baby-boo Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I live with my boyfriend of 3 years. Last night he went out for drinks with the guys. He was walking to theirs and I asked him to text me when he got there to let me know he was ok. This was at 7pm. At midnight I still haven't heard from him and he isn't answering his phone. I manage to text his friend who replies to let me know he is with them. I leave it at that and go to sleep. He returns at 8am. This isn't the first time he has gone out all night and not contacted me, and ignored my calls. He tells me that he just gets drunk and forgets, and comes back so late because they end up in the casino. All I want is for him to keep in touch - when i don't here from himI worry and I don't sleep well, especially as he doesn't return till the next day. We have had countless arguments over this and every time he promises that next time he will keep in contact. Many people say I am an idiot - he must be cheating. But i trust him. I don't think he realises he is asking a lot of me to trust him when he stays out night with no contact... Am I asking to much? He is a grown man perhaps I should let him be free do do as he wishes without needing to let me know. Apart from this issue our relationship is brilliant. He loves me and cares for me and we still have as much fun together today as when we first met... but i can't keep feeling like this whenever he goes out. Would appreciate any advice.
Treasa Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 This is fairly simple to correct. Stop asking him to contact you. If something happens to him, you'll find out about it. Start making plans of your own. Go out at night. Don't contact him. Sure, it might seem like playing games, but obviously he's ok with you guys just assuming the other is ok. So I'm sure he'd be fine with it. Stay out as long as you want. Keep doing it. For starters, it will help get your mind off him, as you'll be having fun on your own.
Shosh Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I think the question is whether you trust him when he is out all night. Are you sure he is just out with his friends, having a good time and not cheating on you? Than I'd suggest you let it be and accept that he does not contact you when he goes out. It's been 3 years and you say your relationship is going great otherwise. I'd say that is one thing that you just might have to accept. You know, take the good with the bad.
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 You are not asking too much. He's giving too little. I didn't hear you complaining that he was out with the guys. I heard you express concern that you simply wanted to know he arrived at his destination safely. Giving peace of mind so someone you love so they don't worry should be automatic & 2nd nature. His refusal to extend this common courtesy would make me bananas. Has he ever told you why he thinks its OK to let you worry? Odds are he either thinks you are overreacting & acting like his mom, he doesn't care about your feelings or he's got some immature little boy BS about "you can't control me" going on. Either way .. . that behavior doesn't bode well for a meaningful future. 2
Iguanna Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 You are not asking too much. He's giving too little. Exactly. But to be honest I don't believe that you want him to text you cause you worry he hasn't maybe arrived at his destination. Bad news is getting spread really fast. I think that you don't like the fact he is away from home all night and you feel you don't have the right to bring up this thought, so you just focus your anger on the next thing he does that you don't like, not texting. I suggest you really find out what is bothering you and tell him exactly that. You have the right. But he has the right to respond to that the way he wants as well, so good luck.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Out all night with zero contact? Oh, hell no. He's so drunk when he arrives at his friends' that he forgets to call or text? That's a load of bullsh*t and you know it, OP. It doesn't make any sense. He's showing you that you're just not a priority on these nights, that he isn't capable to extending even a little amount of courtesy to touch base when he arrives. It's not as though you're constantly checking in and bothering him. That would be a different ball of wax. You're certainly not asking too much. He's being a tool. I would let him know in no uncertain terms that boys' nights out are not the problem - the lack of consideration for your feelings and drinking to the point of "forgetting" to call are.
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