Men do not like me

[hotpotato]

One of them did propose to me, but by that time I didn't care. I had done everything to save our relationship, but he still left for another woman. After that turned sour, he came running back. No thanks!

 

I don't date much actually. If I had a boyfriend every two or three years that would be about normal.

 

The guy who just said I love and I came to the conclusion that most men will not appreciate me until months or years later and having dated other women. I decided that's not what I want. If they want to be gone, they can stay gone.

 

I guess I was trying to treat dating like a meritocracy, but it's really not. Nowadays I prefer to put my energy into things that might actually work out and make me happy. I have a lot going on on my own which is how I can be single for years and not mind

 

What i see is alot of insecurity and you doing thing so they can stay or like you more

 

Stop dating, work on your self esteem.

Be who you are, stop looking for what they want so you can adapt yourself.

Low self esteem attract loser that want to take advantage of you.

And abuse you!

 

If you stand for noting you will fall for anything.

 

Be you stand for something and work on your self esteem and you will see the difference .

Men are some way very flexible.

They often go by how you are.

 

Beside its sad to sit and see that you have been doing what men want,never your own

wishes and what you love . And at the end none of them are with you or putted a ring on your finger.

[topaMAXX]

OP, how old are you?

[hotpotato]

OP, how old are you?

 

27

 

I haven't read the whole thread, since it is long, but it sounds like you are meeting pretty low quality men who are just interested in using women and then moving on to the next. You probably need to adjust your screening process if the only men you are meeting are like this. I can't think of any man I know IRL who would be so fickle, except for those who have cheated on a spouse and are now divorced. Who are more into using women and don't value women.

 

They definitely cheat, you are on to something.

Date more would also be my advice, to get more options.

 

I'm exhausted with dating. I'd rather just bump into Mr. Right like other women do. :/

 

You seem like a strong willed woman, you hold your own however you also seem rather cooped up.

What i mean is, you don't let someone else help you, don't open up emotionally either, trust issues, that's the vibe i get from you.

 

I am slow to open up.

 

You also victimize yourself.

I could be that you just attract the wrong kind of men, but i also think that you are at fault, i don't know you enough if at all, just a few forum posts here and there.

 

You just seem to have a really high guard up. Mean? maybe.

I like the way you think, read some of your post on different topics, including one opened by me, had similar opinions and i generally liked your behavior.

So you don't seem like a bad person at all, i'd probably like you.

 

I've never been called mean. I have been called passive aggressive, but there's a story behind that. Most people would say I'm nice but quiet.

 

 

Honestly, you sound, think and act almost exactly like my ex-girlfriend, introverted, might come of as cold, mean to strangers, doesn't get along with other girls, etc.

You just need a really tough alpha guy to put you in place, the average Joe ain't for you, they probably feel they can't satisfy you.

 

Well, girls can take the introverted naure the wrong way. If you sit me down with at a table with a bunch of girls I don't know, you will see a big difference. I dont have a problem getting a long with girls, but I do have a problem with girls making fun of me.

 

I came to the same conclusion. I just can't date average men. I will have to date an alpha male or a male who is very unattractive. I really feel like the last guy felt like he needed someone to swoop down and save. The new girl is A LOT like me, but not nearly as well read, and she has a different attitude and is a single mom.

 

I thought maybe I should stick with dating 6'5 230-300 lb alpha males.

 

I need someone who appreciates my subtleties and doesn't think im less than because I'm not like other girls.

 

Deep down you want a man to take away all the manly atributes, even if you can do them yourself. You would feel relieved to have someone else do it so you can be more feminine.

Cuz hey, men like feminine women ^^, not another "man".

Keep looking .

 

i can't help but to be curious and have a lot of interests. My interests wont always be traditionally feminine.

[FrostBlaze]

It's not that they felt they need to swoop down and save someone.

I won't go and list reasons since it would be a long list, here's the simple version.

