forgetmenot75 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 But he is not the one contacting me. Ive blocked him. Somehow I talked to a girl who is having a relationship with this guy. They are seeing each other and enjoying themselves. She doesnt know I hang out with the same guy for over a year now. Im really hurting. Player. I know you all will say to me it was obvious. Well, I still thought hey I can make him love me! Again no contact. Again. Again. I need not to be me. Please. I need not to be me. This hurts triple now. And he told me he was attached to me...i wonder what kind of attachment that was. Player. Creep. Id like to tell this girl about him. I really want to. But no, they can go to hell together. Crying.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 But he is not the one contacting me. Ive blocked him. Somehow I talked to a girl who is having a relationship with this guy. They are seeing each other and enjoying themselves. She doesnt know I hang out with the same guy for over a year now. Im really hurting. Player. I know you all will say to me it was obvious. Well, I still thought hey I can make him love me! Again no contact. Again. Again. I need not to be me. Please. I need not to be me. This hurts triple now. And he told me he was attached to me...i wonder what kind of attachment that was. Player. Creep. Id like to tell this girl about him. I really want to. But no, they can go to hell together. Crying. Somehow? Just randomly? Out of all the people around, thats pretty impressive 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 I contacted her. I had my suspicions. Turned out i was right.
pickflicker Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I contacted her. I had my suspicions. Turned out i was right. .....now what?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 Yes. Stopping now. Now what...nothing.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Yes. Stopping now. Now what...nothing. You had nothing in the first place. He's moved on and so should you. 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 I can see him chatting with her right now. I logged in and they're both online. she looks for him, she send him messages. I'm going crazy. I know I should let him go, he was never mine in the first place. But he was the love of my life. He treated me badly, yes, he used me, yes, he lied to me, yes. But I loved him. 13 months loving this guy. Going no contact, then contacting him again. I could never forget about him. the most I've done was 4 months no contact. for what? For nothing. Now they're chatting. She must be happy. She has him. And I have nothing. Nothing at all. I need to overcome this pain. Please. Please, help me. I don;t know what else to do to move on. I can't, I really can't stand the thought of them chatting. HELP ME
OhThatGirl Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 So.. When you said "now what... Nothing" you really meant "now what... Well, I'll log on and watch the two of them chat with each other." What does this accomplish? You know he doesn't want a relationship with you. You know he has lied, continued seeing/sleeping with other women. You said you know he's a loser. That he is toxic, that you know you should move on. But instead of moving on you've contacted someone to see if he has been seeing her. He has. Why bother? How does this make the situation any different? You know he was doing these things. He's not the love of your life. He's someone that you've developed an unhealthy obsession with. He's someone that perpetuates your unhealthy cycle with men. What is it going to take for you to finally let this go? Really. Truly. Where is the line? Ask yourself. Hint: You don't have one. Make one and stick to it. And.. Seek therapy. Sounds like you could benefit greatly from working through the issues that have you spending so much time, energy, and focus on this guy. Admit to yourself now if you had spent this much energy on math you probably wouldn't have had to leave school, huh? Is that a line? That you spent more time worrying about this guy (who isn't worrying about you) than you did working towards your education? Should be a huge wake up call. Time to get priorities straight. 4
pickflicker Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 We can't go NC for you. You have to do it. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I can see him chatting with her right now. I logged in and they're both online. she looks for him, she send him messages. I'm going crazy. I know I should let him go, he was never mine in the first place. But he was the love of my life. He treated me badly, yes, he used me, yes, he lied to me, yes. But I loved him. 13 months loving this guy. Going no contact, then contacting him again. I could never forget about him. the most I've done was 4 months no contact. for what? For nothing. Now they're chatting. She must be happy. She has him. And I have nothing. Nothing at all. I need to overcome this pain. Please. Please, help me. I don;t know what else to do to move on. I can't, I really can't stand the thought of them chatting. HELP ME You need professional help. And loads of it 2
Haydn Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 You need to let go of the fear that is holding you back. Think about the things you have? What you are good at? Sounds simplistic but try. The social media is feeding your fear. Drop it all. Kick it to the curb. Look around, do something you never did before. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I can see him chatting with her right now. I logged in and they're both online. she looks for him, she send him messages. I'm going crazy. I know I should let him go, he was never mine in the first place. But he was the love of my life. He treated me badly, yes, he used me, yes, he lied to me, yes. But I loved him. 13 months loving this guy. Going no contact, then contacting him again. I could never forget about him. the most I've done was 4 months no contact. for what? For nothing. Now they're chatting. She must be happy. She has him. And I have nothing. Nothing at all. I need to overcome this pain. Please. Please, help me. I don;t know what else to do to move on. I can't, I really can't stand the thought of them chatting. HELP ME We can't help you until you are ready to help yourself. And you seem completely unwilling to do that. 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 I'm sorry... I have visions of an 'Isadora Duncan'-type person, all swooning and fainting, full of woe-is-me.... You're an Emotional Vampire in the making, and pretty soon, people are going to start ignoring you, and you will run out of anything new to say, because no matter how much people try to help, you insist on staying in a self-made spiral of pseudo-desperation. Nobody here can help you, if you persistently and obstinately refuse to help yourself. Torture isn't pretty. Self-torture is simply pitiful. Please, get help. And more importantly - action it. 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Hi all, Today is day 22 no contact. Still feeling weak, but these weeks I saw reality and the madness I was in. One day at a time. I'm taking care of myself right now. 3
LostConfused123 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Good for you!! ((hugs!)) Have you gone hard core NC?? I am absolutely no one to judge. . Not at all why I'm asking. . . just curious and kinda hoping you are but only because it's easier in the long run. Anyway, keep pushing forward. Sounds like you took some big steps to healing
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I haven't contacted him, nor stalking him, nothing, for the last 3 weeks. I haven't blocked from anywhere, I just stopped visiting the dating sites. I have no desire to do so. I've been having panic attacks because I realized the mistakes I've made and how he has laughed at me, and lied to me. That made me realize I don't know this man at all, and also that I was dangerously playing with fire. I have no desire to meet him or hearing from him. I need to overcome this extreme fear I've developed, and I need to do this alone. Hardest days of my life. I hope to see light soon. 2
LostConfused123 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Good for you!! ( the no snooping ) You sound like you're ready to let go of the hurt. That's awesome! I'm sorry you're in so much pain still but I have no doubt you can overcome this. We will help you! ((hugs!!))
