How do i get over her? I can't find myself.

[UnkeysMunkle]

I'm going through the toughest break-up ever. Reason being because we both love each other very much, no harsh feelings or anything. She needed time to "find herself" and we had a break. Well the break was hurting me too much that i told her that i wanted her to be happy, and i wanted her to find herself at any cost, even if that means i can't be happy. Thats how much i love her. She swears to me that we will get back together, but she just doesn't know when.

 

Well tonight i made the hardest move that i never thought i could make. I told her we shouldn't have any contact with each other. But it's not going to be an easy road for me because i love her so much. Now feeling more depressed than i've ever felt in my life, how do i move on? How do i not think of her, and not think of what she's doing, or if she's thinking of me? I want to totally forget about her altogether, because although i love her so much, i think it would be the best thing to do. I dont want to hold on anymore. I want to forget, move on with my life, and enjoy myself.

 

The problem is that i can't find the person i used to be before her. No matter how hard i try, i can't be the old me, the one that was happy and got along with everyone. All i seem to be able to do is moap around, think of her, and feel sorry for myself. Thats not me. I was voted most likeable/class clown in highschool for god sake, now i'm a sad nothing. I dont want to be that anymore.

 

How can i move on? Please help me... this is driving me further and further into depression.

 

Thanks in advance.

[swiss_breakup]

Hi from switzerland!

 

Even though I come from an completely other part of this planet I am going through almost the same sentimental troubles as you do. Luckily I am feeling better from day to day and maybe soonly I can let her go. I had the same problem that I said that I didn't want to get married to a lady and 4 months later she was married with another man and broke up any kind of contact with me.

First I'd like to say that feeling depressed after such a hard break-up is normal, I know it is a desperate feeling, the thoughts are always in the past "when times were better with her". Don't try to fight your sadnees or "guilt", because that will make it worse. Cry, go out with your colleagues, that will not make you forget her, but at least it will distract you a bit.

Maybe it will help you to see that your suffering now is not in vain. Or would you like to be together with her and after 5 or more years together she would need another "time-out"? Your suffering now will prevent further suffering in the future.

A lady really loving you doesn't need a "undefined" long break, it rather sounds as an excuse "if I am not much better later, I will come back, but if I am ok she will forget you". I doubt she really appreciates you. In that sense your decision was right, maybe you were not really conscious about the pain it would cause to you, I wasn't either. BUT: the fact it was the right decision for you doesn't change. Maybe you will write her another mail/SMS when you feel bad, that is normal. Pray that she might not answer (as in my case), it will be worse for the moment, but in long term it will free you and give you the energy to find a relationship where you're love will be honored with love and not with "time-out".

I wish you a lot of strength!!

 

Greetings from Switzerland,

 

Riet

[whichwayisup]

Talk about it, write about it, wallow in it until you get pissed off. Then go out, keep yourself busy. See your friends, do things that YOU enjoy doing.

 

Then, it hits you again, deal with the hurt and all the other stuff that goes with it. Take it day by day, hour by hour.

 

Seek therapy if you need to...Can help you work through the process.

 

Good luck though.

[angelstar]

I know what your going through. My ex and I broke up less than 2 weeks ago now. We were engaged to married and had just moved into a great house together and then came the breakup.

 

We go through heaps of mixed emotions. Surrounding ourselves with friends, going out on the town etc takes away that feeling of loneliness for awhile but when everyone has gone your back to square one again.. MY only advice is to keep yourself as busy as possible. There's nothing you or I or anybody else can do to change the fact the we are no longer with the person we loved.

 

Breakup is probably the strangest thing ever. I took timeout before I got into this relationship. I forgot to remind myself of the part where breaking up was possible. I forgot what it felt like. It hurts big time. I'm feeling rather depressed too. I've been trying to pretend I"m not but in the last 24 hrs I've realised that I am true and proper depressed. Can't get motivated. Keep thinking of what could of been.

 

I went out last nite to see a band then a club after. There was heaps of cute guys out. I had a couple hit on me and I did snog one of them. But it killed me and I thought this is not happening. It didnt feel right. So i guess I'll be sticking to single hood for awhile.

 

Because love is lost you automatically fall into this feeling of helplessness. We do get over it trust me, you will. No contact will you x is very important. For your own sanity more than anything.

 

I sat outside tonite looking up at the stars reflecting on me on everything that has happened and have come to the conclusion that I have to snap out of this otherwise it will kill me.

 

I advice you do the same. Think of people that are worse off than you. You will see that life isnt so bad.

 

New lovers will come again and maybe you will meet the one sooner than you think. Look after yourself and get busy. Everytime your on your own get busy do something to take your mind off her.

 

Thinking of you. Good luck

Angelstar

[concrete rose]

same thing happened to me! my boyfriend said that he needed to "find himself". Eventually it came to us breaking up. Its been 2 months and i'm still struggling to put him the past because i really loved him. I guess its been such a long struggle because i didn't really understand why we really broke up in the end! But everything that you described that you feel right now, i have felt the same way. for a while, all i could think about was him. I felt sick to my stomach all the time because i was so upset about the whole situation.

 

I'm feeling somewhat better about it all now. I find that it comes in waves. There are good days and bad days. I don't know if i'm the best person to try to give advice, since i am still struggling myself to move on, bit i will try!! I think the best thing to do is make sure there is no contact what so ever...If you have her phone number stored on the phone, delete it. delete her email address from your address book. Basically i think the best thing is to get rid of everything that reminds you of her (i.e pictures, gifts from her). Put it all away until you have overcome the pain and you have moved on. Next best thing to do is to keep busy! Surround yourself with things to do and people who love you. Maybe find a new interest or hobby, or set a new goal for yourself, or even set new priorities. For example, after i broke up with my bf, i started going to the gym everyday and setting a goal of getting into shape. Working out also helped me release some stress. I also set my priorities to getting good marks in university. Another helpful idea which has worked for me is to write her a letter saying everything you would want to tell her. how much she hurt you and what not. Don't send it to her though. Its a way of releasing all that you have inside. Other things that help me is listening to happy music, stay away from the sad/love songs though for a while!!

 

Hope i helped a bit! Don't worry, things will get better but it might take some time. be patient with yourself. Also try to remember that people generally don't like to be around others who are sad and depressed, so try to make that your motivation in getting back to being your old self, that everyone loves to be around! try to remember that you only have one life to live and its not worth you losing valuable time being depressed. The relationship wasn't meant to be and i'm sure that someone else will come along very soon once you are smiling again! Be happy and remember that things could be worse

[UnkeysMunkle]

thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

 

I've been doing most of those things, but i guess as a little update, since i stopped calling her and stopped answering, but it's actually driving her crazy. She calls me 20+ times a day.

 

Well, she got in a minor car accident with one of my friends so i called her to see if she was ok... well, she figured i was at my apartment by myself and she came over, crying, and begged for me to forgive her, and asked if we can start things over.

 

I dont know what to do because i dont want this to happen again, but i dont know forsure if it will. I think she realized that she messed up, and that she infact did want me in her life.

 

Now what do i do?

 

So confusing...

[haywood]

going through similiar situation. but what's there to stop her from "finding" herself again? you have to tell her what you expect from her. if she's willing to try to work it out on her end as well then good luck. take it slow. you'll realize if it's gonna work out really fast.