frogss29 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Best revenge is to have a happy life. I think that would REALLY p*** her off, IF she ever thought about me at all 3
snappytomcat Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 oh my yes,good thing we live on opposite coast,but shes an old lady,and wouldn't be right,ive also felt like castrating my husband too
underpants Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I'vw had an idea float by. Many years ago now a woman knowingly interfered with a boyfried. Actually I was thankful, even so much to send her a thank you note as she proved to be my ticket out of a bad relationship. Why does it take being cheated on to know you should have left sooner? She then went on to hit on, 2 years later with my next interest. He turned her down, but it was weird. I only ever met her once, 2 years priorl and shook her hand, so it was odd her behavior. She followed me around town and became my odd personal filter. Strage times. Now she is married, living 5 states way with a new baby. Sometimes when I ride with my dark passanger I think how easily I could destroy her life with one fictional letter of concern. She has something (a family) to lose now and part of me has absolutely no problem blowing up her life, even if it is a lie. Will I do it? Meh? Although I might? Edited February 3, 2014 by underpants 1
BHsigh Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Oh my goodness BH, that really made me laugh! Couldn't afford the money to restrain you! Okay, I admit, I've had a glass of wine, sorry but it was funny! You have maintained your decorum. Admirable indeed. It sounds like something straight out of a bad novel doesn't it? Lol, POSOM was a mess, he was a 27 year old piece of trash, he dropped out of college one semester before earning his degree, he was jobless and he lived with his grand mother. He had very little work experience, he was unable to join the Air force or the Navy (I'm not sure why, these were his words) but he finally got into the marines. Lucky for him, as he was pretty much out of options. Lucky for me too as now he's no where close to me and I don't have to bump into him around town. The funny thing, I honestly believe that he was putting on a show about enlisting. His friends constantly said that he would never join, he would always have an excuse not to. He talked about joining the Marines for well over 6 - 8 months, but would come up with things like "I hurt my knee really bad and can't run, so I can't pass the physical entrance tests". Well, right about a month and I half after I finally got my wife to admit to the affair, and after the restraining order joke, he left for basic training, hurt knee and all. Makes me feel good in a weird way though, he was more afraid of me than enlisting. Sometimes just thinking about that makes me feel better than thoughts of violence. 2
BetrayedH Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 The thing that seems to ultimately stop me from getting back at the OM is probably his wife (and children). As far as I can tell, they are still married. I don't want to mess with her world, at all. Otherwise, I'm still angry. Frustrating. 2
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Confused about what you mean about not shutting the door on her. He has now...that was all pre-affair. Thanks. Once you are in R I don't see the necessity to stalk someone's social media or even care about what they say. This is ridiculous. Its seems you should be more concerned as to why your H never completely shut the door on her. That would be an automatic deal breaker to me. While my H has only received one trick phone call from the OW, he has never received prior emails, texts or calls from her and I would expect him to react the way he did when he did. He was upset and called me right away to tell me about it. Why do you expect her to care or acknowledge you? They both didn't when they were in their A. If your H stayed and wanted to work his M out, he should have left that memory behind. Listening and helping her is only reinforcing the OW's belief that your H still wants to be a part of her life. Shutting the OW out completely has been the best thing we ever did. She is non important. We have worked too hard to fix the damage. You need to focus on your M. This anger is not going to help you.
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Yes indeed! I agree with you! Get the thought out of your head because there might come a day when by accident you may see this OW, do something stupid and then you'll be wearing striped jammies sitting in a jail cell. Not worth it.
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I explained in my case why I don't see it as equal. Are you a BS or an OW/OM? Just curious. But I also see your point. Thanks for making me think more, in a good way! True they did take a willing part in causing this pain but they are not the only participant in the affair. If its about placing hate,blame, and anger then both party deserve it equally.
