VirginiaBob Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 very-confused-girl: Good post, I think you pretty much summed it up. Guys aren't looking for a stuck up girl with beauty and intelligence. They are looking for the modest girl with beauty and intelligence. Nobody likes someone who talks about how great they are all the time and how much better they are than other people.
alicia24 Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 I think guys do have a hard time approaching pretty women. Its the intimidation factor. Not to be full of myself but I'm a pretty girl and I notice this. But am I lonely, hell no. Me and my girlfriends go out all the time. I'm just out of relationship so hopefully someone will ask me out.
kellyp1 Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 I get picked up on when I go out but have been lonely too. The reason is all my friends are married or close to it. If I want to hang with them, guys stay away because I am in a group (most anyways, not all). Dating has not worked out for me in some time because I am told that I am too nice or genuine or honest, whatever... I am very kicked back and patient with the normal dating hiccups (not a drama queen most of the time) and like a lot of guy stuff (sports, hanging in the bar, doing dumb things with friends). I am 33 and have 3 older brothers that have helped make me the woman I am. I am told I wear guys out (always wanting to do things and experience life) and can be intimidating. I just try to be real and have fun. I go for the slightly overweight guy with the big smile that isn't a complete a$$ in public (I had a guy push me into the mosh pit for fun on a first date once) that has a glitter in his eyes of excitement or passion or playfulness. Those are really my only criteria. I don't care about money, career or a guy being super hot. And it can be lonely. I make decent money, have my master's degree, take care of my business, work out, and look decent. With that said, I haven't had a boyfriend in 8 years which means a lot of lonely holidays. Never alone, but sometimes lonely... I do date, have been dating this guy for 11 months. But he doesn't want a relationship and nothing else has come along in the interim. I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy either, but hope to find one someday.
Author Debo Posted January 15, 2005 Author Posted January 15, 2005 Well, I didn't mean to say that all beautiful women are lonely. My question was more about the "theory" of guys being intimated in approaching and asking out women. I know that I am less apt to go up to a beautiful woman, some because of insecurity and some because I just assume that such a beautful woman already has a bf. So, by saying lonley, I just meant did any women find themselves lacking men asking them out because they think men are intimidated by their looks.
Groovy Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 I think it also matters on whether or not the woman wants to date someone at a club or bar versus other places. A club or bar is easy to get a date, but usually bad quality experiences. So I will not give someone much notice in those places. I really like to be friends first in class, through friends, etc. It also matters if she is willing to date people out of her culture as a minority or religion. My religion and culture are important but I love learning about other people and date out of mine often. But to some people those things are a must have to be considered dating material. And her morals may also get in the way. I think for someone looking to wait for marraige for sex, they will have fewer relationship than those willing to have open relationships with casual sex involved.
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by Debo Well, I didn't mean to say that all beautiful women are lonely. My question was more about the "theory" of guys being intimated in approaching and asking out women. I know that I am less apt to go up to a beautiful woman, some because of insecurity and some because I just assume that such a beautful woman already has a bf. So, by saying lonley, I just meant did any women find themselves lacking men asking them out because they think men are intimidated by their looks. Oh, I understand now. This is a bit of wishful thinking, intended to motivate you to approach beautiful women. Cute! Well, in that case, the answer does not lie with them, it lies with you. If your ultimate fear is rejection, overcome it. What is the worst they can do? Laugh at you? Well, that won't kill you and it won't take away any of your accomplishments. Every rejection you get helps refine your approach. I put it to you to start assuming these beautiful women would be lucky to have your company, and you are giving them a chance to do so. If they reject you, they are fools, and deserve their ostensible loneliness. Screw your courage to the sticking place, friend, and start approaching. It's a badge of honor of men to get rejected a few times before being able to date a very beautiful girl. People want to be with people. Simple, but true. It takes courage to initiate. Be that brave man. I dare you.
alphamale Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by Mustard Bomb Well, in that case, the answer does not lie with them, it lies with you. If your ultimate fear is rejection, overcome it. What is the worst they can do? Laugh at you? Well, that won't kill you and it won't take away any of your accomplishments. Every rejection you get helps refine your approach. When i was younger, 15 or more yrs ago, I was very intimdated by women in general, nevermind the good looking ones. Over time you will overcome your fears. Rejection by women is the key to prosperity. Now I just say WTF and ask out a lot of women and if they say NO then I just think it is their loss. If you ask out ten women, maybe 2 will say YES. It is mostly a numbers thing and you get hardened to the rejections after a while and they don't matter much anymore. You just have to take the risk cause you never know who is attracted to who and for what reasons.
