jellyfish666 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) so long story: I just landed in a new city recently and am settling in. few weeks ago, i went out to a club with some new girl friends i met. on the same night, my new female friend (call her A) introduced me to some of her guy friends at the club. lets call this guy J, J is tall and good looking, he was extremely friendly/attentive towards me after we shook hands in the club. he even expressed how much he liked me at first sight to A, she suggested him take me out on a real date sometime soon. so that night, i gave him my number as i was well attracted to him too. however, he came on very strong and was saying tons of sweet nothings to me all the time. he kept initiating dates the first week, we had a wonderful time, i saw him almost 4 times the first week. he then asked me if i wanted to go on vacation with him, i kept telling him he was moving way too fast and i'd like to take things slow. (we only kissed, i even refused to hold his hands during outings cuz he wasn't my official bf) every morning he would text me good morning and id reply him. within the first week, he did the following: -constantly asking are we on the same page? moving in the same direction? i'm looking for a girl to settle down/marrige blah blah blah -he said he wants to take me on vacation the month after when he's less busy -he introduced me to tons of his friends,telling them how muchhe likes me. and kept hugging/kissing me in front of everyone (including our mutual friends, everybody thought he was so into me, they thought we were dating. i did the following: -told him to slow things down, i was a bit concerned with him coming on so strong so fast -never ever initiated text messages, usually just reply him thats it. -i enjoyed going on dates with him but also refused 2-3 dates..didn't go out with him every time he asked. to be honest, he possessed alot of charming superficial qualities enough to blindside a girl: rich, tall, good looking, well educated, wealthy family background, funny, charming etc etc. however, in my mind i had some concerns whenever a guy comes on very strong in the beginning for no reason. after a week of intense dates, one night, on a weekend, he asked me to go to this private lounge room where he was there already with his friends. i went, there were few girls there also. after i sat beside him, i noticed a particular girl kept looking at me from across the room. i didn't think too much about it, a weird thought came out of nowhere:"does she like J? why is she looking at me so often?" all the sudden, this girl, lets call her H, stood up and sat right in between me and j, seperating us. she then started talking to me, she said shes new girl in town just like me. i said oh thats cool ,we should hang out since we both new in town. she said sure. i asked her to add me on wechat, she took out her phone, funny thing is, i saw a message on her phone from J. i pretended that i didnt see, then i casually asked her:"are u good friends with J too?" she said:" oh no, i just met him today, right before u got here." in my head, i was thinking:"why does she have J's wechat number already if she just met him today? that is rather odd." however, i didn't think too much about it. after that night, i never spoke to that girl again, i completely forgot about her. after that week, J became very busy, he kept saying: sorry babe next week im all yours." he kept telling me how he's going to bring me to this and that restaurant, show me around town. blah blah blah. tons of promises and stuff. he even told me how his birthday is coming up in a week or so and asked if i were going to celebrate with him. then slowly, i noticed his messages became less and less intense. then finally, it all stopped altogether. one morning, i woke up checking wechat updates, H (the girl from that lounge room) posted a picture and under the picture was J commenting and flirting with her! i dont think J knew that i could actually see those wechat picture updates too!! later on i found out that J was definitly a player with a long string of exgfs. even an exwife whom he divorced. (rumours have it he divorced her after meetig a new girl during his marriage, not sure if true but he is divorced) girls in this town love J and are all over him because he came from a very famous and wealthy family. i felt very weird after finding out, rather complicated feeling. disappointed? upset i can't really put into words. sure, u might say J was in no way obligated to me, we weren't exclusive. that is correct. however, his actions and words were very misleading and dishonest. he was the one chasing me, wanting me to be his gf, kissing hugging me in front of all of our mutual friends. everyone thought we were a couple! later on he said he did that to mark his territory, make it clear that i was off limits to other boys. he was the one making grand promises this and that, asking me to go on vacation blah blah blah. now hes disappeared, no word no text all the sudden from him for days. i just feel so disgusted. now i know why he disappeared, hes chasing other girls. probably more than just 1. tons! this puts me in a very awkward position because we have alot of mutual friends, i just dont understand how can a 36 year old man be so irresponsible and immature, we are bound to run into each other at social gatherings. how weird thanks for reading this people, im thinking what i should do when i run into him one day: 1. pretend nothing happened. be polite, but cold. (cons: i think him and i both know his behaviour is unacceptable and he shouldn't be treating girls like this, me pretending nothing is wrong simply means i accept his treatment) 2. if he talks to me, confront him and tell him im not interested in even being friends with players like him. (perhaps throw in a mock line: im too old to play games like this?) 3. simpley refuse to talk to him, and if other mutual friends ask what happened between us, just tell them the simplified truth. and i want nothing to do with him nomore. i told A, the girl that introduced us about this, she was quite mad, she said she didn't know he was a player like this, she told me to ignore him from now on if he ever tries to talk to me, and let other people know that i am single and not seeing him anymore.. yesterday was lunar new year, J sent me happy new year message after disappearing for 4 days. i didn't reply him at all. i dont like this guy anymore however, being new in town and having so many mutual friends with him bothers me, his behaviour bothers me. the fact that all our mutual friends think we're dating bothers me. how can he let me, and everyone else believe hes so into me, and just turn around and chase other girls with no prewarning? people, what are your suggestions when I run into J again one day? which i believe will happen in near future. its not about getting even, its just about me sending him a clear message and demand some respect. thanks so much!! Edited January 31, 2014 by jellyfish666
Philosoraptor Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Just ignore him if possible. Be cordial, but short if you cross him. No need to be rude, but there is also no need to be buddy buddy.
