suicidal* - She loved me so much and I took her for granted

January 31, 2014

Hello there Loveshackers, I've been lurking these forums for 3 months now since my ex broke up with me. I'm about 570 pages in, in the breakup section.. I'm at a loss. We were together for 2 years. I'm sorry if the text might seem like it's jumping around but I can't process these emotions correctly.

I'll try to make it as short as possible.

I had just dumped a girl i had been together with for 4 months I was deeply in love with due to her immaturity and need to be with other guys.

I went straight NC and cried everyday.

2-3 weeks later I set up a date with a girl I had met online, a rebound, you could say - (which would turn out to be the most loving and caring relationship I've ever had). I had the mentallity on the date to just be myself and take it for what it was, I was of course still upset over my previous relationship so I thought, I don't care what this new chick will think of me, I'll just be myself completely and show her the real me directly.

Thing is, I made her laugh a lot. She is/was an introvert person and has troubles with opening herself up to strangers easy, but I got past that, I knew it.

After a few dates I kissed her and I actually felt nothing, I forced myself to kiss her, i was not attracted to her, I was not connected to her in any other way because I felt it was just I who'd show myself who I was on the dates as she barely spoke without me asking questions.

She had, just as I, come out of a relationship, which was about 2-3 years long with a guy who cheated on her and hurt her physically.

A few weeks later she starts to hang out in my apartment, cooking dinner and drinking wine together. I could sense she was falling in love with me whilst I just wanted to forget my previous EX and have a good time, which I really had! We made it official (mostly because I wanted the comfort of knowing someone loved me *MISTAKE I KNOW*) about 1-2 month in, so it went really fast.

4-6 months in, I'm starting to get hooked on this girl. She is amazing in everyway (well, almost, I'll get to that). She is caring, loving, and really smart and understands me in a way I didn't think would be possible. I myself is quite the lone wolf but highly social when situation arises and I handle it well and get lots of friends(shallow, platonic) that way.

I met her family and friends and I get along really well, and they said that I'm the most handsome and friendliest guy she has ever had and I felt really welcomed into her life. The family was really rich in love and successfull in their own lifes.

I started to love her for who she was, but I was never INLOVE with her. I never felt that I'd couldn't manage to be without her for a month, I almost wanted her to give me space a lot. Thing is, she became like a sister to me. We shared EVERYTHING, we talked and talked for hours on end and had the same taste in music and movies and would often analyse every film we'd watched together. She was a part of me. I might have never been INLOVE with this woman, but I LOVED her for the person she was to me, an amazing woman full of pure love.

I could sometimes feel guilty since I didn't feel the same way as she did. Of course I was grateful for what we had but it had all went so fast and I didn't realize how good I had it since she's been gone.

Around the 4-8 month mark, we fought A lot, I mean AAA LOT.

2-3 Times a week, over ****ty things that didn't really matter.

She had her negative sides, extremely jealous and short temper WHICH I found was a huge turn off for me, and might have been what felt that I was not in love. I really don't remember what our first argument was about.

It was like I showed her the real me in the get go and she couldn't handle me for my down-to-earthness. She poured all her emotional baggage from the previous one into our relationship. In the beginning she was really shy, then all the trauma from her previous ex came into our relationship and she would burst out in tears when we fought and brought up stuff from earlier relationship. In a sense, we helped eachother out and stood by eachother and GREW together PAST the past.

I got close to her family and friends and they loved me, and my ex did everything from me, took me to doctors office, meetings and she was a godess in bed..

EVENTUALLY we got past most of the fights for a while, we had found our balance and now we were really starting to connect. We were so relaxed together. We knew everything about eachother, I knew how she would react, and she'd know how I would react if she told me this and that.

She would always try to cuddle with me and say I love you, i love you, all the time for a while. She was really insecure since her previous relationship, and I get that. I told her to, trust me I would never leave you and I love you. What you and I have is the most amazing thing I've had. So what if I was not IN love with her, but I loved her so much for who she was (strange differences..) it was like i never had a honeymoon phase, but saw past all that and found out who she really was and was not blinded by chemicals from my brain.

I was in school by the time we started dating, and after 7 months i quit since I had to switch apartment further away from school. So I started to stay home and study. I had no money from the summer to late september.. due to some issues with work and school related papers.. She stood for food and shelter in that sense.. and Im guilty for that.

