Post breakup thoughts and moving on

[rooman]

Hello all, I broke up with my lady of 6 months, 6 weeks ago citing my issues were her obsessing over my old relationships that were long dead (5 years ago, and with a woman in another country), and the fact she doesn't want children and I want that option. She also had a medical issue i wasn't totally comfortable with, but I loved her all the same

 

We were texting as friends for a while after, both having thoughts we really wanted to stay together I think. Anyways, during this time she was saying how she wants to move on, how her friends want to hook her up, etc,etc. And insisted that I should date so I could find someone to have a family with. I didn't want to. I still felt I made a mistake, and she is someone I really wanted to be with despite having the big problem about children present.

 

A few days ago, I decided to heed the advice and post an online dating profile. I figured she seemed to be moving on, why shouldn't I also take my first steps in doing so?

 

Well she came across it, and flipped. Called me a liar about loving her, etc. Just an absolute gong show of a text convo took place, and she claimed once she saw the profile she had "no further use" for me. Truth is however, I do miss her, I did love her, but our future goals (kids, etc) did not match up. My heart regrets the decision. My brain says it was the best thing for me, even if it does hurt so bad. I thought it was very hypocritical to feel its ok for her to move on, but not me?

 

I am in the typical male regret stage where I wonder if I will ever find anyone else. I don't want to settle. I don't like her calling me a liar, when i have been nothing but upfront and truthful. We've never really fought before. This 180 degree behaviour presented when I took a step into moving on has thrown me off a bit. I would like to be friends - she's a great person - but I think she has conjured up a very evil picture of me. I don't know how to feel or think about the situation right now. I want to text her and talk in person but that might be stretching things realistically.

 

Any thoughts, wisdom, advice would be appreciated.

Edited February 1, 2014 by rooman
typos

[wistfulgirl]

I suppose you need to establish what you want to achieve by contacting her and "staying friends", as there is usually an underlying agenda to this. It sounds as though the breakup was the best thing for both of you, and you seem to recognise this but is still a loss that you will grieve for.

 

It seems hypocrytical of her to get angry at you trying to move on when she has stated that that's what she wants also, but maybe expected you to pine over her and not move on until she already found someone else (which she shouldn't expect of you).

 

 

Do you think you are more hurt by how it ended (with her thinking you don't care and this "evil" perception of you) or that she doesn't want the same things as you? Are the differences in future goals a deal breaker for you or could your love for her overcome them? Try and ask yourself if its truly "her" you're missing, or if its the unknown and fear of being alone?