Author mishy Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 I am having trouble comprehending how he could be with someone so awful. The abusive messages I got from her are something that I have never even remotely experienced before from anyone. So luckily a lot if my fond feelings for him are rapidly disappearing as I have had no word from him to apologise for her behaviour (he is still overseas with her) And I am just left wondering how he could be with such a person, who is so vile and horrible. And I feel cheated because he is over there with her thinking she is great or whatever and meanwhile she is sending me abusive messages without him knowing. Maybe he is with her because he is just as horrible as she is.
Leigh 87 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I am having trouble comprehending how he could be with someone so awful. The abusive messages I got from her are something that I have never even remotely experienced before from anyone. So luckily a lot if my fond feelings for him are rapidly disappearing as I have had no word from him to apologise for her behaviour (he is still overseas with her) And I am just left wondering how he could be with such a person, who is so vile and horrible. And I feel cheated because he is over there with her thinking she is great or whatever and meanwhile she is sending me abusive messages without him knowing. Maybe he is with her because he is just as horrible as she is. He is at her level. A decent man would want nothing to do with a girl who acted like that. 1
Author mishy Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 He is at her level. A decent man would want nothing to do with a girl who acted like that. It's true isn't it Leigh? You should have heard the b Names I have been called by her via text and viber. Not just swearing but personal insults. Like you wouldn't believe. And I have never even met her. I guess in a way it's good he went on this trip otherwise I wouldn't have seen that he is as bad as her I have been trying to wrap my head around the idea that anyone would want to be with her , I have been trying to understand it and I can only conclude that he is just as nasty a person deep down.
Zahara Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Maybe you should try to stop expending energy on analyzing two people that are no different from one another and start comprehending why YOU are consistently getting into situations with unavailable and unhealthy men. 1
Author mishy Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Maybe you should try to stop expending energy on analyzing two people that are no different from one another and start comprehending why YOU are consistently getting into situations with unavailable and unhealthy men. They seem to start out ok....
Author mishy Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Maybe you should try to stop expending energy on analyzing two people that are no different from one another and start comprehending why YOU are consistently getting into situations with unavailable and unhealthy men. The difference is this one I am able to get out of much sooner
Zahara Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 The difference is this one I am able to get out of much sooner It's not about how fast you're able to get out of it but why you keep getting involved in these situations, and then staying there until you're forced to let go, and not because you know it's bad for you and you have to. 2
KaliLove Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 It's not about how fast you're able to get out of it but why you keep getting involved in these situations, and then staying there until you're forced to let go, and not because you know it's bad for you and you have to. People who do this (I am one of them as well) tend to do it because it mimics something that happened earlier in their lives that they are still trying to resolve or come to terms with, so they keep letting it play out and trying to fix it over and over again. That is what makes it so hard to let go of. Mishy, if this is the case, then being aware of it and being able to pinpoint what it is from your past that you're trying to fix is incredibly helpful.
Zahara Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Mishy, if this is the case, then being aware of it and being able to pinpoint what it is from your past that you're trying to fix is incredibly helpful. That is why it was suggested some time ago when she was trying to break away from a man she invested 5 years in that was unavailable to her that she stay away from men for awhile and focus on herself. Instead, she went head on into meeting more nutbags until this one came alone. Mishy, until you start working on yourself by just focusing on building a relationship with YOU, you'll keep repeating this over and over again. 3
Leigh 87 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 The difference is this one I am able to get out of much sooner Your next improvement should be to: - cut a guy off the instant he mentions being in love with another woman. DO NOT let him back peddle. As SOON as he sais ANYTHING about having feelings for another woman, CUT. HIM. OFF. - as soon as a guy farts you about and you are not an item within a month or two, and he is "undecided" as to what you guys "Are" exactly, CUT. HIM. OFF. - it doesn't take a healthy male more than a month or two to decide whether he wants to be with you. Mishy, You have come a long way in that you have left his situation NOW rather in in 3 or 5 years from now. You still did a lot of things wrong. You kept at this guy even though he showed A LOT of red flags. Cut a guy out unless he is super into you. That means texting and calling you regularly, wanting to see you once a week at least, treating you like he is 100% sexually into you, and etc. There are no grey areas if a guy is truly right for you.... he will not shrug off your advances. He will never mention other women he is interested in or "stuck on". You stayed around way too long. When he brushed your advances away and acted ambiguous about his sexual interest towards you, you should have gone No Contact. I have had to lose men after years together. You just have to learn to cut people off, I have done it, other people on here have had to do it, it is hard but you cannot be so weak anymore, you MUST learn to cut guys off and STOP clinging onto false hope when there are SO many red flags.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I am having trouble comprehending how he could be with someone so awful. The abusive messages I got from her are something that I have never even remotely experienced before from anyone. So luckily a lot if my fond feelings for him are rapidly disappearing as I have had no word from him to apologise for her behaviour (he is still overseas with her) And I am just left wondering how he could be with such a person, who is so vile and horrible. And I feel cheated because he is over there with her thinking she is great or whatever and meanwhile she is sending me abusive messages without him knowing. Maybe he is with her because he is just as horrible as she is. Your focus is completely misguided. Instead of worrying about what he sees in her, you need to be looking at yourself and figure out why you keep find yourself in these dysfunctional situations, why your screening process is so awful. You aren't a teenager figuring things out, you are an adult. Stop worrying about other people's motivations and start to tackle your own. You have a lot to disassemble there.
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