JesRabbit Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I decided to give my ex another chance being and I was moving back home to be with him and I had a falling out with his child's mother because he told her about us getting back together. Well, my ex stays with his family and the mother of his child comes over every weekend and spends nights. He claims this is out of his control and when I move back, he would move with me to prevent his family from inviting her over to spend nights. He claims and she claims that they don't fool around anymore and they are just co-parenting. She claims that she only spends nights because of the bus fare and she brings her baby to be with the family and it's easier to spend the weekend than make two trips. Well, today he sent me a text stating that he will be out the whole day and that he just wanted to let me know he loves me, but I hesitated to ask why to keep from sounding like I was keeping tabs on him. Well, just an hour ago, I found out on his brother's Facebook page that he was with his family, baby and child's mother celebrating his aunt's birthday. I thought nothing of it because I felt like she had to go since she was over for the weekend anyways. Well, here's the disturbing part... I saw a photo uploaded to his brother's page and there was a family photo. She was holding the baby and he was rather close to his child's mother, but he was also close to his mother. I don't know what to think, but my only guess is that maybe they are back together and he's not telling me everything. I blocked her from messaging me because I felt like it's no use if he's with me. NOW, I'm debating about moving back home to be with him. I do love him, but I don't want to wonder either. I don't know if he really will move with me and stay with me instead of being at his parent's where they like her a lot and always want her around. I'm just confused. I don't know if it's their doing or his. What should I do? I want to take a chance for love one last time. Also, last week I overheard an argument with him and his mother about me while we were on Skype and he told his mother that she was the mother of the child and that's it and that he is entitled to talk to whoever he wants to. Ant thoughts?
OhThatGirl Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Woah. Tough one. I don't have kids and have never dated anyone with kids so my perspective may be entirely flawed. But I tend to think I'm pretty reasonable and I wouldn't mind dating someone with kids so I will feel free to give you my impression anyway... It's great that this kid gets to see his mother and his father and that both want to be part of his life. Without knowing the details it seems they at least get along well enough to coparent which is wonderful for this child But.. I can see how it would be concerning for you. I really do. I wouldn't much like it either. Sounds like his family is maybe hoping the three of them end up being a happy family unit. So I have questions: do they know about you? Have they met you? Do you have any relationship with them? How is it? The fact that he told his mom that she's just his child's mother and he's free to talk to whoever leads me to believe that 1) they feel he should be in a relationship with her - which makes me question how the mother feels about their arrangement (though if she has told you there's nothing between them and they are just coparenting Id believe her), but also 2) he is telling his family exactly what she is to him and the boundaries she has in saying what he's able to do. That's a big deal. That means he's willing to stand up for his ability to have you in his life. But.. Is he telling them exactly what your role is? And about your relationship? The issue raised with you two moving out to get a place is: will the mother be able to bring the child around as much? Is she going to backlash and stop allowing him to see the child because of hurt feelings? Would money and transportation interfere now that she's not staying over? Have you met her? Do you get along with her? Does she know about your relationship with him? Are you comfortable getting involved in this child's life? There are soooo many questions. And BEFORE you move it is critical to know what you're getting in to. Doesn't sound like anything BAD is happening necessarily it's just the usual issues with do parenting and new relationships. But if you don't trust that he is willing to respect you and your relationship enough to create boundaries, have excellent communication, and still be able to be a great father it may be a bad idea to move to him. We need more information to give you advice on this one. And if you don't have the information for yourself it's time to get it. And then if everything still looks good I'd say you want to see him establish a place for the two of you to live BEFORE going. Just my thoughts. Ps. Instead of her making two trips and instead of her staying the night.. Is it possible they can work out another visitation schedule of longer periods so there is less transportation issues to work out? Week long visitation for example? Would you be comfortable with this child in your house that long?
herself Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Follow your gut. Personally I smell a rat but if you have read here enough, data supports second chances do not work out. There is also ALOT of drama & baggage. Are you ready to be a step mom if you get married and have the drama of the babys mom and the mother in law all fighting? Or wouldnt it be nice to set your self free and build a new start alone for a bit then maybe start meeting a guy who is free and available and independent with his own place and maybe no children? Im just saying it seems he may also be using you as an escape and a way out and place to live to escape Moms house but then dont you want to travel and have date nights without a baby and her calling and arguing with him etc? If they were photographing as a family unit......maybe step back, if he goes back with her once your out of the picture, than this guy is not only wishy washy but just needs A woman...any woman, and also hey, if theres a chance they could be together, it would be healthier for the baby. You have a lot to think about. But NO way would I uproot and move for this circus. Let him work in this drama....let her have him, you can do better, no offense.
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