I just don't care

[Xemyd]

I have no idea if mine is seeing anyone. But I like to assume he is, so that it keeps me grounded.

I had a friend going through the same thing as me (I have 3 guy friends going through break ups!) and he suggested a hookup. The other also hinted at it, and the third is a platonic friend who is also holding out hope for his ex. But I have 0 interest in hooking up and it actually makes me feel kind of sick.

 

I am okay with being single and actual prefer it, it's a good time to get space and some perspective on my life, which I am sure you'll probably get now as well. Sometimes these are mixed blessings, we learn most about ourselves in hard and painful times.

 

The only thing I've learned from this breakup is that I loved him more than I realized. I thought I was going to be ok with the decision to breakup but the more time passes I'm really not ok with this.

[Musing]

The only thing I've learned from this breakup is that I loved him more than I realized. I thought I was going to be ok with the decision to breakup but the more time passes I'm really not ok with this.

 

I am starting to wonder if this is me as well, but I also wonder if it is just his absence and the fact that I can't have him ("Absence makes the heart grow fonder" "We want what we cant have" etc etc.)

 

I don't want to give either of us false hope, but it could be that our exes could feel like we do and aren't speaking to us because it would hurt them and they just want to move on like we do. It could hurt worse if he texted you and talked about everyday things because A) It'd give you hope but..B) he could just see you as a friend and treat you as such (just nonchalantly contacting for silly or trivial things)

If that makes any sense.

[Xemyd]

I am starting to wonder if this is me as well, but I also wonder if it is just his absence and the fact that I can't have him ("Absence makes the heart grow fonder" "We want what we cant have" etc etc.)

 

I don't want to give either of us false hope, but it could be that our exes could feel like we do and aren't speaking to us because it would hurt them and they just want to move on like we do. It could hurt worse if he texted you and talked about everyday things because A) It'd give you hope but..B) he could just see you as a friend and treat you as such (just nonchalantly contacting for silly or trivial things)

If that makes any sense.

 

That's always something I'm scare of, him feeling the exact same as I do but doing nothing about it. Part of me believes he feels that way, only because the reason for breaking up is now gone.

 

What if he thinks I don't want to hear from him? It's such a tricky situation. It would be so easy for me just to call him and say "listen, the distance isn't a problem anymore, do you want to try again, or was it just a line you have me?"

I wish I could do that, but chances are he'd be totally freaked out.

 

But if he started contacting me for friendship, that ain't happening haha. I couldn't.

[Musing]

That's always something I'm scare of, him feeling the exact same as I do but doing nothing about it. Part of me believes he feels that way, only because the reason for breaking up is now gone.

 

What if he thinks I don't want to hear from him? It's such a tricky situation. It would be so easy for me just to call him and say "listen, the distance isn't a problem anymore, do you want to try again, or was it just a line you have me?"

I wish I could do that, but chances are he'd be totally freaked out.

 

But if he started contacting me for friendship, that ain't happening haha. I couldn't.

 

Oh man, back in the summer my ex and I took a break (same reason, he was confused) and I reached out to him after 3 weeks. And he told me he wanted to surprise me with flowers, to get back together, he really missed me, etc but his parents (like mine) told him not to contact me until we were at school. I got along with them, they are super sweet people but I am sure they (and his friends) tell him something like..don't contact her, shes hurt, do you want to commit to a relationship again and not break up, etc. His parents seem a lot like mine in that vein.

 

It hurts knowing that it's very possible he could be thinking of reaching out or that he misses me but wants to get over me. I told him I'd want to talk to him again when we broke up, he said "well yeah, but in time"

 

It's such a helpless place to be in, but we need to be strong and if they truly regret their decision or want us, that's them. We just have to keep moving.

[Xemyd]

Oh man, back in the summer my ex and I took a break (same reason, he was confused) and I reached out to him after 3 weeks. And he told me he wanted to surprise me with flowers, to get back together, he really missed me, etc but his parents (like mine) told him not to contact me until we were at school. I got along with them, they are super sweet people but I am sure they (and his friends) tell him something like..don't contact her, shes hurt, do you want to commit to a relationship again and not break up, etc. His parents seem a lot like mine in that vein.

 

It hurts knowing that it's very possible he could be thinking of reaching out or that he misses me but wants to get over me. I told him I'd want to talk to him again when we broke up, he said "well yeah, but in time"

 

It's such a helpless place to be in, but we need to be strong and if they truly regret their decision or want us, that's them. We just have to keep moving.