She would often say that I had change, that I was not the same anymore. She would often cry and run away from my house when we fought and packed all her belongings, but both me and she knew she would get back, as she often went berserk and left after every fight we had..

The thing is, yeah, I might have changed in my way to support her BECAUSE I did support her A LOT at first! I would always try to make her smile and see the brighter side of her problems and comfort her that everything will be alright and you should pursue your dreams. But she would always say, " No, im not good enough bla bla bla. " and always push down on herself.

It was like talking to a child who didn't want to figure out the problem and solve it. So eventually I backed away and was tired of all the fighting and problemsolving (me trying to help her, which she didn't respond to).

I have little to no family, and I've been through a lot of **** and pain in my life and I rarely cry. But she cried everytime we fought, and I thought it was childish since she made it into such a big deal everytime.

She on the other hand has a lot of close friends and family that supports her everytime. But me, as a loner, used to take care of myself much more.

I was stronger emotional than her..

Then one day 3 months ago, we had an argument, I wanted her to visit the doctors cause she was sick but she would decline my offer to take her there. She never wanted to go to the doctors since she didn't want people to figure out if there is something wrong with her (:S weird I know).

We began to have sex later that afternoon and I could tell she was not into it, and I asked what was wrong. She said; nothing. But I knew something was wrong so I said, you don't have to f**k me if you are not feeling like it.

She got upset and I said " I can't stand this anymore, you are not fun to be around right now". Guess what happened, she packed her all her stuff and ranned out the door, again, for the 15th time. I was sure she would call me or text me in a few days time, but she didn't.

After about a week I started to worry, what if she is serious this time? I thought. I called her and texted her and she did not answer until my 8th call. She said " I thought we both agreed that it was over since we last saw eachother" Here is where the sh*t hit the fan.

My heart started racing and my mind was a chaotic mess. I told her that I will come over and we'd talk this through. At first she said NO and I said, really, you breaking up on phone? - So she accepted that I would come over. ( This really shows her mature character though, since she let me come over and say a final goodbye... )

I took a cab and knocked on her door. She opened and I went inside.

We had not talked or texted for over a week, which never HAPPENED, someone would always give in after our fights for a maximum of 2-3 days.

We sat down and talked and I begged and forced her to hold me since i could not believe she was ready to walk out. This was just another argument and we could make it through I thought..

I sat and poured my heart out for 30-40 minutes while she only shed one or two tears and gave me the look of a stranger. Where were this loving, caring, amazing person now? It was like talking to a wall. She was not there anymore, she was gone in her eyes. She put a hand on my shoulder and told me everything will be alright, and that I'll make it on my own. LIKE WTF? I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. We went through fire together and she decided she couldnt take the fights anymore. I begged to give her a month with me again and I'll show her that I would change and support her more.

She said, "I don't love you anymore and it would not be fair for you to be in a relationship with someone who does not love you."

It hurts just to write that...

So I kissed her goodbye and she didn't answer with her lips, it was gone. Ironically, this was just how the first kiss was, she didn't actually respond the first time we kissed either since it was to sudden and unexpected.

So it felt in a symbolic way that the circle was now complete, it finished just the way it started.

I took the cab home and cried and did not know what to do.

Her hair lingered on my carpets and her gifts were everywhere.

I threw it all out and cleansed my apartment.

Deleted all mutual friend from FB and all the pictures, mails etc.

EVERYTHING was gone. I went straight NC after i sent her a TEXT later that night telling her; I hope you'd understand that im sorry and the reasons for me acting like this. Hope you find someone who makes you happy, you deserve it. Im now moving on and I want to say thank you for our journey together. Goodbye / *name* "

She then answered with " Thank you! It means alot that your understand, i hope you find someone who will fit better with you and i have no doubt things will go well for you. Maybe one day in the future when we both have matured, we could meet, and who knows, maybe find our way back to eachother. But i want you to be the best you can be now!

/her name"

She contacted me 3 weeks later on FB telling me that she had some important papers at my place, and that "if they were left there could you please send them to me."

Like wow, i still cant believe how cold she became.

SO here I am, I lost my lover and best friend that I have ever had (no doubt she has too)

She and I did everything together and was SO SO SO close.

and now we have not talked at all for over 3 months.

I upload pictures and statuses of me openly on FB so IF she stalks me she can see that im doing well. I've gained a lot of muscle weight, working out, back to studying and hanging out with attractive girl-friends.

What stings is that I know im back to my old self now, taking care of me, money back into the bank and she is not here to see it.

