little_consequence Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I had given up on dating and had logged onto my online profile to delete it when I saw the message from a girl. I was surprised how much we had in common so sent her my email and asked her to message me on that instead.We sent over 1000 emails in a month and text a lot / called and skyped. when we met we got on really well and had a lovely date, since then we have met up a few more times, spending weekends at each others homes, cooking for each other, meeting each others friends. it was all going great, and my gf asked me out on new years eve. I have been heart broken before and it took a lot for me to have hope in this relationship, I said yes though, because I really like this girl. I have visited her around 4 times for weekends and she has visited me once, we have also met halfway a few times. however, she recently changed jobs and now works late on fridays, while i finish at 3. i said i didnt mind going to see her as i finish earlier, but she said that wasnt fair, she then said she woulnt meet me halfway or come to mine because she feels it is too far. we live around 3 hours drive away from one another. things have changed and i dont really understand why. i told her i would begin job hunting in february to move closer to her, but i work in a niche job market and am not sure how long it will take for me to get work. i dislike that things have changed so much. i invited her to come to mine for a murder mystery party with my friends and said i would take us to a lovely hotel on the saturday. i was going to take her to somewhere she has always wanted to go on her birthday and had plans to buy her things i remembered she said she liked.... now its all gone rubbish. she said she didnt want to drive to see me, then pressured me to meet her mum for two weekends in a row the two weeks after. i said that i wanted to spend time alone with her and enjoying her company because we have only been dating 3 months and that i didnt mind meeting her mum for one weekend, but not two, i feel it all got very serious too quickly and i just wanted to have fun. i dont know. we still speak every day but briefly. it has been a month since we last saw each other now. she... i dont know... its her birthday next weekend and she is busy with friends one night but has said i can meet her one stop away from where she lives (so a 3 and a half hour train journey for me and ten minute drive for her) so she can go shopping. i feel like she is taking the piss. what do i do? i dont know if she is still my gf. i dont know if we are still together. i dont know if im just wasting my time.
OnlyHonesty Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 You have answered your own question i can meet her one stop away from where she lives (so a 3 and a half hour train journey for me and ten minute drive for her) so she can go shopping. i feel like she is taking the piss. This seems to be a clear case of the honey moon period being over. Her selfishness is showing, the one sided way of her actiond is rearing its ugly head and it sounds like you do not have enough boundaries. I will take a guess here and say that in your last relationship, you treated your gf like a princess, gave her presents, took her to nice places and bent over backwards for her. You were the nice guy and you perhaps gave her too much benefit of doubt, were too lenient with her and rarely put her in her place if she was out of line. All of those things are fine if it's a two way street but I will take another guess here and say she took you for granted. There is already a clear lack of balance in this current relationship and if you look at it as a whole, you will likely find more examples of this. She wants everything on her terms, she sees herself as having a lot more value than you, your behaviour reinforces this belief, she isn't that interested in making an effort with you because she doesn't really have to. She thinks she can do what she wants to and request what pleases her.
justwhoiam Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) i said i didnt mind going to see her as i finish earlier, but she said that wasnt fair, she then said she woulnt meet me halfway or come to mine because she feels it is too far. we live around 3 hours drive away from one another. Ok, I don't know what your first option involved, but I see where she's coming from when she says she's too far away to come to you. Should she travel late at night? Didn't you show concern about her driving late at night for 3 hours? It's the winter months, where I live it can get so foggy, you wouldn't be able to see 2 feet ahead of you. I wouldn't feel comfortable driving like that. Also, it's been snowing in so many places (I'm not sure if it's your case). i invited her to come to mine for a murder mystery party with my friends and said i would take us to a lovely hotel on the saturday. i was going to take her to somewhere she has always wanted to go on her birthday and had plans to buy her things i remembered she said she liked.... now its all gone rubbish. she said she didnt want to drive to see me I think you did it all wrong. If you really wanted to see her and arrange this kind of special date, you should have planned it right. Like: I have an idea for us. I'd be the happiest man ever if you have this date with me. I can take a day off on ... (Friday? Saturday?), drive there and pick you up around noon/lunchtime, you could take half day off/afternoon off (see if that applies), we'd have lunch along the way and we would drive together to my town where there's a cool mystery murder dinner. Then I would take you to a hotel nearby and stay for the night with you, if you want me to. Otherwise I would just drive home, which is very close to the hotel anyway. And see you again the next morning and have breakfast with you. I mean, if you really want something, you go out of your way to have it. then pressured me to meet her mum for two weekends in a row the two weeks after. i said that i wanted to spend time alone with her and enjoying her company because we have only been dating 3 months and that i didnt mind meeting her mum for one weekend, but not two Well, this sounds quite wrong too. She was willing to fit you in for two weekends in a row and you rejected it. It sounded like: if we meet alone, I'm in. Otherwise, we'll meet when you're available. I can't tell you enough how that is wrong if you really care about this girl. I understand it's only been 3 months, but you are dating her exclusively, aren't you? I don't think it's a matter of being serious or not being fun anymore, I guess it's more a matter of being practical and feeling wanted instead of rejected. She moved to a different city and who knows if she's feeling the pressure from her family of being home once a week? You didn't even ask her why she had to be there for two weekends in a row, you didn't give her a chance to explain anything. It sounded as if you were not interested in what is going on in her life. Was there a reason maybe? She had to be back for something? You put her in a bad position, like: it's me or them. And it was stupid. Just the fact that she wanted to be with you should have been great for you. So, well, no wonder now she's starting to detach herself. Edited February 4, 2014 by justwhoiam
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