Gottabestrong Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Cliff notes version: I've been dating a guy casually for a while, I want more but he does not. I've decided it is probably best for me to stop seeing him, I am just not sure what the best way to end it would be. Since I am usually the one to contact him I figure if I stop calling things would just end anyway. But I am wondering if it would be better to actually 'say something' if only for closure. What do you think? ********************************************************** Longer version: I've been casually seeing this guy since last summer. It is really just 'hanging out' because when we first met we both were not interested in jumping into a relationship. So we decided to just get to know each other and see where it goes. I figured at some point we would either grow closer or stop seeing each other. And yes, I was the one who suggested taking it slow originally. Reason was that he wanted to make out on our 2nd date and I was not ready for that at the time. Well, it is 6 months later and nothing has really changed. We talk about once a week and see each other about once a month. We don't do anything physical other than hugging and sometimes we hold hands. Mostly the majority of our physical contact is playful teasing. He will pull my ponytail and I will kick his shins in return. No, we are not in primary school, but actually adults in our 30ies. I was happy with taking it slow for the first few months but ever since the beginning of December I've wanted more. I've talked to him about it a few times already, saying I would like to see him more often, talk more often and that I miss him when we are not together. His reply is he is sorry, but he likes how things are right now and I was happy with how things were, why do I want to change them now? I told him that my feelings changed, they developed and got deeper, but it seems that his did not. I don't know what to do, he is a great guy and we have a great time together, but obviously I want more than him. So should I tell him that I need a break and hopefully we can pick up our friendship a few months down the line, or should I simply stop contacting him which will probably mean our 'relationship' will fade out sooner or later anyway? For those who were in a similar situation, do you think it is better to have the talk and say why you don't want to date casually anymore, or did it feel better if you simply stopped calling?
flightplan Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I wouldn't say anything to him. Let it fade... I promise you, he knows the deal. He can reach you if he wants to. If you really want to be more than friends.. pull back, don't say anything and watch to see if he chases you. If he doesn't, you have your answer. If he makes an effort, then throw him a small bone. Let him do the chasing, the calling, initiating the effort. 1
Author Gottabestrong Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Does anyone think I should 'sit him down' and tell him exactly how I feel and what I want for us to keep seeing each other? Or does that sound pathetic and delusional? Bottom line is I can't go on like this, but I find it hard to simply let it go without giving it one more try. But then I am thinking that I have given it many tries already and maybe it is time to admit defeat, take my lumps and remove myself to some (metaphorical) corner where I can lick my wounds and move on with my life. I've been through enough heartaches to know that this is not going to break me and I will be happy and in love again. My problem is more with simply walking away without one big grand last gesture. But part of me also thinks if I tell him how I feel and he does not reciprocate (which is most likely) I will probably feel really ****ty too. Or maybe I won't? Anyone been in a similar situation?
Itspointless Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Does anyone think I should 'sit him down' and tell him exactly how I feel and what I want for us to keep seeing each other? Or does that sound pathetic and delusional? Who cares if people think it sounds pathetic and delusional? You have communicated in a clear way this far. I would prefer you to be clear to me on this too. I think you should ask directly how he feels about you as he is unclear. It seems like the hardest way but then you at least have been straight to the end. I hate it when people throw bones to each-other
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