MM's offer

[Berkley]

I'm still trying to figure out what he 'offered' you?

[waterwoman]

That's an offer?

[Snipercatt]

^^^^ I love it when you talk succinctly!!!!!

[wanting more]

I think you should go back and re-read the threads you started. This guy sounds like a complete as*. And he video taped you having sex!!!! WHY would you even consider his "offer". There is NOTHING this guy has to offer you except hurt.

[vanellope]

he offer me the friendship and company feelings, I am really weak now and I still love this man. I break up with him many times because I feel hurt and lonely. He always say we love each other and why cant i just accept the reality he is married and be friend with him, and can not enjoy the love we have, and just want NC everytime.

 

honestly I feel hurt when I jealous, I simply don't feel happy that he don't choose the life with me, but I love him also the truth, I feel happy to feel he love me. I always ask myself why I can have lot friends that with no love feelings but I can't be the friend with the person I love.

 

he always say he love me, why I need to feel bad about it, why I can't accept the reality that he married before met me, and just enjoy what we can have.

 

maybe months or years later when I get over it I can do thing more rational, but the idea of lover is bothering me because I do love this person, I can't imagine he disappear in my life, I afraid it. but I also feel hurt when I realize the reality that we can't be really a couple in this life.

[MissBee]

So does this mean you will accept his "offer"?

[Berkley]

I understand missing the friendship and companionship. I understand that you love him. I'm in the same boat.

Sometimes life sucks.

 

 

I don't care what he says to you, what he says he feels, whether he loves you or not...none of that matters.

He is married.

He is not leaving his wife for you.

He betrayed you and took nude sex photos without your knowledge.

His wife does not want you around. She does not want to be friends with you.

He does not want to be just your friend - he wants to keep having sex with you.

He is using you, lying to you and manipulating you.

 

 

STOP talking to him...period. You do not owe him any explanations. Do not call him, email him, send him letters or text him...and do not answer any of his messages to you. None...for any reason.

Yes, you love him and it's going to hurt like h*ll not to see him or talk to him....in time you will get over it.

If you stay, you never will.

Stop making excuses.

[wanting more]

Why can't you find another friend/companion. Why does it have to be him? You say he told you he was married and he's not leaving, as if it makes him this great man, because he said it. That doesnt make him a better person or someone you need to be friends with.

 

You rely on him to much. Because you're in love with him it will only make it harder on you. You'll never be able to move on with him in your life. It's not like your feelings will fade, because even if they were to start fading, he'll realize it and tell you just enough to keep those feelings there. He'll use you, he'll play games with you and your heart. And a year from now you'll he worse off than you are now

 

You're weak because you're letting yourself be weak. You're vulnerable to him because you let yourself. He knows this. He's eating this up. His wife threatened to sue you less than a month ago Now he's got his wife on one hand and he wants to make sure you're on the other. You need to tell him take his offer and shove it up his as*.

 

You're as strong as you want yourself to be. It's Not easy. But it can happen. Wipe up them tears and close your heart and your legs to him. No one deserves to be treated how hes treating you.

[sweet_pea]

So you're willing to risk his wife finding out about you again, probably exposing you and embarrassing you and possibly ruining your life for a man who didn't even try to protect you the last time she found out about you and your sex tapes/affair. V, you REALLY need therapy or something if you are considering entering such a toxic "relationship."

[vanellope]

I know I make myself sound like stupid, I want just block him and make him cannot find me, but I have some thoughts which bother me.

 

he say, he always treat me good, and he is not bad person, why I can't accept he is my friend. when he tell this to me, I do feel if I keep no contact with him, it make me like I am a person who can't get what I want and start destroy everything. I don't want he think me like this kind of person, I do want in his mind I am good woman.

 

I do want my life can move on and really see he as just one of my friend, if I no contact with him now, does it mean I will totally lose him as my friend in life. I already lose him as a lover and sometime I am really afraid I lose more. I try hard to see his good side as a friend, I don't know why it's so hard to do this.