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Your names were read publicly in association with the affair? This bothers me quite a bit.....doesn't seem right at all!That's a private matter unless it was an affair with the pastor/leader and the congregation needed to know. Even then, the names weren't needed... This pretty much happened to me as our names were read in a worship service publicly - believe me when I tell you this did not help reconciliation or healing - it delayed it. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Thank you to all who responded. I appreciate what you shared. It has me thinking a lot...and I am praying about the anger. I assure you, I'm not only mad at the OW..not by a long shot. I've been angry at her for a very long time, however, even before I knew officially, so it's hard to let that go. I am really trying and I know forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. Also, I know I'd never really hurt her badly. Would I hit her? At least once? Yep, but she's a lot bigger than me and I don't feel it would end well for me. lol. I wouldn't end up in jail, just with some bad wounds. Truly, I don't want to see her suffer physically or otherwise. I don't. I have those moments, like I did when I wrote this post, but most of the time, I want her to be happy and find joy -- just away from my husband and family. 2
seren Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 For some of the things she did that were aimed directly at me after the A, then yes, I had some serious thoughts about ripping her face off. I went to her home at one point as the hang up calls, the nasty phone calls were getting on my pip, had she been in, then there is a real possibility I would have lost it completely. This is so far from my usual way, I believe in no harm, but everyone has a breaking point and a line not to be crossed. I had a job that meant I had to have 100% good behaviour, I knew if I stayed where I lived I would, at some point blow. So I moved. I helped her after D Day as her H was violent toward her, I helped to get her a refuge place and still she carried on with her crazy behaviour. 6 years on and she was still trying to cause problems, as a last resort I went to the police as she was abusing her position to get our contact details. If I saw her now, she would mean nothing, indifference is a good place to be, I hope she finds peace. 1
AirForceWife038 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I feel the same... Wanting to hurt the OW but keep talking myself out of killing her. I ended up hurting myself wishing it was her throat I was slicing but all that got me was 68 stitches and a nice hold in the psych unit lol Watching my kids cry this Xmas a few weeks after she destroyed my family I really wanted to drive the few miles to her house and make her hurt the way I was hurting. I don't believe Karma moves fast enough so I'm helping it out a bit. She was my friend she wanted my husband and meddled in our relationship to find out where our weaknesses were... I still think the world would be a better place without her in it. So far I have gotten some satisfaction in none physical payback methods... It's not as good as watching her take her last breathe but for now it works. I am not beyond sinking to high school level... U can't expect to rip a family apart and have no repercussions
lilmisscantbewrong Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I feel the same... Wanting to hurt the OW but keep talking myself out of killing her. I ended up hurting myself wishing it was her throat I was slicing but all that got me was 68 stitches and a nice hold in the psych unit lol Watching my kids cry this Xmas a few weeks after she destroyed my family I really wanted to drive the few miles to her house and make her hurt the way I was hurting. I don't believe Karma moves fast enough so I'm helping it out a bit. She was my friend she wanted my husband and meddled in our relationship to find out where our weaknesses were... I still think the world would be a better place without her in it. So far I have gotten some satisfaction in none physical payback methods... It's not as good as watching her take her last breathe but for now it works. I am not beyond sinking to high school level... U can't expect to rip a family apart and have no repercussions Unfortunately some do walk away with hardly any repercussions - my xmom did and actually my husbands xmow did in some ways. Sometimes that karma thing is very slow - but it does catch up eventually. Take care of yourself.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Your names were read publicly in association with the affair? This bothers me quite a bit.....doesn't seem right at all!That's a private matter unless it was an affair with the pastor/leader and the congregation needed to know. Even then, the names weren't needed... Yes they were read in a worship service. What was a private matter and should have been handled within the families was made into a public scandal. It was pretty horrible. Xmom got to run away and really never had to face as much publicly as I did - sometimes that really bothers me, but at least him removing himself almost completely from town in the past couple of years has helped quite a bit. I did get wind the other day that his little music trio is looking for gigs in the area (places that I frequent) and that is pissing me off right now - I don't want him here and I will do what I can to keep him out. But I digress - yeah it was a horrible, horrible thing to go through - in my opinion it was abuse - all of us ended up with some form of PTSD I believe from it. Yet xmom is best friends with one of the pastors that was responsible for that decision - Stockholm syndrome? - probably - but not my problem anymore.
