jerkyfido Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Hey all! Been reading a few threads on here and saw lots of good advise and here to ask some for myself. Yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and I've been extremely upset since. It was the worst thing I've ever done and had to be one of the worst breakups around. I still love her and I know she loves me (I don't think I knew quite how much until yesterday). For the past few months I've kept of thinking of ending it with her as there are issues which have been there from the start and I've been getting to the point where I just can't deal with them anymore. Every couple of months I've getting fed up with them and told her about them and she says things will improve, but up until a few weeks ago nothing changed. One of the big issues I've had is that she is best friends with her ex and she has always put him over me (although I know she hasn't cheated on me). She wanted to spend new years with him and their group of friends instead of me, which completely screwed me up and was the last thing which pushed me to finally end it all. This sort of thing has happened a lot in the past: - upset one of my friends when I had to leave their birthday party early so she could see her ex - had to leave a friends wedding reception early so she could go to a friends party - she wanted to go out with her friends instead of seeing me for my birthday Very recently things have improved a lot. Partly because somebody else told her she was being a jerk and was an idiot for the new year thing and also partly because her ex has started being a dick to everyone and she's not feeling as close to them anymore. We've both been working very long hours over the past 3/4 weeks and both exhausted. This is alongside depression which we both have (she has been picking up recently whilst I've been going the other way) and I have a lot of confidence issues and low self esteem (mostly down to my last two relationships). This week had been pretty bad in general and I've kept thinking of breaking it off and on monday decided that that's what I would do. Like an idiot I then stopped talking to her over the internet, or just giving short replies to questions. When I saw her on Wednesday (first time since saturday) I had been thinking about it, but as soon as I saw her I dropped the idea. We didn't have a brilliant night that evening as we were both tired and I had to leave early in the morning. On thursday I was still thinking that I should end it, even more so than before, however in the evening I just wanted to talk to her as normal, but didn't want to bring her hopes up if I was breaking up so barely spoke again. Got to Friday and I'd gone to hers after work as normal. She could tell I was feeling down and after much pushing she got that I wasn't sure about the relationship anymore. We spent hours talking about the issues we've been having and this time she said we would sort them out and that she has been trying far harder over the past few weeks, however I just felt that the same things would come up again. It was absolutely awful and I really pushed myself to stick with the decision, even though I wanted to change it so much. She threw a ring at me which I had given to her for her birthday a few months ago, which hurt so much. I wanted her to keep it but she refused. I spent most of the evening just holding it and looking at it. Anyway, spent the rest of last night and all of today just crying, feeling upset, missing her, feeling lonely, just wanting to hold her. I'm now wondering whether I should try and sort things out with her and that I've made a terrible mistake. She had been making a massive effort over the past few weeks and actually wanted to sort out our issues last night, but I wasn't taking that into account. This might also just be me not dealing with the breakup properly and wanting a quick fix to the loneliness, but I don't know. Should I try and sort things out or should I just let it go? I can't help but think I should try and sort things out.
Author jerkyfido Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Urg... before writing my message I had tried to get back in touch with her again, deciding to try and talk about things but couldn't get hold of her. Whilst writing my post I suddenly felt a lot better about everything, but I'm thinking I really have made a massive mistake and have blown everything out of proportion. Just a few days ago we were planning holidays and valentines. I just sat and thought about everything, good and bad. Before this week I was feeling generally ok about everything in the relationship, but pretty pissed off still about new years. Thinking of resolving our issues and getting back together makes me feel so much better than the thoughts of not being without her again. I finally managed to speak to her a few minutes ago and I just broke down completely, whilst she sounded broken, but saying she still wants to be with me. Need to speak properly to her about whether we can resolve everything and get back together however she wants time to thing about it all now. The thought of us getting back together is making me both anxious and excited. PS: I know this forum is more catered to the people who are still hurting after a longer period of time and in more cases than not are the dumpee. Just writing this stuff out his helping me though, both as a way to get things off my chest (no one to talk to IRL) and as a way for me to more clearly think about things.
Mr me to Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Hats off to you sir, PLEASE don't budge a inch regarding her ex boyfriend. He's her past, he should stay there. If she wants to move forward with you great BUT she needs to do so with her ex out of her life and you as her main priority. You deserve that at the very least. 2
Author jerkyfido Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Thanks Mr me to, that actually made me smile. I've always felt like it's something wrong with me not being comfortable with it. I had the same problem in my last relationship, although I'm pretty sure she was cheating on me with them. The problem with this ex is that they were best friends before their relationship, which was only brief, and they are both firmly in the same group of friends. She regrets it ever happening apparently. When we were talking during the breakup she said that she's not going to see them as often and will prioritise me over them now, both of which she had started doing after the new year crap. If we do actually try to sort this out then this ex stuff will need to be properly resolved.
Sugarkane Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Sounds like she makes her ex a priority over you. Why do you have to leave early at your events for? Why couldn't she leave without you?
Author jerkyfido Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 She'd have to get a taxi on her own and I want to make sure she's ok. I also didn't say no enough to her at the time. I was trying to please both of us :/
Caliguy30 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 My relationship was the same way. Ex even kept talking to the guy she cheated on me with. Then when our relationship ended a week ago she's been sleeping with another guy who she always said was her "friend."
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