recklesslove Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) The summer after I graduated high school I met this guy that was already attending the college I would be attending in the fall. I was a virgin when I met him and determined to lose my virginity before I left for college, so when things felt right with us (sexual chemistry was there) I jumped right into a sexual relationship with him. As the summer went on we both decided that we weren't interested in a relationship so we kept things strictly physical. Even having the same friends who knew of our relationship, when we were around them we acted as just friends. When fall came around and we went off to school things got very serious very quickly between us without any discussion of the relationship. He was suddenly acting like a boyfriend and we were spending every moment with each other, even sleeping at one another's dorm almost every night. However he never wanted to make us "official" which made me question why. Regardless, I was quickly realizing that I was falling in love with him. After returning from a halloween party and not getting along very well that day,once he fell asleep I read his text messages(NOT GOOD I KNOW) and found that for the past week he had been talking to his ex girlfriend telling her how he loves her and wants her back. She would tell him no and ask why he doesn't make me his girlfriend and he would tell her it was just about sex with me. So naturally I was upset and left his room in the middle of the night. Thinking things were over and how I had gotten my heart broken, I wasn't expecting him to chase after me in the pouring rain to tell me that he is in love with me. Stupidly, I took him back and we continued our relationship. Things were better than ever, besides the fact that he still hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. Even our friends were getting frustrated. Christmas came and passed and we spent the holidays with each others families, his parents even bought presents for me and vise versa. So you could say things were looking good for us, we even talked about living together next year. After more problems had risen with him flirting with other girls and my trust in him fading, I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings and how much I love him but I know things will never change so I have to move on. I asked him in the letter to not come after me to change my mind like he usually does and after a day of ignoring his calls he finally decided to give me my space. I gave him the letter two weeks ago now and after speaking to him in person about the letter he told me that I deserve much better than him and that he wishes he could be the guy that I need but he's not sure he can. Simply wanting him to chase after me and tell me that we can make this work, I am holding onto hope for this relationship because I truly am madly in love with him. We have now had sex twice since breaking up(per my request) and the first time was very emotional for me.He was his normal self, wiping my tears, comforting me, and trying to get me to open up. I know I am being extremely reckless with my heart but I don't think it could break anymore than it already has. So I keep inviting him over and he even stayed the night last night and just held me as I fell asleep, just like he always used to. It just feels right with us, there is a spark that I have never even remotely felt with anyone else. I think his problem is lack of maturity which he can grow out of, but I don't know if I am hoping to fix a hopeless relationship. I think I just need a third party opinion! Someone please help me with this beyond complicated relationship!!! Edited January 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
No Limit Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Honestly, this American tradition that you should loose your virginity at some point before going to college at all costs fascinates me in a way. Well, you wrote it yourself; you want to wait and hope he'll grow out of it. Trouble is, that will take him a few years (it certainly won't happen until he's out of college and been in bed with a few other girls as well), but in the end it's up to you if you want to wait for that time and hope for a Lily & Marshall-like college lover story. But yeah, don't hold your breath, it might not happen at all. Anyway, you seem to be very sure to keep going the way you do now since you don't really seem to feel like 'loosing much' since 'your heart can't be even more damaged'. Also, you're using the word "relationship". Since you two aren't together and just friends with benefits, don't. Good luck.
d0cholliday Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 You are doing it wrong, but I think we can't change your opinion. I know how the "It just feels right with us" feels, but you are giving him all without him earning it, so with that said, you should rethink the whole situation and figure out what you want from all of this. Do you really want to be a second option? Do you settle for being a doormat, while he is waiting for his ex? That kind of questions.... Since you mentioned that he needs to mature.... Maybe you need to stop with sex, and sleepovers? Take away his toys, he needs to be pushed a little, to start maturing asap... Also, this is not a relationship, it's just you, and him enjoying all the perks... You can go on like this, and hope he will, at one point, realise you're the one, or you can go and take the time for yourself, to figure it out... I sense you will stick with him, so if you should do that, at least try working on yourself, start looking hotter, make him a little jelaous, don't push it tough, but show him you can have any guy you like if you know what I mean... Good luck.
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