Did you want to harm the OW/OM?

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Presuming your behavior was addressed privately FIRST and you/MOM refused to stop your illicit relationship immediately, church discipline is and was entirely appropriate. Your pastor was brave and I hope one day you and your family apologize to him for going on a crusade to punish him and eventually getting him removed from the church for doing his job protecting his congregation from YOUR behavior and standing up against evil.

 

Abuse? That's like the prisoner blaming the judge for their sentence. Absent YOUR ADULTERY nothing would have been "exposed" anywhere. These were the natural consequences of your behavior as a unrepentant unyielding professing Christian. It's not like you were some person off the street. You were in his church conducting an open and notorious affair. Protecting the flock is a public matter and the church should have been praying for your family and for your repentance. This wasn't a "shunning" as I presume you aren't Amish so it's not like they threw you out the door, they just exposed you and OM.

 

AND IT WORKED….OM left town, your affair ended and you had a chance to focus on and and repair your marriage without interference. As a Christian myself I have sympathy for your struggle(s) (I have struggles too so I'm not judging you). I know it seems/seemed harsh but these aren't "private matters" as much as the devil would love for us to keep things quiet. You also didn't deserve your husband's revenge affair either. I wish your husband had been more of a leader in that regard. However, playing victim and attacking the church that set out to save you and protect itself from you (and OM) and is just too much to listen to without comment.

 

Okay - I was going to take a break but this was too much for me. How dare you - you have absolutely no idea what happened. And yes it was addressed privately and the affair was over but they STILL decided the names needed to be read. Do not go Christian on me - I know the bible like the back of my hand and I know how it is used to abuse people. I have lived it as a young girl in a cult who thought they were the one true church and now mainstream.

 

My family was absolutely not protected at all. They surrounded xmom and his family, I was made out to be the scapegoat and my husband, who really could have used some Christians friends and mentoring was left to struggle and flounder and so were my kids. this was even addressed later as the pastor (who was transferred) ended up apologizing to me (yes we resolved everything before he left town - but thanks for accusing me of not doing something I have already done) for abandoning my family.

 

And on top of all of that, the hierarchy of the church does not handle things in this way - the new pastor is quite amazing and he has said so and I spoke with the district superintendent prior to that and they agreed - this is why they were removed - they did not follow the church discipline within this denomination - they took matters into their own hands.

 

But most of all, our family was shredded.

 

Please stay away from anything that I post because you and I will most likely never agree - you might say you aren't judging but you absolutely are. People like you are the reason I do not go to church anymore.

 

And guess what, xmom isn't staying away - he is trying to reinsert himself back into the community again. So I will end up dealing with it again.

Edited February 8, 2014 by lilmisscantbewrong

[confusedandhurt2002]

I feel awful bringing you more pain by even asking why that had happened. I'm sorry....

 

Okay - I was going to take a break but this was too much for me. How dare you - you have absolutely no idea what happened. And yes it was addressed privately and the affair was over but they STILL decided the names needed to be read. Do not go Christian on me - I know the bible like the back of my hand and I know how it is used to abuse people. I have lived it as a young girl in a cult who thought they were the one true church and now mainstream.

 

My family was absolutely not protected at all. They surrounded xmom and his family, I was made out to be the scapegoat and my husband, who really could have used some Christians friends and mentoring was left to struggle and flounder and so were my kids. this was even addressed later as the pastor (who was transferred) ended up apologizing to me (yes we resolved everything before he left town - but thanks for accusing me of not doing something I have already done) for abandoning my family.

 

And on top of all of that, the hierarchy of the church does not handle things in this way - the new pastor is quite amazing and he has said so and I spoke with the district superintendent prior to that and they agreed - this is why they were removed - they did not follow the church discipline within this denomination - they took matters into their own hands.

 

But most of all, our family was shredded.

 

Please stay away from anything that I post because you and I will most likely never agree - you might say you aren't judging but you absolutely are. People like you are the reason I do not go to church anymore.

 

And guess what, xmom isn't staying away - he is trying to reinsert himself back into the community again. So I will end up dealing with it again.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I feel awful bringing you more pain by even asking why that had happened. I'm sorry....

 

Not your fault at all - I always answer honestly and truthfully when asked so as to help others. It was this guy who thinks he's a counselor that caused the problem - he just has no clue, that's all.

 

Now back to my break - lol.

