OhThatGirl Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Hi all.. I was dating someone for a year. We broke up when I found out he was still logging in to an online dating account. For about 6 months of the year we were together it was what I consider "dating" and not a serious relationship. Getting together once a week or so, though keeping in contact daily. He traveled for work and lived about 40 minutes away, I like personal space so it wasn't too bad. Though I did want a serious relationship and so it seemed he was taking the steps to make it more serious the last few months we were together. (He also moved to a house about 10 minutes down the road so that helped things quite a bit) Anyway, we broke up and I realize it was for the best. I could have spent a lot of time getting invested in what I'm now sure would have never given me everything I want. How soon is too soon to start dating again? We broke up about a week before Christmas. I haven't seen him. Other than a few loose ends and a couple short texts trying to get answers (useless) about the end of relationship we haven't spoken. I know I don't want the relationship back. I do miss him, I'm generally sad it didn't work out, but rationally I know better. I'd be happy to hear from him (I think) but I feel it would only be for validation (I'd like him to admit he screwed up and was sorry.. He never did), not because I want to return to what we had. I'm just trying to make sure I'm not "rebounding" or jumping right into another relationship with baggage left from the last one. Before I was in this latest relationship I was single for a year. A date here and there but single. It was good. I was happy being single. But.. The biological clock is ticking. I'm near 30. I'm looking forward to a healthy relationship and creating a family. I don't think I would be using a new relationship to recover from the last one. I see where I ignored some red flags, moved some boundaries to let the last relationship happen. I'd like to give myself a chance to do better this time around. Thoughts?
k10k Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 If you're feeling happy within yourself, you're confident that you know what you want, you've learnt from past mistakes, and you have solid boundaries in place... then I'd say.. dip your toes into the dating world and see how it feels. Try one or two dates, and if it doesn't make you feel good, or makes you miss him even more, then you know you're not ready yet and should give it a little more time. Good luck x
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 There is no time frame. Date when you are ready. If you are seeking an interesting person to share things with, you are ready. If you want a warm body to fill in the hole left by his departure, you are rebounding.
Inviv_girl Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Never do rebounding, this is unfair to the other person and also you- please dont do that! The rebound person might will fall hard for you and if you feel the opposite this gonna kill them, you dont want somebody do that to you do you? So jump into dating only when you are ready. You can sleep around (safe sex ) if you feel like it just to make you feel fun but dont date or make sweet promises whatsoever to the other person. And make sure both party want the same. You are only close to 30! still young!!! take your time, dont rush into making another "mistakes" engage with Mr wrong again!
Author OhThatGirl Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Never do rebounding, this is unfair to the other person and also you- please dont do that! The rebound person might will fall hard for you and if you feel the opposite this gonna kill them, you dont want somebody do that to you do you? So jump into dating only when you are ready. You can sleep around (safe sex ) if you feel like it just to make you feel fun but dont date or make sweet promises whatsoever to the other person. And make sure both party want the same. You are only close to 30! still young!!! take your time, dont rush into making another "mistakes" engage with Mr wrong again! Well that's the thing, I'm trying to make sure I'm not rebounding. Tonight I went to a mutual friends house for a Super Bowl party. He was on a trip but his dogs were there and were incredibly happy to see me. Kinda hurt a little bit. Also, mutual friend mentioned he said he had a bad time on the trip we took for his birthday (zoo sleepover, and while I admit it was freezing and we didn't get any sleep, he had told me it was a good time and really appreciated it.) That stung a little. But again, I'm not sure if having these residual pangs of sadness or disappointment mean I'm not ready to date. I know I couldn't have the relationship I want with him. In fact what I'm most concerned with is that I won't find someone I enjoy sex with as much as I did with him. (New territory, sex isn't usually that big of a deal for me but this was pretty incredible sex... I'm not interested in casual sex) I'm trying to do this in the healthiest way possible. I have some things, personal habits and routines, I'd like to work on and improve my self discipline a bit but I think I can do this while I date casually. And.. 30 is young. You're right. But it's not the age I feel best to spend away from dating. I want kids and I want healthy kids. I have endometriosis which could potentially affect my fertility. I don't want to spend a great deal of time thinking "I have plenty of time" only to take a few years to settle down and then need years of fertility treatments, having my first child as "elderly primigravida" (after age 34) and all the potential issues that come with it. I've thought this through. Can you tell I'm in the medical field? I'm going to give it a shot. If I see myself projecting traits of my ex on to new partners or if I feel sad or disappointed I will have to pull back and wait. I don't think it will happen though.
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