Author guest572 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thank you for your message. I am feeling very isolated at the moment. He was my best friend, i dont have many others and they haven't been through this before and cant help me. so I need to talk to others going through the same. Its so hard to face that it is over, are you having a hard time accepting it too?
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Almost certainly. And the first one probably won't hurt the worst. I'm assuming you're younger than 25, if anything, age will provide a resilience that you'll wish you could recapture as you get older. It gets harder, I'm afraid. Then it gets easier again. I'll have to disagree and say that the first heartbreak is the WORST... It's the barometer for all other heartbreaks that ensue. You're innocent the first time- so it hits you like a sack of bricks to the face. I'll tell you this much OP, you will get through this, and you'll realize as you go on in life that there will be many more storms to weather- but having weathered that first unexpected one, you'll be prepared from here on out.
Author guest572 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 I'll have to disagree and say that the first heartbreak is the WORST... It's the barometer for all other heartbreaks that ensue. You're innocent the first time- so it hits you like a sack of bricks to the face. I'll tell you this much OP, you will get through this, and you'll realize as you go on in life that there will be many more storms to weather- but having weathered that first unexpected one, you'll be prepared from here on out. Thanks so much for your comment. That is good news. I hope you are right about the first one being the worst. I guess not having a previous relationship to compare it with makes me question every single thing I have done. Because i have never proven that i can survive a breakup i wonder if i can do this at all.
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks so much for your comment. That is good news. I hope you are right about the first one being the worst. I guess not having a previous relationship to compare it with makes me question every single thing I have done. Because i have never proven that i can survive a breakup i wonder if i can do this at all. You've already proven you can survive it, even if you don't realize it yet. You're going to get through this, and you'll come out on the other side. It seems dark and terrible now, but you're moving forward with each day that passes- it might not register, but you're moving forward. I'm 40 now, and I barely remember the name of the guy that I dated when I was 21. I'm not sure if I could pick him out in a crowd today- but I know it felt like the end of my world way back then when we split up. 1
Author guest572 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 You've already proven you can survive it, even if you don't realize it yet. You're going to get through this, and you'll come out on the other side. It seems dark and terrible now, but you're moving forward with each day that passes- it might not register, but you're moving forward. I'm 40 now, and I barely remember the name of the guy that I dated when I was 21. I'm not sure if I could pick him out in a crowd today- but I know it felt like the end of my world way back then when we split up. Thank you, I really needed to hear this! Having a particularly rough time this week and feeling like there is no hope.
TheyCallMeOx Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I've had many relationships before my ex-girlfriend, but I believe that my previous breakup was when I truly got my heart broken. I considered my ex-girlfriend my first love. As I'm currently single, planning on being single for another year to focus on where I need to improve, I can't tell you what it's like to get into a second meaningful relationship. I haven't had that opportunity to fall in love a second time, but I know that I will...eventually. The thing about people is that there's really no certain thing that I can say. Some people fall in love a second time, get heart broken a second time, and they end up feeling worse. At first, it might have been "how could I have been so stupid..." and then now it's become a "I'm always going to get heart broken...there's no real purpose to dating anymore. I'm done with men/women. I'm gonna be single for the rest of my life." However, for me...I know that the second time I'm heartbroken isn't going to be as bad. The real reason why my first breakup devastated me so much was because I thought I couldn't live without her. I was borderline suicidal, and she was practically my only reason to live. When I lost her, I felt like I lost everything. Now that I've been learning to love myself and put value into my life with or without a woman, I've learned that even if my heart is broken...I'll be okay. The next time I get my heart broken, I'll no doubt be upset. Clearly, losing the people we love is always going to be a hurtful experience, but the severity of it will weaken as time goes on. Once you start taking too many punches to the head, you won't hurt as much. When we lift weights, we develop calluses on our hands. At some point, lifting weights doesn't hurt as much. Our first heart break is like that...and it puts a callus around our hearts. It might hurt a little bit, but not as much as the first time. Typically. However, it all depends on how you want to view it. Some people are worse the next heart break, some people are better. It's really all in what you believe. However, we have to learn from our heart break and prepare ourselves for our next. If we experience a first love heart break, but don't really learn from it...we can only expect it to get worse. But if you take the time to learn from your heart break, prepare yourself, your next one shouldn't be that bad. 1
Author guest572 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Thanks so much for your comment, it makes a lot of sense to me. I hope that if love is like everything else in life, a tough experience will make me stronger for next time. I love your example with calluses. I have certainly learned a lot already from the breakup and relationship and hope to be a lot wiser next time. Not that I am planning for the next one! Although perhaps part of the whole "love" thing is ignoring the signs so maybe I will be equally clueless in future. It sounds like you have made a lot of progress and feeling much better. I also feel like I have lost everything and have had suicidal thoughts. I am hoping it will improve when i talk to someone.
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