Men don't like to feel inferior and useless to the woman they date.

 

The smarter the woman and stronger she is, harder it is for her to find a suitable male, i've seen it happen. I have a friend that is in your position.

She is more or less settling...with someone that meets a few of her needs and wants, but she dominates him xD...she is unhappy, tells me.

Just afraid to look further since she thinks she is "old" at 26, don't end up like that .

 

Waiting for Mr.Right might never happen, or it MIGHT, but in general no. That's why you need to actively look for one.

I've been waiting my whole life until recently , sure i met someone i really liked but it was unrequited and went nowhere.

Try different places to approach more dominant/intelectual/capable males...idk where really, maybe just not at a bar.

 

Why ugly/unattractive men? You think only they will accept you or what...and not cheat.

Do you just want anybody that will take you?:| Don't do that.

There's enough people out there that will take you for what you are, and meet your standards, just haven't met him yet.

Edited March 27, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[hotpotato]

I think the feeling of wanting to swoop down and save someone fulfills the need to be needed for a man. I agree that men want to feel needed and important.

 

The thing with unattractive men is that they are bold and will ask me out. Most men will not, even if he'svery attractive and sseems interested. I don'tknow why that Iis, but that's how unattractive men are.

 

I'm already past 26!

At this point I'd rather be alone than unhappy.

 

Hmmm..Most people I know who are in relationships didn't meet them through dating. They meet at school, mutual friends, work, etc. Dating is very exhausting.

 

I figure I will have to date athletes, football players, wrestlers, etc. Or a man who is very unattractive. These men are a very small part of the male population especially where I live. I agree that dating the average Joe will not work. I will have to stick with outliers. I will also have to date men who are a bit older and more secure in themselves. The last guy was about my age, and we have the interests (only I was the better mechanic lol) and about the same income. Too much sameness! As a result, he started saying he was intimidated by me. I can see why maybe he wanted to date someone who was different from me except in physical appearance.

 

I agree with most of what you say. In fact, I've said plenty of times that the most attractive woman is the average woman. The more a woman deviates from average, the less likely men will want to date, marry her. It's not pc to say, but most men don't want a woman who is too X and can outshine them.

[FrostBlaze]

Well most people i know have their partners/wives from university> followed by work> and usual dating, kind of in that order. I met one i really clicked with online, LTR, visited, not enough effort on her part, could of ended well, kinda regret it didn't.

So yeah you can meet them where you least expect it, but these random coincidences ussually take a lot of time, if ever for some.

 

Hmm

I have no ideea about your standards and what you find attractive and what is not, maybe you aim to high. All men hit on women if they are interested, expecially attractive/high confidence men, they won't miss on a chance, god knows why they aren't hiting on you.

 

More then likely WE/you are missing out on some details, so we can't really see the problem. For instance, what type of man would you want? Do you know what you want? I guess the puppydog kind that follows you is out of the question xD. How are you like?

 

And don't be so negative/defeatist attitude, i'm sure there are people out there for you that ain't taken .

 

Ofc people like the average woman, most men are average themselves so they need someone they can click with, you just need to keep a eye out for someone similar to you...and i guess in some way better than you or equal.

 

You don't want a MAN you find unnatractive to hit on you, what's the point if you don't like him ^^, won't go nowhere.

PS:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say, i have found many women attractive that other's didn't. And honestly i have found a few women "not so pretty" at first glance.

If anything their personality is what made me like them more, so much more that i ended up finding them very hot.

The point of this is that i assume you are only reffering to physical atractiveness at first, perhaps you need to seek deeper.

Edited March 27, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[hotpotato]

Most people I know are my age and are martied, some for nearly a decade. It's working fine for a lot of people around me. They find it easy to bump into someone and get hitched.

 

Men just do not hit on me often. No one asked me out in high school or college. Occasionally, the guy who hits on anything with a vjayjay will give me a business card. If a guy asks me out he is usually well out of my age range.

