Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I'm 18 she's 19, we've bee together for 1-1/2 years. Were faithful, we have great trust, we communicate very well too. As time goes on I have more things that bug me, now, am I or am I not a dick for leaving her? -won't take her bra off during sex, been having sex for over a year and rarely let's me see them. I've talked to her about it and always tell her it's nothing to be insecure about and tell her how much I love them. It's not so much not being able to see them, it's the fight she puts up not showing them like she doesn't trust me. I respect her so I don't bring it up often. -won't sleep over even though my parents allow her to, she's slept over once and makes excuses to why she can't spend the night again. I enjoy having someone that you love close to you and she feels the same...but doesn't want to spend the night. Make sense? -neither of us smoke weed or are much of drinkers, she would make fun of people that smoked like looking down on them like they have a problem. I kinda agree with her, neither have an interest in trying it either. She would make fun of my friends that smoked and thought it was dumb. Now that she went to college, she's told me she's smoked a few times. This drive me up the wall, not that she smoked, it's the fact that she made fun of my friends and looked down on smokers and now she's in the crowd. I feel kinda left out as she was that person I could resort to keeping me on a good path. No I will not be trying it either. -this goes along with the bra issue, she refuses to give me a bj. She's never done it before and I've offered to help her and teach her on what and what not to do. She acts like my penis is gross, I'm shaven, I'm very well kept, I go down on her for hours and never get the favor returned (I love doing it to her though) -I invite her to everywhere I can. The mall, dinner with my family, running errands, she loves being with me so I invite her. However she never invited me places or does anything with me. -this will sound mean, yes it's kinda mean to say, but, she isn't really good at much, she's not much of a worker, doesn't play sports, doesn't have an interest in much other than me. If I left for these reasons would I be a dick?
soccerrprp Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Hmmmm.... there are some value/needs issues to consider. Not a bad reason to break up. At best, she is confusing and if you've talked to her about it and nothing has changed, what can you do? I can understand a little bit of her behavior, but not all.
Author Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Completely forgot a big part... -she told me she wanted to be together, but didn't want to have a relationship as she wanted to "experience" college and to be free. I asked her what she meant and she said "like if I went to a party and got drunk and accidentally kissed a guy by accident I don't want to feel guilty about it". I wasn't sure how to respond. From what it should like, she's suffering from the "grass is greener syndrome". After she said that it pissed me off so much I left her. After I cooled down I still talk to her on a regular basis but haven't really cut her off.
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 You two are young & your lives are in transition. She's changing in college . . .maybe for the better, maybe not. Clearly some of your needs are not being met here. It doesn't matter what those needs are but you are unhappy. I will say that you may need to dial it back on the sleepovers. As a woman, even if my BF's parents said it was OK there isn't a force on this earth that would have allowed me to comfortably spend the night in his bed while they were home. At 23 I went away with my BF's family & upon arrival announced that I thought I was sharing a room with his sister not him. The sister was furious too because her argument was going to be that if her brother (my BF) got to sleep with his GF (me) under the parents' roof then her BF should be allowed to sleep with her. The parents were thrilled when I said I wanted to sleep in the room with the sister. It's a respect thing. 1
LostConfused123 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 No, I don't think you're a dick at all.
Onmymind Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Regardless of what those reasons might be, you've listed a plethora of them. I think you know what's best to do at this point. If you have these problems with her they are not going to get any better. Yorthere could consider, is if you try talking to her about these things. First ask her if it's okay to talk about some sensitive subjects. If you feel that she constantly rejects your offer to talk than that is definitely not someone you want to be with. I loved my ex-girlfriend immensely, but when push came to shove, all of her bad habits and very repulsive actions came through, she was unwilling to talk about them, work on them, or try to fix them. In the end she just decided to end everything. Someone worth keeping is someone who is willing to fight to make everything right. Someone worth leaving , is someone who's weak and doesn't care and just lets things fester on as they are. We all have our ticks, and bad habits or strange reasons for things. A good relationship doesn't need perfect balance and agreement, but that's a laundry list of things, similar to the level of stuff that I got sick of from my ex , though she didn't give a **** to fix anything because of her ego. So like I said, if she's willing to talk it out and work on things,go for it. Try to make it work. Also bring up the fact that you're willing to work on things too. Also try to level the playing field, to see if there's anything that is upsetting her too, so it's not like all of this pressure is on her.. But if she's resistant, unwilling and just offended, be the one to walk away diplomatically. Because that's beating a dead horse.
