Honeymoon nightmare

[Shamus]

Hi , I got married in March last year ,it was the best day of my life ! I was truly the happiest man in the world .and then a week later went on honeymoon, we only went for 3 nights as that was all we could afford so . Anyways the last night I was Ill , we had been sight seeing during the day gone back to the hotel ' got changed and hit the town ! Around 10 I was feeling realy Ill there had been a lot of tummy bugs going round before we left and now I had picked it up , nice.

 

I explained to my wife that I know it's our last night but I couldn't even manage a sip out of my drink and wanted to go back to the hotel , she was pissed off ' which I remember saying well if you were Ill I would want to look after you.so we went back I went to our room she went to the bar in the hotel and started talking to a guy who was with his fiancé but she was Ill too it turns out , about 12 am she hadn't come to see if I was ok or nothing so I got up and she was there with this guy ' the bar had closed so they were practically sat in the dark ' It pissed me off and I asked her for a light had a smoke outside and went back to our room at about 2 in the morning I thought am I going mad ' got up went down stairs and they had gone into the city .

 

I was devastated ' she came in at 5 20 am and was very drunk saying she had not been out then she had in a group of people which I knew to be bull ' her hair was all over the place and I just knew she had been. With this guy on our last night all night ' she has since said she can't remember a thing but she remembers after months of screaming , crying that she kissed him and it got a bit heated . I think that kissing is bad enough ' but deep deep down I know she know or even then know she slept with him , so we got bk home .

 

We have 2 kids together 2 and 5 and I don't know what the fek to do 'I've no respect and she well she's I don't know who she is and am utterly bowled over by the whole situation " so that's me ha ha if anyone can give me advice I'd appreciate it deeply I feel like a complete well you can imagine !!!!!! See ya. Shamus x

Edited February 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Grumpybutfun]

Shamus, completely sympathize with you, man. Has she ever behaved like this before in your relationship? Has she always been uninterested and unconcerned about your well being?

G

[Omei]

This is a very very sad story, it makes me depressed you would think since its your honey moon she'd want to make you soup and cuddle up in bed with you watch a movie try to at least keep the magic going dispite you being ill. It's a huge red flag I don't know what you should do, I would leave. Maybe someone else here has better advice, she doesn't deserve you.

 

/hugs. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

[acidios]

i am not the best to tell you enything right now but wow bro thats really bad and something that i dont want enyone to Live even my enemies in their life

 

 

if your dint had kids i will have said to you to dump her and dont return back

 

 

she dint respected enything

 

 

cheating even with a kiss(lets stay on that) its for me the the only one thing that can make me mad i dont forgive for that reason enyone.

 

 

well the only that i have to say to you is to show her that you lost your trust and there is a big thorn in your releationship with her right now tell her that you are hurt from her actions dont sleep with her and focus on your kids

 

 

sorry to say that but if i was in your place i will had my kids on my Car and back to my moms place but thats me and i am not a good example to follow

 

 

also talk with friends and family even her family about the subject dont be in a pasive mode she wanst in a pasive mode when she kissed that guy when you where sick.

[AnyaNova]

This is a very very sad story, it makes me depressed you would think since its your honey moon she'd want to make you soup and cuddle up in bed with you watch a movie try to at least keep the magic going dispite you being ill. It's a huge red flag I don't know what you should do, I would leave. Maybe someone else here has better advice, she doesn't deserve you.

 

/hugs. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

 

A few days into their honeymoon in Canada my father got violently ill with a really bad stomach flu.

 

And that is exactly what my mom did. Soup, cuddling, taking care of him.

 

I find it rather a bad sign, too, that she didn't care enough about the OP to take care of him when sick.

[flightplan]

Get the marriage anulled. You have grounds for it. Get your self respect pulled together and get the hell out of dodge. She is a train wreck that has poisoned your marriage. I don't know how you trust her after that bullshyte. She is a self centered, narcissistic personality that will make your life a living hell. Take the pain now to save yourself a ton of heartache in the future.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

You can't tell me that her personality suddenly switched and she became this uncaring & untrustworthy person during your honeymoon. I suspect that you had issues with her in the past regarding her behavior and selfishness.

