Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 He's not doing that. He'll never do that. I know him. He's tried with the dating site, and he probably already gave up (I don't know, I haven't logged in) He's not investing energies when he knows there's no profit on it, and I didn't give him anything to think I'm available for him. This is a cycle that has repeated for 15 months now. I blocked him in the past, but I felt guilty. This time has gone smoother. No need to block him, he's already onto the next victim. He will never text me or call me. NEVER, I don't need to block him. It's me the one who always came back. Unfortunately, FMN, I believe you haven't blocked him because you want a door open. Your only argument is that you believe he will not contact. Not good enough. Weak excuse. When I have chosen that argument, secretly deep down inside, I wanted an open door to contact. You're not fooling me. Been there, done that. The many times I said, "No he is not going to contact me"...deep down I knew how I really felt. You felt guilty for blocking someone that treated you like shytt? And you feel that way now as well, I suppose and that is why you're choosing to keep the door open. That in itself speaks of your vulnerability and fragility. And seeing that you aren't taking every precautionary step to avoid the possibility of hurting yourself again, you're just asking for trouble. And if he never comes to you, then what is the harm in blocking him? I'm not going to get on your case. You will do what works best for you.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Do you think it's more important to block him? I think it's more important to refrain myself from contacting him. It has to come from inside. I don't need to contact him. I'm actually scared. I've blocked him infinite times in the past. And I unblocked him and contacted him again. The fact I know he's out there, somewhere, and I CHOSE not to contact him, gives me power. I switched the power to me. and I'm dealing with that right now.
Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 It's important to take every precautionary step to keep yourself away from any possible trigger, any possible vulnerability, any potential of contact to keep yourself from going down a bad path again. This isn't some test or some game. This is your life. You want to play "what's important test" to justify some sort of warped mindgame that you formed in your brain? Empowerment is when you block him because you want nothing to do with him and sustaining that ability to keep him blocked from every aspect of your life. Empowerment isn't about being afraid to block because you're worried about removing him from your life. You're justifying every possible way to keep an open door. Or maybe you don't want him to know that you've blocked him because that will send him the other way? All that aside and answer the question. If he contacted you tomorrow and wanted to see you and promised you the world, what would you do? 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 If he contacted me and promised the world Id think he's sicker than I originally thought. I'd run. Fast. Look, he is not normal. He has issues. Im not an expert, but i tend to think he has mild antisocial personality traits. I feel awfully sad. He is not what I've dreamed. These last 3 months i was with him made me realize how sick and troubled man he is. And Im terrible, deeply saddened by this. You just cant imagine the pain. Because even though Id tried to contact him, he cant acknowledge my feelings, nor he can have any feelings whatsoever. Its the hardest, to know he is not allright. And that.Ive been wanting him to love me when he just cant.
Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I would advise you to read through all your threads. As much as this man is emotionally and mentally troubled, much can be said about how you have handled yourself as well. The onus isn't on him because you have a bad track record as well with men in general. You wouldn't be where you are if you were able to do the right thing by you. You have consistently contributed to your own downfall as well and even now, it's still difficult to get you to subscribe or be receptive to a different train of thought, a different pattern, another way out from your self-destructive behavior. There's always some sort of rebuttal from you, some sort of justification, some sort of excuse -- the thing is your history is evidence enough that what you've been doing has never worked for you. I don't think I have anything more to add. I hope this time you follow through with you hope to do. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Ok. I appreciate your input very much. and I'll think about all what you said. I know I haven't made the best choices this last year, and I'm paying the consequences. I hope to come in one month to write I'm 1 month and 22 days no contact.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Hi all, I'm having triggers so I came here instead of contacting him. This monday will be one months since last seen each other or spoke with each other. I have no idea what's going on in his life. I'm trying to concentrate for an exam in two hours but I'm having this rushes of adrenaline when he pops in my head. Is my brain suffering withdrawal right now? I don't remember having these feelings all the other times I was no contact. I remember that by one month, I was more calm. Why I am having such anxiety after 4 weeks? I haven't stalked nor looking at his pics, NOTHING. Staying strong.
