Could this mean anything or am I just pathetic?

[lionheart153]

Hello, its been tough and I am hoping its ok for me to vent and talk about my relationship to help work things out, feel free to give opinions or not, but most of all thank you for reading.

 

So its been 2 weeks since our break up of our 3 years of dating with 6 months of being engaged, and friendship of 6 years. I've gone almost NC for about a week now, aside from letting her know that I was going to drop off my keys and get the last of my things when she was at work, I have not talked to her at all.

 

It's been really hard and right now nothing is going well, I had to move out, luckily a friend offered me a room. But my friend got promoted (good for her) and she needs to leave the city for it, she originally had planned to rent out each room separately because there was another friend renting already but she couldn't find 2 more renters, and when she finally did they wanted the whole house, so I have about a month to find a new place to live.

 

I feel lost, and incomplete. This woman was my best friend when I moved to this city, we met early on and clicked really fast. She had moved to the city to live with her BF at time which her family hated and her mom even claimed to disown her. Her bf at that time was terrible, both mentally and physically abusive. She was in an unhealthy relationship.

Eventually she finally listened and saw the light and broke up with him. She became single but I didn't know and did not pursue her, but we were friends and started to hang out more and more. Eventually another guy came into the picture and they dated just over a year, during the time we were still good friends and I actually started spending more time together. We considered each other as best buds, I was firmly in the Friend Zone but I did not mind. I did find her attractive but never thought about dating or stealing her.

 

While her new bf was much better than the last, he was also older and living at home, partied alot and was always concerned about his friends more than her. He put drugs and partying before her. Eventually the issues came to a head, I found out later when were started to date she stopped sleeping with him for the last 6 months of the relationship. Whenever she got into a huge fight with him she called and I would come get her, as a friend. After a few more months of this, she finally put her foot down and gave him an ultimatum. That either he choose her or the drugs and partying. He wouldn't give up partying and drugs so she left him.

At this time I knew she was single and I kept my distance because I had recently gone through a fling that failed as well. She got mad at me for ignoring her and msged me to spend new years together. I told her I worked. She called me at midnight to say Happy New Years, we talked and I found out she was drunk and trying to walk home in -30 weather when her place was literally across the city. I volunteered to get her.

 

When I picked her up she wanted to go get food, so I offered to go to the all night Chinese restaurant in town that everyone goes. She didn't want to and suggested we go back to her place and she would cook me noodles and we could watch a movie. So we did and we ended up passing out in her bed watching Avatar. (who suggests watching avatar at 2 am?) I made a move and simply but my arm around her and we fell asleep, she said that was the first time she saw me as anything other than a friend and from then on it was a rollercoaster ride.

 

For the next 3 months I realized I wanted to be more than friends, but she wasn't sure because she was still scared to ruin our friendship. I went out of town for a weekend and we msged and talked non-stop. When I got back she called me and we had our first intimate time together. It was amazing and I blew her away (literally). From there she tried to be single and hide her feelings because she wasn't sure, eventually I put my foot down and said I couldn't do it anymore. I told her that I just can't be friends because I had feelings for her so I walked out of her life.

 

After a week of NC she called me one night on St Patties day and told me she missed me a lot and had something to tell me, and asked for me to come over. I hesitated but I told her I would. When I got there, she admitted her feelings to me as well and told me how much she realized she wanted me in her life. She wanted me to be her boyfriend and wanted to be my girlfriend.

 

It was an amazing time after that. I had never med someone like her that I cared for so much. A few months later on her birthday I couldn't hold it anymore and I told her I loved her, and she cried and said she loved me to. Throughout the beginning of course it was all dates and gifts and presents and everything is wonderful. She moved to a new apartment due to issues with her roommate and I stayed so often over night we decided to live together because it financially made sense. She never wanted me to leave anyway. My grand mother passed away that year, she was a very important person in my life, and she was there for me. After the funeral she came with me to be by my side and that was the first time she met my family, they loved her.

 

We had amazing fun over the next few years, but I was always working full time and we both were in school for a time. She was doing well in her career and got promoted to manager and started to make more money.

 

Our relationship had some issues, such as fighting over silly things, but we always had an agreement to work things out and never go to bed angry, all our friends admired us, and we gave our friends hope. Even my therapist said that we sounded like a very mature and healthy couple that was effective.

 

When I try to think about our relationship to find major problems, there isn't much. Maybe I could have been more cute and taken her on more dates and such but I was always busy with school and work, and trying to save for our future home. In 2013 after many discussions and hints that she would marry me, I purchased her ring. It took me a while but I managed to do it while working fulltime and going to school full time.

