rogersm Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 My ex and I were broken up for about 10 months. We broke up because she felt like our 10 month relationship was not evolving. She thought of me as nothing more than a friend. We never did anything physical besides making out and she wanted more. We stayed in contact a bit over the last couple months. Mostly with her asking me to hang out and then cancelling on me. Happened about 5 times! Fast forward to two fridays ago... she texted me saying that she wanted to apologize for how she treated me. She said that I didnt deserve to be treated like I was at the end of our relationship and after our breakup. She offered me friendship. But, I texted back that I needed more than just being friends. And that I still had feelings for her that would not allow it. She said that she understood and asked if I wanted to meet up and see where things go. We met up last Friday. Things went really well. She told me she didnt want to do anything physical just yet. But, I touched her leg all night and we kissed numerous times. After the date she asked if we were back toegther. I told her it was too soon to say that officially. But, I said that we could call each other bf/gf if she wanted to. Just not make it known to everybody. She agreed and everything was going good. She said she still loved me and missed me. So, I thought it was good cause she was making an effort. She also told me that she wanted a guy who would treat her right. Which I did. And that her sister had told her to let the emotional side come first and the physical side will follow. Monday came and she started acting distant. She was barely talking to me and she said she missed a guy friend that she made this summer. I didn't think too much of it. So, I tried consoling her so she would feel better. Then she started attacking me. Saying that she didn't things would change. And she was scared that our relationship would be the same. I asked her how we could make it better and she offered nothing. Which got me mad. And she said I was contradicting myself. We were fine by Tuesday and we actually hung out that night. I asked her about everything and she said it was nothing. And that she just missed her friends. Again I tried to make her feel better because I knew that she was sad. She has a tendency of pushing her friends away from her. Mostly because she acts childish all the time. She gets really clingy. The rest of the night went good. I asked her to hang out on Thursday and she said no because she had to work late and would be tired. I said that was fine. But, then Thursday night things kinda went crazy.She started acting distant again. Barely talking to me. I added her on twitter kind of hoping that I could figure something out based off her tweets and she accepted. But then got defensive. Telling me not to read her stuff because I wouldn't like what I saw. I read everything. She tweeted a couple times about that guy. About a week ago saying she hated him. Then Monday saying she couldn't stop thinking about him. Friday I asked her if she was in fact 100% committed to us and she said she was still scared things wouldn't work. I asked her how we could make it work and she said it would take time. Well that wasn't good enough for me and I called her to try and talk to her. She ignored my call and texted me that she had nothing more to say to me. Then she said the complete opposite of what she said before and told me that she wanted a physical and emotional side to a relationship and we just had the emotional. Also, that she didn't feel a spark for me. That ticked me off. Two times we saw each other and she didn't feel a spark. I thought that was ridiculous. Also, she told me not to try anything physical so I did what I could not to. I wanted to make her happy. I told her that and said that I guess we were done. I also told her that I felt like she was disrespectful to me. And that I really didn't feel like I meant a lot to her. I told her that I didn't feel like she was giving it a chance at all. She then said I was disrespectful to her for getting mad when she was just speaking her mind. I told her that I did respect her speaking her mind...just not in a text. I wanted her to say it to my face. I texted her last night to apologize for what I said and told her I would like to keep in touch with her. She agreed and said that she never meant to hurt me. That she just wants to focus on herself and see where her life goes. Also that she wasn't ready to settle. It really seems to me that her feelings for this other guy got int he way of us. Even though she did tell me that she loved me and missed me. Is it worth pursing this again in months/years? Obviously taking it slower so I can judge the situation . Does this seem like something that might change? It really feels like I had my heart ripped out again. This girl means the world to me. I do see how right now though she is not the one for me. I dont need somebody in my life who acts like she does. But, I guess I hope that in time she will change and it might be worth trying again if she is willing.I wasnt even looking to settle so this is what hurt me. She wanted to rush things and I was willing to just take it slow. But then I get broken up with
Simon Phoenix Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I mean, it doesn't matter what we'll say, you'll ignore it anyway. Everytime she says anything, you refuse to keep NC and you go way too fast. She gets her ego boost, she backs away, you chase, things go to sh*t. Nothing will change with her, or with you, because you don't have the self-control to handle it. You never should have responded to her because she didn't say she wanted you back ("let's see how it goes" very rarely goes in the dumper's favor), you shouldn't have kept badgering her with contact and you shouldn't have been trying to initiate things. She snapped her fingers, you started clinging and chasing again. Just like you have every other time. She was the one who needed to prove herself to you, but instead you acted like a bootlicking wuss again. I mean, until you grow enough backbone to go NC and stay NC, this is what is going to happen to you. 3