 

Everyone says it's on the dumper to initiate contact, and I definitely agree, logically, but the want to talk to him is so bad. It depends on the day, some days I'm strict NC, others I'm typing out a text only to hit cancel.

I've wished on stars for him to talk to me, I guess I am pretty desperate lol.

[Musing]

Everyone says it's on the dumper to initiate contact, and I definitely agree, logically, but the want to talk to him is so bad. It depends on the day, some days I'm strict NC, others I'm typing out a text only to hit cancel.

I've wished on stars for him to talk to me, I guess I am pretty desperate lol.

 

You're not desperate, you just care about him. Anyone that cares isn't going to go into NC unscathed. It's hard work but the reward, I imagine, is great. Because even if he doesn't come back, you'll regain a sense of control. That's what I keep trying to tell myself.

[Xemyd]

It's just so frustrating, and tiring. Losing a seemingly perfect relationship is tough.

 

I need to not be so naive with relationships I guess. Just because you love a person doesn't mean they'll automatically love you back. If only that's how it worked, and love was in fact enough.

[Musing]

Sometimes we are too close to see the trees.

If our exes threw away a good thing, then perhaps they are the naive ones.

I've dated around to know how crappy people can be. This was my first good relationship in awhile - 6 years (of the 9 I'd been dating). I had a good first relationship, and I walked away. And I had so much crap happen to me because I was vulnerable...after all, I only had good relationships. Bad ones, to me at that time, did not exist. So I fell into that trap.

 

Good relationships a truly hard to come by. This could be a mixed blessing for us. It will makes us truly appreciate whatever is in our future and to guard ourselves more.

[Xemyd]

I do guard myself though, that's why I never told him how I felt (I regret that still).

He was my first genuinely amazing relationship, all my others there was cheating on their end, the guy before my recent ex was mentally abusive. I thought my ex was good karma for having to put up with that horrible boyfriend for so long.

 

Obviously this one is going to take a long time to get over. I know I'll be ok eventually. I hate giving up on him, I just need to remember that he gave up on me first.

[Musing]

I do guard myself though, that's why I never told him how I felt (I regret that still).

He was my first genuinely amazing relationship, all my others there was cheating on their end, the guy before my recent ex was mentally abusive. I thought my ex was good karma for having to put up with that horrible boyfriend for so long.

 

Obviously this one is going to take a long time to get over. I know I'll be ok eventually. I hate giving up on him, I just need to remember that he gave up on me first.

 

The ex before my recent one was also mentally abusive. I paid for everything, I drove to see him (1 hour each way), he never bothered to want to meet my friends or family, I complimented him all the time, he flirted in front of me, I got nothing back in return except criticism and complaints. When I wasn't complimenting him, he'd complain more. The world revolved around him and everything I did wasn't good enough.

So it made me insecure.

 

This last one was confused but he did his best and tried to make me happy. There were still flaws but I guess coming from a bad relationship made this one seem fantastic in comparison. I try to remind myself that perhaps someone even better is on the horizon...and for the first few weeks I was actually excited at the prospect of meeting someone new. Now that I've seen the ex I almost feel like I'm back at day 1 and am scared/guilty/upset at the idea of anyone else.

[Xemyd]

Now that I've seen the ex I almost feel like I'm back at day 1 and am scared/guilty/upset at the idea of anyone else.

 

I feel that guilt too. This breakup doesn't even seem real to me at times. It just feels like he's out of town working again, and I'm waiting for him to text me after work. I used to keep my phone on so that if I fell asleep early I'd wake up and talk to him. He said something to me once when he was away that is still the funniest thing a boyfriend has ever said to me. It was so cute yet so serious at the same time. Every now and then I'll remember it during the day and it makes me smile. It just feels like I'm waiting to wake up from his cruel dream.

[Musing]

I feel that guilt too. This breakup doesn't even seem real to me at times. It just feels like he's out of town working again, and I'm waiting for him to text me after work. I used to keep my phone on so that if I fell asleep early I'd wake up and talk to him. He said something to me once when he was away that is still the funniest thing a boyfriend has ever said to me. It was so cute yet so serious at the same time. Every now and then I'll remember it during the day and it makes me smile. It just feels like I'm waiting to wake up from his cruel dream.

 

Ugh it's as if I am talking to my clone. I wish I could tell you your ex will be back and be 100% honest about it, because I know the feeling all too well and wish someone would tell me that too.

especially when remembering the good times. The subtle little things you take for granted only to one day realize they aren't there anymore.

