Do Men Want Mommy instead of Superwoman? An interesting study...

[LucreziaBorgia]

I was just driving home and listening to NPR about a study that was done at the University of Michigan that found that men are more attracted to and will tend to marry women who are subordinate to them.

 

Men are more likely to want to marry women who are their assistants at work rather than their colleagues or bosses, a University of Michigan study finds.

 

"These findings provide empirical support for the widespread belief that powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less accomplished women," said Stephanie Brown, lead author of the study and a social psychologist at the U-M Institute for Social Research (ISR).

 

"Our results demonstrate that male preference for subordinate women increases as the investment in the relationship increases," Brown said. "This pattern is consistent with the possibility that there were reproductive advantages for males who preferred to form long-term relationships with relatively subordinate partners.

 

"Given that female infidelity is a severe reproductive threat to males only when investment is high, a preference for subordinate partners may provide adaptive benefits to males in the context of only long-term, investing relationships---not one-night stands."

 

I'm still not sure what I think of this. It is pretty much saying that a man doesn't want to marry a woman who is smarter, more accomplished or more powerful than he is. He'll have affairs or one night stands with them - but he saves the marriage for the more submissive feminine types.

 

Is it truly human nature for men to save marriage for the 'mommy' types rather than the 'superwomen' types? It really is bad for those strong, independent, goal driven women who are looking for the strong goal-driven leader type of men - this study suggests that those men are on the lookout for the 'mommy' types - the maternal submissive types.

 

Any thoughts from the men and women here? I'm curious to see what you all think.

 

Heres a link to the article, if anyone is interested in taking a look.

[moimeme]

Figures.

 

Notice how the men aren't rushing to answer this in droves. I'm guessing they'll not be willing to admit it even if they do think so. Sigh.

[immoralist]

The "men prefer to marry subordinates" study is nothing new. Look at popular culture. The film, "Love Actually," had 3 story lines involving powerful men, including the British PM, who fall in love with their secretaries, servants, etc.

 

Anecdotally, I've noticed that quite of few of my middle aged male friends take second or third wives who clearly fall into the subordinate female category. The first wives, interestingly, tend to be peers (or at least husband and first wife started out that way).

 

NYT's Op Ed columnist, Maureen Dowd, recently wrote about the Michigan Study.She noted that, according to the Study, as the IQ's in males rise, so does their marriageability. Conversely, as IQ's rise in women, these brainaics become less marriageable. My firm is filled with many 30/40-something woman with no husbands or boyfriends. In contrast, almost all the straight 30/40- something male attorneys are married.

 

There's a clash between male evolutionary biology with its atavistic female subordinate preference and the modern equality of gender social order which encourages women to achieve. So many women, as result of this conflict, reach occupational and intellectual heights --alone.

[alphamale]

this is true from my perspective. and the more successful the man the more 'dumbed down' woman he wants.

 

I personally do NOT like to date women smarter than me or that make more $$ than me. And i freely admit it without hesitation.

[whichwayisup]

So what if you were married...And your wife advanced in her career or had a wonderful opportunity that meant she was about to make more income than you. Now, let's say you've been married for a while...How would you react to that? Tell her no, you can't take the job because I want to be the big bread winner here or would you be happy for her and think OK well, we're gonna have alot more money now.

 

Interesting theory and I do agree and disagree because some of it comes down to culture, life experience, upbringings and even in some cases religion.

 

Maybe a powerful and career orintated woman can come off pretty intimidating and that scares men off. Too much for the ego to take, and the fact some men just can't handle a woman's success. He may worry what others think. In the reversed situation though...Some women will NOT date a man who is a garbage man, mechanic, plumber or a busdriver. Just comes down to ego sometimes.

 

Just my 3 cents worth.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

So what if you were married...And your wife advanced in her career or had a wonderful opportunity that meant she was about to make more income than you. Now, let's say you've been married for a while...How would you react to that? Tell her no, you can't take the job because I want to be the big bread winner here or would you be happy for her and think OK well, we're gonna have alot more money now.

 

It would be more acceptable to me if her advancement happend after we were married. Don't get me wrong, I date mostly college educated professional women but I feel most comfortable with women that are a bit below on the socio-economic scale than me.

 

For a man it is intimidating. A few yrs ago I met this emergency rm female doctor at a bar and we hit it off. So we planned a date and I went to pick her up and she lived in a million dollar condo. Yes, that was intimidating to me even though I make decent $$$ I will never be at her level.

