blombox Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Tell us short: what have you learned that you will apply/have appied to future relationships? Enlighten us! Edited February 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Yasuandio Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) That question is easy to answer. Not to trust ANYONE. Yas Edited February 1, 2014 by Yasuandio Spelling 6
Shocked Suzie Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Will always from now do my own finances, ensure regular honest communication and self happiness ...Will be much more observant that's for sure Don't think I'd ever marry again either SS x 1
Author blombox Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Will always from now do my own finances, ensure regular honest communication and self happiness ...Will be much more observant that's for sure Don't think I'd ever marry again either SS x You didnt observe enough before you made the choice? You feel like your happier alone?
Shocked Suzie Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 You didnt observe enough before you made the choice? You feel like your happier alone? No I didn't, I ignored now obvious signs through 'trust and love'. I want to see the whole person that I'm with. There are factors why I didn't see the whole person (my part) I'm trying to figure that out, I've been left a little confused (his part) he has a passive aggressive personality, he had two sides and was not honest. The choice was not mine it was his, although once he made his choice mine was final too... No turning back. After the hurt is slowly lifting I'm staring to feel content and I'm enjoying finding me... Eventually I want to date, I don't feel bitter.... I would like a partner again, but I'm in no rush. How about you?
M30USA Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I've learned that some people can be worse than I thought--while others can be better than I thought. I've learned that doing what is right doesn't matter to most people. People act in their best interest and their family's best interest, regardless of what's right or wrong. I've learned that ALL abuse springs from the unhealthy need for control and power at the expense of others. People don't TRY to be abusive. They are abusive as a secondary effect of their pursuit of control and power in the relationship. I've learned that you never really know a person until you leave with them. I've learned that people need their space and a healthy dose of independence even within a marriage, or else they'll break--no matter how strong they are. I've learned even if someone screws you over, it's your fault for allowing it. 4
strive Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 very well said M30USA. Especially the last part.
Misfortune Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Don't stress over anyone(They'll do what benefits them either way) Don't trust anyone Be more aware Never get "married" again Always take things slow "Facts before feelings" 1
M30USA Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Don't stress over anyone(They'll do what benefits them either way) Don't trust anyone Be more aware Never get "married" again Always take things slow "Facts before feelings" What do you mean by never get married again? Do you mean legally?
Misfortune Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 What do you mean by never get married again? Do you mean legally? It was legal. I just don't view my "marriage" as real since I was betrayed within 6 months of getting "married". Was a waste of my time and money. I will never do it again because it's a hassle to get out of.
Raena Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I learned: First lie... end the relationship and walk away, no turning back Never, ever give up or spend less time with friends for any mate ever! Don't believe everything you hear, look at their actions instead Watch for red flags Look for honest and open communication. Check to see how he responds when angry, what does he do? Find out how he treat(s) his mother. It's a good indicator of how he'll treat me. Never give up hope, but don't blindly trust anyone ever again Find someone who is my best friend and is liked and respected by my family and my closest friends. Those were my epiphany's. 5
CanJanus Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Lesson learned: Don't stick your dick in crazy 5
keepontruckin Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I have learned that marriage is a joke. I have learned that women are excellent chameleons. I have learned that love only exists in some people when it suits them. I have learned that I was glad that I protected my assets. I have learned that I will not ever get married again. I have learned that many people are users, and are scum. I have learned that only one person deserves my time, my love, and my money... Myself. I have learned that I was better off before ever letting in some chameleon. I have learned that I made a mistake, and thought I would be better off allowing a leech into my life. I have learned that remaining single is the only path to happiness. I have learned that any desire to replicate this experience again would possibly make me retarded. 1
Iguanna Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 What have you learned from your separation/divorce? That I am strong and that I can be happy also only with myself. That nobody belongs to nobody. That I shouldn't blindly believe "big words" ("you are the woman of my life" etc etc). And most of all, that show must go on. 1
Gunny376 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Interesting! Fascinating! Most and all of the posts are factual statements of "self actualization! And self validation. Something to be realized BEFORE marriage I.e. "To thy own self be true! Its the FULL transistion from being your Mother's child to being tour own self validating self supporting independent self! 1
Gunny376 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 "Take the pebble from my hand Grasshopper! CONGRADULATIONS! You've all graduated! ' You suffered! You've experience pain loss sorrow misery scarifice selfishne ss. Dishonesty. Lies betrayals. And. So much more! Through such? You've learned and grown! YOU'VE EVOLVED! YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET! 2
Still-I-Rise Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I have learned I will never truly know another person and sometimes not even myself. 2
CanJanus Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I find the gender divide interesting: Women: "I have learned that I need to love myself and other hippy stuff, I look forward to my next marriage" Men: "Holy crap I'm never getting married again" 1
Still-I-Rise Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 (edited) I find the gender divide interesting: Women: "I have learned that I need to love myself and other hippy stuff, I look forward to my next marriage" Men: "Holy crap I'm never getting married again" That is quite different than how I've seen it usually play out. Men remarry far more and sooner than women. I have no desire to be in a relationship in the near future...if ever again. My children, my Mother, and my friends are pushing me but I am just fine. I can breathe...finally. I always suspected I was not the marrying type, however loyal I was in my 22 year marriage. I love getting to know me and am looking forward to wining and dinning myself. I've already booked a trip to Paris next year -- always wanted to go! I've crocheted a very nice winter scarf for my youngest daughter. Never thought I'd get the hang of it. I've received more responsibility at work and my boss is talking promotion! He definitely likes the new me. And more importantly, so do I! My abilities to focus, learn, and reason are sharpening every day. Men are swarming and I whenever I accidentally catch one, I quickly release him. This new single me is too good to give up anytime soon. I am on the precipice of something GREAT! Edited February 2, 2014 by Still-I-Rise 4
Iguanna Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 I can breathe...finally. If we can't breathe with someone else, it's not their fault. We are responsible for keeping ourselves good and alive.
