SYLLPalmer Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Hi guys! I am disheartened by another bad experience with OLD. I am getting wiser and I want to keep trying but I am so flabbergasted and really kind of sad. The newest instillation is being given enough rope to hang myself. I went on four dates with a dude and in order to proceed I had to made a few concessions of my own. But he gave me no feed back and then dropped me via text the morning of our next date. Apparently my "lame behavior" was the cause. What this meant I can't be sure. The truth is it is of no real consequence because a relationship without feedback would have to be a match made in heaven to survive. And I have yet to be part of a celestial match. He was silently judging me, while laughing with me. I thought we were just getting to know each other. He hurt me by doing this. Must I be on egg shells to avoid judgement and rug pulling due to the game of numbers? My lifestyle is simply not conducive to real life dating and I have no viable way around that. Thank god I didn't give up the farm and he cut me loose unscathed. But I am feeling like there is an ego rat race at hand and I don't want to participate but I am. Can I cherry pick the good guys and avoid the multi-dating frenzy? If so than how? Thanks.
Disillusioned Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Seriously, you need to give meetup groups a try. It sounds to me like you're trying to push back against fate, by keeping OLD alive at a time when it's in decline. It's a bit like trying to keep driving around in the Model T you inherited from your grandparents. Plus, you say you're in SoCal, which is also my home turf... so I know it's not exactly some little hick town with no eligible men. You need to do like Dusty Springfield said, pick your man and do your best to impress him. Edited February 1, 2014 by Disillusioned
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Hi SYLL, sorry to hear you've had another bad experience. Not really clear of what happened by what you've written. There were 4 dates, and after the 4th, he sent you a text saying your behavior was lame?? What behavior? There ARE nice, genuine guys on OLD, but it takes some time. What's attracting you to the men you decide to go on a date with and how many have you dated?
mammasita Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Don't be discouraged. I went out with a guy from POF who told me after 2 weeks/3 dates that I was wasting his time because I wouldn't have sex with him. See, he needed to know if we were sexually compatible in order to determine if I was worth dating. Bullet dodged lol. 2
MixedUpChick Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Can I cherry pick the good guys and avoid the multi-dating frenzy? If so than how? Thanks. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience, unfortunately it happens. Hopefully your next date with someone new will be better To answer your question above - if anyone knew the answer to this question, they'd be rich! If you figure it out, please share 2
Author SYLLPalmer Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Don't be discouraged. I went out with a guy from POF who told me after 2 weeks/3 dates that I was wasting his time because I wouldn't have sex with him. See, he needed to know if we were sexually compatible in order to determine if I was worth dating. Bullet dodged lol. I feel I dodged a bullet big time but because I over looked some less than stellar things in him I feel like I set myself up to get dumped by a douche bag. So if I got dumped by a douche bag what does that make me? (lightning flash!) Thank you! I just realized in reiteration in combination w/ your shared experience that the only thing it makes me really is lucky. Sigh. I will recover. He got blue balls I am certain from what amounted to nothing more than a two hour dry humping session that he slithered to arrange before the dump. Aunt Flo saves the day again. Still he got under my skin. He is a scum bag but I still miss him slightly. None of us are pure. Present company included. Thank you. 1
Author SYLLPalmer Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Hi SYLL, sorry to hear you've had another bad experience. Not really clear of what happened by what you've written. There were 4 dates, and after the 4th, he sent you a text saying your behavior was lame?? What behavior? There ARE nice, genuine guys on OLD, but it takes some time. What's attracting you to the men you decide to go on a date with and how many have you dated? I wont bore you with the details mainly because it is self defeating. Meaning I can surmise what he perceived the problem to be but because he did not respond and instead reacted I loose. And I don't want to risk judgement for my carelessness. I want to move on. Lesson learned and I will be much more withdrawn and on guard in the future regardless of what the man in question appears to be to me. What it boils down to is incompatibility but I thought we were pretty darn close and that is hard to come by too. I appreciate your response and I think I may even do the work to determine what it is that makes me pick one over another. He was a physicist and he was not discernibly repulsive on screen. He was one of the 10% "I make do with" meaning I never respond like OMG this guy is the jimmy cranks but then it would seem by my response rate and quality that neither am I. Of me the pics are as cute as they can be while remaining representative, I don't drink (red flag for freak), my profession is saturated so I am underemployed, I have a little pot belly but I work out and it is going bye bye (full body in a yoga twist show cases fairly), I have "giant blue eyes and sweet crooked smile", I wear my heart on my sleeve and talk to strangers daily. I am 5'5" and he couldn't have been much more (said he was 5'9" shrug). I love height but it is merely a luxury. Since he wasn't tall I didn't care that he fudged his height because it is a painful exclusion that I don't choose to perpetuate. He was 50 and I am 42. He has two kids and is divorced. I am single. He is a motor mouth but he made me laugh and I mistook him for being vulnerable. He wasn't. When I would walk on site (went to watch him play) he didnt stand up to greet me if wasn't in the game and would say hello without taking his eyes off the field. If he was in the game strangers on the field greeted me before he did. The same in restaurants WHEN he arrived before me. Our meet and greet he was 15 mins late with no heads up. I think he would tell you I was a flirt.... Edited February 1, 2014 by SYLLPalmer
Author SYLLPalmer Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Seriously, you need to give meetup groups a try. It sounds to me like you're trying to push back against fate, by keeping OLD alive at a time when it's in decline. It's a bit like trying to keep driving around in the Model T you inherited from your grandparents. Plus, you say you're in SoCal, which is also my home turf... so I know it's not exactly some little hick town with no eligible men. You need to do like Dusty Springfield said, pick your man and do your best to impress him. Thanks for your response. The meet up thing intimidates me. I am better one on one. But I will look into it again. Thank you. He wasn't all that impressive himself. But he was workable so I stuck around and he dumped me. I did gently fire a warning that he better soften up soon to which he snickered at in the last moments of our last meeting. I honestly think he was hard wired for engineering and not love. IDK.