 

Do you ever sometimes just feel trapped or like that life doesn't really make sense? It seems so cliche and I thought people who said stuff like that were odd or over dramatic, but I get it.

[RDawg]

Shame you two, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. Sometimes I think to myself that it's all just a big misunderstanding. We must remind ourselves that they left us and it is our job now to make things better for ourselves.

[Xemyd]

Ugh it's as if I am talking to my clone. I wish I could tell you your ex will be back and be 100% honest about it, because I know the feeling all too well and wish someone would tell me that too.

especially when remembering the good times. The subtle little things you take for granted only to one day realize they aren't there anymore.

 

Do you ever sometimes just feel trapped or like that life doesn't really make sense? It seems so cliche and I thought people who said stuff like that were odd or over dramatic, but I get it.

 

It's more so I feel trapped in this situation, this break up makes no sense to me. It makes me mad that I don't understand it. I try not to but I go over that night so many times in my head trying to see clues or just make sense of it but it just confuses me more. But I guess that is life, life is unfair and confusing.

 

There's been a few times where I've broken down to a male friend, for some reason he's the only one I really talk to about my breakup. I'll get mad and vent to him, rehashing the details of that night to him, and even he doesn't understand my ex. Maybe I thought that a guy would understand another guy. The only answers I could get are from my ex himself, but only if he initiates contact. Even if he did give me answers, would I be happy with that, would I be able to move on? Or would I just be stuck where I am now again in 6 months, over analyzing every word, every subtle reaction?

 

I do prefer to believe he'll come back, and when others say it it makes me feel good, but deep down I know it may never happen. There's always a small chance and unfortunately it's so easy for me to hang on to that small bit of hope. I guess I just feel like life hates me. Is it really that hard to give me this one thing? I feel like I'm all over the place though, but we do seem to be clones in this situation, at least I'm making sense to someone.

[Musing]

RDawg - That is what keeps me from trying to text him. He actively chose to leave me. The realization is a slap in the face everytime I think about it.

 

Xemyd - He did give a weird reason for breaking up with you and I can see why it's left you in this state of mind. It's almost like he went backwards. Unfortunately, one thing I have come to accept is that no matter the reason for a break up, the pain hurts just the same and the result is they simply aren't here anymore. Both of these things are the crappiest part and neither are avoidable. So perhaps at the end of the day it's not really worth finding out, because he still left and it still hurt you.

 

I go to my guy friends a lot for explanation (mainly one). I feel like the more I talk about it and rehash, the more answers I'll get or the better I'll feel. And it gets frustrating when I come back down. It feels like I am running in place most of the time.

[Xemyd]

I go to my guy friends a lot for explanation (mainly one). I feel like the more I talk about it and rehash, the more answers I'll get or the better I'll feel. And it gets frustrating when I come back down. It feels like I am running in place most of the time.

 

I'll never understand it, I know.

 

It does feel like I'm running in place, I so get that, or at least running in circles. I would rather be down all the time than fine one day, bad the next.

I'm getting whiplash from my moods lol. But it's been 6 months, maybe soon I'll just stop caring about it and get annoyed with myself for being so focused on him.

[Musing]

I'll never understand it, I know.

 

It does feel like I'm running in place, I so get that, or at least running in circles. I would rather be down all the time than fine one day, bad the next.

I'm getting whiplash from my moods lol. But it's been 6 months, maybe soon I'll just stop caring about it and get annoyed with myself for being so focused on him.

 

Loving or caring about someone is a risk we all take and unfortunately there is a 50/50 shot at getting burned. I know at least 3 or 4 other people (males and females) that were dumped, or were forced dumpers (due to drugs) that had to cut their ex's out and keep moving. Today, they can function and are happy to focus on themselves but still carry pieces of their ex's. When someone occupies such an important space in your mind, it's hard to forget them.

 

The best to do now is put everything about them - the memories, the positives, negatives and in between - into a small cozy place in your mind so you can revisit it when you're ready.

 

I feel most people don't walk out of your life totally. Everyone says "some ex's never come back" I feel like many don't come back out of fear the other person will hate them or something, not because they genuinely don't like you as a person. If you feel strong enough to contact them one day, there is always a possibility to be friends. Eventually the awkward/sad/resentful/angry feelings fade for both parties and who knows what can happen from there.

 

I tell myself these things and they give me hope. Maybe not for another romantic relationship, but I know he's still alive and nothing is ever truly final. I keep NC so I can get past these feelings and get to that point quicker, though.