Yasuandio Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I don't completely agree with Simon that you're a bootlicking woos. Actually, I think you handled matters pretty well, and back off, when she says to back off. That's why she changes her mind so quick and wants you back. What Simon is getting at, I thing, is that you don't back off long enough, so, ultimately, she, in a way, is containing the situation. And I agree, she knows you will pick up, whenever she calls. And if she backs off, she knows you'll take her text in 2 weeks time. Now let me explain to you the PUA (pick-up artist) technique that she is using, (whether she knows it or not), and you falling for it. It called the "Moving Target Method." You are Tarzan, she is Jane. Tarzan want Jane. He has her, then she slips away to another tree. Next thing you know, Tarzan is pursuing Jane in the trees of a faraway village, as he hears her call. They swing thru the trees together, having a great time, kissing and eating berries. It gets, and Jane disappears herself. He turns around for a moment, and she gone. How do you get your "arrow" into a moving target? This is the question, Tarzan. Well, the easiest way is to make the target stop moving. If you stop the chase, the chase might come to you. Ask for nothing, want for nothing, need nothing.........that's when you're gonna get more sommething than you know what to do with. Let her make 2 contacts, and you make - keep it short. She initiates everything. OK. The othe PUA methodology she's using is where she states "you have a positive quality (emotional), but you bring a negative to the table (no physical). Right.....I know what your think, you want to prove her wrong, you wanna "show her" that you can do it, it's almost like a sense of deparation. All from that little sentence. You get me, man. You are being jerked around with male PUA strategy. Drives ya crazy, you see? Works on men too! Haha! Now, I give you one to do one her. Next time you see her, make a posive comment about her looks (nice outfit, whatever). Later on, make a negative comment with a "sort of" disgusting look on your face (eeh, there's something hanging on your tooth). Or, at a restaurant, wipe her nose with a napkin - and say: "It was just a bugger."Excuse yourself to go to men's room to wash your hands. Don't finish your food and leave soon after. (be sure to eat enough food before event so your belly full). Stay kinda quite the rest of evening. This will humble her, and you will be on equal playing fields (whatever you come up with, just don't over do it). One favor deserves another. Hope this helps you make sense out of her actions. Yas
pickflicker Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 This thread is the whole reason why you ignore NC at your peril. She missed a bloke she met over the summer so you *consoled* her?? Seriously? Your labels are 'brother' and 'friend'. In order for her to see you in a romantic/sexual light, you need to have the title of 'man'. But the chances of that happening are none. This bridge isn't just burned, it's cremated.
pickflicker Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I don't completely agree with Simon that you're a bootlicking woos. Actually, I think you handled matters pretty well, and back off, when she says to back off. That's why she changes her mind so quick and wants you back. What Simon is getting at, I thing, is that you don't back off long enough, so, ultimately, she, in a way, is containing the situation. And I agree, she knows you will pick up, whenever she calls. And if she backs off, she knows you'll take her text in 2 weeks time. Now let me explain to you the PUA (pick-up artist) technique that she is using, (whether she knows it or not), and you falling for it. It called the "Moving Target Method." You are Tarzan, she is Jane. Tarzan want Jane. He has her, then she slips away to another tree. Next thing you know, Tarzan is pursuing Jane in the trees of a faraway village, as he hears her call. They swing thru the trees together, having a great time, kissing and eating berries. It gets, and Jane disappears herself. He turns around for a moment, and she gone. How do you get your "arrow" into a moving target? This is the question, Tarzan. Well, the easiest way is to make the target stop moving. If you stop the chase, the chase might come to you. Ask for nothing, want for nothing, need nothing.........that's when you're gonna get more sommething than you know what to do with. Let her make 2 contacts, and you make - keep it short. She initiates everything. OK. The othe PUA methodology she's using is where she states "you have a positive quality (emotional), but you bring a negative to the table (no physical). Right.....I know what your think, you want to prove her wrong, you wanna "show her" that you can do it, it's almost like a sense of deparation. All from that little sentence. You get me, man. You are being jerked around with male PUA strategy. Drives ya crazy, you see? Works on men too! Haha! Now, I give you one to do one her. Next time you see her, make a posive comment about her looks (nice outfit, whatever). Later on, make a negative comment with a "sort of" disgusting look on your face (eeh, there's something hanging on your tooth). Or, at a restaurant, wipe her nose with a napkin - and say: "It was just a bugger."Excuse yourself to go to men's room to wash your hands. Don't finish your food and leave soon after. (be sure to eat enough food before event so your belly full). Stay kinda quite the rest of evening. This will humble her, and you will be on equal playing fields (whatever you come up with, just don't over do it). One favor deserves another. Hope this helps you make sense out of her actions. Yas Oh come on. This guy is so tangled in the friendzone that he needs the jaws of life to get him out. And even then... 3
Mariposa10 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I'm curious to know how old you two are... She's using you. That's all she's doing.