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 there are billions of people. millions of places to see. hundreds and thousands and millions of things to do. infinite things to eat and drink. a limitless, dizzying array of things to study and learn and enjoy. he is just one tiny one of all those things. and NOT a good one. you only get one life. you don't want to look back when it's too late and kick yourself for not experiencing more of it when you are too old to enjoy it. find one thing that excites or intrigues you - and go do it! anecdote: one of my friends got dumped by a toxic guy that she thought was the love of her life. she was so distraught that she signed up for an overseas creative writing course. and met the real love of her life, when she was travelling over here. now she's in a new country, with a husband, a baby and a whole new heap of friends. the change doesn't have to be that dramatic, but it has to be something to make your life worth living again. nobody else can live it for you... and you can't ever live it again! 3
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 you know what, I always keep thinking about that. that there's a whole world out there blah blah. Of course, there are millions of men and women out there. But you don't like them all. you don't bond with them all. you don't feel attracted to them all. If there were 50 people in one room, for example, you might find only one attractive. and if that only one doesn't feel the same for you? I find that when two people bond and share something (sex, love, friendship, whatever) that is a present. you don't find that kind of bond everyday. some people spend years trying to find someone. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 you know what, I always keep thinking about that. that there's a whole world out there blah blah. Of course, there are millions of men and women out there. But you don't like them all. you don't bond with them all. you don't feel attracted to them all. If there were 50 people in one room, for example, you might find only one attractive. and if that only one doesn't feel the same for you? I find that when two people bond and share something (sex, love, friendship, whatever) that is a present. you don't find that kind of bond everyday. some people spend years trying to find someone. Yes.....thats the very dramatic way to look at things but it's more of the refusal to see things in a more positive outlook. The facts are there: You wont be single forever. You wont hurt like this forever. This guy just wasnt the one. To Enemy's point, Yes there is SOOO much out there and sadly, you are in negative tunnel vision. It will go away and you will realize what you are doing to yourself will just be a waste. You are doing fine. Just keep going.
Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 So, my question to you is, seeing that you have not blocked this assclown, what would happen if he reached out to you tomorrow?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) So, my question to you is, seeing that you have not blocked this assclown, what would happen if he reached out to you tomorrow? He has already tried to reach twice. I logged in a dating site and he visited my profile twice. I don't know if that counts, I guess so, given his odd personality. I just logged off. I ignored him. That made me feel awful, I'm not lying. That made me think he might have feelings for me, but wtf, he's dirt. He said to me, when I told him I was going no contact: I know you'll dig in soon, we are each other's drug. I'm proving myself I'm not his drug, and I'm not digging in again. Struggling each day. I know I have a love addiction, I know we both have some personality disorder, and that makes things harder. But I'm no contact, and that's what's is important right now. I want to see the light. He's obscure. Edited February 19, 2014 by forgetmenot75
Zahara Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 What I am getting at is that if the man contacted you today and gave you a boatload of words, how would you handle that? Would you be tempted to respond or would you be strong enough, confident in your belief that he is of no good to you to not respond? Ignoring him because he checked out your profile doesn't convey your willpower to stay true to NC. It wasn't anything of significance to justify contact on your part. So it's moot. If you are addicted to this man and you know he is wrong for you, why have you not blocked him from your life?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 He's not doing that. He'll never do that. I know him. He's tried with the dating site, and he probably already gave up (I don't know, I haven't logged in) He's not investing energies when he knows there's no profit on it, and I didn't give him anything to think I'm available for him. This is a cycle that has repeated for 15 months now. I blocked him in the past, but I felt guilty. This time has gone smoother. No need to block him, he's already onto the next victim. He will never text me or call me. NEVER, I don't need to block him. It's me the one who always came back.
Recommended Posts