 

If I don't love him and don't care him, it's easy for me to walk away.

If he don't love me and not try hard to convince me and be friend with me, it would easier for me to move on. I love him and he love me, it's really hard to say good bye or just disappear from him.

 

I want I can find a good argument for myself and convince myself that I should leave this person.

 

when I tell him I don't want to be lover, he said, then he will accept we be friend.

when I tell him I want find my own bf and loyal to my bf, he said them he respect my wish to have my own family.

when I tell him I hate him and I don't love him, he said he know its not true and he will always love me.

I said I don't want we have sex anymore, he said he won't force me.

he said what he wish is let him company by myside, he won't ask more just want I don't ignore him and don't make him out of my life.

 

He say he really feel we are different and he treasure me.

 

I feel so sad when I type this.

 

I don't want lose this friend but at the same time I know if I keep him around me it's hard for me to open the heart to others.

 

I told him this before too, and he said now I don't have others he want company me, when I find others and I want to leave, he will let me.

[Snipercatt]

Van, it is pointless for us to tell you to not contact MM and not to get into a relationship with him, on any level. Pointless!

 

So here is what you do; you go back to him and let him use you up, for sex, for business, for your very life. And, when this crashes and burns all around you, when his wife seeks to destroy you in every area of your life, and when you can't see through the smoke of your smoldering life, come back here, to us, and we will help support you putting yourself back together. We may not be able to help you save your, and your family's reputation, but, just maybe, we'll be able to help you put your heart back together.

[EverySunset]

You won't look for others if he's keeping you company. It's a cycle you won't break free from.

[beach]

I know I make myself sound like stupid, I want just block him and make him cannot find me, but I have some thoughts which bother me.

 

he say, he always treat me good, and he is not bad person, why I can't accept he is my friend. when he tell this to me, I do feel if I keep no contact with him, it make me like I am a person who can't get what I want and start destroy everything. I don't want he think me like this kind of person, I do want in his mind I am good woman.

 

I do want my life can move on and really see he as just one of my friend, if I no contact with him now, does it mean I will totally lose him as my friend in life. I already lose him as a lover and sometime I am really afraid I lose more. I try hard to see his good side as a friend, I don't know why it's so hard to do this.

 

If I don't love him and don't care him, it's easy for me to walk away.

If he don't love me and not try hard to convince me and be friend with me, it would easier for me to move on. I love him and he love me, it's really hard to say good bye or just disappear from him.

 

I want I can find a good argument for myself and convince myself that I should leave this person.

 

when I tell him I don't want to be lover, he said, then he will accept we be friend.

when I tell him I want find my own bf and loyal to my bf, he said them he respect my wish to have my own family.

when I tell him I hate him and I don't love him, he said he know its not true and he will always love me.

I said I don't want we have sex anymore, he said he won't force me.

he said what he wish is let him company by myside, he won't ask more just want I don't ignore him and don't make him out of my life.

 

He say he really feel we are different and he treasure me.

 

I feel so sad when I type this.

 

I don't want lose this friend but at the same time I know if I keep him around me it's hard for me to open the heart to others.

 

I told him this before too, and he said now I don't have others he want company me, when I find others and I want to leave, he will let me.

 

Ask his wife!

[Berkley]

Yes, you are making yourself sound stupid.

You know what you need to do...you just don't want to do it...and you're looking for someone to tell you to stay because it will all be wonderful.

 

 

He doesn't love you...if he truly cared about your feelings he would not repeatedly ignore your decision to leave. He does not respect you. Begging you to stay and making you feel bad is not love.

 

 

He is trying to make you feel guilty for leaving him because he's such a good person. If you leave, it means you are a terrible, heartless person.

Are you kidding me ???

Can't you see what he's doing ???

 

 

He promises not to force you to have sex. Wow...what a great guy.

 

 

You need a good argument to leave ???? OMG.....do you actually read what people say here ??? How many reasons do you need before you get it ?