Author rogersm Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Were both 24 years old. I didn't know this guy was so close to all this until I read her twitter. I thought they stopped contact weeks before and she had no more feelings for him. She told me that she hated him. I believed her until I read her twitter. And it was pretty obvious that she still had feelings for him. She is using me. I know that. But, I don't know what to do honestly. It is at the point now where I love her more than I ever thought I would love a girl. Everything came back to me last week when I had her back in my life. It hurts so bad. Yasuandio, I wish I could do that. But, it will probably be a while before we even see each other again. I just dont get it. She told me how I was the only boyfriend she ever had that treated her right and wanted to be with her no matter the situation. Then a week later I am kicked to the curb. I wanted to go slow. I told her that. But, I saw her making an effort to apologize. Telling me to my face everything that I thought she meant. How can you not believe that? I treat her with nothing but respect and would do anything for her. But, then I don't even get a chance. It really makes me wonder if I will ever find somebody that will want what I offer. There are so many sleazy guys out there and my Ex even said that to me. This other guy tried to win her over with money and with stories about how he would give her anything she wanted. But then he cut off all contact and they dont speak. Yet she wants him over me
Mariposa10 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You need to protect yourself. BE SELFISH. THINK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. Stop thinking about hers. Maybe in the future you two can have a relationship, but RIGHT NOW, you need to really go NC. You really need to, you already did all you could to get her back, and she only played with your feelings. BE SELFISH. Go out with friends, get a new hobby, start dating (just to have fun, nothing serious). Keep us posted. We're here to help you!! Were both 24 years old. I didn't know this guy was so close to all this until I read her twitter. I thought they stopped contact weeks before and she had no more feelings for him. She told me that she hated him. I believed her until I read her twitter. And it was pretty obvious that she still had feelings for him. She is using me. I know that. But, I don't know what to do honestly. It is at the point now where I love her more than I ever thought I would love a girl. Everything came back to me last week when I had her back in my life. It hurts so bad. Yasuandio, I wish I could do that. But, it will probably be a while before we even see each other again. I just dont get it. She told me how I was the only boyfriend she ever had that treated her right and wanted to be with her no matter the situation. Then a week later I am kicked to the curb. I wanted to go slow. I told her that. But, I saw her making an effort to apologize. Telling me to my face everything that I thought she meant. How can you not believe that? I treat her with nothing but respect and would do anything for her. But, then I don't even get a chance. It really makes me wonder if I will ever find somebody that will want what I offer. There are so many sleazy guys out there and my Ex even said that to me. This other guy tried to win her over with money and with stories about how he would give her anything she wanted. But then he cut off all contact and they dont speak. Yet she wants him over me 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Were both 24 years old. I didn't know this guy was so close to all this until I read her twitter. I thought they stopped contact weeks before and she had no more feelings for him. She told me that she hated him. I believed her until I read her twitter. And it was pretty obvious that she still had feelings for him. She is using me. I know that. But, I don't know what to do honestly. It is at the point now where I love her more than I ever thought I would love a girl. Everything came back to me last week when I had her back in my life. It hurts so bad. Yasuandio, I wish I could do that. But, it will probably be a while before we even see each other again. I just dont get it. She told me how I was the only boyfriend she ever had that treated her right and wanted to be with her no matter the situation. Then a week later I am kicked to the curb. I wanted to go slow. I told her that. But, I saw her making an effort to apologize. Telling me to my face everything that I thought she meant. How can you not believe that? I treat her with nothing but respect and would do anything for her. But, then I don't even get a chance. It really makes me wonder if I will ever find somebody that will want what I offer. There are so many sleazy guys out there and my Ex even said that to me. This other guy tried to win her over with money and with stories about how he would give her anything she wanted. But then he cut off all contact and they dont speak. Yet she wants him over me You weren't going slow. You were talking every day (or close to it), you were initiating contact, you were pushing for more meetings. That's not how you act to people you are trying to date. That comes off as clingy and overbearing. You keep trying to restart the old relationship from where it was. Problem is that the old relationship died, it didn't work. Besides the fact that you always answer when she contacts you (which is being a complete pushover) and you shouldn't have gone back into this before you were ready, she's the one who needed to initiate because she broke it. You panicked and started chasing AGAIN. Just like you always do. She isn't being very fair with you by playing you the way she is, but you are making it awfully easy for her to do it. You can't control what she says and how she handles things, but you can control what you do. And everything you've done is a failure because you have no backbone. GO NO CONTACT AND STAY NO CONTACT! No Contact is worthless if you are just going to chase after her like a puppy when she throws a bone in your vicinity.