experiencethedevine Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I feel the same... Wanting to hurt the OW but keep talking myself out of killing her. I ended up hurting myself wishing it was her throat I was slicing but all that got me was 68 stitches and a nice hold in the psych unit lol Watching my kids cry this Xmas a few weeks after she destroyed my family I really wanted to drive the few miles to her house and make her hurt the way I was hurting. I don't believe Karma moves fast enough so I'm helping it out a bit. She was my friend she wanted my husband and meddled in our relationship to find out where our weaknesses were... I still think the world would be a better place without her in it. So far I have gotten some satisfaction in none physical payback methods... It's not as good as watching her take her last breathe but for now it works. I am not beyond sinking to high school level... U can't expect to rip a family apart and have no repercussions What happened to you was awful Airforce, and I'm sure many will understand your position after having the other woman smirking in your face. Enough to make a saint swear frankly. It must have taken a gargantuan effort for you to NOT to visit her residence and exact your own method of justice. 'Every dog has its day'..................................
Betrayed&Stayed Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You are absolutely correct, and I'm not arguing that point at all as I agree with you. But the BS that is reconciling gets to see their spouse everyday, and hopefully they see some ways that the spouse is trying to change and rebuild their marriage, perhaps they have even seen the WS break down and feel really bad for what they did. They see the WS paying for their actions. While many times the AP disappears into the sunset without a single repercussion for their actions, particularly if they are single. It's just highly disjointed to me and it's easy to understand why the BS's mind wanders over to revenge, or fantasizes about harming the AP in any way, after all, to many of us, our lives were destroyed while the AP payed for nothing and can continue on with their life like nothing ever happened. This why I have so much angst against the OM. He was single and went on with his life with another notch in his belt, and no repercussions. I often have the Casino Royal torture scene played out in my fantasy. 1
cozycottagelg Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You are absolutely correct, and I'm not arguing that point at all as I agree with you. But the BS that is reconciling gets to see their spouse everyday, and hopefully they see some ways that the spouse is trying to change and rebuild their marriage, perhaps they have even seen the WS break down and feel really bad for what they did. They see the WS paying for their actions. While many times the AP disappears into the sunset without a single repercussion for their actions, particularly if they are single. It's just highly disjointed to me and it's easy to understand why the BS's mind wanders over to revenge, or fantasizes about harming the AP in any way, after all, to many of us, our lives were destroyed while the AP payed for nothing and can continue on with their life like nothing ever happened. I kind of agree with this...but I've been over to the OM/OW board, and the emotional pain of D-day is very real.... they may not have lost a family unit, but the trauma is there...
BHsigh Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I kind of agree with this...but I've been over to the OM/OW board, and the emotional pain of D-day is very real.... they may not have lost a family unit, but the trauma is there... But, most BS's won't see this, or we may even fail to recognize their "trauma" as genuine, or enough. Hence the desire/fantasy to harm the AP. So maybe it is a case of "My pain was worse, so you deserve more". If POSOM felt the pain that I think that he deserves, I doubt that he would make it through it sane, after all, I haven't. 1
katielee Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I don't wish them harm, but I did come down hard on THEM on Dday - exposure and threats. My husband was foggy and couldn't protect our family so I did. No regrets. my husband however, did some illegal crap to my AP. Once went running by his house with a knife and hoped he'd be outside. Probably good thing he wasn't. I understand how he was in this mindset. I think it's normal for a man. Things improved dramatically for hubby when AP moved away. Edited February 3, 2014 by katielee
rumbleseat Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 One thing that I have heard can be very helpful is to examine your anger and see who and what it's really about, then assign it to said person accordingly. There is plenty of hurt and anger to go around, and it takes a long time to work through it all. Pretending it doesn't exist because one "shouldn't" feel anger does nothing to help you deal with it. It's far better to face it and talk about it. If possible, the ideal person to talk to is the ws. Explain to them how angry you are and why. Let them help you through it. It can help to bring you closer together, and can be a good springboard to talking about other things. If you are angry at the ow, then so be it. Expecting yourself to just quit that it unrealistic, but it doesn't mean you have to act on it. If you need to let it out, write about it, talk to a good friend (ws? ) about it, if you need to lash out, beat the stuffing out of a pillow or do something else that's essentially armless but makes you feel better. 4
