ByMyself01 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I want people's opinion on me, because I was told that I have low self-esteem from helping a man who has no job pay his phone bill so that jobs can contact him. My whole life, I always went out of my way to help others. Even when I feel like I'm being used by family members and others, I still give if I can as long as it doesn't burn me down. I look for NOTHING in return. So, I helped my ex to pay his phone bill because he is out of work and this month his phone was about to get disconnected. I felt really bad about it and I offered to pay it for him. Not because I want him back, but because I felt his pain. I am very sensitive to other people's pain. Even if he uses the phone 90% of the time to contact other women, I DO NOT CARE because I literally don't care what he does. I told him that I can only pay this one time being that he might find a job by March. Well, my friends all say that is a form of low self-esteem. I don't see how because $50 is nothing to me, but it may mean something to someone without a job. Just like I would feel bad and may give a homeless person a $20, there's no difference between someone I know who is struggling and needs the favor. Does any one see this as a form of low self-esteem? I need second opinions on this, but either way, it won't change the fact that I am a generous person within reason, meaning that I wouldn't go give someone more than I give myself. Or put myself in a situation where I have nothing.
tlegend Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I want people's opinion on me, because I was told that I have low self-esteem from helping a man who has no job pay his phone bill so that jobs can contact him. My whole life, I always went out of my way to help others. Even when I feel like I'm being used by family members and others, I still give if I can as long as it doesn't burn me down. I look for NOTHING in return. So, I helped my ex to pay his phone bill because he is out of work and this month he phone was about to get disconnected. I felt really bad about it and I offered to pay it for him. Not because I want him back, but because I felt his pain. I am very sensitive to other people's pain. Even if he uses the phone 90% of the time to contact other women, I DO NOT CARE because I literally don't care what he does. I told him that I can only pay this one time being that he might find a job by March. Well, my friends all say that is a form of low self-esteem. I don't see how because $50 is nothing to me, but it may mean something to someone without a job. Just like I would feel bad and may give a homeless person a $20, there's no difference between someone I know who is struggling and needs the favor. Does any one see this as a form of low self-esteem? I need second opinions on this, but either way, it won't change the fact that I am a generous person within reason, meaning that I wouldn't go give someone more than I give myself. Or put myself in a situation where I have nothing. It's called being a doormat, in some eyes'. However, do what you feel makes you feel the best. If paying for his bill makes you feel better about yourself, who is to tell you that you have low self esteem and that you are wrong? Tell them thanks for the advice and you'll take it into consideration. Then do what you want to do. I personally have done that with an ex of mine before. I won't do it again.
soccerrprp Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 As long as it doesn't become a recurring event, then it's okay. Did he ask for help or did you simply give? It will hamper future relationships if your bf finds out that you are stilling clinging onto an ex. My issue would also question whether if you are not you are enabling him. If it's a one time and done, then fine. If not, then there are issues and it is more than just being generous especially when it comes to an ex.
carhill Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 A good barometer of self-esteem would be listening to friends, taking in what they have shared, and then continuing on with words and actions you feel are healthy for your life. Generosity of love or deed can come from many places. Only the person themselves knows what place it comes from. If you feel it comes from a healthy place, it does. What others say is mere carbon dioxide. They don't live your life, face your challenges nor save you from the grim reaper. See them for who they are. Mere mortals on their own path. Wish them well. Good luck. 2
GoreSP Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I think what you are doing is completely selfless and has nothing to do with self-esteem. Someone needs help and you are giving it to them no strings attached. If more people were like you, the world would be a better place. You should be proud. A word of caution because some people may take advantage of it - but the situation you are describing doesn't seem like he is taking advantage of you.
Phantom888 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 $50 is not a big deal. Consider it an act of kindness. If a man doesn't even have $50 to pay his own phone bill, he basically has given up his "Man-card" and is just a pathetic being. You can do whatever you want to him, and it wouldn't reflect badly on you. Has nothing to do with you at all.
soccerrprp Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 OP, do one better. If you are so keen to help him, then help him find a job. People talk about being selfless, but the flip side is that you are in danger of enabling as well. Will you ever deny his want of money, help from you? When will you draw the line? His greatest need is steady employment and stability so that he can help himself. 1
antonio1149 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 It sounds like you are a generally kind person who cares about others and wants to help. I agree with carhill--only you can truly know what your motivation is. I believe there is rarely a single motive for such actions. We do these things because we feel it's right to help others, but it also helps us to feel good about ourselves. For some, it also gives them a chance to show the world "look, I'm a caring person." When a rich person donates millions to a university, knowing they'll get a building named after them, is that purely altruistic? Don't let the opinions of others stop you from giving as long as you're confident it's within reason.
Yookie Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I want people's opinion on me, because I was told that I have low self-esteem from helping a man who has no job pay his phone bill so that jobs can contact him. My whole life, I always went out of my way to help others. Even when I feel like I'm being used by family members and others, I still give if I can as long as it doesn't burn me down. I look for NOTHING in return. So, I helped my ex to pay his phone bill because he is out of work and this month his phone was about to get disconnected. I felt really bad about it and I offered to pay it for him. Not because I want him back, but because I felt his pain. I am very sensitive to other people's pain. Even if he uses the phone 90% of the time to contact other women, I DO NOT CARE because I literally don't care what he does. I told him that I can only pay this one time being that he might find a job by March. Well, my friends all say that is a form of low self-esteem. I don't see how because $50 is nothing to me, but it may mean something to someone without a job. Just like I would feel bad and may give a homeless person a $20, there's no difference between someone I know who is struggling and needs the favor. Does any one see this as a form of low self-esteem? I need second opinions on this, but either way, it won't change the fact that I am a generous person within reason, meaning that I wouldn't go give someone more than I give myself. Or put myself in a situation where I have nothing. Your friends know more about the whole situation than we do. Did this ex-boyfriend take advantage of you while you were with him? Was he faithful? What was the circumstances of the breakup and why is he now contacting you to tell you his problems?
BradJacobs Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Just like I would feel bad and may give a homeless person a $20, there's no difference between someone I know who is struggling and needs the favor. You sound like a nice person. Who cares what others think? I do similar things.
Mr.Mango Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Yeah, like others have said, you're just being nice. Just keep it at the one time, like you stated, and there should be no argument for low self esteem. What a ridiculous argument though.
Quiet Storm Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 If you are helping people simply because you want to help them, then that is not a reflection of your self esteem. You are a kind and giving person. The world would be much better if there were more people like you. If you are helping them because you like the attention, then it could be related to low self worth. Understand though, that there are many people that take advantage of a person's kindness. If someone has not treated you well, if they are really not that great of person, then maybe another person could be helped by your kindness. I think low self esteem is when you don't have much confidence in your looks or abilities. I think low self worth is when you are confident about yourself, you logically know that you deserve better, but you continue to accept much less than you deserve. Do either of those sound like you? If not, then don't worry about it.
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