wildsunandmoon Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 There is this guy that was attracted to me back in November. I felt the same way, but I had a boyfriend at the time. I let him down easy and with a little bit of reluctance. A few months later, my ex broke up with me, and I was at a party in the city where the guy also attended. We talked all night and he tried to kiss me, but because the break up was fresh, I stepped back. We continued to speak a little bit afterwards. He called me on Christmas Eve and we talked for a few hours about music, views on love and a little bit of family. e greeted me on Christmas day. He took me out for coffee. At work, he'll have cigarette breaks with me. He called me two weeks ago and we spoke again for an hour. By the end of the conversation, he said he enjoyed speaking to me and he never really said that. The only problem is that whenever I texted him, he would either reply with a one-word answer or no answer at all. He started getting distant with me out of nowhere. Yesterday, I caught him in a lie. He asked if he could have a cigarette and I said for him to meet me outside. Then he replied saying that he had to stay at his work for 15 more minutes and to go ahead. I went to meet up with my friends at a nearby cafe, and low and behold, he's standing there with them! He looked at me with shock. I was flustered and said passively, "Fifteen minutes?" He replied, "Yeah... I managed to sneak past our manager." I started to walk away with my friends and he lagged behind until he disappeared in the crowd. I was fed up and texted him: You are weird. He replied: Thanks. Then I asked: Can I ask you a question? I need an honest answer. He replied: Sure. I asked: Are you still attracted to me? He said: No I replied: Okay then. Thanks He asked thirty minutes later: Are you attracted to me? I said: Yes He asked: Why? I thought I was a strange individual. I replied: This isn't a recently developed attraction. I've been attracted to you since you transfer to our office. I admire you for plenty of qualities. He never replied. What should I do? Why did he even ask me if I was attracted to him?
TXGuy Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 you can reject and insult a guy only a certain number of times before you destroy his attraction for you. You exceeded that limit. 1
SJC2008 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Looks like a case of bad timing. You weren't ready to accept his advances due to your breakup so you rejected him. Unless you told him that you want to get to know him but you want to take it slow becaue of your BU all he knows is that he got rejected. Also, not that his lie was huge but he did lie to you and it seems like you're willing to forgo it because you like him. You're probably less than 25 years old...
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I'd forget this one. You've turned him down before so he's probably just not all that into you anymore. Or, he could've met someone else and his attention is no longer focused on you. Either way, it seems the attraction is no longer mutual. I'd move on and chalk it up to life experience.
soccerrprp Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Well, I guarantee that he's still attracted to you, but his interest in pursuing a relationship certainly seems to have changed. Your first rejection of him was when you were still dating someone else. Unless you didn't tell him, he should have been fully accepting and understanding of that. The second time was just after you broke up, unless you didn't tell him, he should have been understanding and a little more patient with that knowledge. Some guys don't like rejection for any reason, however reasonable. They hold it against you. He's likely doing that now. He lied to you and came up with a nice, quick excuse. Lie. But, notice how he asks if you're interested in him after you ask if he's still interested in you? No, I would not be surprise if he wasn't quite finished with you yet. Still, he had the chance to show that we was genuinely interested and while you are now unattached. He chose to lie to you and become distant. I say let him do all the work or/and move on. 1
Danger Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 As a guy, I give girls two strikes and you are out. If I went for a girl who had already turned me down once, and she stepped back from my second try, I would move on to other women. Life is too short to waste it chasing after luke-warm interest. Especially luke-warm with scattered insults. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 As a guy, I give girls two strikes and you are out. If I went for a girl who had already turned me down once, and she stepped back from my second try, I would move on to other women. Life is too short to waste it chasing after luke-warm interest. Especially luke-warm with scattered insults. Danger, If a girl told you she was still dating someone else, that would count as the first chance? Scattered insults? That is not the case here.