 

Nevermind that...what do you do now?

 

I always believe in 2nd chances but these conditions must be met for there to be any hope of a future successful relationship:

 

1.) Offending partner is truthful & sincerely remorseful

2.) Couple attends marriage counseling on a regular basis

3.) Forgive and start over

 

The main problem it seems is that your wife is not only continuing to be dishonest with you but it seems like she feels she did nothing wrong.

 

If she cannot admit what she did and does not beg for your forgiveness...there is no hope. Get the marriage annulled. The simple fact that she couldn't care less that you were really ill on your honeymoon and actually became upset at you for getting sick is enough to tell me about her character.

 

I understand you have 2 children together so you want to try and make your marriage work. Remember, though, it takes two.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Edited February 1, 2014 by seekingpeaceinlove

[Keenly]

Here is a selfish woman who cared more about the wedding /, honeymoon than the actual marriage.

 

She deserves to be alone forever.

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. If she did anything other than talk to another man on your HM you need to end the marriage.

 

 

I can empathize with you to a point. I got Ill on my HM too. I was sick & went back to the room. I left DH in a bar; he offered to come with me but I didn't really want him there. As a newlywed I wasn't used to someone being there when I was sick & wanted to be alone. He stayed in the bar.

 

 

The next day I found out he got hit on by a gay guy & then sought refuge in a bachelorette party -- flirting with all the girls -- to get the gay guy to leave him alone.

 

 

Nothing happened other than a few laughs so I was OK with it. Had he gone off with the women (or the guy for that matter), I would have come home & started divorce proceedings.

[PoopHappens]

If the in sickness and in health thing isn't fresh in your mind a mere 72 hours after the fact, then I'd say it's going to be a long haul.

[bubbaganoosh]

If it was me, I would take her to get a polygraph test and if she refused then I would have her packing.

 

She showed you that her needs come before yours and what I don't understand is why you asked her for a light for you smoke when she's sitting in the dark with another man on your honeymoon.

 

What you should have done was drag her pitiful ass back to the room with you. There wasn't any excuse leaving you in the room when your sick but to make matters worse, she boozing it up with some other guy so my question is, why did you not say anything? You gave her the go sign by not doing anything.

[aliveagain]

Hi , I got married in March last year ,it was the best day of my life ! I was truly the happiest man in the world .and then a week later went on honeymoon, we only went for 3 nights as that was all we could afford so . Anyways the last night I was Ill , we had been sight seeing during the day gone back to the hotel ' got changed and hit the town ! Around 10 I was feeling realy Ill there had been a lot of tummy bugs going round before we left and now I had picked it up , nice.

 

I explained to my wife that I know it's our last night but I couldn't even manage a sip out of my drink and wanted to go back to the hotel ,

she was pissed off ' which I remember saying well if you were Ill I would want to look after you.so we went back I went to our room she went to the bar in the hotel and started talking to a guy who was with his fiancé but she was Ill too it turns out , about 12 am she hadn't come to see if I was ok or nothing so I got up and she was there with this guy ' the bar had closed so they were practically sat in the dark ' It pissed me off and I asked her for a light had a smoke outside and went back to our room at about 2 in the morning I thought am I going mad ' got up went down stairs and they had gone into the city .

I was devastated ' she came in at 5 20 am and was very drunk saying she had not been out then she had in a group of people which I knew to be bull ' her hair was all over the place and I just knew she had been. With this guy on our last night all night ' she has since said she can't remember a thing but she remembers after months of screaming , crying that she kissed him and it got a bit heated . I think that kissing is bad enough ' but deep deep down I know she know or even then know she slept with him , so we got bk home .