Grumpybutfun Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Might be a good idea too to warn your mutual friends that this is what he is like so they won't introduce him to unsuspecting girls. It is fine if he wants sex and tons of dates, but by acting like he wants commitment and to be exclusive is just dishonest. It is good you went with with your initial gut feeling and didn't sleep with this guy or this could have been a much sadder post. Keep ignoring, Grumps 2
Author jellyfish666 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 thanks for the replies. yea will definitely let mutual friends know about this. sigh. what a start for 2014
StanMusial Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 thanks for the replies. yea will definitely let mutual friends know about this. sigh. what a start for 2014 Don't be surprised if they get mixed up with him anyway.
Author jellyfish666 Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Don't be surprised if they get mixed up with him anyway. What a blow to my selfesteem.. I thought i was special, guess not. Yea thx for ur advice, highly doubt itll happen as 2 mutual female friends dont like him that way.but yea that would b awful But yeh it still boggles my mind how a guy can do this, especially one that knows we got mutual friends.. Guess some people dont care about reputation at all. Definitely hurts, dont wanna sound catty but the girl at the lounge did not look like the type of girls J used to date. Guess i dodged a bullet
jcrew11 Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 girls in this town love J and are all over him because he came from a very famous and wealthy family. i felt very weird after finding out, rather complicated feeling. disappointed? upset i can't really put into words. sure, u might say J was in no way obligated to me, we weren't exclusive. that is correct. however, his actions and words were very misleading and dishonest. he was the one chasing me, wanting me to be his gf, kissing hugging me in front of all of our mutual friends. everyone thought we were a couple! later on he said he did that to mark his territory, make it clear that i was off limits to other boys. he was the one making grand promises this and that, asking me to go on vacation blah blah blah. now hes disappeared, no word no text all the sudden from him for days. i just feel so disgusted. now i know why he disappeared, hes chasing other girls. probably more than just 1. tons! this puts me in a very awkward position because we have alot of mutual friends, i just dont understand how can a 36 year old man be so irresponsible and immature, we are bound to run into each other at social gatherings. how weird thanks for reading this people, im thinking what i should do when i run into him one day: 1. pretend nothing happened. be polite, but cold. (cons: i think him and i both know his behaviour is unacceptable and he shouldn't be treating girls like this, me pretending nothing is wrong simply means i accept his treatment) 2. if he talks to me, confront him and tell him im not interested in even being friends with players like him. (perhaps throw in a mock line: im too old to play games like this?) 3. simpley refuse to talk to him, and if other mutual friends ask what happened between us, just tell them the simplified truth. and i want nothing to do with him nomore. i told A, the girl that introduced us about this, she was quite mad, she said she didn't know he was a player like this, she told me to ignore him from now on if he ever tries to talk to me, and let other people know that i am single and not seeing him anymore.. yesterday was lunar new year, J sent me happy new year message after disappearing for 4 days. i didn't reply him at all. i dont like this guy anymore however, being new in town and having so many mutual friends with him bothers me, his behaviour bothers me. the fact that all our mutual friends think we're dating bothers me. how can he let me, and everyone else believe hes so into me, and just turn around and chase other girls with no prewarning? people, what are your suggestions when I run into J again one day? which i believe will happen in near future. its not about getting even, its just about me sending him a clear message and demand some respect. thanks so much!! Sure it sucks and your feelings were hurt for the brief time you guys dated. But just be glad you didn't have sex with him and have a relationship, because he would have cheated on you soon. Every girl has a foolish fantasy of meeting a rich charming guy, but rich charming guys are attractive because they are always surrounded by hot girls ready to replace you. You don't owe him anything, be cordial and polite, but move on and find another more stable guy to date. Just forget about him. George Clooney dumps hot girls every other month and girls still love him. He just finds other dumb groupies that want the fantasy life.
Recommended Posts