Biscous Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 She's a Hispanic girl. I'm Black. She more or less pursued me but doesn't admit to it. I recall her asking me about a few girls I was into, which happen to me white, and I guess she feels a bit insecure being that I alluded to the fact that she isn't the type I usually go for (honestly she is the first Hispanic girl I've dated but I've been attracted to a few). So my question is to the men/women here: Do you think in the dating game there is a strong element of insecurity by individuals of certain races? I think some men and women feel it. My friend noticed when I was out with her a black woman looking at her funny. I took her to the store last week and she said she noticed some Hispanic men looking at me funny. I didn't feel uncomfortable and didn't put 2 + 2 together until after the fact. Her comments about my type obviously make me go WTF a bit because I wasn't AS aware about racial insecurities like this from a woman's perspective. I haven't heard a black woman mention this to me is that manner...but I've heard some slight comments towards black men dating white women.
Author Biscous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Aren't Hispanic girls white? There are white hispanics yes. I should clarify, she is Mexican. I've been around other Latinas, especially Puerto Rican and Dominicans, but I don't think they would consider themselves 'white' as in what Americans consider white.
Thegreatestthing Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yes I definitely feel it as a mixed girl (who is white and 1/4 black) and look Hispanic - the guy I'm dating now only likes mixed girls that's his type ,so it puts me at huge ease, he is white (Eastern European) and that is usually the only type I go for - eastern euro,not other white guys at all,so maybe he feels at ease too.we all have our weird preferences. Not being a guys type can be nerve wracking, if she sees you have an obvious type and she is not it. Every minority girl feels a bit insecure because the mass media is full of white women,totally normal regardless of the dating thing. I know the last guy I was involved with I knew he preferred white girls and told him that,and he said not necessarily and that he liked me a lot,but I still felt he preferred it,which is totally normal and understsndable he's a white guy.i don't take it personally at all anymore,noone can help who they are attracted too.but it makes me want to date him less. She's a Hispanic girl. I'm Black. She more or less pursued me but doesn't admit to it. I recall her asking me about a few girls I was into, which happen to me white, and I guess she feels a bit insecure being that I alluded to the fact that she isn't the type I usually go for (honestly she is the first Hispanic girl I've dated but I've been attracted to a few). So my question is to the men/women here: Do you think in the dating game there is a strong element of insecurity by individuals of certain races? I think some men and women feel it. My friend noticed when I was out with her a black woman looking at her funny. I took her to the store last week and she said she noticed some Hispanic men looking at me funny. I didn't feel uncomfortable and didn't put 2 + 2 together until after the fact. Her comments about my type obviously make me go WTF a bit because I wasn't AS aware about racial insecurities like this from a woman's perspective. I haven't heard a black woman mention this to me is that manner...but I've heard some slight comments towards black men dating white women. 2
Fondue Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with having "preferences." Beauty is subject, and I think "race" (not an appropriate word to use in this sentence, but whatever) is part of that. As far as the strange looks goes, I feel it all the time-- and I live in NYC! Where interracial partnerships are accepted! I am dating a Chinese girl at the moment. Whenever I go shopping with her in Chinatown, I always get strange looks from the asian men, and she gets strange looks from both older men and women. Especially the older women. We were there just last Thursday picking things out for our cooking date (and a few items for her to bring back to her parents for lunar new year), there was one older lady whom was probably in her 40s gave her a death-stare as she was walking by. Luckily my lady didn't see this, but I saw it completely. It was vile. Then on the checkout line, I was as polite as possible to the cashier lady-- and even bagged up the groceries all by myself, she still treated me like crap. Wasn't at all polite or friendly. More rude than anything. It's really eye opening. Asian/White is probably the most common interracial couple, and I often feel it offends people. I can only imagine what it's like for other ethnicities. Especially in less liberal areas. Damn.
