gothicrose Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Slight progress, at least My ex was signed up to a paid dating website until about December, when he said his subscription ran out. He also blocked me on Facebook around this time. The past few months, I was checking his Facebook (using an old account that he didn't block) and searching for him on this dating website, silly I know. Recently....the last 2-3 weeks, if I think about having a snoop on either the dating website or Facebook, I get his feeling of complete apprehension, it courses through me so strongly and I feel like checking those things would set me back. I'm getting to those feelings towards texting him too, a couple of times I have picked up my phone to text him, then suddenly felt like no, I don't want to have to start my NC again. Is this a sign I might be moving on, even a bit?
BC1980 Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 This is definitely positive. Good job for not texting or looking at social media. You have to make the choice everyday until it become natural.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Yep, considering your history, yes, that is definitely progress. I hope you keep it up and move forward.
Author gothicrose Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Thanks, I do feel more positive about it. There is still a bit of me that wants to see him again in future, but also a big part of me that thinks what's the point? I've come to realise that the way I handled things back then was the only/best way I could have handled it, so rather than beating myself and thinking what if I had acted differently, would we have worked out..etc, I just think that I did what I did (and so did he) and...that's it. It's over and in the past. I went to my initial assessment with the local mental health team too, did a lot of talking and answered a lot of questions, I was totally honest about the way I acted around this guy too, just because I felt they needed to know and the lady did say she didn't think I had anything major like bi polar (I had specifically asked, as I was worried it may have been that, if I'm honest). I should hear back in the next couple of weeks with the next steps so I feel good about that. Hopefully in time, I will be able to get rid of that little part of me that just wants to go for a coffee with him and actually get on, be friends and see what happens, I mean...in an ideal world that's what I would aim for but I know you guys will flame me for wanting that, so best to just get rid of those thoughts I think I feel like I'm moving in anyway, so even if I'm not...at least I feel better about things for now.
WordvAction Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 Thanks, I do feel more positive about it. There is still a bit of me that wants to see him again in future, but also a big part of me that thinks what's the point? I've come to realise that the way I handled things back then was the only/best way I could have handled it, so rather than beating myself and thinking what if I had acted differently, would we have worked out..etc, I just think that I did what I did (and so did he) and...that's it. It's over and in the past. I went to my initial assessment with the local mental health team too, did a lot of talking and answered a lot of questions, I was totally honest about the way I acted around this guy too, just because I felt they needed to know and the lady did say she didn't think I had anything major like bi polar (I had specifically asked, as I was worried it may have been that, if I'm honest). I should hear back in the next couple of weeks with the next steps so I feel good about that. Hopefully in time, I will be able to get rid of that little part of me that just wants to go for a coffee with him and actually get on, be friends and see what happens, I mean...in an ideal world that's what I would aim for but I know you guys will flame me for wanting that, so best to just get rid of those thoughts I think I feel like I'm moving in anyway, so even if I'm not...at least I feel better about things for now. Yes it's progress, and GREAT JOB for making that step forward. Just a heads up; don't know your back story but I can guarantee you there will still be more ups and downs along the way. Each time you take a step forward, there will be something that threatens or entices us into falling backwards. Just try and stay positive and keep moving forward!
Author gothicrose Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 WordvAction - you were right, actually yesterday it happened! I got really down about the fact I'm not supposed to know about my ex's investigation at school (those who have read my threads should know what I'm talking about), I can't speak to the school about it as if they know he has spoken to me since the investigation started, he will get in trouble and I don't want that. But I don't feel I can ask to help out in school like the other parents do, because of the investigation! Worded that in a really confusing way but basically, my upset wasn't directly about him, more how the situation affecting school. I really, really wanted to text and ask him to see me after choose, so I could tell him how this is affecting me, I almost did it but kept myself distracted and the feeling passed fairly quickly, and actually turned to annoyance at how selfish he is being by saying he will come and see me after the investigation ends, as long as I basically leave him alone til then and don't let school know he has spoken to me since December. I'm glad I didn't act on the urge to text, and allowed myself to actually act rationally for once and realise that he just doesn't care how its affecting me, so why bother telling him and setting myself back. Small steps but I'm getting there
Mariposa10 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Wow!! Niiiice!! Every time you feel like texting him, text someone else or call someone. Keep up the good work!! Why not make new friends??
Author gothicrose Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Don't want new friends. Lol seriously, I have some good friends at the school gate...well more acquaintances than friends but still have my back, and I have a couple of really good friends that I've known for over ten years, thats enough for me. The thing yesterday wasn't caused by a lack of friends, I wanted to talk to someone directly involved with the situation...no idea why, but I did. Only people directly involved are me, him and certain staff members at school, so that's why I felt a bit lost yesterday. But, it passed. I've started emailing myself if I get too annoyed, it helps, lol. I'd rather be able to 'cope' on my own and just let the feelings wash over me and pass, than 'have' to text someone just to remove the urge to contact him. That probably made no sense whatsoever but I know what I mean More and more I'm realising I think I just hit a bad spot in my life and focusing on him was helping me avoid some other issues, that I'm more working on. Don't get me wrong I still care about him, would love to be there for him as a friend but if he isn't interested then so what...? I'm not going to cry over it any more. Now to stop writing essays anytime I post on here and I'm sorted! 1
WordvAction Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 You're slowly getting there, and great job on learning lessons along the way. I've found that getting over ex's is kind of like getting over an addiction. Not that I've ever gone through any serious addictions but it's the same process. Anyway, yea great job and remember any time you're feeling like you want to text him, just remember; it's an unhealthy addiction!
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