Treasa Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yes, you did reject him. With good reason, as you were seeing someone else. However, when you two started talking again, you started chasing him too much. Texting him even though he didn't text you back, questioning him on the lie, asking if he's still attracted to you... Those things aren't attractive. I think you would have been fine with having the conversations, maybe texting him once, and then if he didn't reply, moving on. You two aren't dating. Even if he lies, just remember that it just means he's not trustworthy, and then let it go. Don't mention it to him. Otherwise it comes across as nagging. You two don't seem to be a good fit. Just let it go and treat him as just an acquaintance. And a casual one at that. Be professional, but draw the line there. 2
Emilia Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yes, you did reject him. With good reason, as you were seeing someone else. However, when you two started talking again, you started chasing him too much. Texting him even though he didn't text you back, questioning him on the lie, asking if he's still attracted to you... Those things aren't attractive. I think you would have been fine with having the conversations, maybe texting him once, and then if he didn't reply, moving on. You two aren't dating. Even if he lies, just remember that it just means he's not trustworthy, and then let it go. Don't mention it to him. Otherwise it comes across as nagging. You two don't seem to be a good fit. Just let it go and treat him as just an acquaintance. And a casual one at that. Be professional, but draw the line there. Agree. You need to learn where a cut off point is, OP. You went too far in this 'chase' with this guy, you shouldn't have allowed yourself to get this deep. The two of you aren't a good match. It doesn't matter why, maybe he is immature, maybe he realises more than you do that you are wasting each other's time. The point is, when someone shows reluctance in communicating you should let the whole thing go. 1
Danger Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Danger, If a girl told you she was still dating someone else, that would count as the first chance? Scattered insults? That is not the case here. Yes it would count as the first chance. Women have a hard time understanding the effort that men have to put into courtship. Men bear the brunt of the "search costs" for the mating world. This includes the time, rejection and spending the resources to facilitate the process. Women simply need to be seen so they can be approached. Over the last decade, men are still expected to "pay" the same cost of courtship, but the time period required for courtship expected by women has risen dramatically. This can be seen by the rising average age of marriage for women. To put it simply, men are learning to forgo bad investments quickly. Our needs are to manage risk versus reward. Does it make sense to spend long periods of time courting women until finally around the age of 30 (when their hottest years are generally behind them and they have accumulated a significant number of conquests) they are willing to get married? Thus we have the world of today, where men express their interest in a girl and if she doesn't express the same interest quickly, he moves on. Her mistake was stepping back from the kiss when she was newly single. From the man's perspective, she is not interested. The texts she sent mattered little at this point because these situations with women quickly devolve into "friend-zone". He wisely chose to spend his time and resources on women who were interested enough in him to not send mixed signals. 1
TXGuy Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yes it would count as the first chance. Women have a hard time understanding the effort that men have to put into courtship. Men bear the brunt of the "search costs" for the mating world. This includes the time, rejection and spending the resources to facilitate the process. Women simply need to be seen so they can be approached. Over the last decade, men are still expected to "pay" the same cost of courtship, but the time period required for courtship expected by women has risen dramatically. This can be seen by the rising average age of marriage for women. To put it simply, men are learning to forgo bad investments quickly. Our needs are to manage risk versus reward. Does it make sense to spend long periods of time courting women until finally around the age of 30 (when their hottest years are generally behind them and they have accumulated a significant number of conquests) they are willing to get married? Thus we have the world of today, where men express their interest in a girl and if she doesn't express the same interest quickly, he moves on. ... Brilliant. This should be a sticky on to of the 'Dating' thread. perhaps under the heading of 'Modern dating explained.' Bravo!
Thegreatestthing Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I was going to say you were a bit too keen,but no he is probably not interested since he just sort of writes one word replies etc,goes away etc maybe if you pulled back a bit. But actually I've found with someone who really likes you ,you can be this forthright and they reciprocate. There is this guy that was attracted to me back in November. I felt the same way, but I had a boyfriend at the time. I let him down easy and with a little bit of reluctance. A few months later, my ex broke up with me, and I was at a party in the city where the guy also attended. We talked all night and he tried to kiss me, but because the break up was fresh, I stepped back. We continued to speak a little bit afterwards. He called me on Christmas Eve and we talked for a few hours about music, views on love and a little bit of family. e greeted me on Christmas day. He took me out for coffee. At work, he'll have cigarette breaks with me. He called me two weeks ago and we spoke again for an hour. By the end of the conversation, he said he enjoyed speaking to me and he never really said that. The only problem is that whenever I texted him, he would either reply with a one-word answer or no answer at all. He started getting distant with me out of nowhere. Yesterday, I caught him in a lie. He asked if he could have a cigarette and I said for him to meet me outside. Then he replied saying that he had to stay at his work for 15 more minutes and to go ahead. I went to meet up with my friends at a nearby cafe, and low and behold, he's standing there with them! He looked at me with shock. I was flustered and said passively, "Fifteen minutes?" He replied, "Yeah... I managed to sneak past our manager." I started to walk away with my friends and he lagged behind until he disappeared in the crowd. I was fed up and texted him: You are weird. He replied: Thanks. Then I asked: Can I ask you a question? I need an honest answer. He replied: Sure. I asked: Are you still attracted to me? He said: No I replied: Okay then. Thanks He asked thirty minutes later: Are you attracted to me? I said: Yes He asked: Why? I thought I was a strange individual. I replied: This isn't a recently developed attraction. I've been attracted to you since you transfer to our office. I admire you for plenty of qualities. He never replied. What should I do? Why did he even ask me if I was attracted to him?
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