[yellowmaverick]

Okay - I was going to take a break but this was too much for me. How dare you - you have absolutely no idea what happened. And yes it was addressed privately and the affair was over but they STILL decided the names needed to be read. Do not go Christian on me - I know the bible like the back of my hand and I know how it is used to abuse people. I have lived it as a young girl in a cult who thought they were the one true church and now mainstream.

 

My family was absolutely not protected at all. They surrounded xmom and his family, I was made out to be the scapegoat and my husband, who really could have used some Christians friends and mentoring was left to struggle and flounder and so were my kids. this was even addressed later as the pastor (who was transferred) ended up apologizing to me (yes we resolved everything before he left town - but thanks for accusing me of not doing something I have already done) for abandoning my family.

 

And on top of all of that, the hierarchy of the church does not handle things in this way - the new pastor is quite amazing and he has said so and I spoke with the district superintendent prior to that and they agreed - this is why they were removed - they did not follow the church discipline within this denomination - they took matters into their own hands.

 

But most of all, our family was shredded.

 

Please stay away from anything that I post because you and I will most likely never agree - you might say you aren't judging but you absolutely are. People like you are the reason I do not go to church anymore.

 

And guess what, xmom isn't staying away - he is trying to reinsert himself back into the community again. So I will end up dealing with it again.

 

T/J - While I don't condone affairs under any circumstances, I think that you being exposed before the congregation like that was horrible. The pastor should have spoken to you privately. He gave no consideration to your children, the innocent victims of the exposure.

[Scott Thomas]

A bit off topic, but I'm concerned about the well-being of your children. I'm not sure that this is something common among girls, but taunts and name-calling is something very common among boys (my roommate went through hell when the dormitory boys would mock him on his dad serving time for tax evasion). What steps have you taken for their emotional well being? If this were to arise at some future time, how would you help them cope?

 

As for Frankenstein, organise a mob and chase him out.

[experiencethedevine]

In regard to the original question about harming the other party:

 

If there were a button I could push and drop that "person" into a volcano I'd gladly super-glue my thumb to it.

 

 

 

 

Oh my that made me laugh so much!.......................

[BurnedAndLost]

Yes I did. She taunted me about it.

My anger has mostly waned these days, but sometimes I trigger and if I think of her during it my violent fantasies about her comes back.

 

I am glad I never saw her face to face. I would be in jail for attempted murder at the very least. I was completely out of my mind during that time. I might give her a slap in the face if I saw her now.

[xxlostlovexx]

i absolutely do. but there are many reasons...

A. she was suppose to be a friend(granted we werent crazy close and i hadnt known her long but she gave me advice about things with my man and even reassured me that we were just fighting and how he talks about me non stop) before she came on to him the minute i left the picture

 

B. she gets around. i mean alot. she was with a guy when she came onto my BF after we split. RIGHT after.

 

C. she laughs at me. she thinks its funny that he'd give her the time of day while we were split up. even though he still loved me.

 

D. she took advantage of him when he was going through alot in his life ( i am NOT saying its ok for him to up and sleep with her at all... he is guilty too! but everyone makes mistakes and she had NO plans to tell her BF, this girl is awful.

 

E. after this was outed becasue my BF decided to tell me once he wanted me back, she wanted him to get with her even though she has a BF. she told her BF and then a week or two later when my BF tells her she meant nothing and it was only sex (resulting from a relapse) she was upset and then cries rape!

 

i could seriously hurt this girl. i say girl because shes clearly not a woman. its awful.

[xxlostlovexx]

Yes I did. She taunted me about it.

My anger has mostly waned these days, but sometimes I trigger and if I think of her during it my violent fantasies about her comes back.

 

I am glad I never saw her face to face. I would be in jail for attempted murder at the very least. I was completely out of my mind during that time. I might give her a slap in the face if I saw her now.

 

same happened for me. she taunted me over the internet and anyone who knows me knows i put up with nothing and i can fight. she knows that. she even wanted me to go to her town to fight. which is funny because im hours away now that i moved... id probably be in jail if i see her or ever saw her again.

[BurnedAndLost]

same happened for me. she taunted me over the internet and anyone who knows me knows i put up with nothing and i can fight. she knows that. she even wanted me to go to her town to fight. which is funny because im hours away now that i moved... id probably be in jail if i see her or ever saw her again.

Well, I can't fight. Lol

I am not a violent person. I have never gotten in to any type of altercation before. Verbal or physical. Plus she is was bigger than my by about 50 pounds and taller too.

 

One of my fantasies involved my cracking her skull open with a bat.

[Speakingofwhich]

Ten characters

Edited February 10, 2014 by Speakingofwhich
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