TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yup. Whoever said she was 'buying your affection' was right. That was a reckless spend, and she very probably knew it at the time. Tread carefully with this one. She may well be a self-fulfilling prophecy. And mental condition or not, it's not your job to fix her, as I previously stated....
Grumpybutfun Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Just to put things in perspective, you are just a few years younger than me and yet your posts sound like you enjoy dramatic crazy making women with some deep psychological scars that honestly you don't sound like you have a clear understanding of or the insight to manage. I really think it is best if you move on now. A focus on porn star bodies, drinking in the afternoons while farming off her children, and women you aren't even exclusive with buying you stuff and then asking for money for said gifts sounds like the musings of my twenty year old nephew, not a man who has obviously lived a full life with kids and former wives. At some point you have to ask yourself if you are still making life choices that do not reflect any growth, how does thatbode for your future? Not trying to be harsh here, but you say you are searching for something more than ONS or FWBS so why choose a woman who is so obviously desperate for a Knight in Shining Armor and who has no idea what a healthy and responsible relationship looks like? She bought you expensive gifts as a single mother and then had to ask for money for them? Doesn't that ring a bell for you that she is immature and flaky. She drinks with you all day when she has children who could need her medically or emotionally and she is impaired and that doesn't make you question her priorities? Even if she has caregivers every parent knows that when a child is hurt or I sick or upset, they need their mom. She has a meltdown on you and verbally belittles men and accuses you of being like all the rest and that doesn't raise red flags to you that she is unstable and isn't dealing with her baggage? You sound like a great guy, but in order to be with someone who can give you a peaceful yet passionate relationship, maybe you need to start asking yourself what you value in a forever woman rather than be distracted by a right now woman. In support, Grumps 2
Author ktya Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Yes grumps your approach is a bit harsh. There are some very valuable nuggets in what you say though. Breaking up with my ex at 37 left me in a mindset where i was going to write off serious relationships entirely and just date. However dating didnt prove to be much of a challenge and after six weeks of getting so much action that i would kick back for a night thinking i was going to chill at home alone only to have the phone ring or some cutie come knocking on my door i am thinking id rather just land a girlfriend i like. Im not sure if i ever am going to want the marriage cohabiting thing again after 17 years of that stuff im burned out of it. But thats off topic for this thread. I agree that that night this girl showed a particular type of crazy and thats a big warning sign this early on. What i came here looking for was any optics from the outside as to why she may have acted that way. Everyone is human and a single mom of two who may be falling for me who overextended her finances to try to woo me while stressed out about an ex husband who is not making his cs payments... Lot of stress, who knows. Ive known some women to blow out and sob for hours over much less. This crazy never came out before. She has always been very calm and direct, relaxed, straightforward. On her assignments like i said she is aceing her course getting near perfect marks in teacher training, i dont have to take her word for it ive seen them. Her house is clean and organized. Ive never met her kids, between the ex and her parents she gets a few nights off a week. If she had introduced them to me already im sure this thread would be lit right up with how irresponsible she was and that would concern me a lot if that was the case. I have talked with her about her past situations and it is pretty tragic. I think she needs some therapy. An ex husband she divorced 2 years ago who shattered 3 bones in her face with his fist when she was trying to leave who then dumped a bottle of hard liquor on her head and some guy a year ago who got her pregnant then disappeared off the face of the earth thats a lot to deal with. But she still has a right to be happy and have a man in her life. That all said im not defending her just looking at the whole situation from a few steps back. I have always had white knight complex and ive been with my share of females with screwed up problems and while my experience in life can help me to help them i would really prefer someone who WANTS me rather than NEEDS me. Someone perfectly capable of looking after themselves but who we would compliment rather than make or break eachothers lives. My ex was one of that type, i looked after her kid full time while working full time while paying for the bills vacations most everything due to a never ending string of health problems. I dont need another one of those im all stocked up on crazy. The other girl im seeing is more down to earth and especially after that night maybe ill backtrack and focus on her. But meltdown girl has showed a lot of good things so any insights into why, how, medical, mental or emotional as to why she might have exploded like that would be helpful.