Targetlock Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 some people are just strange and want to play games it seems. clearly he had a rather over-inflated opinion of himself and his worth and was judging you according to it. don't let this get you down, sounds like his loss to me and he really wasn't that much anyway. just got to keep on trying 3
Author SYLLPalmer Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 some people are just strange and want to play games it seems. clearly he had a rather over-inflated opinion of himself and his worth and was judging you according to it. don't let this get you down, sounds like his loss to me and he really wasn't that much anyway. just got to keep on trying In retrospect I guess he was a little manic (defensive, motor mouth worse than a tweeker.) I appreciate your kind words. They help tremendously.
Targetlock Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 you're welcome glad to hear, its what this forum is for 1
DemetersHarvest Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 OMG, you dated Sheldon! Sorry about your dating disaster. I guess it happens to the best of us. I wouldn't give the "why do we choose what we choose" not too much thought. A), it's hard to break the cycle that's often hidden from our consciousness, and b) even if you do figure it out, and choose differently next time, the jerks reside in all camps. Some of them are really good at hiding themselves. What I do do from here on forward is giving red flags more credence instead of glossing over them. I believe he gave you some that you picked up, but for some reason, rolled with them because he hit the right keys with you otherwise that you deemed more salient for yourself. As you know, I'm right there with you. Not sure if that helps, but reading your post made me take my own defeat less personal, and instead acknowledge it as the nature of the beast, so to speak. The really sad party is that some middle-aged folks have not evolved beyond post-pubescent interpersonal behavior.
MixedUpChick Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 The really sad party is that some middle-aged folks have not evolved beyond post-pubescent interpersonal behavior. This is so true, and I find it surprising myself in the men in my desired age group (mid-40s to mid-50s) - but apparently some men never grow up
Author SYLLPalmer Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 OMG, you dated Sheldon! Sorry about your dating disaster. I guess it happens to the best of us. I wouldn't give the "why do we choose what we choose" not too much thought. A), it's hard to break the cycle that's often hidden from our consciousness, and b) even if you do figure it out, and choose differently next time, the jerks reside in all camps. Some of them are really good at hiding themselves. What I do do from here on forward is giving red flags more credence instead of glossing over them. I believe he gave you some that you picked up, but for some reason, rolled with them because he hit the right keys with you otherwise that you deemed more salient for yourself. As you know, I'm right there with you. Not sure if that helps, but reading your post made me take my own defeat less personal, and instead acknowledge it as the nature of the beast, so to speak. The really sad party is that some middle-aged folks have not evolved beyond post-pubescent interpersonal behavior. Yeah but I am getting smarter. This is the finale of an 4 hour interlude in online chat I engaged in today with what I now perceive to be another player. I would love feed back. This response was prompted by my directly asking him what it was that he was looking for on OKC. I think I dogged another bullet. I think you are scared for reasons outside of me that are being projected onto me. If you wish to judge a text response as foreboding that is your discretion. I've treated you as an equal with no other expectation than the same. I can't guarantee you any more emotional safety than you can guarantee me. That's the risk of meeting someone. I don't know what your concern is sweetie - that you are going to be "used"? Well to even mention that concern is kind of off-putting - as if I were to say x - really enjoyed opening up a little about myself and my sexuality but I'm concerned you are going to use me or hurt me. Everyone has that fear - of either sex - we are adults after all. I find women are much more content to shadow-box a fake relationship on text thinking that is progress rather than actuality meeting someone in all the stickiness that is actual life
Author SYLLPalmer Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 This is so true, and I find it surprising myself in the men in my desired age group (mid-40s to mid-50s) - but apparently some men never grow up It is true and yet they are craftier. No? Maybe I am just rusty. 1
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