I can't keep on living this life anymore without her, this was the most mature relationship I've ever had (EVEN THOUGH all the stupid fights)

I'm lost without her, and I dont wanna date or be with anyothe else than her, I will never find someone like her who will love me and put up with so much together and still stick by. I have no close friends or family to turn to, only shallow contacts and all I do is work out, go to school and play on my computer. She was successfull and I don't wanna date and settle for some dumb chick from a dating site who only wants to f**k.

I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I can to feel better but I can't live this anymore, I just can't!!

Medication is out of the question, its like swooping the problems under a rug, NO WAY. I've been seeing a therapist well before our relationship so thats not something that helps either. I'm just an empty soul with no spark to life anymore.

January 31, 2014

Sorry to hear your story and welcome to the club. It's mind boggling how relationships unravel. All I can say is you were probably not compatible and the relationship was unsustainable over the long term. You've read the forum, you know the deal. Apparently it gets better eventually.

Have you contacted her recently to see if she would like to reconcile?

January 31, 2014

Hello there Loveshackers, I've been lurking these forums for 3 months now since my ex broke up with me. I'm about 570 pages in, in the breakup section.. I'm at a loss. We were together for 2 years. I'm sorry if the text might seem like it's jumping around but I can't process these emotions correctly.

I'll try to make it as short as possible.

I had just dumped a girl i had been together with for 4 months I was deeply in love with due to her immaturity and need to be with other guys.
I went straight NC and cried everyday.

2-3 weeks later I set up a date with a girl I had met online, a rebound, you could say - (which would turn out to be the most loving and caring relationship I've ever had). I had the mentallity on the date to just be myself and take it for what it was, I was of course still upset over my previous relationship so I thought, I don't care what this new chick will think of me, I'll just be myself completely and show her the real me directly.

Thing is, I made her laugh a lot. She is/was an introvert person and has troubles with opening herself up to strangers easy, but I got past that, I knew it.

After a few dates I kissed her and I actually felt nothing, I forced myself to kiss her, i was not attracted to her, I was not connected to her in any other way because I felt it was just I who'd show myself who I was on the dates as she barely spoke without me asking questions.

She had, just as I, come out of a relationship, which was about 2-3 years long with a guy who cheated on her and hurt her physically.

A few weeks later she starts to hang out in my apartment, cooking dinner and drinking wine together. I could sense she was falling in love with me whilst I just wanted to forget my previous EX and have a good time, which I really had! We made it official (mostly because I wanted the comfort of knowing someone loved me *MISTAKE I KNOW*) about 1-2 month in, so it went really fast.

4-6 months in, I'm starting to get hooked on this girl. She is amazing in everyway (well, almost, I'll get to that). She is caring, loving, and really smart and understands me in a way I didn't think would be possible. I myself is quite the lone wolf but highly social when situation arises and I handle it well and get lots of friends(shallow, platonic) that way.

I met her family and friends and I get along really well, and they said that I'm the most handsome and friendliest guy she has ever had and I felt really welcomed into her life. The family was really rich in love and successfull in their own lifes.

I started to love her for who she was, but I was never INLOVE with her. I never felt that I'd couldn't manage to be without her for a month, I almost wanted her to give me space a lot. Thing is, she became like a sister to me. We shared EVERYTHING, we talked and talked for hours on end and had the same taste in music and movies and would often analyse every film we'd watched together. She was a part of me. I might have never been INLOVE with this woman, but I LOVED her for the person she was to me, an amazing woman full of pure love.

I could sometimes feel guilty since I didn't feel the same way as she did. Of course I was grateful for what we had but it had all went so fast and I didn't realize how good I had it since she's been gone.

Around the 4-8 month mark, we fought A lot, I mean AAA LOT.
2-3 Times a week, over ****ty things that didn't really matter.
She had her negative sides, extremely jealous and short temper WHICH I found was a huge turn off for me, and might have been what felt that I was not in love. I really don't remember what our first argument was about.

It was like I showed her the real me in the get go and she couldn't handle me for my down-to-earthness. She poured all her emotional baggage from the previous one into our relationship. In the beginning she was really shy, then all the trauma from her previous ex came into our relationship and she would burst out in tears when we fought and brought up stuff from earlier relationship. In a sense, we helped eachother out and stood by eachother and GREW together PAST the past.

