DontWorryBHappy Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Original thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/458328-s-over Ever since the break up I've been wanting to have music playing almost all the time. He's my next door neighbor, and sometimes I literally hear him laugh outside or something. So I got the idea to play music so that I won't hear him and his friends (who all live near me too). Another thing I've done is gone out dancing with my roommate for the past 2 nights, with the breakup being 3 nights ago, and also met up with a new girl friend the day after the break up which was great. Currently trying not to completely annoy everyone around me by talking about this to death. I messaged my ex today knowing that it was the last time, to share a realization I had after the break up. He responded. Now that's it, and there won't be any other contact. I wished him good luck and said everything in a reasonable text. In short, he always told me we had a perfect relationship, that I had everything he wanted in a girl, that it was the best relationship he'd ever had. But then toward the end he started saying that he felt something wasn't right and that maybe we were moving too fast. He said his parents warned him that he shouldn't fall in love so young (he's 20) and that his friends commented on how our vibe seemed to be off on one particular night. This was a night where I took a drug called MXE with him and his friends… I'd never taken it before, but he believes that drugs bring out the core qualities in a person. Speaking of drugs, he's really into smoking and doing soft-core drugs, which I actually wasn't opposed to and even participated in. But it's a huge part of his lifestyle with his friends that seeped it's way into his days and often cut out a lot of time that we could've spent together. Often times it seemed that he didn't know how to fit me into his life or maybe didn't feel compelled enough too. Granted, we did spend time together especially on weekends and shared many common interests. But I spent many nights wondering why he wanted to spend all the time smoking or whatever with buddies and not giving a little more of it to me (not even all of it…. just more). I guess something about the relationship really wasn't right or it would've been different. Or maybe he just can't bear to change his lifestyle right now to fit a serious relationship into it. I really do think that could be it as well. Then there was me. I got scared of feeling so emotionally vulnerable when I noticed my feelings for him growing. Because of that, I started over-analyzing everything I would say and do in an attempt to keep the relationship together. So in the end he told me that things between us felt "off." I'm not sure if this WAS the reason they felt off, or if it was just another factor among many other reasons. I'm naturally more emotional while he's more logical. Our lifestyles are really different. He's more into material things while I'm more simple. I value a romantic relationship at LEAST as much as friendships, whereas he seems way more tethered to his friends and his lifestyle with them. He's a real thrill-seeker, and I'm certainly not the total opposite, but he takes it a bit to the extreme (like wanting to ditch a pancake house without paying, for example). He's 20, I'm 24. He's definitely not mature… not even old enough to drink legally. Logically I know all of this, and was worried that he'd eventually be a flight risk. And here I am. I'm just using this to vent. I was very close to this guy, despite the differences. And were had a lot of memories. I just have to start the process of building a new life without him being a part of it. He needs to become just another person in world instead of being a source of anything negative. I've gotta get to that neutral, unaffected point through making my own life better. I'll try to keep updated as I reach conclusions and milestones.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I'm about 5 days post break up and about 3 since I've spoken to him, with no end in sight to the NC (the way it should be). I'm starting to feel like this ended because somehow I just didn't fit into his world, or he didn't fit into mine.. probably both. Whenever I would hang out with his friends I kind of felt like I was putting on a bit of a front. They were all pretty immature drug-experimental type guys in their early 20's. And while I wasn't an angel myself and would do a lot of stuff with them, they were on another level with it. I tried a couple different types of drugs while I knew all of them although I was hesitant. I just felt like I trusted my ex that nothing bad would happen to me. But nonetheless, I always felt really conscious of how I appeared to them when I was around. I tried extra hard to be the cool, chill chick that wouldn't get in the way of any "guy time" and who was down with everything. That wasn't really untrue, but I think I still felt like I had to try extra hard to make SURE they felt that about me. Almost like I was worried about being judged. My ex would sometimes say that he felt like he wasn't using his full potential. Actually, he said this often. But he smokes every day and experiments with a lot of drugs, and likes to do reckless stuff like breaking into classrooms and ditching IHops without paying. Kid stuff, but he's 20. Maybe I should've realized that a guy who does things like this probably isn't mature enough for a serious relationship. How could I have ignored that? I guess I thought his feelings for me were separate from all that. Then there was the confusion of the break up. He always told me how awesome of a girlfriend I was (the best one he'd ever had), and that he felt losing me would be a must greater risk than staying with me. But then he'd say that he worried we'd moved too fast, if there was someone else out there better for him, and started wondering if there were things about me that didn't resonate with who he was. His friends commented that our "vibe" seemed a bit off on the night where all of us had experimented with a drug that I'd never taken before. And he took this to heart, since he believes that drugs "expose the core qualities of a person." He freaked out because of that, then while he was breaking up with me he told me for the first time that he felt there was something "off" or "just not right" about the way we communicate. He said our conversation doesn't always feel smooth. I won't even try to interpret that one because it could mean a million things. I think maybe he's right. Maybe there were qualities about him that didn't resonate with me, and vice vera. We both made the same kind of music, but were different in how we liked to experience it and talk about it. We're both spontaneous, but he's more reckless about it. I don't mind smoking (not cigarettes) if stuff is around, but he LOVES it and is always high. He would often suggest that we get high before doing normal stuff like going to see a movie, whereas I didn't always see the point. He likes to experiment with lots of drugs and seems to feel this is really necessary to his life right now, whereas I could take or leave that. His "boys" are a bigger priority to him than a relationship, whereas I tend to give a lot of focus to my romantic relationships. As the relationship progressed, I wanted to see him more than he wanted to see me. He was highly influenced by people around him, and always needed an opinion to feel good about an important decision (and this was a reason why he started feeling conflicted about ME). Plus, he's 20 and his brain won't be fully developed for another 5 years, whereas I'm 24… In any case, it just seems like one of those things that couldn't have lasted because of some lifestyle and personality differences, even though I still struggle to make sense of it.
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