 

 

He is making sure you stick around so that you don't go out and find someone else. It's cool for him to sleep with two women...but you're not allowed to find someone.

[Gunthar]

You especially shouldn't agree to being friends with his wife. This guy is really something else. Please get away from these people. Yes it hurts and you "love" him but trust me, with time life goes on and you get over it.

 

Just have to point out that "being friends" is a strategy that happens (and works), and isn't an idea held by men exclusively.

 

I wasn't asking my wife and I be invited to the parties that my AP or her bff held. We (and the kids) were invited to her husband's birthday party even, then to his b-day dinner, and then later out with his closest-friends to his birthday-movie outing, they went to the gym together, GNO at times, etc. She wanted me in her life, and as close as she could get me. All her ideas.

 

Men are just generally more driven to get what they long for, while trying to maintain some sort of stability in the life they feel they have to maintain, so they're going to be more 'creative' and propose something 'risky' to make a plan come together.

 

We can all moralize about what she 'should' do, but if she wants him, she wants him. He clearly wants her. Just have to manage your expectations...

 

Not trying to pick a fight. Just vent a bit about my own sit, and recognize it's all part of trying to have someone in your life that you want.

 

G

Edited February 4, 2014 by Gunthar

[chelsea2011]

Why is it so important to have someone in your life (at their own detriment) just for the sake of having them there? I don't get this. If you are preventing them from moving on to live a life they deserve - a life where they with someone who is fully present and available - then you DO NOT really care about that person. You are only trying to make them give in to fitting in YOUR life in a way that only benefits you. What about their needs and wants?! They don't count because you can't function in your marriage without them?! This is so ridiculous and selfish I can't believe people actually believe it.

 

If vanelope chooses to accept it that's on her, but it is still ridiculous.

[crederer]

It seems pretty crazy to me you're actually considering this.

 

How do you expect to find a bf when you're still seeing and in love with another man? How do you think your new bf will feel when he discovers all of this and that you are still in love with him? This has disaster all over it.

 

Going NC now is important if you ever want to stop loving this guy and actually finding a boyfriend.

[Leelou]

Hi Peak, because I love this man, I know it's silly but I can't control my feelings.

 

I can just control my behavior that I won't have sex with him, I just need the emotional part.

 

You can love him from a distance.

 

Don't waste your time playing his game. It's a nice offer that he made you (to help a married man feel special and loved and wanted by two women, while he deceives the wife).

 

I know you are not proud of yourself in deceiving an innocent woman. A sister. A wife who 'found her man' and didn't realize you are wanting to toy with him, to give him a reason to keep his emotional distance from his own wife, by giving that special attention to you.

 

Do you realize that you are depriving her of what is rightfully hers? That you are stealing from her?

Do you LIKE seeing yourself in this way?

 

When she finds out one day, she will cry for hours and hours, weep for days, and feel like she is nothing. And he will cut you off, see you as a person who did this too, to his wife, and he will pick you over her.

 

No, don't stay on to serve his emotional needs! As long as you keep feeding your love for him, you will not be truly open to another man and no genuine relationship will come of it.

 

I have heard of OW who have gone on like this for a decade! Is that what you want for yourself? Would you recommend this man to your sister or a daughter? No? Then why for yourself? You deserve better.

[Saba]

he say, he always treat me good, and he is not bad person, why I can't accept he is my friend. when he tell this to me, I do feel if I keep no contact with him, it make me like I am a person who can't get what I want and start destroy everything. I don't want he think me like this kind of person, I do want in his mind I am good woman.

 

 

 

Why does it matter what he thinks about you? You know if you are a good woman or not.

 

 

He has not always treated you well or had your best interests at heart. Surely you can find a better companion.

[Berkley]

You can love him from a distance.

 

I know you are not proud of yourself in deceiving an innocent woman. A sister. A wife who 'found her man' and didn't realize you are wanting to toy with him, to give him a reason to keep his emotional distance from his own wife, by giving that special attention to you.

 

Do you realize that you are depriving her of what is rightfully hers? That you are stealing from her?

