poisonapple88 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I have been debating whether to post on here for a long time as I didn't have a lot of other options for advice. Here's the story: I met J when I was a sophomore in college. We were taking a theater class as an elective for fun. I was single at the time and quickly noticed him because I thought he was attractive and we had similar interests. He had a girlfriend at the time who he had been dating for 1.5 years and had moved to our city from across the country. They had done long distance. She ended up cheating on him and he was single. 2-3 months later we tried our hand at a few dates and I wasn't into him at all. Our first kisses were super awkward and uncomfortable and I called things off very fast. We stayed friends and ended up spending 3 days together at a convention with a few of our friends. At this time we grew closer and I found out that he was moving back to his hometown due to pressure from his parents. We had a quick summer fling and he left. I was devastated. We both didn't let go (when we probably should have) and had our own LDR for six months. I visited him twice and then for school he came back out here. Fast forward to present. J has been living in an apartment in my city with a few of my acquaintances. They all do well together. He's been out here for about two months. At first everything was great. We were glued together and went out a lot and had fun. It started around Christmas, but my sex drive suddenly dried up. We used to have sex pretty regularly but now I wasn't interested at all. I told him and he didn't pressure me. We both started our spring semester and I got busy with 2 jobs and a heavy course load. Over time, the sex drive stayed dead and I started doubting my attraction to him. I got sick and had some health issues through all of January. At this point, I don't want to kiss, cuddle, have sex, or do anything intimate. I feel panicky if he starts touching anywhere around there. Anyway, we have a lot of shared interests and always have a great time together until as of late. I don't know whether to call it quits or keep trying. I'm stressed and I feel guilty. I don't want to do something I'll regret or hurt either of us. But how can you stay with someone who you don't want to touch? It isn't fair to either of you. Sorry for the long post. TLDR: Together 8 months. For one month, feelings of lost attraction, no sex drive. Stay or go?
ktya Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 1. Are you on birth control? Sometimes that can kill your sex drive. If so try switching brands 2. For one month youve not been into it thats not that long. 3. Do you find that he wants it a lot? If so perhaps the pressure (even internal pressure you are putting on yourself) is turning you off 4. You mention that you want no intimacy at all, even cuddles. Is depression or stress a possible factor? 1
Tayken Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Well....I am no Dr Phil (wouldn't want to look like that mug anyway) It will seem to meet that from what you've described, this is a case of infatuation more than anything else. I know you claim to have "interests" in common, but could this interest just be a myth that only you are conjuring up in your head? It sounds like he still wants the sex, you don't......lets not forget that he has a GF from back home. He told you a story of sympathy that might be or not be true, and you went along with it and you seem to have replaced the gf. Karma as they say is a ******, just remember that My advice....put it all behind and move on i.e. fresh start with someone else, with the relationship not based primarily on sex. Lesson to all: If you base your initial feelings on infatuation and sex, it never works out in the end.
Author poisonapple88 Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 1. Are you on birth control? Sometimes that can kill your sex drive. If so try switching brands 2. For one month youve not been into it thats not that long. 3. Do you find that he wants it a lot? If so perhaps the pressure (even internal pressure you are putting on yourself) is turning you off 4. You mention that you want no intimacy at all, even cuddles. Is depression or stress a possible factor? 1. Yes, I am on birth control and have been for several months. 3. Yes, I can tell when he wants sex. Soon as I see that I get all stressed and it immediately shuts me down. 4. I have been depressed lately and extremely stressed. I have very difficult classes in school and they send me off the deep end very quickly. As well, my health has been on/off. I also might have to have my wisdom teeth extracted which sent me into a huge panic attack over the course of several days. As for Tayken's post: It's not like that at all. We were friends for several months and I know the ex. She was very mean to him and he's nothing like that. He's an extremely kind, generous, humorous man. My own parents love him and don't want me to break up with him. As for our interests, definitely not self-conjured. We are both vegetarian, enjoy the same television shows/movies/music, and same hobbies such as visiting museums, conventions, and general to-do stuff. We also have the same values in politics and such.
FitChick Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Why can't you tell him you haven't been feeling well lately and appreciate his patience. Then offer to do something special for him (hands and/or mouth)? Since you are stressed ask him for a massage. Get a DVD or go to youtube so he can learn how to do it properly. You might want sex afterward If not, do the above to satisfy him.
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