arrowoman Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I dated this guy for 2 and 1/2 months (i know, short time) but was really intense. We fell in love quick and I met his family (including his kids) after only 8 days of our first date. He said he loved me after 2 weeks. Really strong and intense. We had some disagreements and he broke up with me 2 times. The first time I contacted him after 3 days and he asked me to try again. Said we needed to make it work since we loved each other so much. But then he broke up again after a few days. Then this time i contacted him after 5 days and he said he missed me and loved me and wanted to try again. And he was so dedicated, even the way he talked to me on the phone, kinda shy and excited, so sweet. We tried, i got back to hang out with him and his kids etc. but he was saying that he was stressed with work and his ex wife giving a hard time about he keeping the kids and his family and that he couldnt handle me. That he was trying but was hard for him balance his problems and the relationship. And he couldnt not give me the attention I need. Then he broke up with me again 5 days ago. He cried and said was hard cuz he loves me.... but he also said he loves me but is not in love with me anymore when I insist for a more convincing reason (??). I'm really passionate and intense and he said he never saw that before.. (I'm from Brazil, our cultural differences made us have some problem too) I texted him 2 days ago saying "I miss you" (i know, im stupid) but wasnt waiting for an answer cuz he told me he was gonna delete my number and not talk to me anymore.. but he answered saying "I'm sorry. I miss you too" Now I wanna stop contact... If i do this no contact rule for like a month.. Will work?? I'm just curious if for being so short relationship has the same effect.. He is 28 and I am 24. I really love him and I have a big feeling that we should be together..I dont know why..just that feeling.. I never felt like this, is really hard.. I think i really love him.. thanks everyone. BTW..i had 2 other relationships.. one for 2 years and one for 4 years.. Is the first time I'm being the one dumped.. lol so is new for me.. And I know I should find another guy and blah blah.. But I am stuck on this at least till my ego is back.. and I need to know what r the chances of him contacting me..
mammasita Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 No contact isn't meant to get your ex back or to trick him into contacting you or missing you. No contact is a tool used to help you move on and to heal. So to answer your question, no unfortunately it won't work for what you're asking because that's not its purpose. Read the link in my signature. 2
Author arrowoman Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I know thats not the purpose, but I always hear stories about it.. I want him back.. what should I do then?
stillfiguringitallou Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 It sounds to me as though your guy may just need some space. Is it the relationship or the person you miss? Could you maintain the boundaries of a "friendship only" relationship and give him time to work through his emotions and other things? For me - when I asked myself that questions (and our relationship and ending of it is very similar to yours) I realized the relationship was crap - it was the person - and the friendship I missed the most. For me - it's worked out - I am happier and MORE comfortable since I admitted that to myself - that I was clinging to the relationship for fear of losing the friendship and person - and that in truth I was miserable in the relationship because I always felt under pressure to "do the right thing" This type of approach might work better for you (it has for us) it's given us an opportunity to get to know who each of us really are - without the pressure of needing to meet each others expectations or "keep the other happy" and we are enjoying our time we spend together - and the time we spend with others. He was hot and heavy like you described here - for ME I wasn't - he was telling me he loved me for about 4-6 weeks before I returned the sentiment - and then only after a breakup because I was too distant. In my case I feel I convinced myself I was "in love" with him and wanted the relationship out of fear of losing my best friend. That may not be the case for you - but only you can decide that
Author arrowoman Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I'm def been thinking about that and I am not sure what it is.. I dont know what I miss.. I might miss the way he was to me.. Romantic most of the time.. not the relationship, but also not his friendship.. I dont know at all what I miss.. But I want it back!!!
Author arrowoman Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I dont know why I'm so devastated... I feel in my guts that we still gonna have a lot to live together..but I dont know what to do to make this happens....
pickflicker Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Relationships like this that move so quickly, flame out just as quickly. They have no substance. Breaking up twice in two months, saying "I love you" after two weeks, none of this is real "love". It's just heady lust. NC is not a tool for getting your ex back. You'd be best to walk away from this one, because it doesn't sound very stable. 4
Author arrowoman Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I know.. but I need my pride and ego back.. I cant get it back if I dont get any contact from him.. I dont know why I feel like this..
pickflicker Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I know.. but I need my pride and ego back.. I cant get it back if I dont get any contact from him.. I dont know why I feel like this.. You want validation that he actually felt all those things for you. Truth is, most of the time, someone who moves this quickly when they start dating someone, is usually full of crap. Real "love" takes time. The only way you will get your pride back, is to move forward and forget about him. Continually making contact with him will just make you look weak. 2
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