 

I want someone who is cute and kind of dorky. This is usually what i date. It not all about looks in case anyone us wondering. A lot of my interests are not conventionally attractive. As long as they are attractive to me that's all i care about.

 

I do mind because that's how I get stalkers.

I don't mind as long as he doesn't get all stalker on me.

 

I didn't mean just looks. It could be a woman's personality type or how much money she makes.

[hotpotato]

Maybe you give off a certain vibe. I was talking to a girl for a little while. She gave me mixed signals of interest (which means, in my experience, that I had a shot). She's very attractive, but comes off a bit cold.

 

I ultimately decided not to pursue her, mostly because of her coldness...not the mixed signals.

 

This is coming from a relationship-minded man.

 

Hmm but these were guys I was dating for months of years.

 

You remind me of the joke with the guy who is driving on the highway and he listens to the radio "there is a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the road, drivers be careful!" and he turns to the radio and yells "only one crazy man? hundreds of them!". When something goes wrong with an aspect of our lives over and over again, we should start considering the possibility that it may be OUR fault instead of blaming it to everyone else. After all, the only common thing these guys have is: YOU.

 

Well, crazy is telling a girl you are in a relationship that you want her to come visit. Then you dump her when it's time to schedule a visit (after you've been telling her you want her to come), then fly someone else from the same state up to see you.

 

At least now I know not to chase after a man. At this age, I'm just tired of it. I'll just let it fail. I had to learn hard dating is not like many other things in life in which you can work hard and it might work out. Next time I'll just let it fail. I'm better off alone.

Edited March 30, 2014 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

 

 

 

Ofc people like the average woman, most men are average themselves so they need someone they can click with, you just need to keep a eye out for someone similar to you...and i guess in some way better than you or equal.

 

 

I think you might be right.

I saw a man on POF. Total alpha male. We have similar interests and everything. He had done everything I want to do. He's a master sergeant in the military. I found it very attractive and admirable.

 

I think I want a dorky man, but someone like the above might be what I need.

[FrostBlaze]

That statement was simply from a male perspective btw.

Because when the woman is smarter and better than the man and if he isn't very dominant, they will both fight often to prove who is right and who wears the pants in the relationship. I know a couple that does this . Especially if the woman likes to be dominant herself.

And i kinda did it, but i liked it.

 

 

A dorky man can be dominant/confident and "alpha" like, it just that he has other pleasures . I don't think you have to go for obvious "alpha" types, military, cops etc. Frankly military men are just a bad ideea xD, my opinion.

 

Btw, what is POF?

And what has he done that u want?

Also, if u find it atractive and admirable, i guess that answers it for you as to what you like, idk...perhaps you just coupled with the wrong men.

 

And considering some of your other posts, it's not to say people don't like you.

A lot of them do, you just don't like them in return.

 

I can say i fancy you a little all because i like the way you think wich is similar to mine, all started in some other topic in wich we had similar opinions quite a while back.

Just putting that out there.

Edited May 26, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[hotpotato]

That statement was simply from a male perspective btw.

Because when the woman is smarter and better than the man and if he isn't very dominant, they will both fight often to prove who is right and who wears the pants in the relationship. I know a couple that does this . Especially if the woman likes to be dominant herself.

And i kinda did it, but i liked it.

 

 

A dorky man can be dominant/confident and "alpha" like, it just that he has other pleasures . I don't think you have to go for obvious "alpha" types, military, cops etc. Frankly military men are just a bad ideea xD, my opinion.

 

I don't think he would have to be military either. Most of the military guys I've dated I kinda...dominated lol. I dated an ex popo, and it was the same thing. I read on a dating coach's website that some women just naturally attract men who are most submissive.

I could understand why a man who has a stressful job would want to relax in a relationship.

 

Btw, what is POF?

And what has he done that u want?

