whatdahoosy Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 been going out with her for over three months. she wants space. is it over? we'd spend alot of time together. telling each other that we enjoyed the time we spend. she's told me she doesn't want a relationship but she's finding herself getting caught in one. can she really be so against us becoming more? so one would say it's just fwb. i suggested the idea but she says it's more. confused? yeah, me too. i've told her i wouldn't mind us becoming a couple. but she's so against it but treats me as if i were her bf. so of course she's blaming me for falling for her when she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. silly me. so here i am, being strung along. my thoughts: (1) she's just using me (2) she's afraid of falling in love and getting hurt again any thoughts of why this girl would not want to get into a relationship with someone she likes?
Marge Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Im in the same boat as you. I was told the same thing today. Im not them, so I cant say what they are thinking. Mine said he doesnt want to be accountable to me for his actions. Did she say that to you? That she wants freedom? Two people have to want the same thing or it doesnt work. Sorry I cant be of more help. Let me know what else she says- im curious. Marge
unsafe Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 I dated a guy just like that. It went on for about a year. We would start dating he would tell me he wasn't ready /wanted a relationship. That his body was heartless. But that I was the greatest girl he had ever met and would never forget me. Then a month would go by we would chat on the internet here and there and he would miss me and want to see me. So we would say just friends and it would end up in a relationship again. I told myself over and over again this guy isn't a relationship type so don't plan for the future with him in mind. I was pretty good. Then he broke up with me again. I had it I was like no more. If he doesn't want a relationship then why does he keep asking to see me and for me to stay the night and weekend with him at his place. Finally the third time this past year he was begging for me to come back so I did. I gave it one mroe try because truthfully I would date other men and all I could think about was him. We dated for about three months. I met his mother this time spent time with her I loved her and she loved me. He asked me to move in with him but we decided since I work for from where he lives it wasn't the right time till we were ready to compromise and live int he middle which he had a lease still. Then I started to feel like I was there for his company not because he really wanted me there. So I would bring it up and it would say he likes me there. But that was about it. I had to tell him that he warned me enough about not wanting a relationship or marriage that if in the end that was what I wanted then that was my fault because he told me. And he finally dropped it. But I become so depressed that it wasn't just fun anymore. I wanted more not that we didn't have more because I was spending 5 nights out of 7 sdays a week with him. I felt like I lived with him anyway. But I ended up breaking things off I couldn't take it anymore. There is only so much you will be able to take. I took a whole year. I love him and I think about him all the time. I am dating another man now. And at times my feelings that never got to really flurish and develop are still there for this other man. I wish he would just love me although he says he does he just doesn't have the heart I deserve. We still talk. We still want to see each other but its not good. Its hard I tell ya. You need to figure out how much you can take. Because they will not change. They are either scared or just don't have those kinds of feelings for you. I can't tell you which it is because I still don't know for me. Its been a year and he still sends me cards asking me out to dinner and im's me that he would like to come out or me to come out. He mails me pictures of us to remind me of times we had. But still says his body has no heart. I can't really answer it for you. But I can say you may never know. You have to decide how much you can take. Because it is very very hard. When I am with him dating him and spending my life with him I can get so depressed because I want to have him fall in love with me back. And something stops him is it me or him I don't know. But when we are just friends I can't help but still want him. I hope this has helped. Its kinds long. But its my story of my life in the past year. Sometimes they don't even have the answers. Cause even this man's friends told him how dear I am to him. Good Luck you can and will find someone that loves you and can show it and deal with it.
Groovy Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 How old is she? How long have you dated? Has she been through anything bad like rape or child abuse, a former flame who cheated on her? If it's been over 6-12 months and she still doesn't want these things with you, move on I'd say. Unless maybe she has been through something extreme and needs a really patient friend. And if she is younger 25 or so she just may not be looking for a relationship, period. I didn't want one when I was 21 or so. Just my guessing. And maybe she just isn't into you!
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