 

In May I popped the question and she said yes, it was the happiest time of my life and we spent the summer madly in love. By fall things had started to get stressful, we both were done school. I recently got a new job that was more towards my Degree, but I wanted to keep saving for a house so I kept my old job as Part time. I had asked if this was a good idea because I didn't want it to affect our relationship. She said she was so proud of me and she knew she was doing it for us and our future.

 

In late fall, her grandfather passed, I did my best to be there for her. We couldn't get a flight out of the city for her to see him and the only flight that left that night was in a city 2 hours away. I purchased the ticket and drove her down there to catch the flight, I wanted to go with her but I had to work and couldn't get the time off. Her grandfather passed away that weekend and when she came back I was there for her. I stayed by her side, and did what I usually do to try to cheer her up, buying her favorite food and put on a movie and just held her.

 

Her family came to visit for thanksgiving and I was there with them through all the emotions all the family thanked me and said they were happy I was there for them and my ex.

 

During this time we still had small fights, but it was always the same we wouldn't let it get to us and we fixed it before every night, we set rules to never yell at or swear at each other. I think I had a problem of always having excuses instead of just owning up to things some times. On month on her more sensitive times she got mad at me for not being cleaner and threatened to leave me if I didn't change. I told her I would and I honestly tried.

 

from here my story goes back to my first post here, Life was great, we were more connected I thought than ever but then in mid January we got into a small argument about what type of first home to buy and she broke up with me. As said before, she was stressed with a lot of things and her step dad innocently asked her if it was really the home purchase she was upset about. She started to push everything on to me as the problem and decided on her own that if I was out of the equation everything would be ok. So she dumped me out of the blue, well to me it was out of the blue, I realize that maybe I never knew how she really felt about things after all, perhaps a lot of it was a lie. This of course is speculation for what I heard from my friend who he got from his GF.

 

Since then my life has been turned around, trying to work at new position I got moved to and my other job and find a place to live. It’s been a rough few weeks. All I think about is her, and all that keeps me going is hoping that she will call me one day and say she was sorry and made a mistake. I’m trying to take the advice of everyone and work on myself for me, go to the gym, work hard, study for my upcoming exam for work. Etc. it’s been tough to say the least. Sometimes I’ll be ok but once silence sets in I think about her, I had to pull over the other day while driving because I remembered our engagement and I started to lose it. During this whole time she has been cold and ruthless asking me non-stop to get my things out of the house. Not letting me stay in the house I also was renting with her, posting on FB and stuff about how happy she is. I tried to be as mature and civil as possible giving her the house, let her know she can pay me back for my things and my DD when she has the money. It wasn’t until last Saturday she showed an act of kindness when she msged me saying she realized how hard this is for me and would try to give me clarification when I came to get the last of my things. I was in NC mode so I ignored her. And even my therapist doubts finding out would serve anything other than makes me feel worse.

 

Like I said I didn’t talk to her until Wednesday when I msged her but only to be nice and let her know I was going to drop off my keys and get the last of my things. I’m probably thinking too much but she kept mentioning that she would call me to figure out tv internet and cell phone issue as they were all under my name. I had told her before that I can simply ask them for a transfer and she would go into a store and get it done, I don’t understand why she mentioned more than once that she would call me about it. Either way I told her I was busy next week so to call me later in the week.

 

And that is the last time we spoke. I’m still sad everyday and sometimes I just want to give up. In the summer I plan to move away to the city 2 hours from here, I just can’t be around her or this city anymore. I always wonder what she is doing, and I get the feeling she will be partying this weekend because its my friends gfs bday and they got to be good friends so I wasn’t invited but she was.

 

Anyway that is that, I know it was long but if you actually read it thank you for your time. I hope things get better before it gets worse.

[ain5053]

Your story is very beautiful and heartbreaking. I am crying because it is sad and because it is reminding myself of my own situation.

 

I can only suggest you read the "Grass is greener syndrome" thread, it is pinned to the top of the forum, if you haven't yet.

 

Sounds like she simply freaked out by the thought that you two are getting married and purchasing your first home together. Possibly, this reminded her of her previous relationships, and maybe future relationships. Maybe she questioned whether she was ready to get married after all.

 

I am sure she loves you with all her heart. This must be as difficult on her as it is on you. Women, overall, are usually more emotional than men, so you doing the NC with her a good idea. It will drive her crazy, and she will probably regret what has happened and try to talk to you. If you want to get back with her, I would say continue doing the NC and eventually she will be begging for you to forgive her and come back...