VirginiaBob Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Yea, it is kind of weird being a guy in a way. If you approach and try to pick up a lot of women (even if you only get one in the process), you are looked at as a player, but if you don't approach them, you are a loner. So you are looked down upon by women either way. I prefer the former approach - but don't use this approach on women in your circle (like ones that you work with, for example), because then rumors start to spread. Use this approach on women you've just met randomly that you likely will never see again if she says no.
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Shockingly, I agree with both of you. Beautiful women are not dragons; you can't be slain. VB is right- try your approaches in random places unconnected with your real life, for a variety of reasons: privacy, reputation, and failure rate. AM is right in regards to number theory - think about it as gambling that is far more statistically favorable. Don't develop creepy and asinine anti-woman philosophies when rejected, though, as you will drive away the ones who are beautiful and smart.
alphamale Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Yea, it is kind of weird being a guy in a way. If you approach and try to pick up a lot of women (even if you only get one in the process), you are looked at as a player, but if you don't approach them, you are a loner. VB: A guy who dates a lot and beds many women is probably only batting .100 when he asks women out, so one out of ten. A guy who does not date a lot may bat the same but he is not aksing out that many women so he rarely gets a date. Let's see, if the first guy asks out 100 women then he gets 10 dates. If the second guy ask out 5 women then he gets only half a date. Boo Hoo. It's all numbers man.
Author Debo Posted January 15, 2005 Author Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by Mustard Bomb Oh, I understand now. This is a bit of wishful thinking, intended to motivate you to approach beautiful women. Cute! Well, in that case, the answer does not lie with them, it lies with you. If your ultimate fear is rejection, overcome it. What is the worst they can do? Laugh at you? Well, that won't kill you and it won't take away any of your accomplishments. Every rejection you get helps refine your approach. I put it to you to start assuming these beautiful women would be lucky to have your company, and you are giving them a chance to do so. If they reject you, they are fools, and deserve their ostensible loneliness. Screw your courage to the sticking place, friend, and start approaching. It's a badge of honor of men to get rejected a few times before being able to date a very beautiful girl. People want to be with people. Simple, but true. It takes courage to initiate. Be that brave man. I dare you. Well, this wasn't some Machiavellian way of motivating me. lol I'm well aware of my hesitation to approach beautiful women, and also playing the %'s. And I have been rejected before so that's not exactly new. I really did just want to know if some beautiful women have trouble finding dates because of this. Nothing more, nothing less.
moimeme Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Don't develop creepy and asinine anti-woman philosophies I believe the S.S. Creepy and Asinine Anti-woman Philosophies has sailed.
sarah12 Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 I don't have a problem getting dates, but I do have a problem meeting a great guy. Maybe I have high standards like Groovy. So, while there are enough guys who ask me out, very few of them actually get anywhere. I don't want to waste my time with a guy I know doesn't suit me. I've done a lot of dating in the past few years and you get to know what you want and what you don't want pretty quickly after meeting a guy. And whoever said that it's better to be lonely sometimes than to be in a crappy relationship is right. I am a beautiful girl who might stay home on a friday or saturday night sometimes, but I am just glad that I am happy with myself and who I am, and won't compromise that for anything. I still have lots of fun with my girlfriends but I also realize that many of them will be getting married or settling down with their significant other's sometime soon. When the time comes, I still won't compromise for something less than I deserve, even if it means many lonely days and nights. I won't brag but I am a smart girl, as I'm sure most of those who have replied here with the same experiences are, and perhaps because of this, we are just less willing to 'settle' and therefore may indirectly become 'lonely' people at times. So I guess to answer Debo's question, we don't have trouble finding dates, but we have trouble finding good ones.
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Let's see. You want to know if beautiful women are lonely and vulnerable to your approach, and you ask the question coached in the abstract.... and *I'm* Machiavellian? Take stock of your priorities. Were you a real little man, you would be hunting for a long-term specific mate, not some cliche fantasy. I salute you, and wish you luck on your creepy odyssey of finding lonely beauties.
