BLS Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 While driving home from work last night, I made the decision to play a song which I had lost interest in opposed to changing the radio station. It was shortly after the first lyrics of, "Somebody that I used to Know" were sung that I became absolutely dumbstruck. It had happened. My first, my girl, my high school sweetheart and my bestfriend- had become just somebody that I used to know. Literally, nothing more. That was powerful. It's been over half a year since I've spoken to her and nearly nine months since we broke up after two and a half years steady. Today I took a walk down memory lane. I remembered some of the things we experienced together, I remembered my emotions at these times. I remembered touching and holding her hand. The sound of her voice, the opinions she's expressed. The fights we had, the love we shared. I think of her once or twice everyday. Usually fleeting thoughts, although occasionally I picture myself running into her in the future in a new (expensive) car. I still take joy in the thought of becoming more successful than her. In watching her spiral into misery. Or perhaps a spark re-igniting in the near or distant future. But I remember, she is a human. There are no good people and no bad people, just people trying to find their path. Trying to find where they belong. I wonder if I will wish her a happy birthday via text when that day comes. I wonder why I think about if I will do that or not. Am I over her? Do I have some sort of ulterior motive? Do I just want to be her friend, or see how she's doing? Why would I even consider that? Today I grew a little bit older. Today I saw her as a memory. Today was a reflection on my past, a walk down memory lane. Even now, I feel ice cold inside halfway down the walk. Until you are ready, save that walk for tomorrow. 2
ayudorama Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Why oh why did reading this stir something up in me and made me choke up. Same story, except roles/gender reversed, and I'm probably much older than you. It's funny isn't it? Except I'm not laughing.. Yet. I've begun to talk about him to myself in the past tense, and in a way, that makes me extremely sad. Days where I go berating myself for loving a man unconditionally, the way I loved him are long gone. I realized there is no other way around it. It's written in our fates to have met and for me to have fallen so deeply for him 15 years after we saw each other in elementary school. I've been trying to eradicate this love for him bit by bit. I don't think it's working very much so I've taken to compartmentalizing it into a corner of my heart. Emulating the way most men deal with heartbreak of this sort, perhaps the way he dealt with it too: compartmentalize. Sigh, I've become such a soft sap. But hey, beautiful piece there. Albeit poignant. 1
StringsAttached Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Man. Reading that...i'm going through the exact same thing. Actually, rewind a couple months ago, stalking my ex online I came across this image she made. The words read 'maybe tomorrow' with love and breakup as the tags. I always thought that meant maybe tomorrow i'll message him and get back together with him in the future but now I realize that she was over me a long, long time ago and she didn't want me completely out of her life. She still loves me and always will but her resolve was so powerful that she made her mind up and stuck to it...now almost 6 months later i'm going through the same thing. I think to myself this girl was the first one I loved more than myself. We made promises, we had plans for the future we were perfect for each other. Even our personality traits matched. We would have conversations and say/think the exact same thing at the exact same time I don't know how many times... Yet she's a memory now. She's gone. Take away those plans and those words and what have you got? Silence. Silence and static. 1
ayudorama Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yet she's a memory now. She's gone. Take away those plans and those words and what have you got? Silence. Silence and static. To think I used to love silence. And this: "I think to myself this girl was the first one I loved more than myself." Sigh, my heart. Maybe this is where we went wrong. I know this is exactly why this separation pains me so much. 1
Hoosfoos Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 She's gone. Take away those plans and those words and what have you got? Silence. Silence and static. Couldnt identify with this more. 1
realfriends Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Its true. I watch that video and think the same thing. It truly is weird how breakups work. Someone that you put so much into for such an extended amount of time can just seem to disappear, not just out of sight but out of mind. Im only 70 days NC but things about her are starting to fade.
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