FearingTEN Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Hello there broken hearts!! I'm a LONG time reader , first time poster. I have a bit of a sticky situation & would like some advice and input into it as to what I should do... I want to give out every detail so this might be lengthy... here we go... So basically this girl & I have been talking since August. We used to text and talk over the phone ALOT. She would always initiate first conatct by the way, I never wanted to seem desperate. Anywase from August to October, it was all just friendly talk. It wasn't until October that she confessed into loving me veey much. Since that day were began to become extremely flirtatious and would talk on the phone for hours. She would end every phone call with an "I love you" and then she would send me a goodmorning text the next day when she wakes up. I felt like I was on top of the world. It was amazing everyday to know that I was inlove with a girl that was inlove with me as well. She kept telling me that she wanted to be my girlfriend. Fastforwarding to constant calls and texts, I noticed something strange happen at around mid December. She began to call less , and text less. Its really depressing because of the amount of build up we did. When I finally asked her yesterday why she hasn't been talking to me as much, she gave me a cold shoulder and said its just because and didn't really give me a good reason as to why. I'm really sad & I really don't know what to do in this situation. I keep checking my phone ugggggh. What do I do?!
MidwestUSA Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 She probably got tired of doing all the initiating! Why would it make you seem desperate if you texted her first once in a while?
Author FearingTEN Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Thats what I was thinking as well): I read a bunch of forums about how you should wait for the girl to contact you first, but I think i over did it... 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Thats what I was thinking as well): I read a bunch of forums about how you should wait for the girl to contact you first, but I think i over did it... Yes, I would say you did. She didn't feel she was worth your time! Live and learn for next time, so sorry.
pickflicker Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Thats what I was thinking as well): I read a bunch of forums about how you should wait for the girl to contact you first, but I think i over did it... Those forums are stupid. Girls are used to guys making the first move. The majority of guys still make the first move. So with regard to the guys that don't, we girls just move on...
Author FearingTEN Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 thank you..... and considering that you are a girl.. what should I do ): to get her interest level back?!
soccerrprp Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Thats what I was thinking as well): I read a bunch of forums about how you should wait for the girl to contact you first, but I think i over did it... Yup, you've become another victim of the dating "game." You bought into the idea that you should play a game to get the girl. Did you read the many posts by women that say that if a guy is into you then they'll show you, that it will be clear by their actions? Some of us don't resort to games. Some of us demonstrate, consistently, to a woman that we like her by being proactive, putting in 100%. Isn't that how you'd want someone to be with you? Of course. 1
pickflicker Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 thank you..... and considering that you are a girl.. what should I do ): to get her interest level back?! Well, it depends. You're going to have to attempt to initiate contact. If she's non-responsive, move on.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Those forums are stupid. Girls are used to guys making the first move. The majority of guys still make the first move. So with regard to the guys that don't, we girls just move on... Girl here too. Knock her socks off. Send flowers with a sweet note, then next day if no text send a hand written love note every day for a week. In last letter tell her your heart aches and that you understand it is over and are moving on but will never forget her. Be brief, kind, and sincere in your letters ( 3 to 12 sentences). Then move on. If she really digs you you probably won't have to write the notes. Otherwise it may take to the last letter to redeem. If she never comes back you gave her one hell of a sweet memory. That's what great lovers do.
pickflicker Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Girl here too. Knock her socks off. Send flowers with a sweet note, then next day if no text send a hand written love note every day for a week. In last letter tell her your heart aches and that you understand it is over and are moving on but will never forget her. Be brief, kind, and sincere in your letters ( 3 to 12 sentences). Then move on. If she really digs you you probably won't have to write the notes. Otherwise it may take to the last letter to redeem. If she never comes back you gave her one hell of a sweet memory. That's what great lovers do. In the movies. Please tell me this post is sarcastic. 1
SYLLPalmer Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 In the movies. Please tell me this post is sarcastic. No. I am serious. He wants her back and if it is redeemable the attention and sincerity will do it. She has been doting on him daily for 2 months. They sound like kids. But truthfully at any age I would respond if I still liked him. And as a young girl I would have responded just for fear of loosing the attention. When I was 17 my boyfriend came to my house in the middle of a snow storm and stamped out in the snow I love you X and I watched him do it. He got me back. Hey the key is over the top. Doesn't have to be what I said just has to knock her socks off.