 

I like to be in control and a big part of that is financial control. And the man cannot be in financial control if the woman makes twice or 3x what he does.

 

I don't see anything wrong with women makeing lots of $$$, I just dont' want to date the ones that do.

[whichwayisup]

I understand where you are coming from completely.

 

Have some thoughts on this too, but just now too damn tired to think it out and get my fingers typing it!

[HokeyReligions]

I can understand the logic. Not the case in my marriage - but nothing is 'typical' in my marriage. My husband has never been a "boss" where he has actually supervised a full-time staff, or person. I am a supervisor in my job and in all the companies in which I have worked I have noticed that pattern of men being the one in the position of authority where their wifes or SOs were not. The one guy that I could have had the affair with was on an equal footing as me and I don't think he would have been comfortable dating anyone at a higher-level career-wise than him. For centuries men had the final say-so at home and when women entered the work-force they were still at lower levels. Now that they compete for the same jobs they seem to have brought that competition into the home. How many women will move, leave their jobs, etc. to follow their husbands in their careers vs. men who will leave their jobs to follow their wives? If a couple cannot reach a compromise at home, who has the final say? When it comes to kids -- usually the mom, but when it comes to work or finances? More men are stepping up to make their wants known as far as parenting & household and more women are doing the same with traditionally male-dominated areas.

 

My mom was always in-charge when it came to the home. Decorating, cooking, raising the kids, etc. Dad left it all to her. She raised me to think the same would be true for me. How many men build 'dream rooms' or 'dream houses' as kids? None that I knew ever did (except to have a toy room, or model train room, or something like that)

 

When we bought our house I had my own fantasies/plans for how I would decorate and what kind of furniture, etc. Hubby had his own ideas and we really struggled to compromise. When my mom moved in and saw that we discussed this stuff and that I actually listened to his ideas, she was amazed and she doesn't 'feel' it is right. The house should be my domain in her eyes. That's where women traditionally had the say-so, but men still had the final word about how much to spend on anything, etc. because they were the bread-winners. It was a small victory of sorts for women. Now that women are in the workforce men are feeling that they have lost their control center.

 

Ok, I'm tired and upset about my Katy and I'm rambling now. I know what I mean but I'm too sleepy to write coherently. Interesting topic though.

[7on]

Personally I find power in a woman extremely sexy. It's just her commanding presence. Makes me want her. Baddly ;P

[alphamale]

Originally posted by 7on

Personally I find power in a woman extremely sexy. It's just her commanding presence. Makes me want her. Baddly ;P

 

well 7on, being like 14 yrs old I guess you must be the expert

[moimeme]

Alpha he's 19. And, just in case you hadn't realized it, not all humans think the way you do. Thank God. There are plenty of men who find strong women sexy. Note, I said MEN. That would be fellows who are secure enough in themselves not to be threatened by strong women. Now those are truly men. Ones full of bombast and blather are just windbags, really.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme

Alpha he's 19. And, just in case you hadn't realized it, not all humans think the way you do. Thank God. There are plenty of men who find strong women sexy. Note, I said MEN. That would be fellows who are secure enough in themselves not to be threatened by strong women.

 

I love strong women. My ma who died 8 yrs ago was a college professor with a masters degree and she was very beautiful and sacrificed a lot for me and my 2 younger brothers.

 

I only date college educated professional women MOIMEME.

[dyermaker]

I dont like the ide a of stigmatizing maternal types as subordinate--what;s more beautiful than a wife who'd take care of your children?

[GreenCap]

While the study focused on the men, what about the women? In Singapore, they are finding that the college educated women do not want to marry their peers and in fact are only attracted to a man who earned more and smarter than they are.

 

So, perhaps it the subordinate woman who wants to marry rather than man who are only looking to marry down (in economic terms). Like my ex, she makes 2x more than I do and I have never felt threatened. In fact, she was the one who was ashamed of me and she started banging her boss' boss to get further ahead at work (found this out on Friday through mutual friends). So, I don't mind dating/marrying up, but she wanted someone in a higher payscale than she does.

 

I am associate i-banker already, so you can sort of extrapolate the level of status and wealth she is looking for. This guy is a divorcee, non asian and somewhat older than she is. Other than the older part, a divorcee and non-asian was never in her profile of significant others. Anyway, I am digressing from the topic as I get a little riled up when I think of what she is doing or was doing even when we were still together.

 

So, don't blame the guy, sometimes it is the woman who doesn't want to marry down