Do you LIKE seeing yourself in this way?

 

When she finds out one day, she will cry for hours and hours, weep for days, and feel like she is nothing. And he will cut you off, see you as a person who did this too, to his wife, and he will pick you over her.

 

No, don't stay on to serve his emotional needs! As long as you keep feeding your love for him, you will not be truly open to another man and no genuine relationship will come of it.

 

I have heard of OW who have gone on like this for a decade! Is that what you want for yourself? Would you recommend this man to your sister or a daughter? No? Then why for yourself? You deserve better.

 

 

I would agree with you...but....you didn't read this thread, or her stories before you posted.

His wife knows. His wife found naked photos of the two of them having sex. His wife threatened to sue her...not sure what she was suing her for....this all took place only a few weeks ago. His wife took him back.

[Iguanna]

I know he is not going to divorce, my plan is let him company me until I find my real bf.

 

You can't find another bf when you spend time and energy on another. Being an OW requires lots of strength and patience, and you don't seem like a person who will be able to separate having fun with one guy while trying to find a marriage material other guy. Do not become his doll that he will use to have fun and then throw away. You deserve something and someone better. With this offer he has shown openly and without a doubt how little he cares for you and appreciates you. When you really love someone but you can't be with them you have to set them free to find some other love and not hold them hostage for your own satisfaction. He is not a real man, he wants to use you. DO NOT fall into his trap.

[vanellope]

I told him that eventually we will be friends if meant to be, and I told him i am dating others now.

 

he is fine with it, he say he can't give me family things as I wish, so he repect my choice that I marry other. but he wish I can still let him love me and talk to me.

 

I remind myself everyday that he is just one of my friend, and he has his own responsiblity and duty at home, and he is married.

 

I remind myself everyday that I should not jealous and compare, he met her before me is what reality is.

 

I wont dream any future with him now, and I plan my own life.

I told him that when one day when I have boyfriend, I will let my boyfriend know his existance and I did love him, and I will be loyal to my future husband.

Edited February 5, 2014 by vanellope

[peaksandvalleys]

I told him that eventually we will be friends if meant to be, and I told him i am dating others now.

 

he is fine with it, he say he can't give me family things as I wish, so he repect my choice that I marry other. but he wish I can still let him love me and talk to me.

 

I remind myself everyday that he is just one of my friend, and he has his own responsiblity and duty at home, and he is married.

 

I remind myself everyday that I should not jealous and compare, he met her before me is what reality is.

 

I wont dream any future with him now, and I plan my own life.

I told him that when one day when I have boyfriend, I will let my boyfriend know his existance and I did love him, and I will be loyal to my future husband.

 

 

How? What is your plan for that? If you can't be loyal to yourself now how are you going to be loyal to another person?

[SunshineToday]

Vanellope please cut off all contact with this man. He will never be any good to your life. Just the things you write I can see you getting sucked back in. Remember how you felt when his wife first found out? Don't forget that!!

 

No contact!

[vanellope]

thank you all, reading the posts from you can definitely get more rational me back. my mood actually is quite stable these two days, through we don't talk emotional things, both just try to see reality.

 

I understand and realize we won't marry one day. I dont expect this from him anymore, I think this is good thing and improvement. I less jealous his wife now, I mean when he talk about something about her, I don't feel that uneasy like before.

 

I feel good about how it is now, we don't talk how we love or miss each other, we talk things happen in life instead. I do afraid if I don't do NC then I will hang the feelings forever, but I really can't imagine the life without him.

 

I choose this way, I think I can do well time after time. I will see him as one of my friend in this life. I will tell my future bf his existence so I can be loyal to my future bf.

 

in fact after go thought all this, I don't think I will marry MM if one day his wife really leave him, we have too much story and too complex. and I think I am quite loyal to myself, because I honest admit that who I love now is him, it's just the fact and I don't want lose him in my life, I will try to let his wife like me because I am not that bad.

Edited February 6, 2014 by vanellope