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 No. I am serious. He wants her back and if it is redeemable the attention and sincerity will do it. She has been doting on him daily for 2 months. They sound like kids. But truthfully at any age I would respond if I still liked him. And as a young girl I would have responded just for fear of loosing the attention. When I was 17 my boyfriend came to my house in the middle of a snow storm and stamped out in the snow I love you X and I watched him do it. He got me back. Hey the key is over the top. Doesn't have to be what I said just has to knock her socks off. No, he needs to be a grown up. "Hi, I don't think I've been putting as much effort in as I should have. I really like you, and I'd really like us to be together." If she rejects his offer, move on. The grander the gesture, does not mean they love you 'more'. You just have to be honest. No. Games. 3
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 No, he needs to be a grown up. "Hi, I don't think I've been putting as much effort in as I should have. I really like you, and I'd really like us to be together." If she rejects his offer, move on. The grander the gesture, does not mean they love you 'more'. You just have to be honest. No. Games. I am curious why you detest the idea so much. Is it just corny or what? I mean I guess in certain circles like gang bangers it would brand him a pussy but what is the big deal? Making an over the top effort is not a game. Anyone could drum a tired old mature sentence. It requires little to no effort. Over the top shows you care enough to go out of your way and I believe it would be perceived more seriously. I am just being efficient. It is a slam dunk. IMO. Where as if he just SAYS opps and she doesn't buy it he has to grovel. I am sticking with the socks. But I respect your position.
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I am curious why you detest the idea so much. Is it just corny or what? I mean I guess in certain circles like gang bangers it would brand him a pussy but what is the big deal? Making an over the top effort is not a game. Anyone could drum a tired old mature sentence. It requires little to no effort. Over the top shows you care enough to go out of your way and I believe it would be perceived more seriously. I am just being efficient. It is a slam dunk. IMO. Where as if he just SAYS opps and she doesn't buy it he has to grovel. I am sticking with the socks. But I respect your position. Because when expectations are "over the top gestures" instead of rational, mature conversation, no man will live up to your expectations. Over the top does not show you care more. All it shows is that you lack any backbone and have to beg someone to be with you. Pathetic. If someone puts in the "I can't live without you" effort, it breeds laziness. "Oh, they can't live without me, so I can act like an arse and they'll still want me." If someone can live without you, you're more likely to appreciate them as a person and be more mindful when you're taking them for granted. Go over to the Second Chance forum - you'll spot classic cases of spineless relationship behaviour all the time. Plus, the more over the top, the more intense, the greater the chance the relationship can't be sustained. Intense relationships burn out fast. Relationships are not about being over the top. They are about two people communicating honestly and openly, with no frills. No one should have to 'grovel' for a relationship, unless they did something really bad, like cheating. Put your cards on the table honestly and openly, if it's not accepted by the other person, walk away.
soccerrprp Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Because when expectations are "over the top gestures" instead of rational, mature conversation, no man will live up to your expectations. Over the top does not show you care more. All it shows is that you lack any backbone and have to beg someone to be with you. Pathetic. If someone puts in the "I can't live without you" effort, it breeds laziness. "Oh, they can't live without me, so I can act like an arse and they'll still want me." If someone can live without you, you're more likely to appreciate them as a person and be more mindful when you're taking them for granted. Go over to the Second Chance forum - you'll spot classic cases of spineless relationship behaviour all the time. Plus, the more over the top, the more intense, the greater the chance the relationship can't be sustained. Intense relationships burn out fast. Relationships are not about being over the top. They are about two people communicating honestly and openly, with no frills. No one should have to 'grovel' for a relationship, unless they did something really bad, like cheating. Put your cards on the table honestly and openly, if it's not accepted by the other person, walk away. LOL! Man, I was laughing my a$$ off reading this! If my gf heard this, she'd be laughing at you AND giving you a piece of her mind. Oh, what I did to get my gf back to me! JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES! W/o the groveling, begging, just an "in your face" this is why you should be with me and no one else. Love letters, music, the works! It was awesome and a monumental effort that was ALL ABOUT LOVE, BABY, LOVE! But, for the OP, I don't recommend it. My situation was and is VERY different. EDIT: Told my gf about this and she says that only pussies don't take the risk of being romantic, pursuers in the face of possible rejection. That guys like that won't find great women....eh, just her feelings on the matter. She's a little old-fashioned. Edited February 3, 2014 by soccerrprp
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Because when expectations are "over the top gestures" instead of rational, mature conversation, no man will live up to your expectations. Over the top does not show you care more. All it shows is that you lack any backbone and have to beg someone to be with you. Pathetic. If someone puts in the "I can't live without you" effort, it breeds laziness. "Oh, they can't live without me, so I can act like an arse and they'll still want me." If someone can live without you, you're more likely to appreciate them as a person and be more mindful when you're taking them for granted. Go over to the Second Chance forum - you'll spot classic cases of spineless relationship behaviour all the time. Plus, the more over the top, the more intense, the greater the chance the relationship can't be sustained. Intense relationships burn out fast. Relationships are not about being over the top. They are about two people communicating honestly and openly, with no frills. No one should have to 'grovel' for a relationship, unless they did something really bad, like cheating. Put your cards on the table honestly and openly, if it's not accepted by the other person, walk away. We are not talking about the girls expectations we are talking about unrequited love. I don't hang out in the second chance forum. You spot classic cases of spineless relationship behaviour all the time. You find the behavior pathetic. I find my suggestions romantic and he is over do IMO based on the cited history of the relationship. We are just from two different schools of thought. I wonder what your take is on the booming flower delivery services industry.
