Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 can anyone please just stop posting on this thread now? i swear to not date anyone and work on my self worth issues! i swear. 1
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 fine pickflicker...you are right i agree. i dont know how to act on dates...i get drunk in front of men and do things too quickly. this however, i do not believe was the right guy for me. did i have part in it yes. did i make bad decisions yes..i am accepting my part in it...there will be no more men...its always disaster when im dating. i even thought about starting a blog about my experiences because they are so outlandish. You just have to set rules for how to act on a first date. 1). A two drink maximum. After that, switch to water/soft stuff. 2). Have you own way home organised BEFORE GOING OUT. That means not relying on someone to drive you home. Have cab fare/credit card in your wallet and refuse an offer to be taken home. 3). Absolutely none of the following: going to their house, heavy kissing/making out, sex (or anything related) or telling bad dating stories. A kiss on the cheek at the end of the date is sufficient. Holding hands whilst going for a walk is appropriate. If he becomes too enthusiastic and attempts too much kissing etc, tell him he's moving too fast. Answer questions, and THINK about your answers. Talk about light things - interests, hobbies, pop culture, etc. 4). Wind the date up after a few hours. Don't stay out all night. Get him to walk you to a cab/bus, and say goodbye. Hug and kiss on the cheek ONLY!
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 fair enough weve established i dont respect myself, i drank too much and showed the wrong side of myself. i do have a really good side of myself, that is sweet sensitive and caring believe it or not. you can not be so critical of me because i know of couples that have slept together the first date and ended up together. yes those things i did were bad ideas, and him asking me to come drink and stay at his place was probably a ploy to get my goodies, i shoudl have said no for sure. i know he probly wants nothing to do with me anymore..but i do hate him...my sadness has turned to hate. moving along. can we leave krista alone now?
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 i dont trust men and i dont like being yelled at. so dont worry i wont be dating any of them any time soon.
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 fair enough weve established i dont respect myself, i drank too much and showed the wrong side of myself. i do have a really good side of myself, that is sweet sensitive and caring believe it or not. you can not be so critical of me because i know of couples that have slept together the first date and ended up together. yes those things i did were bad ideas, and him asking me to come drink and stay at his place was probably a ploy to get my goodies, i shoudl have said no for sure. i know he probly wants nothing to do with me anymore..but i do hate him...my sadness has turned to hate. moving along. can we leave krista alone now? That's true. But any guy with a modicum of respect, will wait until the girl is comfortable. Any guy who makes sex the primo item on the agenda for a first date, can be comfortably kicked to the curb because they have nothing to offer. 1
Zahara Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) It's not just this guy. Look at your history in just the span of a few months. Your history speaks of at least 4 guys that you've mostly had sex with at the first go and I believe all four disrespected you. You put out because you feel if you offer sex, they will be interested in you. It's because your self esteem is so bad that you feel you have nothing else to offer a man, nothing else to entice him or keep him interested but your body and sex. You don't value yourself. Sex doesn't keep a guy interested. There has to be more to you than just that. Listen to people when they are telling you to value yourself, respect yourself and find your identity. You can be a sweet and loving girl but if you have zero boundaries and no self-respect, a man isn't going to value you just because you're a nice girl. Edited February 3, 2014 by Zahara 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Think of your vagina as a precious diamond that you don't want to just give out to any old dude who looks hot.
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 fair enough zahara but we did not have sex and I tried to leave several times that evening. he didn't want to just try to have sex with me..but that luckily didn't happen! bad decisions were made etcetera.. I have learned sex isn't a way to hook a guy.. I know this. there haven't been four men.. there have been two to correct it. this guy wasn't one of them. there have been two..one happened in October..one in November...there have been none since then, aside from this last one, which I never slept with. can we close this case now please? im beginning to think this site is bs because the people here cause me more grief than the actual situations I end up in.
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 no there is no possibility of a second date with this guy. I have tried to apologize for my part in it. but fair enough he wouldn't have it. I was 50 percent responsible fair. I put myself in a bad situation. secondly however, I am somewhat happy I found out about this now..because what if I really started to like the guy and one day he started to rage on me and made me cry? then what? then I don't know. there were other indicators that he isn't a ncie person..so definitely this ones scratched off the list.. theres no hope in hell for it...the date just went too badly. u could never recover from that. my plan is to wait maybe a month and then start going to that gym again..chances are ill never see the guy again... I can make sure I go at opposite times that he usually goes. then neither of us will have to deal with it..