Also, if u find it atractive and admirable, i guess that answers it for you as to what you like, idk...perhaps you just coupled with the wrong men.

 

POF aka plenty of fish is a dating site. It's almost like a hookup site. I get more and more wary of meeting people there.

 

Let's see he's in shape. He can fly an aircraft, scuba dive, and kayak.

 

And considering some of your other posts, it's not to say people don't like you.

A lot of them do, you just don't like them in return.

 

True, I can find someone who likes me, even if he's a couple decades older.

 

I can say i fancy you a little all because i like the way you think wich is similar to mine, all started in some other topic in wich we had similar opinions quite a while back.

Just putting that out there.

:wavey:

[hotpotato]

What i mean is, you don't let someone else help you, don't open up emotionally either, trust issues, that's the vibe i get from you.

 

What gives you that vibe?

[FrostBlaze]

Just my gut feeling at first, and the way you talk about it.

Mixed with everything else you said in this topic it just made me see that you don't trust people, wich is understandable since you got hurt.

The people you presumably trusted left you and broke your trust so you are now more inhibited. This ranges from BF's to friends who broke your trust.

 

So you've had enough and only open up to a select few(1-2?XD), it's for the better honestly.

 

I can be very offf, but based on what you said these are my assumptions.(after reading everything).

But at first it was just my gut feeling, i trust it .

 

What zodiac are you if you don't mind?

There's a point to the question.

Edited May 28, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[hotpotato]

Just my gut feeling at first, and the way you talk about it.

Mixed with everything else you said in this topic it just made me see that you don't trust people, wich is understandable since you got hurt.

The people you presumably trusted left you and broke your trust so you are now more inhibited. This ranges from BF's to friends who broke your trust.

 

So you've had enough and only open up to a select few(1-2?XD), it's for the better honestly.

 

I can be very offf, but based on what you said these are my assumptions.(after reading everything).

But at first it was just my gut feeling, i trust it .

 

What zodiac are you if you don't mind?

There's a point to the question.

 

I can trust people, I'm just slow to open up. I'm very different from a lot of girls. I definitely don't open up to every guy I meet. I didn't open up to the last bf that much. We kind of became friends. I'm glad i didn't open up more because he broke up with me in a very bad way.

 

I'm glad you think it's good I haven't had that many boyfriends. I like to keep my baggage to a minimum.

 

I've always been kind of introverted.

 

I'm Aquarius.

 

I guess i do kind of victimize myself. Honestly, I dont do this is any area in my life except for interpersonal relationships. I recently read a book that described me very well. As a child I couldn't come out and say what I needed, so I had to find other ways to get what I wanted.

[FrostBlaze]

.

My sister in law is aqua and so is my actual sister, there are resemblances, tis why i asked. We tease each other a lot and argue, good fun xD.

Minor similarities, only reason i somewhat believe in a zodiac ^^, maybe read on them a little. When i guessed you i was choosing betwen Aqua and Capricorn, was leaning more on the cap side honestly.

 

You are the kind that can manage without a BF, even if you do want one, you can do without.

Well idk what else is there, good luck i'm sure it will happen and you will get out of the gloomy mood you are/were in.

 

In a hurry here my tummy is growlin xD hah.

[hotpotato]

.

My sister in law is aqua and so is my actual sister, there are resemblances, tis why i asked. We tease each other a lot and argue, good fun xD.

Minor similarities, only reason i somewhat believe in a zodiac ^^, maybe read on them a little. When i guessed you i was choosing betwen Aqua and Capricorn, was leaning more on the cap side honestly.

 

You are the kind that can manage without a BF, even if you do want one, you can do without.

Well idk what else is there, good luck i'm sure it will happen and you will get out of the gloomy mood you are/were in.

 

In a hurry here my tummy is growlin xD hah.

 

I got it off my chest. I feel better now!

 

I think I could be just fine without a boyfriend. I dont think most men would find that flattering lol