VeronicaRoss Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 You'd be if you stayed with her feeling the way that you do. You're looking for reasons to break up. Inventing reasons isn't necessary. And at that age it's almost inevitable you would anyway, you both have a lot of growing up to do.
Author Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Thank you guys very much. All of you have good input and are very helpful to me.
Author Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 You two are young & your lives are in transition. She's changing in college . . .maybe for the better, maybe not. Clearly some of your needs are not being met here. It doesn't matter what those needs are but you are unhappy. I will say that you may need to dial it back on the sleepovers. As a woman, even if my BF's parents said it was OK there isn't a force on this earth that would have allowed me to comfortably spend the night in his bed while they were home. At 23 I went away with my BF's family & upon arrival announced that I thought I was sharing a room with his sister not him. The sister was furious too because her argument was going to be that if her brother (my BF) got to sleep with his GF (me) under the parents' roof then her BF should be allowed to sleep with her. The parents were thrilled when I said I wanted to sleep in the room with the sister. It's a respect thing. Yeah I understand where she's coming from on that, makes a little more sense now.
BC1980 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I think the fact that she doesn't want to feel guilty if she kisses a guy while drunk says it all. She basically wants freedom to live her college life but come home to her security blanket. Some of the other reasons are more or less valid, but it only really matters what you feel you can live with.
deathandtaxes Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Those reasons wouldn't make you a dick. They are valid. Those can be simple compatibility issues. As you grow older, you will come to realize what you really like and don't like about potential mates. I think the lack of bj would be really crappy. Good for you for going down on her selflessly, but if bjs are what you want, you have to look elsewhere. The most telling part of this is where she said she wanted to experience college and not have a relationship. If that's how she feels, then ending things with her is a necessity. Staying together in light of that information is asking for unnecessary trouble and heartbreak.
MrMeh Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 It seriously sounds like she is dying to break it off. I doubt you will regret leaving a relationship which doesn't fulfill your desires. 1
Author Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 I think the fact that she doesn't want to feel guilty if she kisses a guy while drunk says it all. She basically wants freedom to live her college life but come home to her security blanket. Some of the other reasons are more or less valid, but it only really matters what you feel you can live with. I thought the same thing, when I ask her to think about what she's saying she doesn't seem to understand it. I'm like ask yourself "do you want my to get drunk and accidentally kiss another girl?". Then she changed the topic and ignores answering it. It sucks because she has a great person but the more you guys talk about, the more I talk about it with my friends, it's becoming more obvious that I need to walk away.
Author Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 If I'm going to leave how should I go about doing this? I can't just say seeya and leave her no explanation for me leaving. At the same time I would feel like an a**hole telling her "yeah I'm looking to see boobs, a bj, some more of your time, don't smoke any more weed, be more adult about things too". Then I feel like I'm a dad telling her what to do. I also don't want to give the impression that I'm in it for just the sex. I'd like to hear a woman's perspective on this. I respect her (woman in general) so I don't want to just be a typical guy and say screw you and walk off. Thank you guys again, this site is awesome. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Tell her the distance thing isn't working for you & you want her to be free to explore college life rather then being tied to the guy back home.
Author Beirg Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Those reasons wouldn't make you a dick. They are valid. Those can be simple compatibility issues. As you grow older, you will come to realize what you really like and don't like about potential mates. I think the lack of bj would be really crappy. Good for you for going down on her selflessly, but if bjs are what you want, you have to look elsewhere. The most telling part of this is where she said she wanted to experience college and not have a relationship. If that's how she feels, then ending things with her is a necessity. Staying together in light of that information is asking for unnecessary trouble and heartbreak. The BJ didn't really bother me until I realize how much I do for her. I would think she would want to please me as I am a mechanic and have saved her $1000s of dollars on expenses. Her and her parents think I'm a god, I take her to very nice dinners all the time just because I like seeing her happy and I don't mind spending the money. I cherish her so much. I would think she would want to please me as much as I please her. I don't want to sound snobby but I feel like I treat her far better than any other guys I know of my age. 1
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