Washingmachine1980 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I have been a victim of stalking, bullies and crazies all my life. For the past 15 years, I've always had a strong form of protection either close to me or directly on my person. I take advanced classes and practice continually. Now, that being said, I had some crazy man follow me in my car and threaten to beat the **** out of me three years ago. I was well protected so I just repeated what he said and laughed at him. He never left his car nor pursed me to deliver on his weak threat. I got to thinking "what if I was not protected"? The following week, I started taking one on one classes with an ex LA cop who trains MMA fighters. He has taught me a lot such as how to disarm someone. It has been worth the money. Most of my friends and family know about it but, just some stranger on the street would have no idea. Before you go beating the **** out someone, make sure they are harmless. My instructor I train with weighs 275 and my practice partner weighs 287. Both are physically fit and full muscle. I have also been teaching my kids everything I learn.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I had a situation where I found out after my separation from my second wife that she was cheating on me. I found out through my six year old daughter (out of the mouth of babes) and confronted my STBEW about it. The guy she was fooling around with couldn't leave well enough alone and when he saw me he tried to explain the he wouldn't come between me and my daughter. I told him to worry about his own kids and he couldn't come between me and my kid on his best day and I told him that what goes around comes around. Then he shows up again with his work buddies and starts making comments about me saying what goes around comes around and I was blowing smoke. he did this three more times. His wife contacted me and and wanted to know about my wife and bu this time we were divorced and really didn't care if she shacked up with a bus load of guys. I told her about her husband and his buddies showing up on my job site and making comments because of what I told him about what goes around comes around. Well it did go around and I slept with his wife three times and then we both cooled it because I didn't want to get her in trouble. He never found out about it but he did continue to make the comments and I just looked at him and thought to myself, "You stupid jackass. If you only knew." I was wrong by doing what I did and actually felt bad about it but I can't do anything about it now. Was it worth it? No. The only thing that could have happened was another family torn apart.
ClemsonTigers Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Yes they were read in a worship service. What was a private matter and should have been handled within the families was made into a public scandal. It was pretty horrible. Xmom got to run away and really never had to face as much publicly as I did - sometimes that really bothers me, but at least him removing himself almost completely from town in the past couple of years has helped quite a bit. I did get wind the other day that his little music trio is looking for gigs in the area (places that I frequent) and that is pissing me off right now - I don't want him here and I will do what I can to keep him out. But I digress - yeah it was a horrible, horrible thing to go through - in my opinion it was abuse - all of us ended up with some form of PTSD I believe from it. Yet xmom is best friends with one of the pastors that was responsible for that decision - Stockholm syndrome? - probably - but not my problem anymore. Presuming your behavior was addressed privately FIRST and you/MOM refused to stop your illicit relationship immediately, church discipline is and was entirely appropriate. Your pastor was brave and I hope one day you and your family apologize to him for going on a crusade to punish him and eventually getting him removed from the church for doing his job protecting his congregation from YOUR behavior and standing up against evil. Abuse? That's like the prisoner blaming the judge for their sentence. Absent YOUR ADULTERY nothing would have been "exposed" anywhere. These were the natural consequences of your behavior as a unrepentant unyielding professing Christian. It's not like you were some person off the street. You were in his church conducting an open and notorious affair. Protecting the flock is a public matter and the church should have been praying for your family and for your repentance. This wasn't a "shunning" as I presume you aren't Amish so it's not like they threw you out the door, they just exposed you and OM. AND IT WORKED….OM left town, your affair ended and you had a chance to focus on and and repair your marriage without interference. As a Christian myself I have sympathy for your struggle(s) (I have struggles too so I'm not judging you). I know it seems/seemed harsh but these aren't "private matters" as much as the devil would love for us to keep things quiet. You also didn't deserve your husband's revenge affair either. I wish your husband had been more of a leader in that regard. However, playing victim and attacking the church that set out to save you and protect itself from you (and OM) and is just too much to listen to without comment.
xAkulax Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I explained in my case why I don't see it as equal. Are you a BS or an OW/OM? Just curious. But I also see your point. Thanks for making me think more, in a good way! I am neither BS or OM/OW its just my opinion 1
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Hey guys..please stay calm in this post. If I could remove it, I would to keep some of you from entertaining horrible ideas. Also, I've been flagged in the forum again for being rude...sigh...so I may be kicked off. I am a rebel I guess. *sigh* If no one sees me on here again--please remember to be polite to people because I certainly didn't this past week. And one more...siiiigh.
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