Brandywine Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Hello, I have a question. I haven't dated since my long term relationship ended 2 years ago. I'm 32 years old and I'm clueless about men's signals. I get asked out a lot but I have been too guarded and just haven't met anyone I want to pursue anything with. I started a new job last year and there is a guy at work I have developed a huge crush on. At first I thought he was attractive but didn't think beyond that. I found he was often staring when far away, coming into my workspace and just sort of hovering. I began noticing him more because of this and now 6 months later I can't stop thinking about him. When he sees me when he isn't expecting to he looks startled then breaks into a big grin and looks down. When I look up I see him looking at me from afar but when he walks by me he avoids eye contact. He often walks past me closely when there is a lot of space to not have to. He actually squeezed past me the other day when there was a big group of people in front of me. He could have gone around them the other way where there was a ton of room. It feels to me like he gravitates to me physically? Not sure if that makes sense but I feel like he will come walk past me really closely when he has a ton of room not to have to. However he will not make eye contact with me when I turn to face him as he is walking past. That confuses me that he will stare when he is far away from me but not make eye contact when he walks right by me. We do talk sometimes. He will come talk to me about something to do with work when he could go to anyone else that have worked there forever and who he knows much better than me. Sometimes when I look up and he is nearby me we lock eyes at one another and I will smile and he will smile in a very warm familiar way and tilt his head to the side in such a cute way. I often catch him stealing sideways glances at me when he walks past. I can see him out of the corner of my eye sometimes when he is approaching me to talk to me and he hesitates and it's like he is circling me back and forth behind me. Women can see this stuff with our peripheral vision. I don't know if men have the same vision. Because I have been out of the dating world for such a long time I do not know if my mind is playing tricks on me. I do not know if he is just shy or playing a game or what is happening. Some days he will ignore me and then I feel like I am imagining the whole thing and feel like I am an idiot. When we talk it is a bit awkward and he is a bit awkward like he is nervous. I am so nervous too because I like him and my face gets hot and red like a tomato when he is around me. Being out of the dating game for so long I don't know if I am reading signals or maybe just misreading it because I want it to be true. I am usually very confident and very friendly and outgoing with all my other work mates. With him I act like I am a shy little kid. I get confused with him though. Any thoughts? Edited February 3, 2014 by Brandywine
Tayken Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Because I have been out of the dating world for such a long time I do not know if my mind is playing tricks on me. I read everything that you had to say, your LTR ended 2yrs ago and you are 32yrs old. I personally think what I have quoted here is what is going on...you are loving the attention from what you've described and on some kind of high Now, is this guy really after the same thing that you might be after, or are you just the new girl aka the one that needs to be added to the conquest list? I have said it before and I'll say it again...never never mix business with pleasure i.e. $s1t where you work, it never ends well when things go awry. Women can see this stuff with our peripheral vision. I don't know if men have the same vision. This phenomenon is not specific to women, we can spot this BS behaviour from miles away too...it's like when you flick your hair or dress provocatively thinking it is a turn to all men....breaking news, it's NOT
soccerrprp Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Really, no one knows for certain what he's thinking. But I agree that you take a HUGE risk getting involved with someone from work.
Author Brandywine Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I read everything that you had to say, your LTR ended 2yrs ago and you are 32yrs old. I personally think what I have quoted here is what is going on...you are loving the attention from what you've described and on some kind of high Now, is this guy really after the same thing that you might be after, or are you just the new girl aka the one that needs to be added to the conquest list? I have said it before and I'll say it again...never never mix business with pleasure i.e. $s1t where you work, it never ends well when things go awry. This phenomenon is not specific to women, we can spot this BS behaviour from miles away too...it's like when you flick your hair or dress provocatively thinking it is a turn to all men....breaking news, it's NOT Okay, thank you for the advice. I don't understand what attention looks like anymore. I don't think I crave it, I don't think I am soliciting it from this person. It feels to me like he is soliciting it from me and now I am responding being curious. I understand what you are saying about work. People are married and coupled at my work but it would be a bad thing maybe for me to get emotionally involved with a co-worker. I've only had one real boyfriend and I haven't dated or pursued anyone for 2 years since we broke up. My ex went with someone else right away. I guess I was just surprised by feeling something for him when I haven't felt this way in ages, you know, the butterflies and stuff like that. I will take your advice into consideration, thank you for replying to me about my situation.
