swazzzz Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Hi all, I met this girl 2 months ago through a common friend. We met at a bar, had good conversation and danced a bit when we moved to the dance floor. We were in a group of 4 so afterwards we went to a chillout lounge from where we left around 6 am. I dropped this girl home and even walked her to her door and gave a peck on her cheek as goodnight. I am assuming that what I did was normal and regular and I did not make any moves which would look negative. Anyway, I found this girl quite fun and attractive and definitely wanted to see her again. So I asked my friend to set up another evening for the 3 of us and we went clubbing and then for coffee later on. Again, it was just the 3 of us but we had a good time, poking fun at each other and enjoying a good vibe. I was beginning to get interested in this girl but had not noticed any thing positive from her end. A week after NYE, the 3 of us, along with few more of our friends, went to a house party. By this time, a few more of my friends had come to know of my interest in this girl. So at the party, people tried to 'pitch' me to her, saying good and nice things about me. By the end of the night, I think she had got the hint loud and clear. But she pretended to not know and went with the flow. The night was again, fun, and I dropped her and her friend home later on. A pattern was emerging where I was only seeing her in groups. After a couple of days, I text her and ask if she would like to meet for brunch. She straightaway asked if her other friend is joining. I said that she has other commitments but the 2 of us can meet, if that is ok with her. She came up with some story about not feeling like going out and wanting to stay in. So I got the hint loud and clear there. The week after, my friend and his wife had their anniversary party at their house where we were all invited. The same issue happened here as well where my friends were trying to hook me up with her throughout the night. She took it very sportingly but I could see that she was being pushed to her limits. When I dropped her home that night, she brought up the topic and I admitted to her that I like her and would want to date her. She gave me the usual line of "I like you as a friend but I do not see this going anywhere". So she wanted to be friends with me and made it clear. We bid each other good night and left. So she turned me down and though it hurt, I wasn't too worried because I knew that it was her loss. I spoke to her friend the next day and she told me that there is another guy involved. This particular guy, is apparently a big a**hole who treats her like trash, does not care about her, disrespects her, but on the other hand, is also possessive about her. Classic case of a d-bag of a guy. But she is apparently madly in love with this guy, for what reason I have absolutely no idea. There is nothing good about this guy, but she finds solace in him. Last week I had called her to ask a small thing but she broke down over the phone, crying her eyes out about how stressed out she is about this guy. She cried for 2 good hours and I had to stay on the phone, almost consoling her. I told her that if this guy is making you cry so much, why even bother? She said that "I know he loves me, he just is not able to express it. I have faith that he will understand my love for him sooner or later and I am going to wait it out because this guy gives me supernatural vibes every time I see him". I was almost on the verge of slamming my phone on the wall, hearing this stuff from a 27 year old woman! So here lies my problem: I know for a fact that I am better than this guy that she is harping on about. She is being mis-treated by him and she wants to get the feel-good feeling from me. She loves him but she wants me around in her life to make her feel good. I, on the other hand, am attracted to this woman and feel that we share enough things to have a mature relationship. All my friends like her and they want us to be together. How do I make this girl see sense right now? As of right now, I have not spoken or texted her since Monday afternoon and it is the weekend now and I really want to see her. What is the right thing to do here? I know I want to be with this woman, but how do I be the bigger and better person here for her to see sense? Would really appreciate all your inputs on this matter.
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 You can't. While her eyes are clouded by longing for this man, you might as well be a lamp post. I think you need to put this one down until such a time as she is freely available. And that might not be for a very long tme.... Plus: Tell your mutual friends to quit trying to shack the two of you together; she's not interested and what's more, she has a huge amount of baggage, and potentially 'damaged goods'. You really don't want to work that hard. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Sorry dude, she's just not into you. Move on.....
Author swazzzz Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 Thank you for the advice. I haven't had any contact with her since last Monday. I am trying to do two things here: trying to get my mind off her and also trying to see if she initiates any form of contact. A couple of interesting things happened though which I should mention. One of our mutual friends just randomly told her last weekend that he is going to introduce me to a new girl from his office because he thinks that me and her will hit it off well. When she heard that, she pretended to be excited but the real thing came out a few days later. She messages me last Monday and asks me about my plan for the date. I was initially confused but recovered to remember that my friend had mentioned this 'imaginary' date to her last week. So I went along with the flow and told her that haven't made any concrete plans yet. That was it. I have not spoken to her or had any contact with her since then. Today, Sunday, my friend who I work with and who introduced me to this girl in the first place, asked me about my date. I was surprised because I had not told her anything about my so called date. Turns out that despite not asking me about my date, this girl actually messaged my colleague to ask how my date went. Isn't that curious? Seems like she has certain feelings for me. I think it is jealousy. Or maybe I am wrong. But the fact that she is super interested to know about my date but does not ask me herself sends a different signal to me. How should I interpret this one? And I really like this girl so if you think me playing hard to get will get her to crack and initiate contact with me on her own, then tell me the next step in this so that she eventually realizes what an a**hole of a guy she is having feelings for and sees the genuineness of the guy that I am.