I got close to her family and friends and they loved me, and my ex did everything from me, took me to doctors office, meetings and she was a godess in bed..

EVENTUALLY we got past most of the fights for a while, we had found our balance and now we were really starting to connect. We were so relaxed together. We knew everything about eachother, I knew how she would react, and she'd know how I would react if she told me this and that.

She would always try to cuddle with me and say I love you, i love you, all the time for a while. She was really insecure since her previous relationship, and I get that. I told her to, trust me I would never leave you and I love you. What you and I have is the most amazing thing I've had. So what if I was not IN love with her, but I loved her so much for who she was (strange differences..) it was like i never had a honeymoon phase, but saw past all that and found out who she really was and was not blinded by chemicals from my brain.

I was in school by the time we started dating, and after 7 months i quit since I had to switch apartment further away from school. So I started to stay home and study. I had no money from the summer to late september.. due to some issues with work and school related papers.. She stood for food and shelter in that sense.. and Im guilty for that.

She would often say that I had change, that I was not the same anymore. She would often cry and run away from my house when we fought and packed all her belongings, but both me and she knew she would get back, as she often went berserk and left after every fight we had..

The thing is, yeah, I might have changed in my way to support her BECAUSE I did support her A LOT at first! I would always try to make her smile and see the brighter side of her problems and comfort her that everything will be alright and you should pursue your dreams. But she would always say, " No, im not good enough bla bla bla. " and always push down on herself.

It was like talking to a child who didn't want to figure out the problem and solve it. So eventually I backed away and was tired of all the fighting and problemsolving (me trying to help her, which she didn't respond to).

I have little to no family, and I've been through a lot of **** and pain in my life and I rarely cry. But she cried everytime we fought, and I thought it was childish since she made it into such a big deal everytime.
She on the other hand has a lot of close friends and family that supports her everytime. But me, as a loner, used to take care of myself much more.
I was stronger emotional than her..

Then one day 3 months ago, we had an argument, I wanted her to visit the doctors cause she was sick but she would decline my offer to take her there. She never wanted to go to the doctors since she didn't want people to figure out if there is something wrong with her (:S weird I know).

We began to have sex later that afternoon and I could tell she was not into it, and I asked what was wrong. She said; nothing. But I knew something was wrong so I said, you don't have to f**k me if you are not feeling like it.
She got upset and I said " I can't stand this anymore, you are not fun to be around right now". Guess what happened, she packed her all her stuff and ranned out the door, again, for the 15th time. I was sure she would call me or text me in a few days time, but she didn't.

After about a week I started to worry, what if she is serious this time? I thought. I called her and texted her and she did not answer until my 8th call. She said " I thought we both agreed that it was over since we last saw eachother" Here is where the sh*t hit the fan.

My heart started racing and my mind was a chaotic mess. I told her that I will come over and we'd talk this through. At first she said NO and I said, really, you breaking up on phone? - So she accepted that I would come over. ( This really shows her mature character though, since she let me come over and say a final goodbye... )

I took a cab and knocked on her door. She opened and I went inside.
We had not talked or texted for over a week, which never HAPPENED, someone would always give in after our fights for a maximum of 2-3 days.

We sat down and talked and I begged and forced her to hold me since i could not believe she was ready to walk out. This was just another argument and we could make it through I thought..
I sat and poured my heart out for 30-40 minutes while she only shed one or two tears and gave me the look of a stranger. Where were this loving, caring, amazing person now? It was like talking to a wall. She was not there anymore, she was gone in her eyes. She put a hand on my shoulder and told me everything will be alright, and that I'll make it on my own. LIKE WTF? I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. We went through fire together and she decided she couldnt take the fights anymore. I begged to give her a month with me again and I'll show her that I would change and support her more.
She said, "I don't love you anymore and it would not be fair for you to be in a relationship with someone who does not love you."

It hurts just to write that...

So I kissed her goodbye and she didn't answer with her lips, it was gone. Ironically, this was just how the first kiss was, she didn't actually respond the first time we kissed either since it was to sudden and unexpected.

So it felt in a symbolic way that the circle was now complete, it finished just the way it started.