Author Brandywine Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Really, no one knows for certain what he's thinking. But I agree that you take a HUGE risk getting involved with someone from work. You are probably right I am probably reading into things too much there is no way of telling. I guess after 2 years of being resolved to never find a person I'd like again that I probably have read too much into this. I just needed some advice to make me give my head a shake and back away. I had a very bad ending to my 10 year relationship, he cheated on me left me for someone else. I have been happy but lonely the last 2 years. It just surprised me to develop feelings when I didn't think I ever would for anyone again. I haven't even kissed anyone for two years and my ex is the only one I've ever "been" with. I am probably reading things wrong with him. I am crying with both sadness and relief to get some advice like this to make me give my head a shake. I think I just needed someone to tell me that it is possibly all in my head. I don't know how to find my confidence again, I think I have to go to work tomorrow and just ignore him completely from here on out so I can get rid of my feelings for him. Thank you, I appreciate you responded to me. Edited February 3, 2014 by Brandywine
Tayken Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 @BW...... You are welcome! The last thing you want to do is jump into another relationship for all the wrong reasons like infatuation and low self esteem. At times in life, we have to take steps backwards in order to move forward. What your ex is doing or not doing is irrelevant, don't spend your time focusing on that and trying to better him at this silly game..... Find a hobby / interest to occupy your time when you are not working, to keep you from idle thoughts that can lead to the need negative outcomes. Independent / busy women do not feel the need to be in a relationship when they have a lot more going for them
Author Brandywine Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 ...your LTR ended 2yrs ago and you are 32yrs old. I personally think what I have quoted here is what is going on...you are loving the attention from what you've described and on some kind of high I don't feel like I have been approaching life seeking attention since my break up? I feel like I have been walking through life with my head down for the last 2 years and I accidentally ran into someone that made me want to look up again. I get what people are saying though about getting involved with someone from work. I work in a plant with 3200 people and there are many married couples and people dating and the company does not frown on people dating. I guess I thought for a moment that I could find a spark there too even though I didn't expect to. I think I just needed to hear it from other people that I am probably reading too much into his behaviour. He doesn't act with anyone else the way he does with me and I probably read too much into that. I don't want to ever put myself into a position to get hurt again after what I went through, so thanks guys, I think I need to back away given your advice.
Author Brandywine Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 @BW...... You are welcome! The last thing you want to do is jump into another relationship for all the wrong reasons like infatuation and low self esteem. At times in life, we have to take steps backwards in order to move forward. What your ex is doing or not doing is irrelevant, don't spend your time focusing on that and trying to better him at this silly game..... Find a hobby / interest to occupy your time when you are not working, to keep you from idle thoughts that can lead to the need negative outcomes. Independent / busy women do not feel the need to be in a relationship when they have a lot more going for them I guess I have felt that since it's been 2 years since he left that I might be ready again. I get what you are saying though, maybe I should take more time since it was such a long relationship, and it was my first. I honestly didn't think I'd ever find anyone again, I got married thinking that was it. It has been two years since he left me for someone else, I have been single for two years, how long should I wait do you think to be ready, another year maybe just to work on myself? I mean, I feel at peace now with my break up, but maybe I need more than a couple of years to come to terms with an ending of a 10 year relationship. You are right, I don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to romance. In every other aspect of my life I have no worries. I should wait maybe a while longer. Thank you for your advice.
D-Lish Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Are you kidding me Brandy? You've been single for TWO YEARS, you feel at peace with the ending of your relationship, and you don't think you deserve a second shot at a potential mate when he's right in front of you because you're listening to some people you don't know on the internet???!!! Your work doesn't frown on people dating so what's the problem? Over 3000 people working in your workplace and you think it would be hard to avoid him in the future? How much more time do you need to allow yourself some love back into your life? Girl, from what you said, he is attracted to you big time but probably shy to make a move. I dated a manager from my work and I had to switch shifts and departments because of that. He acted similar to the guy you're talking about with me before we connected. My work doesn't frown on fraternization either- but a supervisor can't date an underling he/she is in charge of. People are married and dating at my work too. You spend 40-50 hours a week with people, that's just going to happen. A guy that lights up like a Christmas tree when you walk into a room is attracted to you. I think you should pursue this if you feel ready. Edited February 3, 2014 by D-Lish
Author Brandywine Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Are you kidding me Brandy? You've been single for TWO YEARS, you feel at peace with the ending of your relationship, and you don't think you deserve a second shot at a potential mate when he's right in front of you because you're listening to some people you don't know on the internet???!!! Your work doesn't frown on people dating so what's the problem? Over 3000 people working in your workplace and you think it would be hard to avoid him in the future? How much more time do you need to allow yourself some love back into your life? Girl, from what you said, he is attracted to you big time but probably shy to make a move. I dated a manager from my work and I had to switch shifts and departments because of that. He acted similar to the guy you're talking about with me before we connected. My work doesn't frown on fraternization either- but a supervisor can't date an underling he/she is in charge of. People are married and dating at my work too. You spend 40-50 hours a week with people, that's just going to happen. A guy that lights up like a Christmas tree when you walk into a room is attracted to you. I think you should pursue this if you feel ready. Thank you D-Lish. I've been so confused. My gut instinct tells me this guy likes me but its been so long since I've dated that I don't get signals. I don't think I could ever make a move on him because I'm so shy when it comes to dealing with him. I'm confident with work and friends and feeling good about being single but this guy has an effect on me and I don't know how to deal with that. I really have been walking through my life the past 2 years with my head down. I don't think he's a player as he doesn't act the same way with me as he does with any other girls. Some days I come home thinking it's all in my head, other days I am confident he likes me. I get hit on a lot, I got hit on when I was with my ex. This is different because it's not overt. Dating isn't discouraged at my work but I guess that doesn't mean I shouldn't avoid it. The whole situation is confusing to me.
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