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 We are not talking about the girls expectations we are talking about unrequited love. I don't hang out in the second chance forum. You spot classic cases of spineless relationship behaviour all the time. You find the behavior pathetic. I find my suggestions romantic and he is over do IMO based on the cited history of the relationship. We are just from two different schools of thought. I wonder what your take is on the booming flower delivery services industry. I have no issue with flowers. I have no issue with people giving flowers. I have no problem with romantic gestures. I just believe that unless you've cheated your arse off, you shouldn't need to do this to win someone over. Do it in the relationship! Just tell her sorry, I f*cked up, I took some bad advice, I want to try again. It's not rocket surgery...
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I have no issue with flowers. I have no issue with people giving flowers. I have no problem with romantic gestures. I just believe that unless you've cheated your arse off, you shouldn't need to do this to win someone over. Do it in the relationship! Just tell her sorry, I f*cked up, I took some bad advice, I want to try again. It's not rocket surgery... Rocket science. Actually romance and relationships are a more difficult science IMO but your point is duly noted. I am old fashioned and since there has been no betrayal or abuse between the two, they are young and really just at the beginning of a relationship making a fuss will only give him experience and her boost.
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Rocket science. Actually romance and relationships are a more difficult science IMO but your point is duly noted. I am old fashioned and since there has been no betrayal or abuse between the two, they are young and really just at the beginning of a relationship making a fuss will only give him experience and her boost. *sigh* 'Rocket surgery' is a joke... Urban Dictionary: rocket surgery He should approach it slowly. Going from disinterested (which is what he's portrayed) to warp speed, should, if she's smart, should trigger alarm bells. Maybe start with "I'm sorry" and if she waves him in, make a grander gensture.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 *sigh* 'Rocket surgery' is a joke... Sorry I am an old fart.
lovedeficit Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Have you ever met this girl IRL? It seems obvious that she's started or rekindled a relationship with someone else and was using you as support while she didn't have someone. People this needy and insecure don't just all of a sudden get better and act less demanding. You may have also revealed something about yourself or got stuck in a pattern that she didn't like so she moved on. Your only chance is to ignore her completely and disappear and maybe her ego will miss your attention. But men or women who run hot and cold are selfish opportunists unable to have something real. You'll make an ass out of yourself with any elaborate displays of affection, feed her ego and she'll probably show her new man as "evidence" to validate how desirable she is. Run as fast as you can! Plenty of lonely people to waste time chatting with over the phone.
Author FearingTEN Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Hello there guys. I have a very common dilemna & I hope to get some advice from it considering that I'm sure I'm not the only one. I am a college freshman by the way (18 years old)... I hate to admit it but I am a very needy, insecure and desperate person. There is this girl I am talking to who is amazingly beautiful. We have been talking for some time now and she admitted to liking but isn't looking for a relationship at the moment because she wants to be independant. But , we still talk everyday. Wether its just a little text or a phone call, we have talked everyday for 8 months. What sucks though is how f*cking needy I am! I am always depserate to talk to her! It slowly eats me alive! I get so fustrated when she doesn't text me as soon as she wakes up, or when she gets out of class. She calls me every now and then at night. The thing is, when we get off the phone its usually because she says shes tired and wants to sleep. Well, an hour has passed and I see her online on Facebook! Then i get all these fantasies that I doubt are true like what if she is talking to another guy!! I get so desperate for her attention that I began posting random Facebook status' so she knows i'm awake too! Ugh, she isn't even my girlfriend yet and i'm so insecure. i just feel like i'm losing her, even though I'm sure its all in my head. I really like this girl & don't want to blow my chances considering I will be transferring to her college next semester. I really need to stop. Its killing me to check my phone and facebook every 5 minutes. I know she doesn't owe me the attention considering she isn't even my girlfriebd but i just don't want to blow my chances with her. Ugggh, anything helps! How do i stop being so needy & desperate to talk to her every waking second???
pickflicker Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 You've been chatting every day to a girl for 8 months and she's not your girlfriend yet? I hate to break it to you, but she's probably not going to become your gf. You're a friend, nothing more. And if you're this desperate, you better believe she can tell. Are you moving to her college for her, or because it's to benefit your education? Because if it's the former, that's a catastrophic mistake. 1
Author FearingTEN Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 oh no, i am not moving to her college for her. Its because i live closer to that college. I would go regardless if she was there. & she is not a former flame
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