sofrustrated25 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I have been talking to a guy that I've never met in person for 3 months now. We've talked by phone etc. I used to live in his city and recently moved and he still pursued me ..because a friend told him to. Anyway, I had planned to be back in that city for business this weekend and I just don't want to meet the guy. He looks great in his photos etc...but he's just odd. I asked him a couple of times to Skype with me and he said that he doesn't translate that well that way...and said "you will just have to meet me in person". He did send me a huge bouquet of roses one day .... but I just haven't found a great connection over the phone. Well, this weekend is the weekend I'm supposed to meet him. In some ways, I feel as if I know him...and I'm not worried about my safety or anything...I just don't think I'm that into him. He is calling me asking me to meet up and "officially asking me out while I'm in town.... How do I let him down? I feel bad. But, I just have 2 days and I don't want to worry about this... What do I say? Am I being rude?
Mr.Mango Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 You're not being rude. Seriously, you've never met him and he sent you a bouquet and will "officially" ask you out on first sight? Either he's being unrealistically impatient, or you're omitting details about where you two stand. You basically have three options: -Meet him and actually see what's going on. -You're there for business, perfect excuse not to meet him. -Call him, explain how you feel, cut if off. This applies if there's nothing between you guys, if that isn't the case you might want to reevaluate. It would help explain the weird behavior a lot more in any case.
salparadise Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Just be honest, firm and straight with him... "I appreciate the offer but I'm just not feeling a great connection, so I am going to decline." Then, if he won't take no for an answer block his number and all other means of contact. The unfortunate part is that you must've been encouraging the attention for him to have been working toward this for three months, sending flowers and such. Expect him to feel upset and be prepared to stay calm and cut it short if he throws a tantrum. In the future I would suggest not getting this invested with someone you haven't met. If they're local, meet sooner rather than later, and if they're some distance away communicate casually, without investment or regularity and wait until after the initial meeting to decide if it's worth pursuing something more.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 I have probably talked to the guy 10 to 15 times via phone over 3 months. But I have texted with him some too. But I can't say I've ever gone very far. I did ask 2 weeks ago if he wanted kids etc. but we have basically no emotional attachment. We went days with out talking a few weeks ago and I thought he just realized that we weren't a fit. But then he started calling me. I kept trying to give it time... But now I'm just thinking it's NOT there.
Eau Claire Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Not sure of the question. You don't want to see him...so don't. Trust your instincts on this one.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Do I have to have a phone call? Or could I just email him? I don't want to do this poorly but I don't want the drama either.
soccerrprp Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 You don't have a relationship. You've never met and hardly know the guy. A stranger. Email, text him. He doesn't deserve a phone call.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Well I'm not good at this part... What would you say in the email? Just tell him it's not gonna work out to meet up? And that I've met someone else? I feel like I should pay him back for the flowers or something.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Email or fade...i.e. take longer to respond and only tell him if he asks what's up. Fading avoids unnecessary drama.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Since I just flew in to HIS town (4 states from my own) and he thinks we are going to meet for the first time... What's the best protocol? I could just say that my work went longer than I expected and can't get together? I had this meeting built up so well in my head... So it's disappointing not having it happen. But truth is he lives half way across the country and he has no interest in moving. And I can't move, either. And then there's the fact that he sounds gay over the phone. Although he does not look it in the photos... He is quite good looking. But he just sounds gay to me.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 He is calling and texting. We were supposed to get together tonight. Email or text back?
TaraMaiden Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 Email the following "Hi, I'm going to be rather busy when I get to <your town> and I'm not going to be in the right frame of mind to socialise. It is primarily, a business trip after all. I hate to sound too practical, but I'm really not into dating right now, and I don't feel any kind of connection, so to my mind there's no point in meeting up. Sorry if this sounds abrupt, but I feel it's better to be honest and up-front, and leave nothing ambiguous. <Name>"
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