somecamel Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 It might be maybe the stress of the exam that is making you hyper sensitive. Take some deep breaths, think happy thoughts, rock on your exam and continue in your new life:)
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 25, 2014 Author Posted February 25, 2014 I was wondering why this time seems harder to move on. I'm definitely sure I want to forget about him and move on, but why this last days had been so tough for me? I'm feeling sick on my stomach, very sad and anxious, it's almost like a physical pain. It's been one month plus one day since last contact. Why this cant wither and die? I'm trying to understand the nature of this obsession. I know we are toxic together and there's nothing more to say. But still, why I'm still thinking about him? I feel somehow defeated this days, because I see no progress. Today I stayed home because I'm sick and my mind just couldn't stop remembering each detail. I don't want to do this no more! I wish there were a button we could push and just like that, forget about them. I want to find something that makes me happy, not other man, just something for myself. I want to enjoy nature and traveling like I used to. I want to feel excited about my career, I want to have a life again. I've been ding so much hard work these last year, but always going back to zero each time I contacted him. This time it's the hardest. Just hoping tomorrow will be better. It's so sunny and nice outside, and here I am, looking through the window and feeling awfully sad.
CaliBabe Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 This is totally normal. Be gentle with yourself. You will have a rollercoaster of emotions and this is to be expected. Good days and bad days will come just know that this is normal. By the 3 or 4 month mark you will be much better. I know its SO annoying when people tell you this but its unfortunately the truth... It will get better with time. You are doing a really good job and you should be proud of yourself. Treat yourself to a mani/pedi, vacation or spa day.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 This is totally normal. Be gentle with yourself. You will have a rollercoaster of emotions and this is to be expected. Good days and bad days will come just know that this is normal. By the 3 or 4 month mark you will be much better. I know its SO annoying when people tell you this but its unfortunately the truth... It will get better with time. You are doing a really good job and you should be proud of yourself. Treat yourself to a mani/pedi, vacation or spa day. Thank you. the most I've been no contact was 3 months, and I contacted him. I know what's ahead in terms of healing, but I'm worried this sadness is deeper than the other times.
CaliBabe Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 It may be deeper but you are strong. You can do this. Be a woman that a man needs. If he wants you, he will come to you. If not, then another will be lucky enough for the opportunity. Be the kind of woman a man chases. No begging, no first contact, none of that.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted March 1, 2014 Author Posted March 1, 2014 Five weeks. Every day it passes, more angry at myself I am. I hope I will forget myself one day.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I'm 6 weeks no contact. I'm part of love addicts anon. And trying to stick to their 12 Steps program. I want to heal and I'm confident in myself. This is harder than I thought but staying strong...One day at a time. I miss him greatly. It's my addict brain that doesn't let me see reality but I'm glad I now know why I continued this sick cycle of contact and no contact. The withdrawal was just too intense and i couldn't handle it. I'm experiencing withdrawal still but I'm staying strong. 2
BC1980 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I'm 6 weeks no contact. I'm part of love addicts anon. And trying to stick to their 12 Steps program. I want to heal and I'm confident in myself. This is harder than I thought but staying strong...One day at a time. I miss him greatly. It's my addict brain that doesn't let me see reality but I'm glad I now know why I continued this sick cycle of contact and no contact. The withdrawal was just too intense and i couldn't handle it. I'm experiencing withdrawal still but I'm staying strong. Good for you. I'm glad to see you are taking control. It's hard I know, but the alternative is sh*tty. I have to tell that to myself sometimes. I've been given two options, and the lesser of the two evils is NC. The truth is that NC can actually turn out to be great if you let it be. Try to keep the mindset that you are getting to rewrite your life and be anything you want to be.
mangetout Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Hey well done. We are all in the same boat. Let's work on our self respect and build our self worth :-)
OhThatGirl Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Well look at you. Good. Hang in there. Just remember this struggle makes you better prepared for that happy future. Remember that making contact is starting over at the beginning and going through the pain again. Nice job. Stick with it!
Author forgetmenot75 Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 Hey there, It's 8 weeks no contact and I'm slowly starting to feel myself again. This last 2 months have been hell, I'm been sick, I've been depressed, it has been a very dark period in my life. Worst of all, I've dreamt about him every single night. Things started to become normal this week. I've been working out, taking omega3 vitamins, and studying. Even though I still feel sad sometimes, I've came into terms with my situation, I'm working hard on forgiving myself and forgiving him, and mostly, trying to be happy every day. He is not the man I thought he was, the man I wanted him to be. I've been broken for so long... Overall, I'm ok, and it's surreal, after all this painful months. I never thought I would be ok. Staying strong, one day at a time 1
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