Grover Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Okay so here goes...Basically I am romantically involved with a "stripper", actually no I am in love with my girlfriend who happens to be a "stipper". I met her where she works, she never did a dance for me nor did I ever tip her. Not that any of that makes a difference. I was hesitant to go on a date with her, i never returned her call until a 2 months later upon another visit to her club my friend sees her and says I'm going to buy you a dance from her, recognizing her I pleaded no with my friend, he got her attention anyways. Before my friend could even finish his sentence "this is my buddy..." she looks at me and says "Hi (my name)" I was shocked that she remebered. Anyways we talked for the remainder of the night my friends ended up leaving and her and I agreed to go out on a specific day and time. Okay so the date...Went great typical first date stuff dinner, dancing good night kiss blah blah blah. Anyways continued going on dates and stuff having fun getting to know one another. Then real feelings started to develop between us, I found myself with her everynight and everyday. Anytime neither of us were working we were together. Its been this way for four months now, I can honoestly say I do love her with all my heart. She also does have a three year old from a previous marriage, that I have also grown greatly attached to. Sounds all good right? Wrong! Sure there are some obvious issues that people can point out with the severity of our relationship so soon, but I assure those who question it, our emotions are real. "Infatuated" yes of course ever look up the definition for "love" its all part of it, and I always want that. So here is my issue...Her job! Sure its how I met her, and I never really thought too much of it before. But now it is absolutely killing me. I cant sleep, I cant concentrate during the day, I'm worried about her safety when shes ou that late etc. Don't get me wrong I trust her completely, but yes I do find myself getting jealous. Its more that I think her body should only be shared with me as mine is with hers. She doesnt like it she has said, but its what she does for now she says. We have talked about how it bothers me, and she says its not going to be doing that much longer. But for now I really cant seem to "get a grip". I cant convey totally how much it bothers me to her, as I can tell it only upsets her and she ends up being withdrawn not from me but form her job, i can tell she doesnt like it. Sure if I had the income to say quit now, I would but its not that easy as many of you know. I am starting to see it cause problems for both of us. I dont want to start losing trust due to jealousy or me just being a stupid jerk. But I am finding myself questioning her more and more about miniscule things. I still feel the emotions I have for her, and they get stronger every day, but now other emotions are developing that I thought I was capable of controling. Anyone have any experience with this please HELP!!!
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Hi Grover Well, first, a practical question: you mentioned your girlfriend does not like the job. Is she doing something to secure a different future for herself? (taking classes, saving for college, looking for different jobs?) If not, why not? Second, it's in your best interest to help her find a different occupation rather than trying to control her behaviour in this one. I would say direct that energy you are manifesting neurotically into helping her improve her life. That is not a comment on strippers in general, but rather her own dissatisfaction. Third, you are going to have decide for yourself whether or not this is a deal-breaker if she refuses to change her job. It would be for me, particularly with a child involved, but everyone is different.
Stone Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Help her come up with an EXIT plan to get out of the club, sounds like she started dancing to support her daughter witch provides excellent money. Her intentions we're good, at that time she had no idea you would come along but my suggestions would be to SUPPORT her in trying to come up with an exit plan and help her come up with ways to SAVE SAVE SAVE so she will have a nest egg before she quits for the future so she won't have to go back to dancing again. Don't leave her just yet, it takes time to "get out" of that life and it seems like she plans to do so soon
Author Grover Posted January 15, 2005 Author Posted January 15, 2005 She said that she is doing it to "get ahead" which makes sense she has had some financial difficulties in the past. And she wants to find a different job, but likes the ability to see her son during the day. I dont see that much ambition for to find something right away though. What I'm coming to find out though is she has done this more than once in the past, just dont want it to be an ongoing copout. thanks for the advice on redirecting my energy in order to help her find something different. Makes sense. I'll start tomorrow.
Stone Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 You g/f sounds like me, I danced for a few years to get ahead, I also had a little boy who needed me to be home with him, unfortunatly stripping allowed me to do so, so It's a personal decision I decided to chuck some "morals" out the window for awhile so I could be a good mom, get an education, and save money and It was worth it 110%, and if I was sh** poor and my son was without I'd do it again. If her heart isn't there anymore chances are she won't last long, just support her and don't make her feel bad for being a dancer BUT let her know firmly and nicely that you won't put up with this much longer.... What she does for her son is respectable to me, alot of people WONT AGREE! But they have never been there.
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