BlametheIrish Posted February 2, 2014 Posted February 2, 2014 She just wanted to.make sure her shoulder to cry on doesn't get taken. I strongly suggest you leave this one alone. I'm guessing you won't though and will get burned by this wpman in tbe future. She eants yp.string you along to get what she neefs from you emotionally and will.use the man.she thinks is a suitable partner to.sleep with. Guess who gets the raw end of the deal? YOU Watch out for yourself man, women like her are pure trouble. 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 And tell your stupid friends to quit playing stupid mind games with her! It's not funny and it's not clever. 2
Author swazzzz Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Thank you TaraMaiden for the advice. I hope am able to clarify my stance on this particular situation. I have not had any contact with her for over 8 days now. I know for a fact that she is curious and probably upset that I have not contacted her. The reason I am maintaining a cold shoulder is for her to realize that I am not just a shoulder to cry on. The few weeks that she was out with me and her friends, we had a blast together. She was happy and joyful. On the flipside, her so called boyfriend treats her like garbage. So she enjoyed our company because it redeemed her moral self esteem. But I want her to realize that I am worth much more than that. Keeping my distance will probably make her miss me and my presence and stability in her life. Maybe this is the wake up call she needs to see the crap guy that she is persisting with. I know that once she sees sense and comes around, me and her can have a wonderful future together. As of now, she is feeling that since she said no to dating me and wanted just to be friends, I am giving her the cold shoulder and moving on. Which is what any normal person would do right? Then why is she so worried about me going on a date with someone else? As a 'friend', shouldn't she be supportive and happy for me? She obviously isn't because she seems anxious and jittery. Me giving her the cold shoulder might actually get her indifferent towards me. Which is something I don't want at all. I am just trying to show her the reality of life. In fact, when I first told her that I am attracted to her and want to have a relationship, she said that saying no to me might be a huge mistake on her part but that is what she wants to do. So she knows and sees the food qualities in me and is very much aware of them. Then why is it so hard for her to see the hole she is getting in to by being with this a**hole of a boyfriend? I am doing this to win her over, no other intentions at all. I really like her but I want somer more than friendship and I know she knows that she can have a good life with me. If she knows all the positives then I am unable to fathom why she would still say no to me. I want to win her over, I cannot see her make a huge mistake.
winny Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Mind your own business and find SINGLE girl. Now I know why girls like me are suffering so much... because single guys like you are wasting time on girls who are not available 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Mind your own business and find SINGLE girl. Now I know why girls like me are suffering so much... because single guys like you are wasting time on girls who are not available There are none so blind as those who will not see. he doesn't 'get it'. Ah well... another hapless victim.
Author swazzzz Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Well, took all the advice I got from you all and making an attempt to move on. Something interesting did happen last night though, so let me tell you the details of that event. It was my mate's going away party last night as he is getting married next week. He had booked a table at a club and had invited around 12-13 of his friends. I was one of them and since he is also a part of the group, he invited my crush and her friend as well. Now, I have not spoken to this woman for 12 days and counting now and if she came for the party, it would be the first time I would see her. I was looking forward to it actually. But despite my friend asking her to come, she made some silly excuse and declined the invite. While we were at the club, my friend showed me her text conversation with this girl and to sum the conversation up, this girl did not come to the party because I was going to be there. I was confused to be very frank. I have stopped chasing this girl and accepted her request of being a friend and have not spoken to her for 12 days, yet she declines my friend's invite because of me being there? What does this mean? I am not chasing, I just want to know what is wrong? If we are friends, then why on earth is she waiting for me to call her or text her? Why can't she do it herself? Is this an ego-game that is ongoing right now?
TaraMaiden Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I am not chasing, I just want to know what is wrong? If we are friends, then why on earth is she waiting for me to call her or text her? Why can't she do it herself? Is this an ego-game that is ongoing right now? But you're not friends. You want more, and contact with you is just messing with her head. TbH, she made a wise choice. Suck it up and accept it. While there are strong feelings tugging at your heart, or hers, then 'friendship' is a fallacy. There is no 'ego-game' going on.n She believes it's best to not contact you and to stay away. I agree with her. Do not contact her, leave her alone, and just move on.
Shosh Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If we are friends, then why on earth is she waiting for me to call her or text her? Why can't she do it herself? Is this an ego-game that is ongoing right now? She is not waiting for you to call or text her. She also is not friends with you. She did not go to the party because she thought it would be uncomfortable with you there. She does not want to see you. Please accept that and stop thinking about her so much.
Author swazzzz Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 But you're not friends. You want more, and contact with you is just messing with her head. TbH, she made a wise choice. Suck it up and accept it. While there are strong feelings tugging at your heart, or hers, then 'friendship' is a fallacy. There is no 'ego-game' going on.n She believes it's best to not contact you and to stay away. I agree with her. Do not contact her, leave her alone, and just move on. But how are we not friends? After she spurned me on asking her out, she wanted to be friends. After that day, we have gone out as groups and things have been fine as well as fun. Then, when she is having boyfriend issues, she cries her heart out to me and I listen. I don't judge even though I have strong feelings for this woman. I have been the shoulder, I have been the friend. What more can I do in this short span? Just because I have not initiated contact with her for almost 2 weeks, she is mind f***ed. I do not know what she is thinking but not showing up to a party because of my presence is weird, especially when you want to be friends. My question: me not initiating contact, has it made her feel something different? Is there something else in her heart that she is not able to understand? There are strong feelings from my end, but if there is something with her as well, shouldn't I also know about it? I am worried about her, my friends have not been able to get hold of her for almost 24 hours. Her phone is switched off and she has not looked at her Whatsapp or BBM for a very long period. Will me breaking 'no-contact' and giving her a call solve anything or will it only mess mine and her mind up more?
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Why are you even posting? Why do we even care...? Go and do what you like. We have all given you advice, and it's just like bellowing in an empty room... loads of echo, but utterly pointless. Dio what you want, mess your life up, and mess hers up too, while you're at it, why don't you?
Art_Critic Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Being someone's emotional tampon can be gut wrenching, the thing to understand is that she is using you as a friend and you need to either be ONLY a friend or just move on. This will not end well as you have feelings for someone who has no feelings of dating/love for you. It's hard to to move on because she gives you the attention you need to perk your ears up but not enough to make things progress into dating and she won't give you that because she has you slated as her friend. Sorry... 1
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