Author rogersm Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 You weren't going slow. You were talking every day (or close to it), you were initiating contact, you were pushing for more meetings. That's not how you act to people you are trying to date. That comes off as clingy and overbearing. You keep trying to restart the old relationship from where it was. Problem is that the old relationship died, it didn't work. Besides the fact that you always answer when she contacts you (which is being a complete pushover) and you shouldn't have gone back into this before you were ready, she's the one who needed to initiate because she broke it. You panicked and started chasing AGAIN. Just like you always do. She isn't being very fair with you by playing you the way she is, but you are making it awfully easy for her to do it. You can't control what she says and how she handles things, but you can control what you do. And everything you've done is a failure because you have no backbone. GO NO CONTACT AND STAY NO CONTACT! No Contact is worthless if you are just going to chase after her like a puppy when she throws a bone in your vicinity. I went into it to go slow. Then I got caught up n having her back in my life. I didn't initiate that was all her this time.She texted me out of nowhere. But, I do lack a backbone. I am too nice of a person. I care about her more than anything. Which is stupid.I love somebody that treats me terribly. Somebody that my parents and friends warned me to ignore. What is wrong with me honestly. I wanted this to be different and I told her that so may times. I wanted to talk and fix the issues we had because I knew it couldn't work otherwise. But, she wasn't willing to do so. I will go back to no contact. And hopefully I can stay there. Obviously I lack the power to stop myself from answering her.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I went into it to go slow. Then I got caught up n having her back in my life. I didn't initiate that was all her this time.She texted me out of nowhere. But, I do lack a backbone. I am too nice of a person. I care about her more than anything. Which is stupid.I love somebody that treats me terribly. Somebody that my parents and friends warned me to ignore. What is wrong with me honestly. I wanted this to be different and I told her that so may times. I wanted to talk and fix the issues we had because I knew it couldn't work otherwise. But, she wasn't willing to do so. I will go back to no contact. And hopefully I can stay there. Obviously I lack the power to stop myself from answering her. You initiated contact and pushed several times. From your earlier post: I asked her to hang out on Thursday and she said no because she had to work late and would be tired. I said that was fine. But, then Thursday night things kinda went crazy.She started acting distant again. Barely talking to me. I added her on twitter kind of hoping that I could figure something out based off her tweets and she accepted. But then got defensive. Telling me not to read her stuff because I wouldn't like what I saw. I read everything. She tweeted a couple times about that guy. About a week ago saying she hated him. Then Monday saying she couldn't stop thinking about him. Friday I asked her if she was in fact 100% committed to us and she said she was still scared things wouldn't work. I asked her how we could make it work and she said it would take time. Well that wasn't good enough for me and I called her to try and talk to her. She ignored my call and texted me that she had nothing more to say to me. Then she said the complete opposite of what she said before and told me that she wanted a physical and emotional side to a relationship and we just had the emotional. Also, that she didn't feel a spark for me. I texted her last night to apologize for what I said and told her I would like to keep in touch with her. She agreed and said that she never meant to hurt me. That she just wants to focus on herself and see where her life goes. Also that she wasn't ready to settle. Dude, as much as I hate to put it in these terms, you need to man up. You can easily not respond to her. You aren't ready to be her friend, you aren't ready to be anything with her. You need to stop shooting yourself in the foot and holding yourself back. At this point, all of these wounds are self-inflicted.
Author rogersm Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Oh yea previously I had pushed.But yea I know. I need to change everything. I am a giant pushover and she probably has lost respect for me because of that. I look back and that was something that turned me off when we were first friends before we dated. She would text me nonstop and I felt pressured. It is so hard to ignore her though. I feel bad hurting her even after all this. Which shouldn't be the case. I just need to realize that chances are good that I might never see her again anyway.
Winter blue Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 This other guy tried to win her over with money and with stories about how he would give her anything she wanted. But then he cut off all contact and they dont speak. Yet she wants him over me Maybe you could learn something from this other guy. She simply just want what she can't have don't you see it.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Oh yea previously I had pushed.But yea I know. I need to change everything. I am a giant pushover and she probably has lost respect for me because of that. I look back and that was something that turned me off when we were first friends before we dated. She would text me nonstop and I felt pressured. It is so hard to ignore her though. I feel bad hurting her even after all this. Which shouldn't be the case. I just need to realize that chances are good that I might never see her again anyway. You were pushing before and you started pushing again this time. And don't worry about her feelings. You aren't hurting her, that's the thing. She can handle it, you can't. That's why you need to stop this -- you don't have the mindset to play this game right now.
Author rogersm Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Yea I understand you guys. There is no reason for me to be worried. She already took me out of her life. So, why should I feel bad I guess. I will definitely be back here when she texts me again. Probably should post here so I can get help in real time instead of just doing things by myself
Simon Phoenix Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Yea I understand you guys. There is no reason for me to be worried. She already took me out of her life. So, why should I feel bad I guess. I will definitely be back here when she texts me again. Probably should post here so I can get help in real time instead of just doing things by myself I can already tell you my response and the response of most people on this board -- IGNORE IT!
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