Greeniydgirl Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I've been with a great man for almost 3 years now. It's been a little bumpy but nothing that every other couple goes through! I love him so much but recently I've been questioning that love. I started a new job about 5 months ago and I met a man I enjoyed chatting with while on the clock. Soon afterwards I realized I started looking forward to seeing this man. I found this revelation alarming because I knew I was developing feelings for this other guy. I chalked it up to the 2 1/2 year 'itch'. But these feelings have escalated to sexual dreams and physical temptations. I have no plans on making these feelings a reality but I feel so guilty like I'm doing something wrong! Can anyone please give me advice??
Tayken Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 @OP..... I'll bite...I don't know how old you are, and this is probably irrelevant to you, bu there is a reason am asking. Anyway....everyone uses the word "love" willy nilly, but infatuation is not love and a dictionary confirms this. Have you paused for a second to analyze the primary reason i.e. qualities, interests and benefits that each of you bring to this relationship of 3yrs if any at all? If it's just all....he/she is cute and I love him/her...that simply is not enough Love does not conquer all contrary to what anyone might tell you. What conquers all is mutual respect, friendship, sincerity, caring, honesty, equality, teamwork....note "love" is not in that list Finally...as to your little work place scenario, there is a saying that goes like this...."do not $h1t where you work". For reasons like this: 1. what happens when things don't work out?
Tarnished Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Don't go there - take it from me. I am six weeks out of an affair with a married co-worker and I'm married too. It started out exactly you are saying you feel now - enjoyed our chats, his company, then began looking forward to going to work everyday to talk to him. Lots of flirting went on, then playful physical touches when we would talk in person. Fast forward a few months and we are racing to my house at lunch time or getting it on it a park. Now that it's over I have to try to maintain NC with someone whom I sit one floor above and have to deal with in my daily work. I wish one of us could/would leave our jobs, but that's not a possibility. Take it from me - don't go there! Is the OM married?
herself Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 From my personal experience this is exactly how my EA started. Was dating an AMAZING loyal loving man but I enjoyed the friendship and extra atrention. My coworker & I spent every lunchbreak together and met for happy hours, began texting & emailing from home....it sure was bliss & in the end....13 years later, yes, we stayed friends that ling even though we both married others....he left me heartbroken. The friendship was destroyed as we let feelings get involved. I believe ita best to not rock the boat. Knowing he kinda "had" me....he used me to get through childbearing years with his wife & every time he needed an ego stroke or things hit a rough patch, he would rely on me to make him feel warm & fuzzy. Eventually the spark wears off, the excitement & newness of those secret work bonds fades, and its done and your hurt. Why reck a great thing you have for a thrill? Keep a cool professional demeanor, keep bringing up your boyfriend if he flirts, stay busy and turn your tjoughts from him. If we act on every crush we would all be in trouble. Move on, dont do it. Its just flatter, NOTHING more
bubbaganoosh Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 If your with such a great man then you should be working on your relationship with him. You work with this guy so you really don't know him that well. He tells you things that you want to here and your not really seeing this guy as he really is. For all you know he can be a total loser at home and outside of work. You say you have a great guy and you've seen his warts and scars and know about them. You haven't seen this co workers. If you continue down this road, you BF is going to pick up on it and then your troubles will begin and you just might lose this great guy and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. It's your choice but if you have someone whose good to you, loves you and respects you, then don't be foolish and ruin it.
devilish innocent Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You should definitely stay away from the co-worker. This is exactly how a lot of people get sucked into affairs. They don't worry because of course they think they'd never cheat. Then they start spending time with someone such as a co-worker. They think they're safe because they're just talking. Next thing you know talking turns into an emotional affair. An emotional affair turns into some kissing. Some kissing turns into going all the way. Now they've completely betrayed their partners, so why not keep going? It's a very slippery slope that you're on. The only way to end it is to stop talking to this co-worker and to cut off all contact from hear on out. I'm also going to recommend you tell your boyfriend of three years everything you've mentioned here. If it's an emotional affair, then he deserves to know. If it's not, then being open about a crush is the best way to prevent an emotional affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy. The sooner you get your feelings out into the open, the less you'll have to hide. Good luck.
Secret Advisor Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 . I have no plans on making these feelings a reality but I feel so guilty like I'm doing something wrong! If I got a dollar for every time I heard this, I'd be a millionaire today. These feelings will become a reality before the end of March.
clairbear Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Steer well clear! Please for the sake of your sanity and for the sake of your partner. This will not end well trust me, I wish that someone had warned me before I got involved with s co-worker. It's a train wreck waiting to happen... detail and quickly!
Recommended Posts