Author Biscous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Yes I definitely feel it as a mixed girl (who is white and 1/4 black) and look Hispanic - the guy I'm dating now only likes mixed girls that's his type ,so it puts me at huge ease, he is white (Eastern European) and that is usually the only type I go for - eastern euro,not other white guys at all,so maybe he feels at ease too.we all have our weird preferences. Not being a guys type can be nerve wracking, if she sees you have an obvious type and she is not it. Every minority girl feels a bit insecure because the mass media is full of white women,totally normal regardless of the dating thing. I know the last guy I was involved with I knew he preferred white girls and told him that,and he said not necessarily and that he liked me a lot,but I still felt he preferred it,which is totally normal and understsndable he's a white guy.i don't take it personally at all anymore,noone can help who they are attracted too.but it makes me want to date him less. It can be an uphill battle for me as a black man to date outside my race because the majority of the women I'm into have their preferences set on their own race. I feel this especially with white women, and it does make me bitter because I think is there something wrong with me? I know there isn't. This girl I'm with now though dates everything but white men. Her last man was Latin. She told me the other night that I was the first black man that she showed her affection publicly to. I was serious with a white girl a year and a half back and she dated white men but I was her first black man she was with, even though she found many attractive before. I don't feel insecure if I'm with the girl then, but I think I feel some insecurity when I'm trying to get to know the girl or I see their social group is no one like me. 1
Fondue Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 OOps, forgot to add: I think your girlfriend might be feeling a bit insecure because as the other poster said, white women are portrayed as pretty much the "standard." I can see how this can affect people. Be it appropriate or not, but I understand.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 So my question is to the men/women here: Do you think in the dating game there is a strong element of insecurity by individuals of certain races? I think some men and women feel it. I am half black/half asian in my first relationship with a white male. I am also his first "non-white" gf. Yes, there was a bit of insecurity on my part, and I would often question my guy about his feelings regarding dating me - Was it different, weird, etc. We live in the south, so there is always the occasional looks. I find that some black men seem a little bothered to see me with a white man. We were walking downtown one evening and passed a group of black men and I saw one of them shake his head and say, "More and more of them are crossing over now," as they watched us walk by. He showed my picture to 2 friends at work and they were SHOCKED that I wasn't white, but happy for us. One was a black female, the other a white female. We are planning to move to Colorado next year where his parents live and I am a bit apprehensive as to what they will think/say when they meet me. I think these are all just natural things when you go into interracial relationships. People are a lot more accepting now than even 10 years ago, but the insecurity is still there.
Barbarossa Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I usually date women outside of my race (I'm white) the only people that seem to care are old or ignorant people. I have noticed when a woman asks what your type is you should describe exactly what she looks like. I have dealt with unnecessary amounts of bull sh*t saying my actual opinion. 2
Author Biscous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 OOps, forgot to add: I think your girlfriend might be feeling a bit insecure because as the other poster said, white women are portrayed as pretty much the "standard." I can see how this can affect people. Be it appropriate or not, but I understand. I get what your saying. Also per your coupling with a Chinese woman I thought that being a white man you had it on easy street but I didn't know you get looks from Asian men too...I bet she gets looks from white women. Crazy. Yeah I don't want my friend to feel insecure around me in that manner. I thought the comment was a bit funny considering how we came to be (before we dated she asked me about other girls and then she pursued me). I think her comments and her response challenge me a bit considering I haven't been w/ a Mexican girl before and prior I felt that I could not see myself with one.
Author Biscous Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 I usually date women outside of my race (I'm white) the only people that seem to care are old or ignorant people. I have noticed when a woman asks what your type is you should describe exactly what she looks like. I have dealt with unnecessary amounts of bull sh*t saying my actual opinion. Ha as a man I should know this by now!
Author Biscous Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I recall one of my female Mexican friends tell a few friends of mine that I'm only into white girls and she said it in a negative manner because I wasn't into her cousin that was into me...yet my friend who tried to call me out says she only dates white guys WTF.
Emilia Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I think I understand where she comes from OP even though I'm white. The last guy I went out with was Kenyan Indian. He was born in Kenya and moved to the UK when he was around 14-15. Despite that I was the first white woman he ever went out with and I am aware of that 'social status' thing that whities have in other communities so I didn't really know whether he went out with me for me. If that makes sense. I don't know the women he dated before me but from what I've seen since I've known him (I've known him for years) he likes girls with bigger butt etc, the more stereotypical non-Caucasian types. Of course I could tell he was sexually very attracted but I was still aware that I was very different from the women he was used to: both physically (I'm quite athletic but not skinny) and sexually (I can be dominant in bed, certainly not submissive like women would be usually in his circle according to him). It's hard for us to tell why a man wants us sometimes when we are not his obvious type. Has his type changed? Was he after novelty? Did he want to give something different a chance but was still pining for what he had before? Hard to tell. Dating out of your race can be difficult for everyone. It has been an eye-opener for me (he wasn't my first nonwhite partner). 1
gaius Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Compared to most Hispanic women, most white women are kind of "uneventful". There are some common themes that often run through every different culture/race that aren't just physical. So it's natural to be a little perplexed if you're the first of a new type.
Arabella Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I've dated white guys my whole life (I am white also, from Europe) and when I started seeing my now-husband, it felt pretty strange socially... He is Chinese. I noticed people looking at us everywhere we went. If we were in more "white" areas, men looked at me with disapproval. If we were in more "asian" ones, he was the one getting the admonishing looks. It made me very uncomfortable but he was totally oblivious to it. I never considered leaving him because of it, and eventually became accustomed to it. I still notice it sometimes... mainly because now I'm pregnant and huge and attract twice as many looks As far as insecurity goes... I did sometimes feel insecure about our racial differences because he had only been involved with a handful of women and they were all Chinese. On his part... I think he kinda liked the idea of being the first and only asian man I've ever dated or even liked. He felt a sense of pride about it because white women with asian men is a very rare pairing so, in his mind, I think it somehow set him "above" other asian men
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