[Xemyd]

Loving or caring about someone is a risk we all take and unfortunately there is a 50/50 shot at getting burned. I know at least 3 or 4 other people (males and females) that were dumped, or were forced dumpers (due to drugs) that had to cut their ex's out and keep moving. Today, they can function and are happy to focus on themselves but still carry pieces of their ex's. When someone occupies such an important space in your mind, it's hard to forget them.

 

The best to do now is put everything about them - the memories, the positives, negatives and in between - into a small cozy place in your mind so you can revisit it when you're ready.

 

I feel most people don't walk out of your life totally. Everyone says "some ex's never come back" I feel like many don't come back out of fear the other person will hate them or something, not because they genuinely don't like you as a person. If you feel strong enough to contact them one day, there is always a possibility to be friends. Eventually the awkward/sad/resentful/angry feelings fade for both parties and who knows what can happen from there.

 

I tell myself these things and they give me hope. Maybe not for another romantic relationship, but I know he's still alive and nothing is ever truly final. I keep NC so I can get past these feelings and get to that point quicker, though.

 

That's true. Obviously I'd like to be even just friends with him now, but it would never happen, the romantic feelings are still there. Maybe in another year I might be ready, I may reach out, see what happens, but hopefully by then my hopes won't be up. I'd have to go into it not expecting any type of reconciliation.

[singme2sleep]

The bad news? Could also mean they feel relief being single and could easily move on. That is what kills the most...knowing a great thing happened but because of a (seemingly) bogus reason, they left. And someone else could become a part of their lives in the same way we were, just with better timing.

 

I feel the exact same way. I sometimes wonder if circumstances/timing had been different...it doesn't seem fair that another girl gets what I deserve. Kind of like a "I was there first" thing.

[Tulipsgold]

So many similarities. My guy was distant for a month before, and me being stubborn I didn't initiate contact thinking, if he wants to talk he can put in the effort. Eventually I called him out, he apologized for it but then started saying how he wasn't sure about his work situation, how he may have to work out of town again and be LD again. Then the break up happened, I pretty much let it happen, I felt like I couldn't say anything, I didn't cry in front of him. I now feel like maybe he thinks I didn't care.

 

I've never been very open with people, my personal life is fairly secretive I guess, I won't openly come out and talk to people about it unless they ask. I know how important communication is in relationships, but for some reason that was my biggest fault with him.

 

Wow! it's like I'm reading my own story. Had the exact same thing happen for me. There's one thing I am a little happy about, which is that in my situation we both became distant. Knowing that this would be the beginning of the end. Eventually I sort of pushed him in to breaking up with me.

I guess sometimes these things happen. Communication is key, and if no one is willing to work on it, then maybe both aren't really sure if they want to be with one another...

[London_girl_1985]

When my ex and I split I felt pretty crappy. I cried for a few days but in ways it was a relief to me because I was unappreciated in the relationship and I felt that he wasn't really about being with someone (he was sort of like this from the start, but we really liked each other. For all I know, he could be with someone else now though.)

 

Anyway regardless of how I felt the past couple of months in the relationship, I still really miss him. If he were older or out of school, I feel like it would have lasted. I've been in a lot of relationships and I felt like this one was a keeper.

And I'm really upset that it ended as it did because it wasn't a bad relationship. But I was much more experienced in dating and relationships than he was..

 

I feel really down. I went from crying, to being fine for a few weeks, to feeling like nothing is worth it. I'm just not happy with anything. It's like the color was sucked out of my life. It isn't even intense crying, or begging or pleading. I feel very gloomy and depressed and empty. I am always tired, and when I think of him (which I am trying not to do) I feel defeated.

Nothing I do - not my looks, personality, anything will get him back.

 

I remain NC for my own sanity. But I ache.

 

You have literally described everything I'm feeling at the moment. In the beginning I had this terrible ache in my chest that I thought would never go away and I cried all the time. Now I release a few tears over him every other day and it doesn't feel as desperate as before...it just feels bad. I feel crappy that he is probably having a great time without me and may even have a new GF by now?

 

You just need to keep thinking that it's OKAY to feel bad, and learn from it. After my last relationship I decided I would never let anyone make me feel that low again. I'm determined to keep my heart a little more wrapped up for the next guy. My life felt terribly dull after my ex and I broke up but the colour is slowly coming back. Today I laughed soooo hard with my co worker that it put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. So today can be ticked off as a good day. Tomorrow may be bad, but I know I can get through it. The way you need to think about it is that every day you are getting further away from the pain and so every night you go to bed should be celebrated as a success. Do things that occupy your mind and make you laugh. I know it's easier said than done but we WILL be okay x