BradJacobs Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 This crazy never came out before. That you know of ... and in your short history with her it's impossible to know just how frequent her outbursts of crazy are at this point. I saw something about a BPD ex so I'm assuming you've encountered the type of person who can look very well put together out in public and display all of the signs of happy, healthy and normal. Yet behind close doors they end up being a depressive sod or hysterically impulsive and unpredictable. An investment of time is the only way to flush out all of the crazy. Good luck.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yes grumps your approach is a bit harsh. There are some very valuable nuggets in what you say though. Breaking up with my ex at 37 left me in a mindset where i was going to write off serious relationships entirely and just date. However dating didnt prove to be much of a challenge and after six weeks of getting so much action that i would kick back for a night thinking i was going to chill at home alone only to have the phone ring or some cutie come knocking on my door i am thinking id rather just land a girlfriend i like. Im not sure if i ever am going to want the marriage cohabiting thing again after 17 years of that stuff im burned out of it. But thats off topic for this thread. I agree that that night this girl showed a particular type of crazy and thats a big warning sign this early on. What i came here looking for was any optics from the outside as to why she may have acted that way. Everyone is human and a single mom of two who may be falling for me who overextended her finances to try to woo me while stressed out about an ex husband who is not making his cs payments... Lot of stress, who knows. Ive known some women to blow out and sob for hours over much less. This crazy never came out before. She has always been very calm and direct, relaxed, straightforward. On her assignments like i said she is aceing her course getting near perfect marks in teacher training, i dont have to take her word for it ive seen them. Her house is clean and organized. Ive never met her kids, between the ex and her parents she gets a few nights off a week. If she had introduced them to me already im sure this thread would be lit right up with how irresponsible she was and that would concern me a lot if that was the case. I have talked with her about her past situations and it is pretty tragic. I think she needs some therapy. An ex husband she divorced 2 years ago who shattered 3 bones in her face with his fist when she was trying to leave who then dumped a bottle of hard liquor on her head and some guy a year ago who got her pregnant then disappeared off the face of the earth thats a lot to deal with. But she still has a right to be happy and have a man in her life. That all said im not defending her just looking at the whole situation from a few steps back. I have always had white knight complex and ive been with my share of females with screwed up problems and while my experience in life can help me to help them i would really prefer someone who WANTS me rather than NEEDS me. Someone perfectly capable of looking after themselves but who we would compliment rather than make or break eachothers lives. My ex was one of that type, i looked after her kid full time while working full time while paying for the bills vacations most everything due to a never ending string of health problems. I dont need another one of those im all stocked up on crazy. The other girl im seeing is more down to earth and especially after that night maybe ill backtrack and focus on her. But meltdown girl has showed a lot of good things so any insights into why, how, medical, mental or emotional as to why she might have exploded like that would be helpful. Wow. You might be the man for the job. I say this because of your thoughtful introspection and willingness to persevere. You like her body but that is incidental, or rather a small piece of the package. She has shared a lot with you in short period of time but the reasons for this are unclear. Like aforposted more time will tell. If you are up for the challenge, she may just mellow out once everything is on the table. Just take care of yourself and see where it leads. Other girl is cool with situation. Your side of the street is still a little messy and could cause problems down the road. All in all, you seem like a smart guy who is sowing his oats and meanwhile getting sucked into something he may just want to be a part of. You got some material that you came for no? BPD, PMDD... what about PTSD. I think that is in the mix. And you are right she does deserve to be happy and have a man in her life. A good man.
Author ktya Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 You like her body but that is incidental, or rather a small piece of the package. Correct. I met her through OLD. This was one of those rare cases where she looked phenomenally better in person than in the pictures, boy was that ever a pleasant surprise. We were in a 200 seat restaurant and she was the hottest girl in the whole place. Dudes were gawking at her and looking at me jealously. So while I'm into her body and looks that wasn't the reason I approached her in the first place. She has shared a lot with you in short period of time but the reasons for this are unclear. She did bring that up. Apparently she's told me so much stuff that nobody in her world knows as much as me about whats happened to her. Her mom only knows the tip of the iceberg. I think she needs to really talk to someone about it, might not be the smartest to get into that level of detail with a guy you have been dating for a month but when someone needs to talk they need to talk I guess. Other girl is cool with situation. Your side of the street is still a little messy and could cause problems down the road. The messy part is that I really like the other girl too. But I've been dead to rights honest with the both of them they even know eachothers ages and nationality. The only time I haven't been honest when its going to be TMI, like I wouldn't want to tell girl A that I'm busy sleeping with girl B but if I'm asked a direct question I tell the truth. All in all, you seem like a smart guy who is sowing his oats and meanwhile getting sucked into something he may just want to be a part of. This is so true. I couldn't have said it better myself. You got some material that you came for no? BPD, PMDD... what about PTSD. I think that is in the mix. And you are right she does deserve to be happy and have a man in her life. A good man. Yeah... I know that I'm that kind of guy. I know it's suspicious to blame others for relationship failures because it takes two to tango... but my first true love left me to sleep with her friend's boyfriend, my fiancée cheated on me and then left me to play the field, I had a couple nutbars after that due to being vulnerable and then a gambling addict, and my most recent ex just didn't seem to understand that when I come home from work and have to run the dishwasher four times back to back to catch up on dishes when she was doing the stay at home mom thing the fights over domestic issues just got worse and worse. I've always been really patient and kind. A very giving person. But everyone has their limit too. 1
SYLLPalmer Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Yeah... I know that I'm that kind of guy. I know it's suspicious to blame others for relationship failures because it takes two to tango... We are all familiar with this adage but I think it has it's limits. People connect :)and when one in the pair starts a painful dance immediate disengagement isn't always an option. There is confusion and disorientation and then the process of healing begins. By that time things "look" like you were a willing participant when really you were blindsided or betrayed or forgiving or whatever. Takes two to Tango is something the judgmental or unscathed human would say from hisher soapbox vantage. Forget that!