 

As in what is best for you... I think right now the best is take time for yourself, and like what you've been already doing - focus on work and on your new life.. The advice I am giving you is the advice I am giving myself as well as I am in a similar situation with a new job and new place and all. Moving away to a different city is a good idea. But your relationship sounds too good to give up on completely, I can only assume she will continue trying to talk to you in the next several weeks/months.. I have a feeling it will work out for you..

 

But you can't live your life dwelling on what could be. I would deleted her from your Facebook (why is it Exes always upload pictures of them partying and statuses about how happy they are.....) and not contact her for a while. If it is meant to be you will re connect with her.

(When my boyfriend broke up with me in the past, I have not heard from him in 1 1/2 months... then all of the sudden I ran into him THREE times in one day in a city... how does that happen... )

That's the kind of sign I am talking about. Wait for your sign..

 

Good luck!

[Mr me to]

Your story is very beautiful and heartbreaking. I am crying because it is sad and because it is reminding myself of my own situation.

 

I can only suggest you read the "Grass is greener syndrome" thread, it is pinned to the top of the forum, if you haven't yet.

 

Sounds like she simply freaked out by the thought that you two are getting married and purchasing your first home together. Possibly, this reminded her of her previous relationships, and maybe future relationships. Maybe she questioned whether she was ready to get married after all.

 

I am sure she loves you with all her heart. This must be as difficult on her as it is on you. Women, overall, are usually more emotional than men, so you doing the NC with her a good idea. It will drive her crazy, and she will probably regret what has happened and try to talk to you. If you want to get back with her, I would say continue doing the NC and eventually she will be begging for you to forgive her and come back...

 

As in what is best for you... I think right now the best is take time for yourself, and like what you've been already doing - focus on work and on your new life.. The advice I am giving you is the advice I am giving myself as well as I am in a similar situation with a new job and new place and all. Moving away to a different city is a good idea. But your relationship sounds too good to give up on completely, I can only assume she will continue trying to talk to you in the next several weeks/months.. I have a feeling it will work out for you..

 

But you can't live your life dwelling on what could be. I would deleted her from your Facebook (why is it Exes always upload pictures of them partying and statuses about how happy they are.....) and not contact her for a while. If it is meant to be you will re connect with her.

(When my boyfriend broke up with me in the past, I have not heard from him in 1 1/2 months... then all of the sudden I ran into him THREE times in one day in a city... how does that happen... )

That's the kind of sign I am talking about. Wait for your sign..

 

Good luck!

 

Leaving him would suggest the opposite of loving him with all her heart, suggesting this is the case is giving him nothing but false hope.

 

Dude it sucks but no contact is the only option. Don't wait for any sign or miracle all it's going to do is delay your healing. I know it sounds like a cliche but stay active find a distraction, do the things you always wanted to but never got around to. Don't put your life on hold I can promise you she won't be. The harder you make it for her to contact you the better. If she really wanted you she will find a way.

[lionheart153]

Is there any chance that she could be hiding her true feelings? Or masking them? Before I took her off my FB feed, she would post about being excited to "wake up" as it was something and one time she posted such things like

 

"stay positive, so many things in life could be worse than whatever you are going through #happinessisnotafishyoucancatch"

 

I unno but it sounds all kind of fake to me, an is it a cry for attention? I mean she does know I have her on instagram and FB

[lionheart153]

So I was dumped by my ex fiance just over 2.5 weeks almost 3 weeks now. Since then it has been hard and I have gone into almost NC for a week for myself, but I did msg her the other day but only to let her know I was dropping off my keys and getting the last of my things while she was at work.

 

Whenever I've told my story to anyone of what happened, I usually get the same answer "it sounds like she got scared/freaked out and ran." Even my therapist thinks so. Of course this is the story from my end, so maybe the view is greatly one sided. Over the past 2 weeks she has been posting odd status and liking pages that all revolve around the same thing. For example she will talk about how happy she is, how waking up is a great thing. Or say how happy she is, likeing pages about qoutes on life, about living in the moment. One status bothered me because it was saying how people focus to much on past and future to come to us but you need to stop and just live. Before I took her off my FB feed, she would post about being excited to "wake up" as it was something and one time she posted such things like

 

"stay positive, so many things in life could be worse than whatever you are going through #happinessisnotafishyoucancatch"

 

Is there any chance that she could be hiding her true feelings? Or masking them? I unno but it sounds all kind of fake to me, and maybe a cry for attention? I mean she does know I have her on instagram and FB

 

After being complete insenitive to me, asking me to get my things out asap, and telling me to stay away from her friends I went NC and she msged me saying she would try to give me clarification on what happened cuz she owed me that and realized how hard it is for me. I was in NC mode so I ignored her.