Eivuwan Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 fair enough zahara but we did not have sex and I tried to leave several times that evening. he didn't want to just try to have sex with me..but that luckily didn't happen! bad decisions were made etcetera.. I have learned sex isn't a way to hook a guy.. I know this. there haven't been four men.. there have been two to correct it. this guy wasn't one of them. there have been two..one happened in October..one in November...there have been none since then, aside from this last one, which I never slept with. can we close this case now please? im beginning to think this site is bs because the people here cause me more grief than the actual situations I end up in. sometimes hearing the truth is painful, but only the truth will help you grow and stop making the same mistakes over and over
Zahara Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) fair enough zahara but we did not have sex and I tried to leave several times that evening. he didn't want to just try to have sex with me..but that luckily didn't happen! bad decisions were made etcetera.. I have learned sex isn't a way to hook a guy.. I know this. there haven't been four men.. there have been two to correct it. this guy wasn't one of them. there have been two..one happened in October..one in November...there have been none since then, aside from this last one, which I never slept with. can we close this case now please? im beginning to think this site is bs because the people here cause me more grief than the actual situations I end up in. In Oct you posted about a guy you met that you had sex with right away and then the next thing he's doing is pursuing your friend. Then there was the guy from your work your slept with and drama ensued. Then you posted about a guy from your highschool that disrespected you. Then now this guy from the gym. I'm not even sure who's who anymore. It doesn't matter if you tried to leave or that you didn't have sex in the end. You pushed him to have sex with you. The fact is that you had zero ability in handling yourself, even when you knew he had a bad temper. Instead you get drunk, force him to have sex with you and give him a hand job. When you identify it's a bad situation, instead of stepping away, you use sex and what not to try and change it. Or maybe you're so enamored by looks that you throw all common sense out the door. And you will never learn anything because you get defensive and push away people advising you because you can't bear to hear the truth. Grow up. It's better to get beaten up on a forum where people are beating the honest truth down over your head so that you start THINKING rather than going out there and getting disrespected and humiliated by these guys. If you can endure the latter, you can endure people trying to help you, instead of whining about people being too tough on you. You're 30 years old for goodness sake. You don't have a lifetime to wait to make good choices. Start now. Start absorbing and making sense of what people are saying. Instead you will post thread after thread -- nothing sinking in from anything anyone is saying and getting defensive. That's your pattern. Edited February 3, 2014 by Zahara
snowflakes88 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You also seem hungry for attention. You keep complaining about how everybody here is so mean and you want us to leave you alone -- yet you won't contact a mod to have the thread closed (or just stop posting yourself). 1
Zahara Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You also seem hungry for attention. You keep complaining about how everybody here is so mean and you want us to leave you alone -- yet you won't contact a mod to have the thread closed (or just stop posting yourself). ^^ This ^^ You want to get defensive because you aren't getting what you want to hear. When you had that issue with that guy from work, you created 25 threads or so in a span of a couple of months. People would advise you but you would just keep creating thread after thread -- not absorbing anything anyone was saying, not reflecting on what was said, not asking questions as to how to help yourself get better at valuing yourself. People kept saying stay away from dating but in one ear out the other. And you wonder why everyone wants to hit you over the head with a sledgehammer.
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 fair enough zahara but no i did not push him to have sex with me..and it was mutual what was happening..trust me i did not push things on him. thats all im going to say. im not going to argue anymore because what youa re saying is true. the things i do are stupid..and i did know he had a bad temper... and i acted rediculous. but this wasnt one sided. thats all i am going to say. im not arguing anymore. and i wont post on this thread or ask anyone to close it. you all are right.
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 i know looks really dont matter its the person..but it REALLY doesnt help that this guys a babe. LIKe total babe im talking movie star babe. that really should be low on the priority scale though, i am aware. i am definately a total lost cause. going for wrong traits in people.
Zahara Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 i know looks really dont matter its the person..but it REALLY doesnt help that this guys a babe. LIKe total babe im talking movie star babe. that really should be low on the priority scale though, i am aware. i am definately a total lost cause. going for wrong traits in people. You're not a lost cause. You just need to stay away from dating. Seek a therapist and work on building your self-esteem. When you value yourself, you are able to create healthy and strong boundaries. Right now you are working with no self-esteem and no boundaries. You need to change that. 2
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 yes zahara I would agree with you. very true. im ordering a book on self esteem as we speak.
Author krista28 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 ive come to a solution about the gym...I will start going early early in the morning because I know he does not go then. problem solved! 1
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Great! Good for you for making choices that are in your best interest in terms of the gym. You are putting yourself first and keeping away from an unhealthy situation. Self-help books is a good start, Krista. It's a good way to start opening your mind to being receptive to a healthier mindset. You can even go to the library and they have a ton of books to read up on. Small steps but you'll get there. I'm proud of you.
Author krista28 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 well thank you. i am trying. i ordered it on amazon. and....you are right about the unhealthy situation..i dont speak to that guy anymore. even if we were to make up in say awhile. i think the guy would be abusive. or just an ass. dont need that. aint nobody got time for that. i have been receptive to this advice, i will open my mind to it anyways. see where it goes. 2
Noproblem Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) Many comments are harsh, but I guess it's taugh love. You go to the gym and pretend he does not exit I saw couples kissing each other's and cuddling in front of us all in the gym, days later, they broke up. They show up separately and life did go on. Good like with your life. I hope you'll find mr perfect for you Edited February 7, 2014 by Noproblem
Author krista28 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 thanks no problem I agree. I am really busy with work right now so I might not be going to the gym much anyways. but I know what his car looks like. for the next little while I will avoid going when I know he is going to be there.
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