsciously didn't want to become involved until I'd finished things with the ex.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I am in the exact same situation as you. Horny as hell but not interested in having sex with some random joe shmo. I would love to sleep with my ex again but I still have feelings for him so I'm pretty damn sure I'll end up getting hurt. He was the best lover I've ever had and I think about having sex with him every damn day. It sucks! My ex has been initiating contact with me for the last few months and lately he's gotten more flirtatious and wants to meet up with me. I've been beating around the bush. It is SO hard... our situation is I am not sure who is dumpee. I feel like I am although I am the one who said we should break up. He just didnt call me and posed the problem (LDR) every time we talked. So it's best for us to break up coz both of us have very gud jobs. I am horny and have high standards for picking guys. I dont think I can easily hook up with someone I like. I think even if we are back together, problems are still there. Can I just have fun in my life?
Zahara Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Seems to me the former handy but may have consequences, like I may love him again.. The fact that there is a risk associated with your need, it's a sign that it isn't a good idea. I've had sex with an ex. Two things happened: 1) I ended up wanting more. 2) I used sex to get him to want more. In the end I was hurt and feeling rejected. Horny isn't worth the potential hurt and pain this could cause you. And if you have to post it on a forum, it's an even clearer sign you're not ready to have no strings sex.
Author echo123 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 The fact that there is a risk associated with your need, it's a sign that it isn't a good idea. I've had sex with an ex. Two things happened: 1) I ended up wanting more. 2) I used sex to get him to want more. In the end I was hurt and feeling rejected. Horny isn't worth the potential hurt and pain this could cause you. And if you have to post it on a forum, it's an even clearer sign you're not ready to have no strings sex. You wanted more and he wanted more. Why didnt it lead to a second chance?
Author echo123 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I am in the exact same situation as you. Horny as hell but not interested in having sex with some random joe shmo. I would love to sleep with my ex again but I still have feelings for him so I'm pretty damn sure I'll end up getting hurt. He was the best lover I've ever had and I think about having sex with him every damn day. It sucks! My ex has been initiating contact with me for the last few months and lately he's gotten more flirtatious and wants to meet up with me. I've been beating around the bush. It is SO hard... seems to me he wants you back. It's so hard to fight against your feelings. Did you break up with him?
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 No, he broke up with me but it ended up being a good thing. We weren't getting along at all and I knew he wasn't good for me but I loved him so much and couldn't leave him. I still love him (6 months since break up) but he's not the right man for me so I would never consider taking him back. My heart and body still ache for him but I know that'll go away in due time. For now, I'll continue to hit the gym hard to combat this ridiculous sexual tension building up inside me.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You wanted more and he wanted more. Why didnt it lead to a second chance? You didn't read that correctly. She wanted more and she wanted him to want more. He didn't want more -- he was cool with just boning. That took an emotional toll on her. 1
Author echo123 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) I do appreciate your help. After reading the posts, I did have a few struggling inside and tried to refute them. Today I went to work out and it did help me to clear my thoughts. You guys are right. This is a bad idea and I think I just used it an excuse for myself to contact my ex. I took so much effort to heal and it doesn't worth ruining everything. And it's not fair to both of us. We need the period to clear our thoughts, although it's been over 4 months since the breakup. We broke up several times during our LDR. Four months ago, when I said we should break up, he first asked me to give a cool-down period but I firmly said no, I wanted breakup, which was not true. A month later when he packed up things in my place, we slept together again and he said we didn't break up. Two days later, we broke up again. I couldn't deny his attraction to me and he may feel the same way. That's probably our relationship was so dramatic. Both of us need to think it over. Anyway, thank you very much for your support. It's very important to me. I really like this forum. Edited February 4, 2014 by echo123
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