 

We have 2 kids together 2 and 5 and I don't know what the fek to do 'I've no respect and she well she's I don't know who she is and am utterly bowled over by the whole situation " so that's me ha ha if anyone can give me advice I'd appreciate it deeply I feel like a complete well you can imagine !!!!!! See ya. Shamus x

 

Tell her you are booking a polygraph test because you need the truth and her actions that night causes you concern, if she refuses file, she is very poor wife material. Come on, what loving, committed wife would choose to sit in a dark bar with a stranger she met that night in the bar in a strange city while her"just married" husband is up in their room suffering from illness? What loving committed wife would f**k off with a stranger and not come back until sunrise on their honeymoon? She just showed you how much respect she has for you and your vows. She just showed you what your future looks like. You deserve better than this, do not compromise yourself for an obvious cheater, life's to short to put up with her kind of bulls*it.

[Leelou]

if anyone can give me advice I'd appreciate it deeply I feel like a complete well you can imagine !!!!!! See ya. Shamus x

 

Unfortunately, staying with a spouse like that will weaken you, and then it will harden you. Neither is good.

 

Your wife didn't do that for the first time ... there must have been previous episodes that you knew nothing about. It's just wayy too much to do something like that the first time. No, she has done it before, and she has gotten cocky and brave in her actions to pull something like that off, under your nose.

 

She lacks respect for you.

 

It's your decision, but my advice is to preserve your self-respect and dump her a$$. But, having lived through what you are living through, I know it is highly unlikely you will dump her now. So let me give you a heads up to how this will likely turn out -- you will stay, and get needy about wanting to know <the truth> and you will question her and fight over that, and eventually, when you find out she's screwing a dozen different guys, she will turn around and blame YOU for 'putting her through all that'.

 

No, it's best to dump her now.

 

But I know you can't.

 

So, you have to live it out, the way it will go down -- this marriage of yours will limp on for a dozen years and finally, when you are broken, and hardened, she will either dump you, or you will divorce her. But you will be a changed man.

 

And you will never know a loving marriage and a healthy relationship with a woman, because she is not capable of either, and you are going to be damaged beyond recognition.

 

Good luck. In a dozen years you will emerge hardened and try again. Next time, choose a better quality woman. One that won't screw you over.

[d0nnivain]

Don't bother with the polygraph. First, they are expensive. That's money better spent on a good lawyer. Second, the polygraph isn't admissible. Third, she's not going to take it. Fourth, it won't matter anyway.

 

 

Again leaving you to be sick --alone -- isn't the unpardonable sin. If she kissed another person, that is the problem.

[thummper]

I swear sometimes some of the things I read in these thread makes me almost literally sick. Her callous treatment of you when you were ill is pretty damn low. There's no excuse for it, not that she's looking for one. She's just all about her and her needs. Her attitude toward you really stinks, my friend, and I don't think it's going to improve. She seems to be only concerned with herself, not you or your family. If it's at all possible, try marriage counseling with her, not that it will do much good, but at least later when everything finally falls apart and you divorce, you'll be able to tell your kids, honestly, that you tried everything you could to save your marriage, but their mom just wasn't interested. I'm so sad for your situation, and I wish you all the best with whatever you decided to do.

[painfullyobvious]

You can learn a lot about a person you are with when you are sick. On my honeymoon in Hawaii my wife got really sunburnt. I sat by her and rubbed aloe all over her. I could run all over Hawaii without her but the point of the honeymoon was to be with her.

[Running Man]

ACTIONS will always speak louder then words. You know her action and all the other small details that you didn't post. Add it all up and decide if this is a women that's worthy of marriage. Don't let the "but" excuse, rationalize the the main problems of the "marriage". The problems are trust, honesty and loyalty. If a spouse cannot demonstrate any of those qualities, then why would you want to marry a person like that to begin with.

[kalimata]

On your honeymoon night? You've got to be kidding right?

 

Your marriage is just beginning. If you don't nip this in the bud right away, things will escalate quickly. She will start to flirt with other men behind your back, secret email accounts, texting all hours of the night, un-explained girls nights out. Put a STOP to it my man. Take a stand for yourself.

 

Tell her you won't have any of this. Demand a polygraph and that she come clean.

[miguelcervantes]

So 20 posts later, what say you Shamus? How are you doing?