Gerrykins Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Just take it easy and see which way the wind blows: you're too intense
Author ktya Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 We are all familiar with this adage but I think it has it's limits. People connect :)and when one in the pair starts a painful dance immediate disengagement isn't always an option. There is confusion and disorientation and then the process of healing begins. By that time things "look" like you were a willing participant when really you were blindsided or betrayed or forgiving or whatever. Takes two to Tango is something the judgmental or unscathed human would say from hisher soapbox vantage. Forget that! Yeah. My ex presented herself as a full time student nearly finished her health sciences degree, single mom holding it together. She was great and then when she moved in from day one she was unemployed i realized she ran out of funding and had a hundred grand in student debt, not only couldnt clean the house but stayed up till 4am every night and slept all day, wasnt looking for work and the kid was calling me dad so giving her the boot just felt too cruel. When things never improved i was left feeling like i bought a bad bill of goods. And she was pressuring me to get married and have 2 more kids... I was like wtf But back to todays dilemma i digress Im not sure but i think meltdown girl might be embarassed. She always called me before bed and since the meltdown she hasnt wanted to talk on he phone at all
Grumpybutfun Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Yes grumps your approach is a bit harsh. There are some very valuable nuggets in what you say though. Breaking up with my ex at 37 left me in a mindset where i was going to write off serious relationships entirely and just date. However dating didnt prove to be much of a challenge and after six weeks of getting so much action that i would kick back for a night thinking i was going to chill at home alone only to have the phone ring or some cutie come knocking on my door i am thinking id rather just land a girlfriend i like. Im not sure if i ever am going to want the marriage cohabiting thing again after 17 years of that stuff im burned out of it. But thats off topic for this thread. I agree that that night this girl showed a particular type of crazy and thats a big warning sign this early on. What i came here looking for was any optics from the outside as to why she may have acted that way. Everyone is human and a single mom of two who may be falling for me who overextended her finances to try to woo me while stressed out about an ex husband who is not making his cs payments... Lot of stress, who knows. Ive known some women to blow out and sob for hours over much less. This crazy never came out before. She has always been very calm and direct, relaxed, straightforward. On her assignments like i said she is aceing her course getting near perfect marks in teacher training, i dont have to take her word for it ive seen them. Her house is clean and organized. Ive never met her kids, between the ex and her parents she gets a few nights off a week. If she had introduced them to me already im sure this thread would be lit right up with how irresponsible she was and that would concern me a lot if that was the case. I have talked with her about her past situations and it is pretty tragic. I think she needs some therapy. An ex husband she divorced 2 years ago who shattered 3 bones in her face with his fist when she was trying to leave who then dumped a bottle of hard liquor on her head and some guy a year ago who got her pregnant then disappeared off the face of the earth thats a lot to deal with. But she still has a right to be happy and have a man in her life. That all said im not defending her just looking at the whole situation from a few steps back. I have always had white knight complex and ive been with my share of females with screwed up problems and while my experience in life can help me to help them i would really prefer someone who WANTS me rather than NEEDS me. Someone perfectly capable of looking after themselves but who we would compliment rather than make or break eachothers lives. My ex was one of that type, i looked after her kid full time while working full time while paying for the bills vacations most everything due to a never ending string of health problems. I dont need another one of those im all stocked up on crazy. The other girl im seeing is more down to earth and especially after that night maybe ill backtrack and focus on her. But meltdown girl has showed a lot of good things so any insights into why, how, medical, mental or emotional as to why she might have exploded like that would be helpful. I misunderstood...I read your post that you were looking for something more than a casual relationship. Hey, if you aren't looking for a LTR then why can't you just date both of them? It seems from your defense of the meltdown woman that you are okay with her behavior, so just see where it goes. If they know about each other, what's the problem with dating both of them? That way in the future, if she keeps acting irrationally, you have a backup date in the other woman. Best, Grumps