Author Debo Posted January 15, 2005 Author Posted January 15, 2005 This is a bit of wishful thinking, intended to motivate you to approach beautiful women. Well, this wasn't some Machiavellian way of motivating me. lol YOU said that my post was a way of motivating myself, and I responded that it wasn't the reason. The Machiavellian reference was toward ME, not you. I was saying that it wasn't some machiavellian attempt by me to motivate myself, like you stated in your post. Again, I was just asking the question. Didn't know I was going to get psycho analyzed. Anyway, thanks to sarah12,among others, for answering. And don't worry beautiful ladies of the board,I won't be searching for you in an attempt to meet you as I trudge forward on my creepy odyssey.
Groovy Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Don't worry about what other people say too much. Someone had a hissy fit on me too. I don't want people to read these posts and feel like they can't express themselves, because that's what we are here to do right? We can offer advice but lets not assume anything based on some text in the forum from someone we never met. It's all just opinions....
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 No hard feelings, I misunderstood. I still maintain that your post was ultimately about you, however. You're less interested in the actual affect of generalized beautiful women than you are in exploiting a specific window, correct? If a man called me Machiavellian in person, I'd slap him silly, 1940's style. <chuckles and shrugs> P.S. And no worries. There are evidently a few beautiful and totally submissive women on board here, who will never doubt any words ever typed. They are ripe for exploitation! Good luck to you, sincerely.
moimeme Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Not to worry, Debo. I think you've been tossed into the same barrel as a couple of our misogynist-wannabes. It is an interesting question, but you'd have to find an objective (ha!) way of finding the beautiful women to ask. We have had an influx of posters who are convinced they are devastatingly dreamy (well, one or two anyway). Beauty is such a function of taste that you really would have to go find women you specifically consider beautiful to ask or else find a way of questioning some universally-accepted beauties like Halle Barry. Then again, even the famous aren't beautiful to everyone. I have yet to see why people think Jennifer Aniston or Brad Pitt are extraordinary yet this seems to be a very common impression. I went out with one fellow whose looks I didn't like much but who a few people thought absolutely stunning. So it's hard to generate a real good test sample
Author Debo Posted January 16, 2005 Author Posted January 16, 2005 Ah, no harm. In some ways it was funny to see what I posted be interpreted that way. Maybe it should have been worded better, but it was more aimed at the common perception that people think beautiful people have no worries about getting dates. And I was wondering if that was acutally true. That while "common" people, lol, think beautiful people have it made, that it's possible that the pedestal that people put them on is actually a curse. As for me, hell, I don't care if the woman is beautiful or not, just as long as she has a nice rack. j/k
Mustard Bomb Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Teeheehee! I have a great rack, but I keep it to stretch the infidels.
Moose Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Again, I was just asking the question. Didn't know I was going to get psycho analyzed. Be careful.....that's all certain people on here do.....if you ask me, it deters from the purpose of this forum....
CurvyGurl Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Originally posted by Debo Ok, this is a question that has always interested me. While many, including me, think that beautiful women have no trouble getting men, there is some that think they actually have a hard time getting dates. That they are so intimidating to men that they never get asked out. So, my question is, do you believe this? That some, not all of course, beautiful women are actually lonely and don't get asked out much? Contrary to popular belief, it takes more than being pretty to get and maintain male attention. There are a great many beautiful women who are home alone for some reason or another. Maybe they're giving off a vibe that says they're unavailable or 'too good' for them. Not many men will go for what they can't get.
alphamale Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Originally posted by CurvyGurl Contrary to popular belief, it takes more than being pretty to get and maintain male attention. There are a great many beautiful women who are home alone for some reason or another. Maybe they're giving off a vibe that says they're unavailable or 'too good' for them. Not many men will go for what they can't get. I have no idea what planet you are living on CURVYGURL but all the beautiful women I know are always busy and have multiple choice of things to do on the weekends and multiple male suitors to choose from. Come on get real. Don't give me that BS.
moimeme Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 .....if you ask me Nobody did. But thanks for the answer in case anybody actually cares.
Zoot Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Everyone can find someone who shares their aspirations or passions. Oftentimes a 'beautiful' woman is judged as having non of those thoughts - therefore hers become irrelevant. She has to pass a beauty quiz , as well as the judgement of the less than beautiful, to get to the other side and be taken seriously beyond some trophy. Yes, it's harder for her.
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