Author blombox Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Thank you al for the comments! Very interesting. I have learned that marriage is a joke. I have learned that women are excellent chameleons. I have learned that love only exists in some people when it suits them. I have learned that I was glad that I protected my assets. I have learned that I will not ever get married again. I have learned that many people are users, and are scum. I have learned that only one person deserves my time, my love, and my money... Myself. I have learned that I was better off before ever letting in some chameleon. I have learned that I made a mistake, and thought I would be better off allowing a leech into my life. I have learned that remaining single is the only path to happiness. I have learned that any desire to replicate this experience again would possibly make me retarded. Do you think marriage in general is a joke, or did you just meet the wrong person? And why?
oldshirt Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 "Take the pebble from my hand Grasshopper! LOL anyone under the age of 40 know where that saying came from? LOL I love it Gunny but I have the feeling it went over the heads of most of the people on here ;-)
carhill Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 1. I gained a whole new appreciation for and understanding of what it means to be happy living alone. I had lived alone prior, but didn't get the happy part in any elemental way. I think that will be of great value moving forward into future relationships. 2. While perhaps not overwhelmingly 'positive', I did come to understand better how my exW could fly through her third D and move right on to another relationship. Once one actually goes through it, it becomes familiar and almost 'easy'. I haven't jumped into anything else since, now a bit over three years, but do understand better why it was easy and apparently pleasant and long-lived (still with the man) for her. Perhaps that's a good life lesson. 3. I got to like lawyers a lot more. Mine was a gem. Prior, I viewed them as a necessary nuisance.
BradJacobs Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 At the end, I realized that I was a bad husband and she was a bad wife. Neither one of us were bad people; we just weren't meant to be married as a forever thing.
Tayken Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 (edited) What do you mean by never get married again? Do you mean legally? Exactly what is says on the Tin....never again legally and illegally Personally,......here goes IMHO.....Marriage is a beautiful thing if you are lucky to have had someone talk to you about it, learned from the mistake of others, know what you are are looking for and stick to your morals, and find the "right person" for you. But even then, we all know what happens with the best laid plans... There is a myriad of definitions out there for marriage, but I found this one below to be fitting to this thread which I hope will become a discussion thread on the institution that is marriage, and what can be expected when things don't work out i.e. Separation / Divorce Marriage Marriage is the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce. ***http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/marriage**** So now you've decided to get married because you are in LOVE and want to live happily ever after...this is good :-) But wait, did you know that if you did not marry someone of an "equal footing" i.e. same or closer income, and you end up splitting.....they will be entitled to spousal support aka alimony if they so choose to pursue it? Here is the law... Spousal support / Alimony Many cases have often stated that the mere fact of marriage or a difference in incomes would not necessarily mean entitlement. Supreme court of Canada thank you for this one Blended Families / Step parent ....... Are You Loco? Note: If you decide to hook up with someone that has kids already, you can / will find yourself in the future paying child support for those kids depending on how long you were with this person, if you adopted them, if they called you mum/dad, if you went to their games and school activities.....yes you will pay if the parents decided to come after ya...the Govt is only more than happy to hold someone responsible, so tag you are it "A person in loco parentis to a child is one who has acted so as to evidence his intention of placing himself towards the child in the situation which is ordinarily occupied by the father for the provisions of the child's pecuniary needs. Child support....is the right of the kid(s), it's written in stone and there is a federal table showing how much one needs to pay depending on how much you earn and amount of kids. There are also online calculators for each provinces. Look at the table in the link and see how much you will be paying depending on your income and number of kids Child support amount Child support tables PDF....scary when you look at the amount based on your income and how many kids you have http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/c...11/pdf/ona.pdf Unfortunately...there are some people out there looking for someone to help raise their kids, put a roof over their and kids head, without them bringing much to the table i.e. something significant IMHO. If I need someone to just tell me they love me, I'll call the 1-900 like numbers and have someone whisper sweet FA into my ears Edited February 2, 2014 by Tayken
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