 

Can anyone offer insight on WTF is going on???

 

Today I also found out she had viewed my linkedin profile about 6 days ago.. prob nothing I think I am just going insane.

[Gaveeverything]

So I was dumped by my ex fiance just over 2.5 weeks almost 3 weeks now. Since then it has been hard and I have gone into almost NC for a week for myself, but I did msg her the other day but only to let her know I was dropping off my keys and getting the last of my things while she was at work.

 

Whenever I've told my story to anyone of what happened, I usually get the same answer "it sounds like she got scared/freaked out and ran." Even my therapist thinks so. Of course this is the story from my end, so maybe the view is greatly one sided. Over the past 2 weeks she has been posting odd status and liking pages that all revolve around the same thing. For example she will talk about how happy she is, how waking up is a great thing. Or say how happy she is, likeing pages about qoutes on life, about living in the moment. One status bothered me because it was saying how people focus to much on past and future to come to us but you need to stop and just live. Before I took her off my FB feed, she would post about being excited to "wake up" as it was something and one time she posted such things like

 

"stay positive, so many things in life could be worse than whatever you are going through #happinessisnotafishyoucancatch"

 

Is there any chance that she could be hiding her true feelings? Or masking them? I unno but it sounds all kind of fake to me, and maybe a cry for attention? I mean she does know I have her on instagram and FB

 

After being complete insenitive to me, asking me to get my things out asap, and telling me to stay away from her friends I went NC and she msged me saying she would try to give me clarification on what happened cuz she owed me that and realized how hard it is for me. I was in NC mode so I ignored her.

 

Can anyone offer insight on WTF is going on???

 

Today I also found out she had viewed my linkedin profile about 6 days ago.. prob nothing I think I am just going insane.

 

personally it sounds as if she is using these philosophical quotes about life etc. to mask her actual feelings. i believe this is some sort of defense mechanism and nothing more. you MUST delete her from your life this is the only way that you will truly heal, delete her number, photos, remove everything that is a memory trigger, delete all social media, follow strict NC guidelines, and you will heal. I am personally in a break up at the moment. dated hard for just shy of a year, she split up with me last Sunday, i have been NC since, received a breadcrumb from her on day 4 NC, i didnt break NC, currently on day 6 NC now.

[pickflicker]

Unless they're specifically saying "I made a terrible mistake, please take me back", anything else they say is meaningless.

 

You're not in NC if your social media profiles are still connected, either.

[lionheart153]

Unless they're specifically saying "I made a terrible mistake, please take me back", anything else they say is meaningless.

 

You're not in NC if your social media profiles are still connected, either.

 

 

When we broke up we agreed that deleting each other on FB or announcing to the world that our engagment was over was childish. Should I just ignore this do it anyway according to you? Even though I deleted her off my feed already?

[Mondmellonw]

I think that pickflicker is right.

You need to cut all contact, no matter what.

For what you wrote, it seems that you're still focusing on her and on what she feels, and this is normal, but you need to s leave this behind ASAP, so you can recover from it.

[Mr me to]

I think you know the answer yourself...

She's posting random comments knowing you have her on social media. Delete her off them. Let her know you are a strong man with pride and self respect. Make her worry about what your doing and who your doing it with. Do this the only way you can the only way you can gain some control... Don't say anything, delete her off everything and go total no contact...

[Trep]

When we broke up we agreed that deleting each other on FB or announcing to the world that our engagment was over was childish. Should I just ignore this do it anyway according to you? Even though I deleted her off my feed already?

 

Ofcourse she doesn't want you deleting her off facebook. It's much easier for her to keep you on the hook that way.

 

Block her from everything and start moving on. Don't even acknowledge her existence unless its her pleading you to give her another chance and get back together.

[guest572]

I would definitley follow the above advice and remove her. If this behaviour is out of character for her she is probably just doing it for attention or because she knows you will see it. Dont let her get to you this way. Delete!!

[lionheart153]

I deactivated my facebook, i still have friends in common with her so to save myself the trouble I just deactivated my facebook

[pickflicker]

When we broke up we agreed that deleting each other on FB or announcing to the world that our engagment was over was childish. Should I just ignore this do it anyway according to you? Even though I deleted her off my feed already?

 

Who cares? NC means NC. It's not halfway. Delete, delete, delete.