I took the cab home and cried and did not know what to do.
Her hair lingered on my carpets and her gifts were everywhere.
I threw it all out and cleansed my apartment.
Deleted all mutual friend from FB and all the pictures, mails etc.
EVERYTHING was gone. I went straight NC after i sent her a TEXT later that night telling her; I hope you'd understand that im sorry and the reasons for me acting like this. Hope you find someone who makes you happy, you deserve it. Im now moving on and I want to say thank you for our journey together. Goodbye / *name* "

She then answered with " Thank you! It means alot that your understand, i hope you find someone who will fit better with you and i have no doubt things will go well for you. Maybe one day in the future when we both have matured, we could meet, and who knows, maybe find our way back to eachother. But i want you to be the best you can be now!
/her name"

She contacted me 3 weeks later on FB telling me that she had some important papers at my place, and that "if they were left there could you please send them to me."

Like wow, i still cant believe how cold she became.

SO here I am, I lost my lover and best friend that I have ever had (no doubt she has too)

She and I did everything together and was SO SO SO close.
and now we have not talked at all for over 3 months.

I upload pictures and statuses of me openly on FB so IF she stalks me she can see that im doing well. I've gained a lot of muscle weight, working out, back to studying and hanging out with attractive girl-friends.

What stings is that I know im back to my old self now, taking care of me, money back into the bank and she is not here to see it.
I can't keep on living this life anymore without her, this was the most mature relationship I've ever had (EVEN THOUGH all the stupid fights)

I'm lost without her, and I dont wanna date or be with anyothe else than her, I will never find someone like her who will love me and put up with so much together and still stick by. I have no close friends or family to turn to, only shallow contacts and all I do is work out, go to school and play on my computer. She was successfull and I don't wanna date and settle for some dumb chick from a dating site who only wants to f**k.

I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I can to feel better but I can't live this anymore, I just can't!!

Medication is out of the question, its like swooping the problems under a rug, NO WAY. I've been seeing a therapist well before our relationship so thats not something that helps either. I'm just an empty soul with no spark to life anymore.

It seems pretty cut and dry that she just doesnt feel it. People grow apart it happens and thats what this seems like. Even the fights, though people make up, takes a little bit at a time. We all change and it sounds like both of you changed. Relationships are to be fun, not work. Sounds like she just wasnt enjoying it anymore. Can't really do much about that.

I will state that medication is NOT "sweeping (is what Im assuming you are saying) the problem under a rug." From the sounds of it, and the way you write on here, full therapy sessions and some relaxers would really put this in perspective for you.

January 31, 2014

Honey, I'm sorry: TL;DR.

But if your break-up story is anything like any of the 200+ pages you've read (I strongly suggest you quit doing that, by the way - it keeps you in a negative state of mind) then sadly, you're obviously not alone, and this has happened before and will continue happening for as long as human beings get into relationships.

As for talk of suicide, you can just about roughly cut seasoned Loveshackers into two camps;

The first is composed of people who will give you every support, sympathy, encouragement and compassionate 'cyber-cuddles' and will tell you that there's no point in thinking like that, you have to look ahead, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, talk to someone and remember you're precious to your family....

The second group will be more harsh, sound less kind, slap you upside the head, tell you to quit with that talk because if you really meant it you would have done it already, it's been a while, after all, and that such talk is selfish, egotistic and attention seeking, and you should never hang your dependence of happiness on someone else's shoulders. Only you can make you happy, it's not up to anyone else, so get a grip....

I probably fall somewhere between the two.

I'm sorry, but you just have to move on. This finished a long time ago, long before even than the time you finally broke up.

It's been a chaotic relationship all the way through. You need to revise personal strategies for survival, because you sound too dependent on the presence of another to make you whole.

And nobody in life can ever do that for you, and neither should they.

January 31, 2014

Honey, I'm sorry: TL;DR.

I'm sorry, but you just have to move on. This finished a long time ago, long before even than the time you finally broke up.
It's been a chaotic relationship all the way through. You need to revise personal strategies for survival, because you sound too dependent on the presence of another to make you whole.
And nobody in life can ever do that for you, and neither should they.

Thanks for you guys advices. And no I have not contacted her since, I just cut her off like that, and for that I'm affraid she will think that I never cared.

Also, I just can't seem to let go. I was used to her "breaking up" with me and leave, to finally come back because I really know she loved me extremely much. It seems to unreal for her to just say goodbye. I'm in denial but for good reasons, I can't just let go. I don't know what to do, if I should contact her or show up unexpected on Valentine's day..?

January 31, 2014

You know that the consensus here is no contact. No one on this forum will advise you to try reaching out again.

I'm a bit of a contrarian so I say go for it. Send her some flowers and tell her you still love her. If she doesn't reply it might help you face the finality of this.

