ses Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 So I recently told a guy I had feelings told him. I'm 25, he's 26. We've both been out of relationships for more than a year. When we first met I meant for things to stay casual for us but I started to develop feelings. I never discussed them until a few days ago. He and I were always very affectionate when it was just a casual relationship but now he's acting really distant. It hurts and confuses me a lot because he told me he that he felt the same; he says he wants to make it work. He never told me of his feelings because he always assumed I was just in it for the physical benefits. If he has reciprocated my feelings, then why has he emotionally withdrawn from me so suddenly? I'm holding on to him because he's always emphasized how important honesty is for me. I want to believe he's telling me the truth. I want to get to know him better but I wonder if I just ruined things. I don't know if the sexual chemistry was all that we had in common. It just feels so different now.
newmoon Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 this is what men do. they come to some realization that a) you probably are what they want but b) they are not in a place to give you what you need to be happy so they c) withdraw/walk away/become cheaters. men who do this suffer from insecurities; he either realizes he has feelings for you and has to now really deal with them and make himself into a 'man' worthy of keeping you, or he has to walk away. emotional distance and even physical distance helps them sort through this nonsense. unless you actually did something wrong then you did nothing wrong and just leave him to sort it out. it has to be his decision so wait for him to decide or start to move on. 2
Eggplant Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Too much emotional intimacy, too fast. He needs a break to recover. He may very well be back. Give him plenty of space, and don't mention it. When he comes back, act totally chill and easy-going. Let him make the next emotional move on his timeline.
Leigh 87 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Too much emotional intimacy, too fast. He needs a break to recover. He may very well be back. Give him plenty of space, and don't mention it. When he comes back, act totally chill and easy-going. Let him make the next emotional move on his timeline. Uhhh no. You couldn't be more wrong. An emotionally HEALTHY male doesn't need to take time to "chill" once he meets a woman he truly cares for.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I think you need to dump him and look for someone who is more emotionally available.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 So I recently told a guy I had feelings told him. I'm 25, he's 26. We've both been out of relationships for more than a year. When we first met I meant for things to stay casual for us but I started to develop feelings. I never discussed them until a few days ago. He and I were always very affectionate when it was just a casual relationship but now he's acting really distant. It hurts and confuses me a lot because he told me he that he felt the same; he says he wants to make it work. He never told me of his feelings because he always assumed I was just in it for the physical benefits. If he has reciprocated my feelings, then why has he emotionally withdrawn from me so suddenly? I'm holding on to him because he's always emphasized how important honesty is for me. I want to believe he's telling me the truth. I want to get to know him better but I wonder if I just ruined things. I don't know if the sexual chemistry was all that we had in common. It just feels so different now. I don't think he really does reciprocate your feelings. If he did, he would have been happy to hear that you feel the same way. Did he tell you he has feelings for you too? In this case, actions speak louder than words. His actions are not those of someone who's on the same page as you. I would keep my distance for a little while.
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