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Yeah. My ex presented herself as a full time student nearly finished her health sciences degree, single mom holding it together. She was great and then when she moved in from day one she was unemployed i realized she ran out of funding and had a hundred grand in student debt, not only couldnt clean the house but stayed up till 4am every night and slept all day, wasnt looking for work and the kid was calling me dad so giving her the boot just felt too cruel. When things never improved i was left feeling like i bought a bad bill of goods. And she was pressuring me to get married and have 2 more kids... I was like wtf But back to todays dilemma i digress Im not sure but i think meltdown girl might be embarassed. She always called me before bed and since the meltdown she hasnt wanted to talk on he phone at all Exactly my point. This was a ****ty dance she started. Had you knocked her up of your own volition then it takes two to Tango applies, but you didn't. You got your bearings and now you are free. Why don't you call meltdown?... Take her to movie and hold her hand. Skip the boom boom for now. If she wants it, give it up but the O could make her cry. Hey maybe Aunt Flo is in town so you keep it light from a practical stand point. IDK but I think again more interaction is where your answers lie.
Author ktya Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I was trying to get meltdown girl on the phone to touch base. No dice Heavy duty text messages now though, pretty intense stuff. As we speak
Author ktya Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I misunderstood...I read your post that you were looking for something more than a casual relationship. Hey, if you aren't looking for a LTR then why can't you just date both of them? It seems from your defense of the meltdown woman that you are okay with her behavior, so just see where it goes. If they know about each other, what's the problem with dating both of them? That way in the future, if she keeps acting irrationally, you have a backup date in the other woman. Best, Grumps Thats what ive been doing but i know that the rubber is gonna hit the road soon. My ex warned me about how casually dating for me is not going to end well and im going to be dealing with a lot of broken hearts and how i wouldnt have the stomach for it. She told me i have this way of making girls feel so damned special and i didnt beleive her until i started aggressively dating and then i realized that for all the crap she was wrong about that she was right on that one. I hate breaking hearts and even more i hate playing games. I am well versed in the grounded reality that if you get too greedy you can lose it all. I work in the stockmarket it happens every day. Sometimes you gotta crystalize your gains and stop hoping for the shoot the lights out and i know in my bones with these two fantastic girls im already there. Shtty it only took six weeks of playing around might have been more fun if it took longer... But it is what it is and while i could obviously roll the dice again whats the point
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Thats what ive been doing but i know that the rubber is gonna hit the road soon. My ex warned me about how casually dating for me is not going to end well and im going to be dealing with a lot of broken hearts and how i wouldnt have the stomach for it. She told me i have this way of making girls feel so damned special and i didnt beleive her until i started aggressively dating and then i realized that for all the crap she was wrong about that she was right on that one. I hate breaking hearts and even more i hate playing games. I am well versed in the grounded reality that if you get too greedy you can lose it all. I work in the stockmarket it happens every day. Sometimes you gotta crystalize your gains and stop hoping for the shoot the lights out and i know in my bones with these two fantastic girls im already there. Shtty it only took six weeks of playing around might have been more fun if it took longer... But it is what it is and while i could obviously roll the dice again whats the point Buck up little trooper you have two hot candidates and something tells me if you lost them both you could land many more.
Author ktya Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Buck up little trooper you have two hot candidates and something tells me if you lost them both you could land many more. Haha nice palmer your awesome Pm me your number. Do you ever come to canada westcoast?
SYLLPalmer Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Haha nice palmer your awesome Pm me your number. Do you ever come to canada westcoast? I tried to PM you but I don't think I can. Non-supporting member. No I never make it that far up the Coast however I am very drawn to the lakes you have up there. Further my Avatar is Laura Palmer of Lynche's Twin Peaks which, as I am sure you are aware, was filmed in Canada. "Jacque! You crazy fu3kin Canadian." Bonus points to ktya.
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