January 31, 2014

You fell in love with both girls within months of each other...are you sure you were in love or did you just care for them? Btw, I am of the second camp that Tara was speaking of. Throwing the word suicide around for something this shallow is disrespectful of those out there who are clinically depressed and mentally ill. You don't want the meds because you know this is something you are creating by your own lack of insight and personal responsibility.

Life isn't fair. Sometimes you aren't going to win. Talk to your parents or a mentor and try to focus your attention and energy on helping others, getting an education, pursuing a fitness goal or bettering yourself in some way. I am sure you will be in love again in a couple of months so you have that to look forward to.

See, reason to go on.

Best,

Grumps

January 31, 2014

You fell in love with both girls within months of each other...are you sure you were in love or did you just care for them? Btw, I am of the second camp that Tara was speaking of. Throwing the word suicide around for something this shallow is disrespectful of those out there who are clinically depressed and mentally ill. You don't want the meds because you know this is something you are creating by your own lack of insight and personal responsibility.

Life isn't fair. Sometimes you aren't going to win. Talk to your parents or a mentor and try to focus your attention and energy on helping others, getting an education, pursuing a fitness goal or bettering yourself in some way. I am sure you will be in love again in a couple of months so you have that to look forward to.
See, reason to go on.
Best,
Grumps

There are other factors than just this, which is painful enough.

I have to study up my grades to get any kind of job for atleast 3-4 years left, I have cronich pain in my neck and head. No family to rely on, and only shallow friends. She was the only one I had and I truly love her for the person that she is and I'm not blinded by love at all (i was with the girl previous but as stated, this was such a mature relationship with a girl the same age)

I have no energy to move forward in life really

January 31, 2014

Thanks for you guys advices. And no I have not contacted her since, I just cut her off like that, and for that I'm affraid she will think that I never cared.

It doesn't matter what she thinks, because she didn't care what you thought when she ended it. She only cared about what she wanted, or what she thought would be best for her.

Breaking up is by necessity, a 'selfish' act.

Getting over the break, by going NC is also a necessarily 'selfish' act on the part of the Dumpee.

It's necessary to put yourself first, because that's the only way you can begin the healing process....

Also, I just can't seem to let go. I was used to her "breaking up" with me and leave, to finally come back because I really know she loved me extremely much.

But not enough.

It doesn't matter how 'extremely much' she loved you. It wasn't enough to make her want to stay....

It seems to unreal for her to just say goodbye. I'm in denial but for good reasons,

What good reasons?

List them.

I can't just let go. I don't know what to do, if I should contact her or show up unexpected on Valentine's day..?

That's like beating a fierce dog with a stick to try to make it like you.

You'll just really irritate the schytt out of her.

Leave her alone.

LET GO.

I don't think you've even actually really tried, so to say you can't is just melodrama....

January 31, 2014

Really sorry to hear this and i know it hurts like hell. But you need to find a reason to live with yourself now. Showing up on valentines day would be a huge mistake, what if she was with someone else? Keep reading the posts here. And reach out here instead to her. We are all good listeners. Keep going friend.

Thanks for you guys advices. And no I have not contacted her since, I just cut her off like that, and for that I'm affraid she will think that I never cared.

Also, I just can't seem to let go. I was used to her "breaking up" with me and leave, to finally come back because I really know she loved me extremely much. It seems to unreal for her to just say goodbye. I'm in denial but for good reasons, I can't just let go. I don't know what to do, if I should contact her or show up unexpected on Valentine's day..?

February 2, 2014

i know how you are feeling i didnt appreciate my X until she left she did me shady but i still feel guilty i did not reciprocate the love she gave me i can see alot of similarities with what your relationship except i would get so sick of her jealousy and i would go awol for days one time she came by my house and i pretended i was not there she said she started using drugs again because of me

so anyways when i realised that i loved her it was too little too late trying to get her back only pushed her further away till the point she changed her phone number 2 weeks ago i got in contact with her Friday afternoon i called she was using her old number i was worried so i had to check it i told her i was worried something happened to her and that i prayed for her safety she said thanks and asked how i was doing i said i was good she asked me for a favor i said OK she said she would call me back she hasnt im Sure she is with someone else and i dont want to make a fool out of myself... if you need help coping this song worked for me R.Kelly - When a womans fed up and good luck bro

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suicidal* - She loved me so much and I took her for granted

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